So sorry guys, I figured with it being dead week, our teachers would give us a break before finals, but I've had eight tests this week. Finals start Monday. I absolutely, 100% despise the upper faculty who decided that was a good idea.

The world around me seemed light, yet heavily ominous, as though something lurked about waiting to strike. I could feel something tearing away at the peace I was attempting to maintain while a pain moved from my stomach into my chest. I didn't want to face any reality, but single jolt forced my eyes opened. As soon as my view came to full focus, the image of a fiery glow radiating in an otherwise barren sky on a plane which held no object or purpose filled me with a warmth I could not explain. Still, the air around me was neither light nor heavy. It was strictly hallow as though it served no purpose. And even as I could see the bright rays of the sun filling the area around me, I felt neither heat nor cold. There was not a single noise to be heard, yet I felt as though a thousand breaths were ringing in my ears. At first, I felt something that resembled curiosity, but eventually that faded, and what I thought was the sensation of my heart beating more rapidly than ever turned to become a nonexistent echo.

I took a single step over the surface beneath my feet, feeling a texture that was neither soft nor hard, wet nor dry, as though I were walking on air. Something moved around me. I could feel that something was moving around me, but I felt no threat present. The only thing I could do was breathe in. I breathed in and then found my voice before I was conscious of my words. "Hello?" Somehow, the sound of illness, the tone of weakness and effort which I had heard in myself for a while had dissipated into a sound that was nearly melodic. That sound, however, the newest of the mysterious aspects which puzzled me, brought me to the realization of where I was. I knew in an instant who the other presence was. Again, a single word passed over my lips without an effort as though I weren't controlling my own fate. "Mom?"

At that, the instant that word graced the atmosphere around me, another jolt shot through my chest and a single feeling flickered through me as though a drop of cold water was trickling down my heated body and spread as a spider's web from my core to my limbs. She suddenly appeared. Full fleshed and bright eyed, smiling with the same pale peach lips that had greeted me every morning since I was an infant, she stared into me with the kind of love only a mother was capable of offering. Nothing about me seemed to be aware of the instincts that drew me into her arms magnetically. I just simply fell to the power of my natural response system and was quickly in her hold. But this seemingly wondrous, comforting, long-awaited hold which I had longed for since the first moment of her passing came without the realization to the nerves in my body. Though I knew her arms had come around my back and her hand was resting at the same spot on the base of my skull which had been the placement of her palm for all my life, I couldn't feel a single moment of it. There was no warmth to be found in her hold.

When she removed herself from me, it felt as though she was splitting my chest in half and removing my inmost soul.

Her hands then took to a familiar spot on my cheeks as she basked in the view of me and smiled. "Oh, Katie. I've missed you so much."

My longing heart twisted a broken smile on my lips as I uttered, "I've missed you too."

A breath left her lungs which had to be harshly delivered. Choking a bit on her words, my mother claimed. "I know." While the space between us cleared, her hands again moved from their place, falling to my arms and then taking my hands in her. "You look- so grown up, Katie."

"It's been years," I stated for fact more than anything. I didn't know what to say. This woman before me was both undeniably my mother and completely foreign to me. Even though she looked the way I had seen her all my life and her voice hadn't changed in any way, even with her gaze still unyielding in compassion and with her smile remaining untouched by the tragedy she had not survived, her touch was not her touch. Her body was unattended and seemed distant even though she was standing before me so close she could have smelled my breath. She seemed wholly unreal and- almost phantom-like.

Her mind must have still been linked with mine the way it always had been, because she seemed to react to the thoughts in my mind. "It's alright, Katie. I know, this doesn't feel the same to you, but- it's alright."

To this, I responded with a sharp edge to my heartfelt, tortured words, "Why doesn't this feel real?"

"Because, for you, it's not. For you, this is just- a passing dream."

"A dream?" I questioned her words. "I- I thought-…"

"I know sweetheart," she cooed tenderly. "But- you have a son to get back to. You have a family who needs you. It's not your time, Katie. Not yet."

