From the Ashes of Destruction

Disclaimer:

I do not own Destroy All Humans, nor do I own any characters used from the series such as Crypto and Pox. Please note that this Fan Fiction is massive AU and essentially replaces "Path of the Furon" by picking up roughly where it begins and then changing the entire story line (including the whole old saucer being destroyed part because as cool as the new saucer is I still favor the saucer from the second game). I do not think that Path of the Furon is a bad game, in fact I own it and I really like it but I wanted to take the story in a different direction. I apologize for Crypto's terrible grammar, but having played the games for a long time I attempted to write out his speech as it is in the game and he is probably the last person to ask about proper English. I also apologize for any errors made. Please do not steal my stuff and please be gentle, this Fan Fiction is my first.

Chapter 1: Lost in Space Dust

It was a noisy night in Paradiso, then again, all of the nights in Paradiso were noisy, and it was, after all, the gambling capital of America. Crypto had fallen asleep in front of the TV after finding that nothing interesting was on.

Pox hovered into the room; he had built himself a better holo-pod a few years after abandoning his fast food franchise. This new holo-pod greatly improved his appearance and had three robotic arms that allowed him to do his work more easily. He looked at the TV, then at Crypto, shaking his head and speaking softly "How sweet, shirking his duties for ridiculous movies and television. You know Crypto the emperor would be very displeased if he knew just how low we are on brains right now. But I suppose you didn't think of that did you?" he leaned closer to the sleeping warrior, "Oh no, you're far too busy TAKING A NAP!" he suddenly yelled, causing Crypto to wake up with a start and fall off the round chair he was sleeping on. "Hey babe don't be upset!" he said but looked around quick and noticed Pox, "Oh it's just you."

"Well good morning Crypto, so nice of you to drop into reality." Pox frowned.

"…Its Morning already? I don't feel hung-over."

"No it's not really morning! Crypto you have been investing far too much time in this "Space Dust" casino of yours. Perhaps you've forgotten that our primary goal and entire mission is collecting DNA!"

"I did collect DNA; I got some…uh…"

"Two weeks ago! I warn you Crypto start keeping up with your duties or I will shut this place down!"

"You wouldn't do that. You bark a lot Poxy but you've yet to bite me. Besides what are ya complainin about? Yer in for 5% aren't ya? Lemme guess Yer still sore about being virtual."

"Hmph, I may not be a hologram for much longer!"

"Sure, sure, whatever makes ya feel better, look I'll get more brains for ya soon alright?"

"Fine," Pox sighed, "as long as you don't let this business get in the way too much I have no problem with it."

"That's what I'm talkin' about Poxy!" Crypto smiled, "Now use your fancy genius and tell me how well we're doing this month."

"Oh, let me see…" Pox was silent for a moment as he did the math, "According to my calculations the "Sultan" has abducted 15% of our business crowd, meaning profits are on the decrease. We must do something that will tip the scale back in our favor and return the customers to us."

"Damn it! I hate those guys! Ever since they showed up they've been getting on my nerves."

"Indeed," Pox thought, "most of their business influx is due to the high number of promotional tactics they have used to appeal to the greed of the masses."

Crypto stared at him, "One more time, but say it so I can understand ya."

Pox sighed, "They've been advertising and offering special deals and prizes which is bringing them a larger crowd."

"Oh, okay. So what do we do about it?"

"I suggest we reply in kind. We need to promote the Space Dust with some kind of big publicity stunt. I also suggest we acquire some interesting prizes that the high-rollers can shoot for."

"And cash isn't a good enough prize?"

"No Crypto it's not. Humans are greedy, after a while money just isn't enough anymore, as their gambling fever increases so too does their greed and if the "Sultan" is giving them the chance to earn big prizes so too must we if we want them to remain here."

"Kay, so what kinda prizes are gonna get em here?"

"Vehicles are quite popular, as are vacations and luxury cruises."

"That's gonna take a bite out of my bank account!"

"Our bank accounts and no it won't. The odds of them winning these prizes will be very slim, but it will still draw them in and we will profit from their determination to win and their repeated failure to do so."

"Okay so I guess the first thing to do is get our hands on a shiny, hot car right?"

"Exactly, human vehicles these days run from 3,000 to 5,000 dollars, inflation here is ridiculous. Instead of paying out for something we may ultimately have to give away I suggest you get a car fresh off of the lot with the Abducto Beam on your saucer and bring it back here. I will make some alterations to it so that it cannot be identified as the one you stole.

Crypto nodded but still wasn't sure about this idea, "Uh, look Pox I know you like all yer fancy plans and such but why can't we just destroy the Sultan?"

"We are Crypto; we're just doing it more subtly."

"I hate subtle." He growled as he walked outside to the saucer. He let the Abducto Beam lift him into the cockpit and he started it up, going to look for a good car.

Pox watched the saucer take off and leave from a window before heading up to his room/lab. He picked up his research where he had left off last, working on a not so attractive machine he had been keeping hidden under a tarp for quite a while. He had built it from scrap but had not taken the time to give it that elegant, high-tech look and design it deserved, he was far too preoccupied with its hasty completion.

The time ticked away quickly. Pox had barely gotten started when he detected the saucer returning, he sighed and placed the tarp back over his masterpiece and went outside just as Crypto exited the saucer, having set a shiny new car down near where he had landed. Pox inspected the vehicle for a moment, "Good work Crypto."

"Piece of cake Poxy." The warrior clone grinned, "Okay, I'm gonna go see if I can find a show with topless chicks."

"Why don't you just walk around a few bars? You can see them in person." Pox said half-heartedly, continuing to examine the vehicle.

"I thought about that but I wanna check 'em out without 'em throwing up on me." Crypto headed back inside.

Pox rolled his eyes—er, digital receptors. He spent the next few hours altering the car so it looked like they had had it custom made instead of stole it. He added a few features such as nicer hubcaps, an eight-track player and had given the car a celestial-looking paint job to match the theme of the Space Dust. He rolled it into the building and put it on display on the main floor of the casino; returning to his lab and his special project after.