Connor: Jude

Connor: Juuuude

Connor: JUUUUUUUUDDEEE

Connor: Juuuuuuuddddeee

Connor: Jude dude

Connor: dude Jude

Connor: what the hell are you doing?

Connor: Answer meeeeeeee

Connor: I swear if you don't answer my texts in the next forty seconds, I'm going to start sending you Bohemian Rhapsody one word at a time

Connor: is

Connor: this

Jude: NO I'M HERE

Jude: I was showering

Connor: Oh good, I thought you were ditching me

Jude: never

Connor: can I get you at three instead of four?

Jude: yup!

Connor: okay see you soon.

Jude tucked his cell phone in his pocket and finished towelling dry. He pulled on fresh clothes and shoved his cell phone in his pocket, heading down the stairs to the kitchen, which was empty. Jude had gotten used to the empty kitchen, although he often missed it being full. With Brandon, Callie, Mariana, and Jesus all living in away from home now, the house was eerily silent. In just a few months, though Jude would be off to university, leaving Stef and Lena all alone in the house. As Jude mused about this, he was hit with a pang of pain, remembering the younger sister he was supposed to have; the little girl Lena had miscarried so long ago.

He shrugged to himself – it had been years ago now. He cracked open the fridge and pulled out the orange juice. As he poured himself a glass, Lena padded into the kitchen. It was July, which meant Stef was working, and Lena was enjoying her vacation.

"Good afternoon," she greeted.

Jude glanced up at her and smiled. He pretended he didn't see the flash of defeat in Lena's eyes. Even after all this time, after all these years, she was still holding out hope that he would start to speak again. Jude hated to let her down; he hated to let the whole family down. His family had adjusted to his silence; had figured out to speak normally to him, and they no longer waited for replies from him, his siblings especially. But Callie and Lena just wouldn't stop trying to prod responses out of him, wanting to hear his long unused voice. Jude didn't fully understand himself why he hadn't spoken, not once, in about five years now, but he didn't feel the need to use his voice. He didn't need to speak. He would text if someone needed to have words from him.

"Is Connor still getting you around four?" Lena continued, and Jude shook his head. "No, why not?"

With one hand, Jude held his glass up to his mouth. With the other, he displayed three fingers to Lena.

"Three o'clock instead, huh?"

Jude nodded.

"Any idea what time you'll be home?" Lena continued.

Jude shook his head.

"Okay, just don't forget about curfew." She crossed to his side and dropped a kiss to the top of his head. "I'm going to head to the grocery store now, so I'll see you later."

Jude waved goodbye to her, watching her walk back out of the room. Bored, he tapped his fingers against the island counter. He studied his bare nails and was struck with an idea. He bounded up the stairs, to Mariana and Callie's old room. Their beds were still in the room, although almost all of their belongings had disappeared when they went off to school. The girls, both attending the same university, had long since gotten an apartment together, and they hadn't left much behind when they moved. But, Jude's hunch had been correct: Mariana had left some of her old nail polish behind, bottles that were old and didn't have a lot of colour left in them.

He picked up his favourite colour, blue, but then studied the rest of the colours in the box. There was also a really bright green colour, which he picked up too. He carried both colours down to the kitchen table and unscrewed the blue one, starting to paint his nails. As he worked on his own nails, Jude remembered the countless nights he'd spent in Mariana's room, his hand on her knee as she painted his nails for him, talking to him while he nodded along.

Smiling at the memory, Jude looked down at his almost completed hands. He had painted his thumbs, index, ring, and pinkie fingers all blue, leaving his middle fingers blank for the green colour. He'd thought about doing his ring fingers green instead – Mariana often had her ring fingers different colours – but, in the end, he decided that he liked the symmetry of his middle fingers being different colours. He was just unscrewing the top of the green nail polish when he heard the slow rumble that signified Connor's arrival.

Jude waved his hands around, hoping to dry his nails off quickly. He heard Connor pull into the driveway, and slid both bottles into his pocket, thinking that he'd finish his nails while in the truck. He did a quick pat down of his pockets, making sure that he had his wallet, keys, and phone on him, and then he headed out the door, toward Connor's truck. Connor had bought the truck last year, for his seventeenth birthday. It was old – from sometime in the fifties – and Connor had done a restoration on it, piece by piece, making sure that it looked great.

The engine was still incredibly loud though, alerting Jude that Connor was close before Connor was anywhere near the driveway.

Jude tugged the door open and climbed into the cab.

"Do you like the paint job?" Connor asked anxiously. "I painted it black, just like you suggested."

Jude glanced at Connor and smiled before giving him double thumbs up.

"Good," Connor relaxed, and then began to back the truck out of the driveway. "So, is there anything in particular you wanted to do?"