The air between us then emptied once more. It occurs to me now that there were so many years I would have done anything to see her again, yet all I could think of while I was in her presence was how my son hadn't cried when he was born. I had heard the doctors tell me he was out, but- he had't screamed the way he should have. I needed to know what happened to him. I needed to know if he was alright.

Again some kind of mind meld must have closed the gap between us, because my mother promised, "He's alright, Kate. Don't worry about him. He is absolutely perfect in every way."

I didn't dare ask how she knew this. The only question I allowed to pass over my lips was one inquiring a confirmation. "He's alright?"

"I promise you, he is alive and well and breathing stronger than those doctors could have ever hoped for." I smiled at the thought of this. He was alright. He was strong and breathing and- alive. "Now, you- you have to get back."

I breathed a bit more heavily, as though it was taking more effort now, "Get back?"

"Yes," my mother stated quite simply. "You weren't meant to be here, Katie. Not for long. I just- I wanted to see you. But you have to get back."

"No!" I refused outright. "No, I can't- I didn't get to spend hardly any time with you. I- I didn't get to- to talk. I- I need you."

"No, sweetheart, you don't. You'll be absolutely fine. You have everything you need. But you have to go on this last wave, alright?"

"But- but I need you. How am I supposed to do this without you? How am I supposed to- to be a mother without you? I- I couldn't even solve your case. How am I supposed to be responsible for another life when I can hardly be responsible for myself?"

"Oh, Kate," she said, retaking my arms, "No, honey, you- you can do this. There is nothing you can't do, darling. You- you can do this. You are- a- strong woman, Kate. You- you can do anything if you set your mind to it. I've seen it. And- I know you better than you know yourself. You- you have already proven that so many time, honey. You've done everything for Gabe, and- he's lucky to have you for a mother. I promise you, you are ready for this."

With that, though the ripping sensation in my chest pulled away every ability I had to speak, I took my mother into my arms one last time. Holding her as tightly as I could, I didn't dare doubt for even a moment that this was the woman who had given me everything. Keeping my grasp around her, this time I could honestly feel her arms come around me the way she always held me as a child. Just as I heard her say one last declaration, I shared in the sentiment, "I love you."

With that, another jolt wrapped heavily around me and the light and dream came to an end.

As I took in a single deep breath and winced at the pain it caused me, I dared not open my eyes. I didn't want to wake up. Something told me not to come back to reality. But then I heard him. I must have made some audible sound that caught his attention, because Rick was instantly right beside me, grabbing my hand and whispering, "Kate?"

My eyes slowly pulled open. "Rick? What-." A grunt of pain came over me. Apparently speaking wasn't the brightest idea. Neither was attempting to sit up.

"Are you alright?" he instantly asked. "Don't strain yourself. Just relax, okay? Don't push."

"Castle," I groaned, fighting back as much as I could against the pain, "What- where's- where's Gabe?"

"He's fine, Kate. Just relax, okay? Lay back. Don't move too much." He waited until I was laying back completly until he continued, "Gabe's in the NICU. He's doing really well. He's five pounds, ten ounces of perfection."

I spoke again, this time using a lighter tone with less urgency. "What happened? How is he? Tell me everything."

It could be the haze of the memory still pulling away from me, but I swear he laughed before answering my question. After this, he stated, in no shortened terms, that Gabe was in the NICU because he needed to be watched for breathing problems. They had given him oxygen, but hadn't had to put him on a ventilator, which was a very good sign. According to Doctor Richards, he was otherwise healthy, they just needed him to get the increased amount of oxygen because he wasn't taking in as much air as full term babies would.

It took a short while, but by the end of the day, they rolled me into his room. The very first time I held our son, he was so small and so light it actually frightened me to death. But along with that fear, while I took in the sight of him, I couldn't have possibly calmed my racing heart. Just seeing him, being able to hold him so tenderly in my arms was a feeling of astonishment I could not verbalize to anyone. Holding my child for the first time made- everything that had ever happened in my life, ever up and down, twist and turn, injury and fortune that ever existed in my history immediately right itself. Suddenly it was as though no evil could exist and no hurdle couldn't be leaped over. He was- the most beautiful sight I'd ever been graced with. He was instantly my whole world. With a single tear slipping away from me as I held him as tightly as I could while still being as gentle as possible, there was no greater love I could have had for anyone in my life, ever.

