Consequences Chapter 35

Kathryn woke up slowly, Chakotay curled around her and slightly snoring in her ear. It had been a rough night and she was exhausted, but awareness of the date kept her from trying to get back to sleep. They had made it back to the Alpha Quadrant two years ago today. Everyone had been so excited last year as the first anniversary approached, but it had been difficult for Kathryn as it brought back too many memories of Braxton. It was incongruous to celebrate the anniversary of the day she was assaulted; she was never going to forget those moments of terror on her own bridge or her vast confusion and shock when she woke in sickbay to learn that she had lost seven years of memories. It infuriated her that Braxton still had any power over her and she refused to allow him to steal any more of her joy over getting Voyager home, so she and Chakotay had surprised their friends and family by getting married at the anniversary party. Maybe it was a bad logistical choice since their wedding anniversary was always going to conflict with Voyager reunions, but it was a victory over Braxton and his wish to punish Kathryn.

The baby stirred and began to fret. Chakotay was instantly awake, hopping out of bed and rushing to the bassinet on Kathryn's side before she could even sit up.

"Just rest, Kathryn. I'll change him and bring him to you."

"Okay. Thanks, honey."

She watched him hold the baby against his chest for a moment, gently kissing the top of his head before placing him on the changing table.

"I know, it's miserable to be changed, but we've just got to do it and then you can go see Mama. Now, here's a big kiss from Grandma. She had to go to Indiana yesterday, but she'll be back for the party tonight."

The baby was working up to a pretty good screaming fit and Kathryn winced as her milk let down. Chakotay brought the baby to her and she laid down on her side, pulling her nightgown down. She bit her lip at the pain as the baby latched on. Her mother and sister both kept telling her it wouldn't hurt at all once she and the baby figured out what they were doing, which she hoped would be very soon. Chakotay sat down on the edge of the bed, watching her anxiously, and she reassured him.

"That was much better. He latched on correctly the first time. I think we're starting to get the hang of it."

"He's learning. I never realized how hard breastfeeding can be."

"Believe me, neither did I. You know, I can't stop thinking about Samantha and how hard it must have been for her on Voyager. She never complained, though, and she did such a good job raising Naomi."

Kathryn stopped talking and yawned widely. The sleepiness that always accompanied nursing was rolling over her.

"I'll take him once he's done and then you can sleep some more."

"I think I'll take you up on that. Happy anniversary by the way."

Chakotay smiled, the dimples forming in his cheeks.

"Happy anniversary to you. One year down, a lifetime to go."

"You really don't mind that we have to wait until tomorrow to celebrate?"

"Not one bit. I think it's very appropriate that our wedding anniversary is on the same day as the homecoming anniversary. Besides, every moment with you is a celebration of our marriage."

"That was cheesy, Chakotay, very cheesy, but I appreciate the sentiment."

"You love it when I'm cheesy. This is a good day, Kathryn, a day to dwell on all of the positives in our lives, not the negatives."

She glanced at him curiously, not liking the expression on his face.

"You sound like you're trying to convince yourself of that. What's wrong?"

Chakotay sighed and reached out to trace the curve of her jawline.

"I'm never going to forget that day, Kathryn. I thought you were being executed right there in front of my eyes and I was helpless to save you. Then, later in sickbay, we realized what he had actually done to you."

He shook his head miserably.

"Believe me, I'm never going to forget either. Here, it's time for the other side. Would you burp him?"

Chakotay picked up the baby. He had dozed off and he startled as he was lifted. Chakotay patted his back and soothed him.

"Shh, little man, it's all right. Kathryn, are you sure you're up to the party tonight? Everyone will understand if you're not. You just gave birth five days ago."

"Of course I am! I'm not missing it for anything. No one's told Neelix about the baby yet, have they?"

"No, they all value their lives and their commissions. Don't worry, it'll be a big surprise. Good boy, that was a big burp and now you can go back to Mama."

Kathryn rolled to her other side and Chakotay once more placed the baby into position. He latched on and Kathryn grimaced, but the pain passed quickly. The baby was wide awake now, his brown eyes watching her intently. She tried to smooth down the tuft of black hair sticking up at the crown of his head, but it immediately popped back up.