Jude shook his head. He was always happy to just be with Connor; his best friend. It had been years since the first time he laid eyes on Connor – his first friend in Anchor Beach, and the one he still held dearest to his heart. He remembered, with some humour now although the recollection wasn't completely without pain, when he thought that he would lose Connor's friendship forever, all because of his friend's father. But it hadn't happened, Connor deciding that his father's opinion couldn't control his life. Jude had also thought that Connor would eventually get sick of hanging out with a guy who didn't talk, but that hadn't happened either.

In fact, Jude thought that Connor understood his silence more than anyone else. His family accepted his silence and tried to get him to break it, but Connor had never veered close to asking Jude to speak. The most he'd said about it, was to tell Jude that it was okay if he didn't want to speak, but that if he ever had anything to say, Connor would be listening. Jude was so incredibly grateful to have someone like Connor in his life; couldn't imagine a day going by when he didn't interact with him in some way.

"I have fishing rods in the back. Do you feel like going to the lake?"

Jude nodded. As Connor drove, he pulled out the green bottle of nail polish. He flattened his palm flat against his thigh, trying to keep his hand steady as the truck vibrated.

"I haven't seen your nails painted in a while," Connor commented. "Usually only when Mariana's home."

Jude shrugged.

"I like the green," Connor continued, "But I thought you didn't like neon colours for nails?"

Jude studied his nails. He didn't like neon colours usually; that was true. Somehow, though, he liked the combination of the blue and the green together. It worked well together, he thought.

"Guess it's just time to try something new, I guess," Connor decided.

Jude nodded.

Before he knew it, they were at the lake, climbing out of the truck and grabbing the fishing gear. Jude held his pole a little awkwardly. Connor loved to fish, he thought it was relaxing. Jude tagged along, because he liked to sit near the lake and hang out with Connor. That being said, he'd never really picked up on the art of fishing. He was always messing up the casts and getting the fishing line caught on things, like trees, Connor and himself. Nevertheless, sitting at the lake fishing with Connor was one of Jude's favourite past times.

They ambled down to the lake, taking seats next to one another. They prepared the rods and then sat in silence, watching the waves. This was something else that Jude loved about Connor; they could sit together, no words spoken, and it wouldn't feel awkward. It would just feel natural. They sat there for hours, long enough for the sun to begin to set. Connor stirred before it became too dark, standing up and stretching.

Jude shook out his limbs, but didn't stand up, instead just looked up at Connor from his sitting position. Connor towered above him, and it wasn't just because Jude was at a lower angle. Connor was tall, just as he'd been when they were kids. Jude wasn't short by any means – he'd grown to be taller than Jesus – but Connor made him feel tiny again. Jude hovered just under six feet, while Connor could proudly boast about being six foot four. Other than his height, though, Connor hadn't suffered a lot of changes, over the years. He'd become more muscular, his body toned from working out and from sports, but he still looked exactly like Connor, his brown hair still styled, his brown eyes still glimmering with mischievousness and perseverance.

"Come on," Connor invited. "I've got food in the truck."

He held out his hand to Jude, and Jude reached up and took it. He wrapped his fingers around Connor's hand, and allowed his friend to pull him to his feet. Even when Jude was upright, Connor didn't let go of his hand right away. He prolonged the contact a minute more, before he squeezed Jude's hand and let go, a look coming over his face that Jude didn't understand. Confused, but not sure how to go about asking, Jude told himself to shrug it off – that Connor would have already told him about anything important.

Yet, as he followed Connor up to the truck, Jude couldn't shake the feeling that there was something wrong.

Jude organized the fishing equipment in the truck bed as Connor grabbed a cooler and a blanket out of the cab. He passed the blanket up to Jude, who was standing the truck bed. Jude spread the blanket out along the bed so that it would be more comfortable for sitting, and then he plopped down, crossing his legs underneath of him.

"It's nothing special," Connor explained, sitting the cooler down before sitting across from Jude. "Just sandwiches, soda, and chips, but those are the essential food groups anyway."

Jude grinned, thinking that while Lena and Stef might have something different to say, he agreed with Connor 100%. He cracked open the cooler and pulled out the first thing on top – a bag of cookies. He read the label, and his eyes widened, turning to look at Connor for an explanation.

"Oh yeah, I also picked up those weird mocha cookies you like."

Jude fist pumped the air, and immediately broke into the cookies, taking a large bite out of the first one. There was nothing better in the world than mocha cookies.

"If only your moms could see you now," Connor joked. He spun the cooler around and grabbed a sandwich out of it, along with a can of soda. "Do you want orange, grape, or Sprite?"

Jude held up two fingers, and Connor passed him a grape flavoured can of pop.

