A/N: This is my first Chenzel fic! It starts out sometime in the spring of 2014 - keep in mind that this is fiction, so not all of the details are going to match up. Also keep in mind that this is rated R for coarse language and some explicit sexual content. Hope you enjoy it! Comments and votes are much appreciated! Xoxo

Well... It was really, officially over. It had been for a while at that point...

She wasn't exactly sure why this realization seemed to hit her at the most random times - but now was one of them. She'd tried so hard to make things work between them, even though they'd just been fooling themselves... There was no true love between them anymore.

Walker was the best thing to come out of their marriage. He was the one thing that brought them closer together for just a little while, distracting them from their crumbling relationship... but sure enough, once the novelty of parenthood wore off, the tension and differences between them were suddenly brought back to light. She'd tried to pretend that she hadn't known what was happening... She'd ignored it all until she absolutely couldn't any longer. She had to face the fact that it was over between them - and there was nothing she could do about it.

When it was time, she numbly accepted the change... It couldn't be that different without him. They hardly even saw each other anymore, anyway.

It was worse than she'd thought, though. She'd been with Taye for well over a decade by then, and she was used to the normalcy of a committed relationship. Well, neither of them were necessarily faithful, but they had managed to stay together for a long time, regardless...

The worst part was that she was alone. After years of always being with someone, it was just... nearly unbearable.

Of course, he'd moved on already - he'd always had far too many women at his disposal, so that was no surprise... but Idina was different. She had changed. The years of pretending and hiding behind a smile and what appeared to be a happy, easygoing marriage had worn her down.

Love - a unique, special kind of love that she had once experienced - had broken her. It wasn't so much the love itself as much as it was the way she had been forced to part from it, leaving her in a blur of disorientation and confusion... The way she had constantly yearned for that love again over the years had taken so much out of her. She felt like a shell - she was the same person on the outside, but empty on the inside.

She couldn't let her insecurities show, though. She had to stay strong for her son, for her fans, her career, her sanity... even if she wasn't as strong as she let on. Her career, ironically, was skyrocketing as she fell into her depression. She knew she shouldn't be depressed what with everything positive that was happening to her, but... it wasn't as if she could help it. She didn't know how she'd get better, or if she ever would - but regardless, she kept pushing through. She couldn't give up now. She had to do it... mostly because of Walker. He was the only thing that mattered to her now.

At night, however - she let down her walls. When she was alone, she was allowed to be upset. She would ignore her phone for a while... nobody had to know.

One night, she lay in her bed - twisted into a fetal position and clutching her covers close to her... Everything just ached. Her heart, her mind, her body... all of her ached for something - anything - to take this feeling away. And it wasn't even pain. It was the pallid emptiness inside of her - sometimes she felt like it consumed her. She would give anything to make it stop... Thankfully, she was smart enough to know that drugs or alcohol just wouldn't do it for her. She didn't have a solution, though - so she endured it, hoping that eventually something or someone would come along that would somehow make it all better... The glimmer of hope that still resided in her thought that maybe, eventually, she could somehow be happy again. In her current state, however, just the mere idea in itself seemed ludicrous.

A noise suddenly jolted her out of her spiraling, downtrodden thoughts. She could've sworn it was a knock on her apartment door... but who on earth could it be? It was past midnight... Who would be showing up there so late at night? And why?

Hesitantly, she got up from her bed to go see who it was. It crossed her mind that she could just ignore it and go to bed - but at that point she was far too curious...

Weakly, she wiped her face of the few stray tears that had leaked from her eyes and straightened out the baggy sweater she was wearing. Suddenly realizing that her hair was all frizzy, she was barely wearing any makeup, and that she probably looked like a complete mess, she felt sorry in advance for whoever was about to see her in such a state.

She looked through the peephole in her door and nearly choked on air at what - or who - she saw. Well, who she thought she saw. What if her anti-depressants were making her hallucinate? She cringed at the thought.

Suddenly she felt extremely uneasy in her situation. This couldn't be right, it just couldn't. She rubbed at her eyes wearily, questioning her medication for the umpteenth time. Was it really who she thought it was? Was she imagining things? She didn't know what was more worrisome - if she was seeing things or if this person was actually there, at her door.

Her stomach plunged at her last thought.

