Welcome to the first chapter of Crow's Ladies Talk Show! I know there are countless other Warrior cat talk shows out there, but I'm hoping this one is original. Basically it's a talk show hosted by Feathertail, Leafpool, and Nightcloud, Crowfeather's three women... and with each new guest, there's more turmoil, especially from Feather, Leaf, and Night's differing personalities! I hope you enjoy!

Also remember to check out my other profile, emjwarriorcatz!

-Mossy

-chapter one-

Leafpool rushed around the stage, amber eyes huge as she prepared for the show in twenty minutes. She straightened the coffee mug filled with water on the side table, snipped off a loose string on one of the big, plush armchairs with her claw, and most important of all, made sure she looked presentable. The light brown tabby scrambled backstage and then into her dressing room, biting her lip as she smoothed down a tuft of fur sticking up on her head. Her white chest and paws looked clean and pure, like ivory. She was ready.

Exactly fifteen minutes later on the dot, Leafpool was in her dark green armchair, beaming at the camera. Still staring somewhat creepily at the open lens, she lifted her coffee mug with a shaky paw and did a thumbs-up, or at least the best of a thumbs-up she could do without a thumb.

"Uh, Leafpool, what are you doing?" the camera cat, Mossyfire, asked, raising a kittybrow as she stepped out from behind the camera.

"Practicing for the show, of course!" the tabby meowed stiffly in reply.

Mossyfire rolled her eyes. "Yes, but you're not a robot. Relax. Act casual. Calm. Like your usual self. The only difference is you're in front of a camera."

Leafpool sighed. "I suppose you're right. And there's no getting out of this now- I signed a contract for at least forty episodes."

The camera cat nodded. "And who knows? Your show could turn into the next Lion O'Brien." She returned to working on the camera, and Leafpool rolled her eyes. Lion O'Brien was Lionblaze's super-popular show. He was famous for his hilariously stupid jokes, as well as having almost every Warrior cat every on his show.

The brown tabby glanced at the clock at the side of the stage. Three minutes left until it was five o'clock. Deep breath, Leafpool thought. There's nothing left to possibly go wrong in three minutes.

Just then, her new manager, Half Moon, padded onto the stage, talking loudly into her cellphone. "Goodness, would you just shut up? I'm sorry, but I already got a deal with this lovely she-cat"-she winked at Leafpool-"and I can't handle any more shows at this point. Good day- hold on, what? One hundred thousand?" Half Moon paused, listening to the cat on the other end. Then she giggled and purred, "Okay, make it two hundred and we have a deal." After a few more heartbeats, the white she-cat hung up and grinned at Leafpool. "You have two new partners!"

"Partners?" Leafpool asked hesitantly. "What do you mean? I'm doing this show alone. It's 'The Leafpool Show'. Just me."

"Not anymore!" Half Moon laughed. She muttered something into her mouthpiece, then returned her attention to Leafpool. "Now, it's the Crow's Ladies Talk Show."

Leafpool stiffened. "You don't mean...?"

Half Moon nodded. "Sorry, hun, but they were so desperate, they're payin' me! Please welcome... Feathertail and Nightcloud!"

Leafpool stared in utter shock and disappointment as a gray tabby she-cat with a feathery tail and a stark black she-cat with narrowed copper eyes walked onto the stage.

All of a sudden, crewcats shuffled out, pushing a blue armchair and a yellow armchair out, where they positioned the two chairs so Leafpool's chair was sandwiched between them. A third crewcat brought out two new coffee mugs, also filled with water, and set them on the table.

Before Leafpool could take another breath, a timer beeped, Half Moon rushed off the stage, Feathertail and Nightcloud sat in their chairs, and the camera light flicked on.

A few heartbeats passed. Out of the corner of their eyes, Feathertail and Nightcloud glanced at Leafpool. The tabby realized she was supposed to speak. "Oh! Um, welcome to the..." She racked her brain for the stupid name Half Moon had chirped.