"Excellent choice," Connor complimented. The boys devoured their meal in silence. Their stomachs filled, they were absently snacking on chips and watching the sun disappear further, when Connor asked, "Hey, Jude?"

Jude turned to look at him.

"Do you want to paint my nails?"

Jude nodded, and pulled out the two colours he had brought with him, presenting them to Connor.

"How about you do the opposite of yours?" Connor suggested. "Green, but blue in the middle."

Eagerly agreeing, Jude grabbed Connor's hand and spread it over his own knee, giving himself optimal access to Connor's fingers. He picked up the green nail polish and got down to work, carefully putting on each line of paint.

"There's, uh, something I need to talk to you about," Connor admitted. "Something important."

Keeping his eyes on his work, Jude nodded to show that he was listening.

"You remember how I was going to talk to that army guy this morning?"

Jude's hand slowed considerably at the words. Yes, he remembered, but he had blocked it out. He didn't want to think about Connor joining the military, although he knew it was Connor's plan to. His friend didn't want to attend university; instead, he wanted to go to Europe with the troops, to do his part in the war effort. Jude knew Connor's intentions were noble and admirable, and he supported Connor, as long as that's what Connor wanted, but he didn't want to think about Connor in the army. He didn't want to think about Connor being away from him, being at war, because there was always the possibility that Connor wouldn't be coming back.

"I … I talked to him, and I'm all joined up now. And, things have gotten really bad over there, so he asked me if I'd head out to training with the next group of guys, even though it was kind of short notice."

Jude had almost stopped painting now, dread filling him. How soon was 'short notice'?

"The thing is … they're heading out tomorrow morning."

Almost paralyzed, Jude could only lift his head to look Connor in the eyes.

"I'm going," Connor revealed.

He was going. Jude felt his heart stop for a moment; he felt time slow down around him. Here was the moment that words were needed in, and he didn't have any of them. Even if he had been able to speak, he knew this moment would have rendered him silent. He closed his eyes, hardly daring to believe it.

"This … This is going to be goodbye for a while."

Jude looked away from Connor, back down to his friend's hand. He picked up the bottle of blue nail polish and began to fill in the two remaining nails on Connor's hand. Jude's own hands were shaking, causing him to get paint all over Connor's fingers, but he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't think about anything else, because his entire world had just fallen down.

"Jude?" Connor asked. "Did you hear me?"

Jude finally looked back at Connor, feeling his entire body tremble. Connor grabbed him into a hug, wrapping his arms firmly around Jude. Jude squeezed Connor, trying not to think of the next time he would see his friend; if he would ever see Connor alive again. War was dangerous; the battles had only grown in calibre overseas. He didn't want to think of Connor, still so young with so much more life left to life, felled so far from home, with no one next to him.

He didn't want his best friend to become a dead solider.

"It'll be okay," Connor assured him. "It really will be."

Jude felt tears coming, and he dug his hands into Connor's white tank top, as if he could physically bind Connor to America with his hands.

"It's not goodbye forever," Connor comforted him. "Just for a little while."

Jude sat up, frowning at this. He eyed the sharpie that Connor always kept in his front pocket, and pulled out the marker. Connor looked confused at his actions, but didn't say a word, not even when Jude took the cap off. Hands still shaking, Jude pressed the marker to Connor's skin, just by his collar bone. His quote took two lines, running from Connor's collarbone to his shoulder.

"Never say goodbye, because saying goodbye means

going away, and going away means forgetting."

Connor twisted his head, angling his shoulder down until he understood the quote.

"Aw, Jude," he mumbled, gently wrapping his fingers around Jude's forearm. "I'm not going away forever, and I'll never forget you. Ever."

Jude wanted to tell him that he wouldn't forget him either. Jude wanted to tell him not to go at all. But he didn't say anything, because his long-silenced voice betrayed him. He couldn't even say something to Connor, when this might be the very last time he ever saw his friend.

"Mom wants me home by nine," Connor mentioned, "so, we have to go."

Jude whimpered before he could control it. This was all too sudden. First, Connor was leaving for war. Second, Connor was leaving right this instant. Later, he would reflect that he was glad he and Connor could spend the afternoon together without this momentous news looming between them, but that wasn't what Jude was thinking now. Now, he was thinking about how betrayed he felt, about now finding out until now. He was thinking of how he wanted to be selfish – have Connor for his own tonight. Jude didn't want to Connor back to his parents; he just wanted to keep him.

But, he helped Connor pack up the cooler and the blanket. He climbed into the cab of the truck. After Connor had backed up and turned toward the main road, Jude reached across the seats and grabbed Connor's hand. It wasn't the first time that they had held hands, but they were both well aware that it might just be the last time. As they drove, Jude thought of the countless hours that he had spent with Connor; the unimaginable kindness that his best friend had shown him.