Her heart slamming against her chest, she didn't waste any more time and swung the door open, every inch of her body practically burning with anticipation.

As she took in the sight of the petite 4'11" blonde woman in front of her - who seemed to really be there, in the flesh - a variety of emotions hit her forcefully and all at once. If her heart had been pounding before, now it was going berserk. Her palms were sweaty, her breathing was so quick and heavy that she felt like she might pass out, and her head seemed to be spinning. A million questions were flying through her head at that moment but only one thing managed to escape her lips...

"K-Kristin...?"

Kristin's lips turned up into a slight smile for a moment at the sight of her, but quickly fell as she realized how distressed she looked. She gulped in an effort to slow down her rapid heartbeat, yet to no avail. It upset her that she'd nearly forgotten how beautiful she was. Yes, she'd changed... She was different, but she was still stunningly beautiful in Kristin's eyes - she knew she always would be. She felt as if she hadn't seen her in ages... Well, she really hadn't. She had about a year ago, for that Wicked photoshoot... but not many times other than that.

"H-hey, Idina..." she murmured as her eyes raked over her worriedly.

Idina was gripping the door so tightly her knuckles were white, gaping at her in shock and confusion. She felt like she was in some sort of insane dream, and if she dared to blink then Kristin would vanish into thin air... "W-Wha... What are you doing here?"

Kristin's lips parted delicately at the realization that she didn't really know why she was there herself. "I... I..." she sighed, her shoulders slumping in defeat. "I really don't know, 'Dina. I just got in the car and I ended up here. I..." her sentence trailed off as she realized that Idina was still staring at her in bewilderment. "Um... I shouldn't have come here. I'm a stupid woman," she shook her head, turning to leave.

Suddenly Idina snapped out of her trance, realizing what was happening. "No!" she yelped, grabbing her wrist to stop her. When Kristin looked up at her, she pulled her hand away, composing herself. "No, it's... it's okay. Don't leave, please. I haven't seen you in ages..."

The way Idina was staring at Kristin was making her cheeks flush deeply. Her heart was suddenly aching very painfully in her chest, and she found herself nearly on the verge of tears... There were so many things she wanted to say to her right then, but she stopped herself. It was too soon. She wanted to run up to her and hug and squeeze her until she couldn't breathe, but... she didn't know if Idina would be comfortable with that. It was nearly killing her, seeing her like this and not daring to touch her - but the harsh barrier of their estrangement was enough to make her keep her distance for the moment.

Idina just continued to stare at her anxiously. She didn't know what to make of any of this. She was extremely happy to see Kristin, but... but what? So many thoughts were swirling about in her head that she could barely make sense of any of them - it was making her feel almost nauseous.

After what seemed like forever, Idina finally averted her eyes and opened the door wider to let Kristin in. She tentatively stepped inside the apartment, slowly glancing up at her.

"A-Are you... okay, Dee?" Kristin swallowed thickly, her eyebrows creased with visible concern. Idina just didn't seem like herself... well, like the Idina that she knew, anyway. "Did I come at a bad time?"

Idina bit her lip, glancing down at her feet and smoothing out her sweater for the billionth time before finally looking back up at her; a semblance of a smile seemed to be on her face. "I'm okay," she said quietly. "I'm kinda glad that you came here, actually."

Kristin's expression seemed to brighten at this. "You are?"

She had to smile back. "Of course, silly," she said, extending her arms out to Kristin, who eagerly accepted her embrace. Idina wrapped her arms around her securely, dipping her head to rest against the top of hers. "I missed my Cheno..."

"I missed you too, baby-cakes," Kristin smiled happily into her embrace, nearly ecstatic just being in her arms. She was so cozy... Idina felt like... home.

Surprisingly, a giggle bubbled up from Idina's throat. "You come up with the weirdest nicknames ever."

"I save the weirdest ones just for you," Kristin leaned back to grin at her admiringly.

"Do you want to sit down?" Idina asked her with a soft smile upon her lips, ignoring a sudden strong urge to kiss her. It felt nice to smile like this. It was so... natural. She was used to it being forced.

"Okay," Kristin said, nodding as she kicked off her shoes.

"Do you want like a tea or coffee? Anything?"

"No, that's okay, honey. Thank you, though," she said, giving her a polite smile as they went and sat down on one of Idina's couches.