"Chakotay, I can't help trying to make sense of it all, even though I know it's pointless. Why did it all happen? Why didn't Braxton's people stop either of the attacks from happening? And have I been right to do what I have since rejoining Starfleet?"

She and Chakotay had talked about this endlessly. He had been her sounding board as she developed her policies and strategies, many of them based on her knowledge of the future. Was it right to use what she knew to attempt to mold a more acceptable outcome? Would she somehow accidentally cause the very incidents she hoped to avoid? And was it wise to pursue the research and development of Braxton's future technologies? His weapon,Voyager's scans of his time ship, and the mobile emitter, along with Admiral Janeway's contributions, were the basis of a research group Kathryn personally oversaw.

"We just can't know, Kathryn, and that's because of Braxton and Admiral Janeway. They changed everything and now it's up to us to make our own future."

There was nothing more to say to that. Chakotay took the baby once he was through nursing and Kathryn slept a little more. She showered quickly, changing into comfortable sweats before joining her family downstairs. They enjoyed a late breakfast together, the baby quietly watching them from his swing, and then Chakotay rushed over to the Academy for a brief staff meeting. Kathryn returned to the bedroom, determined to get another nap in while the baby slept. She had thought she was used to sleeplessness and fatigue from her time on Voyager, but the exhaustion of new motherhood was in a category all its own. Molly curled up on Chakotay's side of the bed while Kathryn tucked the baby into his bassinet. Her padd was lying on the dresser and she took it to bed with her.

Her office was handling all of her matters until she felt up to taking back some of her responsibilities, but they still sent her daily updates and she was pleased to find Thomas Riker had sent in a report from the border colonies. She was too tired to take it in properly, so she flagged it to remind herself to listen to it later in the day and examined Tom's frozen image on her padd. He was looking and sounding so much better these days. Recruiting him to coordinate the reconstruction efforts out in the border worlds had been Kathryn's first decision after she rejoined Starfleet. In her opinion, it was still one of her better decisions, although Hayes and Nechayev had both been scandalized and openly questioned her "inappropriate" fascination with ex Maquis men. Kathryn had merely laid out the facts before them. Things needed to change and what they had been doing clearly wasn't working. Riker was the perfect person to earn the trust of the colonists who had been burned one too many times by Starfleet and the Federation. What did they have to lose by at least giving him a chance? She had been grudgingly allowed to make the proposal to Tom and he had risen to the challenge magnificently. Deanna Troi had recently sent her a brief message thanking her profusely for what she had done for him, but Kathryn responded that it was all Tom's doing. He had just needed another chance and besides, he had helped her when she was at her lowest. The least she could do was return the favor.

She set the padd on her nightstand and was instantly asleep. She awoke sometime later, Molly pressing against her back heavily. The baby was whimpering slightly and Kathryn stared at the bassinet, wishing Chakotay or her mother were here to hand her the baby. Molly was making her hot and Kathryn scooted away from her, but the dog pressed up against her insistently.

"Molly, quit being such a bed hog!"

She jabbed an elbow at her pet and sat up in shock when a lazy voice spoke to her.

"It's about time you woke up, Kathy. I was getting bored."

"Q!"

She jumped out of bed and rushed to the bassinet, snatching her baby up and holding him to her chest protectively. Q was stretched out on Chakotay's side of the bed, arms folded behind his head and fully dressed in a Starfleet admiral's uniform, boots and all.

"I came to see the little tyke. Do you realize this is the first time you've been alone since he was born? The big oaf wouldn't leave your side and your mother was constantly hovering over you and all those boring Voyager people kept coming in and out."

"You could have knocked and asked to come in, like a normal person instead of invading my personal space and giving me a heart attack."

"But I'm not a normal person."

Kathryn turned her back on him, leaving the room and heading downstairs for the living room. Molly was already there and she growled at Q, but subsided as soon as Kathryn snapped her fingers at her. Q trailed along, looking curiously at the pictures on the mantel and pausing to press a few keys on the piano while she latched the baby to her breast.

"Well, how's your son, Q?"

"I wouldn't know, after all, I'm only his father. He thinks he doesn't have any time for me now that he's out there on his own, gallivanting around the galaxy. Enjoy yours while you can, before he breaks your heart."