"... Crow's Ladies Talk Show!" Feathertail and Nightcloud chimed in unison, finishing for her.

Holding back an annoyed sigh, Leafpool went on, "So, there was a little bit of a change, and it turns out, I have two new co-hosts."

"That's right!" Nightcloud purred.

"Well, let's not waste time, ladies," Feathertail smiled, taking a sip of her water. "Our guest today is... Brackenfur!"

A handsome but graying golden-brown tabby tom trotted onto stage and sat down in the orange armchair that had already been set up for guests. "I'm glad to be on here, girls," he meowed.

Leafpool nodded, her brow furrowing. She was confused. Wasn't Crookedstar supposed to be her first guest? Again she suppressed a sigh and instead focused on her first guest. "So, Brackenfur, you know what this show is about... uh, I guess, discussing love and mates and stuff... so... tell us about your mate."

"Oh, I'd be glad to!" Brackenfur drawled.

He really likes the word glad, Leafpool thought reproachfully.

"My lovely, adoring, beautiful, kind, exceptional, amazing, pretty, cool, neat, awesome, fun-"

"We get it," Nightcloud muttered.

"-mate is Sorreltail," Brackenfur said. "She and I have been together for a long time. We have six kits: Cinderheart, Poppyfrost, Honeyfern, Molepaw, Seedkit, and Lilykit."

Feathertail nodded. "Well, your mate sounds lovely. What's your favorite thing about her?"

"If I must pick one thing," mewed Brackenfur, "It's the way she sleeps. I swear, it's like she's an angel. An angel that snores. Just sometimes, of course. Yeah... sometimes."

Leafpool raised her kittybrows. "Alright. And... when did you pop the question?"

Brackenfur giggled like an apprentice. "Oooh... I love when cats ask me this one. I asked Sorreltail to be my mate after our first night together... ya know what I mean. Well, I was a warrior when she was born, but hey, who cares about the age difference? She and I were meant to be, I loved her from the moment she was born."

"You sound like you're her father," Nightcloud remarked. "You know... being full-grown when she was born."

"Yeah, well..." Brackenfur mumbled. "Some things are meant to be. And my lovely Sorrelface and I were meant to be."

"Okay, well, one last question," said Nightcloud. "Is there anything you don't like about your... Sorrelface?"

"Hmm..." Brackenfur shrugged. "Well, I guess her obsession with spending nights out. It's a miracle we only had two litters. I thought we were gonna be the next Fern & Dust + 7 parents." He shuddered. "We got pretty close, too, but then Sorreltail died so..."

"Wait, what?" Feathertail gasped. "She died?"

"Yes, due to wounds from the Great Battle," Brackenfur answered. "But it's no big deal."

"No big deal?" demanded Leafpool. "She was your mate!"

"Yeah, but I'll see her in StarClan. I mean, you're dead, aren't you, Feathertail?"

Feathertail gazed at him, blue gaze lukewarm. "Yes, but I can still-"

Brackenfur turned to Leafpool. "And you wanted Crowfeather, right? Well, you can probably be with him in StarClan."

Leafpool wasn't able to say anything before Nightcloud burst out, "Crowfeather's my mate, and it'll stay that way even when we die!"

"But you'll be separate when you die," Brackenfur disagreed, shaking his head. "You're not going to StarClan."

That was enough to set Nightcloud off. The black she-cat pounced on the tom, clawing at him as she hissed, "Fox-heart! Crowfood-eater! Mousedung-brain!"

Quickly Leafpool and Feathertail turned to the camera. "Well, that's all for today, folks. See you tomorrow at five!"

Phew, finally done. I just wanted to say a few things:

a) I was inspired by the Yellowfang and Nightcloud Show and Mapleshade and Silverstream's Couples Counseling, so thanks to the authors of those hilarious pieces

b) Please tell me any mistakes/suggestions

c) Tell me who should be on the next episode because I have nothing pre-written XD

Bye for now.

-Mossy