CHAPTER ONE

A/N: Hey! This is my first fanfiction. Please review and give me feedback.

Setting: Saint Vladimir's Academy. Set theoretically sometime after Frostbite, but Dimitri never decided whether to take up Tasha's offer or not. This story is a chance for me to see how Rose would cope (or not cope) if Dimitri decided to take it, and how she would fight for their love. The characters are alla little OOC- Rose is a lot more open and vulnerable with her feelings, especially when it comes to her relationship with Dimitri. Dimitri's a little more impulsive, and Tasha is a little more juvenile in her behaviour. But you'll find that out as you read. Hope you enjoy! :)

For my current readers, I'm sorry for not writing in a long time- I'm doing my HSC (final year of Aussie school) so am super busy, and also experienced a severe case of writer's block. I'm rewriting old chapters to make them newer & better, but please, give me your feedback- criticisms, ideas, positive, negative, everything! Thanks for all who have reviewed so far- particular shout out to EmptyBlackboard. Just to clarify- I will not be making Rose pregnant. And no, for those of you who were wondering- Rose and Dimitri haven't done the nasty... yet. Thoughts? :)

"Hell yeah! Ladies and gents, the ah-may-ziing Rose Hathaway!" I crowed as I flipped Dimitri onto his back again. We'd been sparring for the past ten minutes and I'd already beaten him twice due to his lack of concentration. Apparently even the Zen master himself had off days.

When Dimitri didn't respond, I rolled my eyes and offered my hand to him. "Now, now, don't get too excited." Sarcasm coloured my tone.

Dimitri's face didn't change at all as he ignored my hand and stoically brushed past me to his bag. He grabbed his water bottle and took a large swig. I followed his lead with only a small amount of attitude.

As I drank, I racked my brain for anything I might have done wrong lately, and when I (for once) came up with nothing, went back to my teasing. "Too bad the trial's still a few weeks away, huh, Comrade? Seeing me kick some ass could brighten anyone's mood, even yours." I winked.

Dimitri stopped drinking and closed his eyes, pausing for a beat before setting his water bottle down. I warily followed suit. "Actually Rose, I won't be able to make your trial."

My brow furrowed. "What? Seriously, you have outside work on the day of the trial? Can't it wait?"

Dimitri's guardian mask slipped into place. "No, I just won't be around then anymore Rose."

I was confused. "What do you mean you're not going to be around anymore?"

Dimitri watched me cautiously. "I will be leaving to guard Tasha."

I recoiled from him quickly. "What?"

Dimitri just looked at me.

Realisation dawned on me, and the panic started to set in. "You're leaving me?"

Dimitri clenched his jaw and nodded.

Silence. Seconds passed.

The next time I spoke, my voice shook. "You chose Tasha, not me." It was a question, but not.

Dimitri nodded again, but this time he managed words, albeit hoarse ones. "Yes, Rose."

My breathing picked up and tears blurred my vision. Panic strangled me as I struggled for words. "B-But I… I… um." Shit. I knew he was going to pick Tasha, but instead of finding a way to deal with it, I'd chosen to ignore it. Now I was losing him, possibly forever. I needed to fix this fast, and I didn't know how. My mind searched for something, and I pressed the heels of my palms against my eyes so I wouldn't cry. When I pulled them away, my hands were wet. Damn it, the pity card would not work here. A cold sweat started to break out on my skin. I respected Dimitri, and I accepted his decision, but dammit, I needed him. The thought of having to live without him terrified me. "I could call you? Yeah, that's it, I could call you! And you could help me with my trial like that." Feeble hope filled my voice as well as my soul. My breathing started to slow. It'd be okay. I could still hear his voice, and he could give me advice, and it would all be fine. And when the trial was over, I'd have a better plan. Okay. I looked up at his face, eager, and froze from the regretful look there. The hope trickled out of me and my breathing picked up again. When he opened his mouth, I began to beg for the first time in my life. "No, no, look, I mean, I won't try anything, I swear, I just, I need your help." I need you.

"Rose." He said gently.

"Please." I don't think I'd ever used that word before.

His breath caught, but when he spoke, his voice was just as gentle as before. "Rose, how do you think Tasha would feel knowing I talk to my ex-girlfriend every night?" "Okay, just sometimes. Just when I'm really, really stuck." I just couldn't shut up.

"Rose!" Dimitri's voice rose, scolding.

I stopped breathing altogether. Great, now he was mad at me.

I watched his chest rise and fall a few times before I couldn't take it anymore. I let a breath out, trying to calm down. "I'm sorry, Dimitri."

I looked down at the ground, and heard Dimitri sigh. "I know, Rose."

Deafening silence ensued.

I scrubbed at a piece of the ground with my shoe, watching it shake a little. Before I could think, the words left my mouth.

"I'm scared."

I slapped my hand to my mouth like I'd said something dirty. Rose Hathaway does not get scared. Dimitri's gaze dropped down to my shoe, still shaking slightly.

"I thought you would be mad. I didn't expect you to be scared."

"I'm so scared, Dimitri." My voice shook. "I don't know how to cope without you. I don't just rely on myself anymore, I rely on you too. And I mean, you're not even letting me be with friends with you anymore and I have trials coming up and Lissa and spirit and-" I forced myself to stop.

Dimitri's face had grown sad at some point. "I'm sorry, Roza. I wish I could be there for you."

"Then be there for me." I begged.

"I can't Rose, or I'll never stop loving you."

It was both a relief to hear he still loved me, and devastating to realise he didn't want to. I never wanted to stop loving him. Problems or not, I'd always want him. For a while, I'd even thought I could have that.

Moments passed. I knew he was right, that a clean break would be best, but letting him go completely might actually kill me. Cliché as it was, I needed Dimitri to breathe.

I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders, preparing myself for another rejection. "Dimitri… can you just think about it for me, please? Maybe we can compromise a little… that is, if you still want to be friends?"

Friends. The word rang on repeat in my head, taunting me. So much less than what I wanted, so much more than he probably did. And why not? I was just another student. Feeling stupid, I turned away, already hearing the refusal in my mind. Jesus, I'd actually thought I had a chance with a god. Maybe this was Karma for all my previous wrongdoings. Someone had once told me Karma came back not just three-fold, but ten-fold. That didn't even begin to cover it.

Fuck my life.

I was almost at the door and almost resigned to my fate when Dimitri spoke.

So I was completely surprised when he agreed.