Kathryn suppressed the urge to roll her eyes.

"Maybe you should ask if you can join him instead of just complaining about it. He might like it if you show some interest in what he's doing."

Q sniffed and rolled his eyes.

"You've been a mother for only five days and you already think you know everything. You'll learn better soon enough."

"I'm sure I will."

Q sauntered up to her and looked down at the baby at her breast.

"He looks like Chuckles. Too bad. Our baby would have been much better looking and omnipotent to boot."

"I'll get over the disappointment somehow."

Q moved over to the couch and sprawled out, propping his feet up on the coffee table.

"What's his name?"

"Kurt." She smiled down at her baby.

"Kurt? That's not a name, that's something your little beast over there might hack up. Kuuurt."

He said the name in a hacking honk and Kathryn scowled.

"We would have preferred to name him after our fathers, but both of our sisters beat us to it, so we named him after Chakotay's friend, Kurt Bendera. He was killed our first year in the Delta Quadrant."

"Yes, yes, that's all very touching, but seriously, the little one deserves a real name, something solid and respectable. Q has such a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"Sorry, but the birth certificate's all filled out."

"There's always next time."

"Don't hold your breath. On second thought, do hold your breath."

"I see motherhood hasn't softened you any. You were so much nicer when you didn't have your memories."

"So sorry to disappoint you."

"You'll be pleased to know that I'm going to be the little tyke's godfather anyway."

"It's very kind of you to offer, but Tuvok is already his godfather."

"Tuvok? That stodgy old Vulcan? That's even worse than naming him Kurt! He'll bore the poor child to death. No, no, that won't do at all. He can be the boring godfather, I'll be the fun one."

He grinned delightedly and Kathryn held the baby to her breast a little more tightly. Q's idea of fun was terrifying and she decided to change the subject completely.

"Q, maybe you can answer some questions. I've rejoined Starfleet. I'm an admiral now and I've been trying to change the future you showed me. I've also been pursuing both Braxton's and Admiral Janeway's technologies. Is what I'm doing right or will it cause even more unforeseen and dire consequences?"

"Oh, pish posh." Q waved a hand at her and shook his head. "You can't spend all your time worrying about what will or won't happen."

Kathryn tried to hide her disappointment as she moved the baby to her left breast, but it didn't escape Q's notice.

"I will tell you this, Kathy. Braxton's people could have stopped both of his attacks, but they chose not to. They're too fond of their own skins."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Kathryn's mind raced. "What are you saying?"

"Simply that the attacks ensured the existence of Braxton's timeline. Well, I'll be on my way. I guess I might take your advice and go see what Junior is up to. I'll be back sometime when the little tyke is more mobile."

He stood and leaned down, planting a kiss on Kathryn's head, then he snapped his fingers and vanished. Kathryn sat there long after he was gone, the baby sleeping in her arms, and tried to decipher what he had said. The best she could come up with was that her research into the future technologies would lead to the development of the time traveling Starfleet of Braxton's era. But since her research was based on the things Braxton had left behind, did that mean this was a predestination paradox? She finally gave it up. Temporal mechanics were gruesome even when she wasn't recovering from childbirth and breastfeeding around the clock.

Chakotay was terribly annoyed to learn that Q had popped in to visit Kathryn as soon as he had left her alone, but he thought over what Q had said.

"I think it is a predestination paradox, but I also think Q is right. You can't keep worrying about what will or won't happen. Just keep doing what you think is right."

She nodded. He was right, but she knew she would ponder Q's words for a long time.

The party was wonderful, the perfect counterpoint to Kathryn's reflective morning. Many of the crew hadn't yet met the baby and he was passed around under Gretchen's watchful eye. Dozens of small children raced through the ball room. Tuvok's grandchildren, Kathryn's niece and nephew, and Miral were among them. Mark's little girl joined them when the Johnsons arrived. Mark sought her out and gave her a hug, then went to join the party. She was truly grateful that they had managed to maintain a strong friendship. It wasn't something she would have imagined two years ago today when she learned that he had married someone else, but Mark was a true friend and his help had been invaluable over the past year and a half. His think tank was disseminating the analysis of Voyager's scientific and anthropological discoveries and doing much to shift the public perception of Starfleet.