"I... I'm still sorry for showing up like this, 'Dina. I should have at least called-"

"Kris," Idina interrupted her. "It's okay; I promise. I'm happy to see you."

Her expression softened a bit. "Me, too," she admitted, smiling timidly. She seemed to relax a little as she exhaled lightly. "How've you been, sweetie?"

"Oh, fine... How've you been?"

"Dee..." Kristin gave her a chiding look.

Idina let out the tiniest of sighs, staring at her intertwined fingers resting in her lap. Kristin knew her far too well. "Well, I'm... I'm on anti-depressants..."

Kristin's stomach instantly plummeted. "What?" she asked her, visibly alarmed.

She shook her head quickly, hoping she'd be able to reassure her. "It's okay, Kris. I'm fine, I promise... It's nothing to worry about, okay?"

Kristin tried to breathe, tried to think through her unexpected panic rationally - but none of it was working. She put her face in her hands in defeat - everything felt like it was spinning...

Idina was now the one who looked at her in alarm. "Kris, are you having an asthma attack?"

She shook her head rapidly - thankfully it wasn't asthma - but tears were filling her eyes so quickly that she couldn't even try to stop it from happening.

"Kris..." Idina murmured in concern. Now she could tell that she was upset.

Kristin just continued to shake her head - she couldn't take this. She practically lunged across the couch, wrapping her arms around Idina's neck as her tears took over.

"Kristin, sweetheart..." Idina murmured in surprise - she hadn't been expecting such a reaction from her. "Please don't cry, baby..."

"I'm sorry," she leaned back a little, wiping at her eyes daintily. "I'm just... I'm sorry, Dee. I just want you to be happy... It's what you deserve."

She smiled at her sadly, brushing away some of her stray tears. "Thank you, honey. I promise that I'm okay, though. I'm a big girl," she said, trying to give her a reassuring smile. "And besides - I've got lots to be happy about."

"You'd better not be lying to me," Kristin mumbled, never taking her eyes off of her.

"It's the truth," she said, softly kissing her on the cheek - making Kristin blush and smile timidly. "I wouldn't lie to you, Kris."

"Okay... good," she barely whispered, making shifty eye contact. Idina had always had a way of completely flustering her - which she both loved and hated at the same time.

A bit of an awkward silence seemed to hang between them for about a split second. Idina could sense Kristin's hesitation and quickly pulled her back against her so that her head was resting on her shoulder. Kristin's arms quickly found their way around Idina's waist as the brunette leaned her head against hers, her hand gently running up and down Kristin's back. They both smiled contentedly to themselves - it was nice for them to be close to each other again, and it felt so natural.

"How's Walker?" Kristin asked after a moment.

Idina smiled - genuinely, once again. "He's great. He's a handful... but he's sweet. I love him to death."

Kristin had to smile at this. "I thought so."

"You have to meet him, Kris."

"I really do..."

"Soon, okay?" she smiled as Kristin nodded in agreement. "How are things with you?"

"Pretty good... I've been keeping busy."

She nodded. "That's good, honey. How's your boyfriend? Dana, was it?"

Kristin's serene facial expression suddenly turned to one of annoyance. "Oh, yeah... Dana. I dumped him a few weeks back."

Idina's eyebrows went up in surprise. "What? Why?"

Kristin just shook her head, rolling her eyes. "I'm sick of wasting my time. I've gotten to the point where I'd rather be single than having to deal with the same old crap with every guy, you know?"

Idina studied her with a frown, feeling her heart sink heavily in her chest. "Kris..."

She let out a small sigh. "It's fine."

"No, it's not..." Idina said, sighing as well as she wrapped her arms more tightly around Kristin. "You deserve someone who's just as amazing as you are."

She pouted. "At this point, I doubt that I'll ever find someone who's right for me..."

"Don't say that, honey... It'll happen; I know it will," she murmured with a frown as she gently left a kiss on the top of her head.

Kristin exhaled at her touch. "Oh, Dee... I've missed you so much..."

"I've missed you, too. Probably too much..." Idina bit her lip, letting her eyes close as she rested her head against Kristin's.

"Too much isn't always a bad thing," Kristin giggled, running her fingers gently along Idina's forearm as she became lost in her thoughts - there seemed to be way too many of them... Whatever. I'll just wing it. "You know, there is actually one person that I really want..."