After a few weeks in the hospital, they released Gabe and we were able to take him home. Rick had thoroughly ensured that there wasn't a single risk in the entire loft and had gone overboard with the diapers and baby proofing and a million other unnecessary things. Alexis and Martha had surprised us with a first day home party, basically consisting of both of them, Lanie, Javi and Kevin swapping turns holding the baby when he wasn't in my arms or Rick's. We hadn't seen any other them for too terribly long since the birth because of certain circumstances, so we all caught up a bit. I was so focused on making sure my son wasn't handed off the wrong way or dropped or in any way endangered that I was only half listening to everyone's stories, however.

That concern subsided after a few more weeks, though. I still hadn't been cleared for duty, however, and they eventually had to put me on permanent medical leave because my heart was too weak for the active life of police work. But, after a year and a half of house life and spending time raising our baby boy, Rick got an urgent call from the hospital. They immediately called me in and I was the recipient of a new heart. Luckily, they declared me medically fit for duty once I was fully healed and they found me a place on my team again after a few months and the new hire was shipped off to undercover.

When I got back on the force, after my first day with my badge on one hip and my gun on the other, Rick proposed again, as we'd decided to wait to get married until I was better. He proposed again, as I said, and less than a year later we were married. Gabe, three years old with his father's beautiful eyes and my light brown curls stood in as Rick's best man and Alexis agreed to be my maid of honor in our tiny family wedding that we happily agreed upon after deciding we didn't want to have to deal with the stress of hearing, "It's about time," from a million different people. Luckily, we'd been able to work with my dad and sober him up after my transplant and he was able to attend the wedding. He rarely came around anymore, but- holidays and birthdays were better than nothing.

After Gabe went into pre-school and was already showing signs of being a child prodigy of being a rebellious genius just like his father, Castle and I decided to try for another one. Gabe was four by the time we brought his new twin sisters, Megan Rose and Annabelle Lily home from the hospital. They both looked so much like their brother as babies, but by the time their hair grew out and their eyes became a cross of gold and blue, they had grown to look completely different from him. They still looked identical though. They both had curling chestnut hair with hints of strawberry blonde highlights that simply glimmered in the sunlight. Their smiles were somewhere between Rick's and mine. On nearly every trait they claimed, the two managed to find a middle ground between their parents. And let me tell you, having twins running around with their brother and Castle is probably the most terrifying and uplifting experiences of my life.

Looking back on all of this now, knowing that everything turned out well, it's incredible to think of how concerned I was about Gabe when I was pregnant. That time where fear pretty much ruled my life was quite possibly the most scarring period I ever went through. Yet- I wouldn't change any part of it for the world. Now, our twins are four years old and thriving as much as their brother had. The girls have become my allies while we fight against the minority on topics in which Rick is aware that I am right, but enjoys egging on Little Gabe. Gabe just likes the fact that he's the oldest and is therefore "always right" by his father's account. I almost feel bad for him, though. The poor little eight year old has a lawyer for a sister even see as she's only four. Megan's our prosecutor, Gabe's our defendance team with Rick to back him, and Anna and I stand back, mediate and play judge when necessary.

Still, seeing how strong he is now and seeing everything he can do astonishes me. He is the fastest kid on his track team, he's one of the best fighters in his karate class, and he kills at hockey, just like his father said he would. He is, by every perception of the term, perfect, and- there isn't a moment where I ever regret going through with the pregnancy no matter what could have happened to me. Getting to watch him be-... everything I could have hoped for, everything I could have ever wanted in a son means the world to me. Even losing so much time on my career, even prolonging the time in which it could have taken me to close my mother's case, I still couldn't give this up. Not for anything. This was- everything I could have wanted. I loved this life. I would forever be in love with this life, and my kids. This was my heaven, and it would be always.