As they turned down the road to Jude's house, Jude thought of all the things that he had never said to Connor. He thought of all the times he should have told him that he was sorry or thanked him. He thought of all the things he could have said throughout the years – ranging from the smallest of things, like 'move over', to the largest of things, three little words that Jude had felt on the tip of his tongue since the first time he met Connor. For the first time since Jude had given up speaking, he regretted it. He regretted all of the conversations he hadn't had, because the time to have conversations was gone.

Connor pulled into Jude's yard, throwing the old truck into park. They sat there for a moment, staring at the house, still linked by their hands. Finally, Connor spoke.

"Jude … Can I see you in the morning?"

Jude nodded immediately. Yes; a thousand times yes.

"It'll have to be early. Can I pick you up at seven?"

Anything to see Connor one more time.

"Okay."

Connor swallowed and looked down at their hands. He didn't want to let go. He knew that going overseas to fight was the right thing, but that didn't make it any easier to leave home. It didn't make it easier to say last goodbyes to his friends and family, just in case. Nothing in the world could make leaving Jude, still so vulnerable and innocent, better.

Not saying anything, Connor slowly lifted his fingers one by one, until he had completely let go of Jude's hand. Jude climbed out of the truck, and took a step backward onto his front lawn. He stood there, watching Connor drive away, knowing that Connor was looking at him through the rear view mirror. When Jude could no longer see brake lights, when he could no longer hear the rumble of Connor's truck, Jude's shoulders slumped forward.

He slowly made his way into the house, the truth of Connor's departure sinking into his bones with every step he took. When he finally made it into the house, tears were beginning to pool in his eyes, his brain unable to think of anything but the worst case scenario. He took a tottering step into the living room, where Lena and Stef were lying on the couch. They each had a different book, and they were sitting at opposite ends, but their legs met in the middle of the couch and intertwined.

"Hey Jude," Stef greeted without looking up. "How was your night?"

Jude squeaked, his pain overriding him.

Alarmed, Lena and Stef looked up as one. As they saw the tears streaking down their son's face, they stood up and rushed to him. Though he was a tall boy, Jude was still skinny, giving him a childish appearance. And when he leaned down on them for support, Stef and Lena were taking right back to the skittish boy they had welcomed into their home along with his stubborn sister all those years ago.

"Oh, baby," Lena purred. "What's going on?"

But Jude couldn't even think it, let alone say it.

(-.-)

When Connor arrived the next morning, Jude was already sitting on the porch steps, waiting. When he got into the truck, he didn't give any indication that he cared where they were going or what they were doing. He simply reached across the seats and took Connor's hand again, which Connor already had open for him. They drove in silence, going in circles around the town. They passed the school several times.

When it was nearing eight o'clock, Connor said his first words of the day.

"My flight leaves at 9:30."

Once again, there was the sudden deadline. Every minute was one that was closer to Connor leaving, with no guarantee that he would be making his way back.

"I was hoping that you would drive there with me. And, uh," Connor paused in his speech, gathering his thoughts by absently running his thumb along the back of Jude's hand. "I want you to keep my truck."

Jude couldn't keep his mouth closed; it hung open in surprise.

"You know how much it means to me, and how much work I've put into it. If I just left it home, then it would never get used. I know you'll take care of it."

Jude brushed his thumb against the underside of Connor's wrist, trying to thank him for the gift. He tried to swallow the hard ball in his throat, trying to make himself talk; trying to get out everything that was whizzing around his mind. Instead, he could do nothing but sit and hold Connor's hand as they drove toward the airport. Connor found a parking spot, and stopped the truck there, turning it off.

"It's time to go," Connor said aloud, although he was unsure if he was speaking to himself or to Jude.

They climbed out of the truck and Jude circled around to the driver's side. He faced Connor, wondering what to do in these final moments. Finally, he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his best friend, holding him close. He felt Connor hug him back, and Jude was not ashamed to admit that tears were shed on both sides. The fact that this might be the last time he saw Connor would not leave Jude alone. He rested his head against Connor's shoulder, and for the first time in years, spoke.

"Connor … Connor, please come home."

Connor didn't say anything about the use of Jude's voice. He didn't think about how scratchy it sounded, but how much deeper Jude's voice had gotten. Instead, he held Jude tighter to him, unwilling to let go just yet, and promised, "I will, Jude. I swear to you, I will."

And then Jude let him go.

I'm not 100% sure on how long this will be yet. It depends on reactions, I guess, but there will definitely be one more chapter. I don't own anything recognizable.

~TLL~