"Oh, yeah?" Idina asked curiously, suddenly very aware of her heart pounding loudly in her ears.

"Yeah... I don't know if she wants me, though."

Idina became even more tense at her use of pronouns. "She...?"

Kristin kept her facial expression blank. "Yep. I never would have thought that I was gay until I met her. She's insanely beautiful, and talented, and wonderful... We had a thing once, but we were under the wrong circumstances, and it hurt us... I don't know if she'll take me back after all this time."

Idina tried to swallow, but her mouth had gone dry. "Well... do you really love her?"

"Of course. I always have."

"I think she'll take you back, then."

"She will?" Kristin glanced up at her tentatively.

"Yes. Because she loves you, too," Idina gazed down at her, a huge lump rising in her throat.

"Oh, 'Dina..." Kristin looked at her, misty-eyed and speechless as she cupped Idina's face in her hands and finally pressed her lips softly to hers.

It was in that moment that everything seemed to make sense again. Idina hummed quietly in satisfaction against Kristin's lips as she kissed her back, gripping her hips a bit more tightly. They both became lost in each other's kisses until they gradually slowed down and slowly pulled away from each other - but Kristin wouldn't meet Idina's eyes. Instead, she just collapsed against her and squeezed her tightly.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Idina asked her quietly, hugging her back as she gently pressed her face into her shoulder. Her heart sank as she realized that Kristin had started shaking in her arms, followed by the sound of quiet sniffling...

"Oh, honey... don't cry," she managed to choke out, feeling her own tears brim at her eyes.

This just made Kristin cry harder, her grip around Idina's shoulders tightening as she buried her face into her sweater. Idina could hardly bear to hear her upset and a few tears trickled down her cheeks as she squeezed her smaller companion closer to her. They just cried together for a couple minutes.

"I'm so sorry, 'Dina..." Kristin said, muffled by the sweater.

"Me, too," Idina sniffled, nestling her face in Kristin's hair. "Why didn't you ever visit me?"

Kristin sat up, wiping some of her tears away hastily. She wasn't wearing much makeup, but Idina had always thought that she looked prettier like that anyway. "You were with Taye, I... I felt... awkward," she grimaced. "Why didn't you visit me?"

Idina wiped at her own tears, her eyes widening slightly. "I... I thought you hated me."

"What?!" Kristin nearly shrieked.

"Oh, come on, Kris... You know you've been stingy with me."

Kristin pouted. "Well I-I thought you... I thought you didn't care about me anymore... I mean, you were always going on about Taye and I... got jealous..."

"Oh, honey! How could you think that I didn't care about you? I was just trying to make the most out of having Taye... I thought that you didn't love me anymore..."

"Dee," Kristin nearly whimpered, tears filling her eyes again. "No, baby. No, no, no. I never stopped loving you."

"Then why did you stop talking to me?" Idina barely whispered, fresh tears stinging at her eyes as she struggled to breathe, awaiting her answer. She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her.

"Even though I knew it was what was best for you, I... It just hurt too much to see you with him," she managed to say, her lip quivering as more tears threatened to come down.

Before the tears could make their appearance, Idina had scooped her up in her arms once again and cradled her close to her. Kristin clung to her helplessly as she just sobbed, feeling more or less pathetic. It was rare that she ever cried like this - everything just felt like it was coming down on her at once.

Idina gently rocked her, trying to comfort her as best as she could. It broke her heart to see Kristin so upset - she just wished that she could make it all better...

"Kristin, sweetheart... I'm so sorry... Shh, honey... Baby, please look at me," Idina murmured quietly, stroking her cheek as her tears eventually slowed and she carefully glanced up at her. "It doesn't matter what happened back then, okay? I want you... and only you. I wantall of you, all the time, and all that you entail. I love you... more than anything."

Kristin looked as if she was about to burst into tears all over again. "I love you so much, 'Dina..." she murmured as she reached up to kiss her fervently, both of them moaning softly against each other's lips as their kisses deepened and they grabbed at each other anxiously. "I need you..."

"You have me," Idina assured her between kisses. "I'm not going anywhere..."

"Take me now, Dee," Kristin breathed against her lips. "Make love to me..."

Idina stopped for a moment as a rush of fire coursed through her. Her mouth drooped open as she caught her breath, and she pulled away from her slowly to stare at her for a moment, looking for confirmation. She met Kristin's heady gaze - those eyes were both begging her and challenging her.

Make love... Kristin. Naked. Sex. Mmm... yes. Yes, a million times yes...

"Okay," Idina murmured as she slowly closed the distance between them again, running a hand up against her jaw line and kissing her softly, but sensually, feeling Kristin whimper against her as she did so. She pressed her body closer to hers, her hand sliding over her backside and around the underside of her thigh, lifting her leg up and wrapping it around her waist, bringing them even closer together. The butterflies in Idina's stomach fluttered wildly as Kristin grinded against her, letting out a little moan in her mouth. Kristin pulled herself up and wrapped her other leg around Idina, who grabbed her butt to support her, giving it a little squeeze and making Kristin smile into their kiss.

Idina wanted her so badly - making out with her like this was so hot. She wanted to take her right there, on the couch, but she didn't want to risk waking Walker up - so she got up and carried them to her bedroom, shutting the door behind them immediately.

She leaned them against a wall, and their make out session quickly grew hotter as Kristin pulled Idina's shirt off of her, then her own. She snapped Idina's bra off and leaned forward to kiss her breasts, eliciting a high-pitched moan from her as her mouth played with her nipples. Idina undid Kristin's bra and quickly moved them to the edge of the bed, where Kristin swiftly rid Idina of her sweatpants and Idina yanked off her yoga pants.

As they exchanged a lustful gaze, Idina got up on the bed and crawled over Kristin, leaning down to kiss her passionately - when they broke away they were both breathing hard. Idina didn't waste any time and buried her face in Kristin's breasts, making her giggle and sigh happily.

"I missed these," she murmured before teasing her nipples playfully with her mouth, hearing Kristin moan softly in response.

Kristin's breathing quickly picked up as Idina trailed sloppy wet kisses down her stomach.

"Mmm," she nearly whimpered as Idina kissed her sex through her lacy panties. "Oh, Idina - I need you, baby..."

Idina shivered - that was all she needed to hear. She pulled the garment off of her and kissed her again, hearing Kristin sigh sharply and her head hitting the pillows.

"Ohhh, honey," she gasped loudly, tangling her fingers in her hair as she felt her tongue gently licking at her entrance. She moaned as her tongue roamed deeper, moving all around and causing her to grip the sheets in her other hand.

Idina worked her tongue inside her slowly at first, taking her time and nearly making Kristin go berserk.

"Idina! Fuck," she cried out, hardly able to handle her slow yet sensual precision.

It was then that Idina went down on her further, earning quite the large gasp from her lover.

"Shit - oh yes, baby," she panted as she sucked on her clit and moaned loudly when she cupped her whole mouth over her sex, giving it to her.

Idina was ruthless - she went down on her hard until Kristin came against her forcefully, nearly screaming.

"Shit..." Kristin breathed, just lying there panting as she slowly wound down from her high. Idina crawled up on top of her again, gently planting sweet kisses all over her face. "God, I love you," Kristin told her breathily, placing a hand against her cheek.

"I love you, too," Idina murmured as she leaned down to kiss her gently, pulling back slowly so that she could take in her now flushed and rosy complexion. "You're so beautiful..."

Kristin blushed even more under her gaze. "Please tell me that we're going to do it like this all night long," she demanded, her bright eyes ablaze with fervent desire.

Idina shivered - that comment went right between her thighs. "As long as you want to, honey."

"Good," Kristin murmured, pulling her down for another kiss.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"You... are a godsend," Idina panted hours later, slowly winding down from her high as Kristin climbed on top of her and snuggled up to her cozily. Idina rested her head against hers as she began to stroke her hair gently. "You don't even know how depressed I was feeling before you showed up here..."

"Oh, sweetheart..." Kristin frowned as she brushed some of Idina's hair from her face. "I'm so sorry that you had to go through that."

Idina ran her thumb gently over Kristin's swollen lips, gazing at her lovingly. "It's okay... now that you're here. And it's crazy, because the whole time I was wishing that someone would come along and help make it all better - and I felt ridiculous for just thinking that... but then you came here, and did exactly that. I wasn't joking when I said you were a godsend."

Kristin just stared back at her, awestruck. She just couldn't get over how crazy and amazing all of this was. "Oh, 'Dina...You don't know how much I love you," she leaned down to kiss her softly, and couldn't help but think about how she still couldn't get enough of the taste of her lips - and they'd been at it for hours.

"I love you more," Idina murmured in between kisses.

"Shush, you do not," Kristin grinned as she continued to smother her with more kisses. She didn't pull away until they were both gasping for air.

"You're like my little blonde sunshine," Idina smiled softly as they caught their breath, tucking a strand of Kristin's hair behind her ear before she settled on nestling her head in the crook of her neck. "You're the light of my life, Kris."

Kristin grinned from ear to ear, gazing back at her contently. "You are so beautiful, and humble... I could stare into your eyes all day. I love your lips, and your smile... Your voice is so sexy, and your laugh is adorable... Heck - you are so damn cute, all the time. I love it when you hold me, and touch me... I love watching you perform... and I swear that I'll never get tired of being around you... I love you," she admitted a bit timidly, leaning in to give her a soft peck on her lips.

Idina giggled. "You're so sweet. That's what I love about you. You're adorable and so sexy at the same time... You're honest and you make me laugh; you're always so happy... and you're so beautiful. You send shivers down my spine when you sing. You taste so good... and I love these," Kristin giggled as she leaned down to kiss her chest. "I love it when you curse when I'm making love to you, and I love watching you when you come..." she chuckled, leaning in to kiss her on the forehead. "I could go on...

"Oh, Dee," she laughed, inching up closer to her. "Please never leave me. I don't think I could stand to be without you any longer."

"I don't even want to think about that... I promise I'm not going anywhere, sweetie," she frowned, placing another kiss on her forehead.

"Good," Kristin murmured with a smile.

"How do you feel?" Idina asked her, dipping her head into her hairline.

Kristin nuzzled her face against the soft skin beneath her. "Amazing."

Once again, Idina didn't have to force her smile as she lightly trailed her fingers up and down her bare back. "I'd been wanting to do this again for a long time..."

Kristin's lips turned up into a smirk. "What, exactly?"

Idina gazed down at her softly. "Touch you... Taste you. Feel you come..."

Kristin smiled as she blushed, shimmying herself up closer to her and leaning their foreheads together so that their noses brushed against each other's. "Mmm... me, too."

Idina smiled back at her, sweetly kissing her on the nose before their lips met again, gentle as ever. "What are you thinking right now?"

Kristin paused for a moment. "All I can think is... shit," she said, making Idina giggle. "And about how beautiful you are, and about how much I missed you... and how I can't believe that anyone could possibly think that something this wonderful is wrong."

Idina sighed, closing her eyes and resting against her. "I don't give a fuck about what anyone else thinks. I love you, and that's all that matters to me."

"Me, either... No man has ever loved me as much as you do," Kristin pouted, gently brushing her fingers across her cheek.

"Well I think that that's just unfortunate... but I realize now that there's no one else I'd rather be with," she smiled at her softly.

"Aw, Dee... I feel the same way," Kristin grinned, blushing as Idina left another kiss on her nose.

"Will you stay tonight? You could meet Walker tomorrow morning, if you want..." Idina suggested, leaving a trail of tiny kisses along her forehead.

A dazzling smile lit up her face. "Of course I'll stay, sweetie... and I would love to meet Walker."

"Yay," Idina murmured, curling up close to her and letting her eyes droop shut.

"...Dee?"

"Mm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, baby."

Kristin hesitated. "What does this... make us? Like where do we stand with each other now?"

Idina thought for a moment, considering this. "Well... you know that I love you, and I want to be with you, more than anything... but I don't want to rush into this either, you know?"

Kristin smiled at her warmly. "I agree. I don't want to mess this up for us..."

Idina shook her head. "You won't mess it up. We're not going to mess this up. We're gonna make this work, okay?"

"Okay," Kristin beamed, cuddling up against Idina as she pulled the covers over them. Something about the certainty in Idina's voice made her feel sure about everything. "I love you so much."

"I love you," Idina murmured, placing one last gentle kiss on her lips. "Good night, sweetheart."

A/N: So there's the first chapter! Let me know what you think! xoxo