Harry and his girlfriend, Lauren, stopped by to greet her and as always, Kathryn worried over what she knew of Lauren's future. She had considered telling Lauren what she knew, but had decided against it. It was something that wouldn't happen for another twenty years and Kathryn intended to make an agreement with the Romulans before then. More importantly, knowing something so significant was likely to only make things worse for Lauren. She could see such knowledge causing her to become either too reckless or too cautious. What if someone had told a young Kathryn that one day she would become stranded in the Delta Quadrant? No, some things were better left unsaid.

"Kathryn, it is time for the transmission."

Seven's voice cut across the crowded room and Kathryn hurried over to the large monitor that had been set up to allow a view of the ball room. Chakotay joined her with the baby in his arms. Seven was busily inputting commands with the Doctor by her side. He frowned at Kathryn.

"I hope you plan on going home and sleeping as soon as the party is over. You look exhausted."

"Oh, I'll be fine as soon as I drink some coffee."

"What?! I told you not to drink any coffee. Chakotay, how can you let her do that? The caffeine passes through-"

"I was joking, Doctor. I promise I'm not drinking any coffee."

The Doctor glared at her, but the transmission began at just that moment and Neelix's happy face appeared.

"Hello, everyone! How are you-oh, my! Is that the baby? I thought he wasn't due for another week. Hold him up closer, Chakotay!"

Kathryn took the baby from Chakotay and held him closer to the monitor.

"He came a little early, five days ago. I wanted to surprise you."

"Oh, he's just beautiful, Admiral, just beautiful. He looks like Chakotay."

Kathryn basked in Neelix's admiration, finally stepping aside to let Naomi Wildman talk to him. She couldn't tell him yet, but B'Elanna's team was testing the slipstream drive they had just installed on Voyager. Chances were that Neelix might be able to come visit Earth with his family sometime soon. The transmission finally ended and Kathryn remained to chat with Seven while she shut down the console.

"Do you want to hold him, Seven? I don't think you have yet."

"Very well."

Seven held the baby efficiently, examining him carefully while she told Kathryn of her plan to visit the Gamma Quadrant with the Doctor.

"Oh, I'm envious, Seven. You'll have to bring back pictures. I still haven't had a chance to go through the wormhole and I probably won't be able to for awhile now. This little one makes traveling a little more complicated, but he's worth it. He's so beautiful, don't you think? Deep down, I was worried he wouldn't be. I've always thought human newborns are so red and squashed, but he's only a little red and his head is perfectly formed. Just look at him. He even has Chakotay's lips."

Kathryn smiled down at her baby. Seven raised an eyebrow.

"You are in error, Kathryn, but you are not at fault. Your judgment is currently compromised by your hormonal imbalances—a necessary state to ensure the survival of the species. His cranium is malformed, no doubt due to his passage through the birth canal, and his skin tone is decidedly red. In addition, I see that he is suffering from milia, but you should not be concerned. The condition should resolve itself within weeks. However, he does show potential. In several weeks' time, he will no doubt be much more attractive."

Kathryn glared at her indignantly, but Seven wasn't done yet. Her nostrils flared and she held the baby away from her body.

"He is also malodorous."

"I'll take him." Chakotay's voice was strained and she suspected he was choking back laughter.

"I'll go with you, Chakotay. Goodbye, Seven. Thank you for your help with the transmission."

As soon as they were out of earshot, Chakotay began to laugh. Kathryn pretended to punch his arm.

"She called our baby ugly!"

"She was just being honest. It was funny and you know it."

"Well, maybe it was."

She began to laugh too. They had reached the entrance to the ball room and Kathryn paused to take a look at the large group of friends and family gathered there. Tuvok was lifting Phoebe's little Katie onto his shoulders to stop her from crying. Tom and B'Elanna were sneaking a kiss by the buffet table. Just beyond them, Gretchen gestured with her hands as she argued with Mortimer Harren. It was the hormones, Kathryn told herself. That was why her eyes were getting suspiciously wet. Maybe also the memories of a bitter old admiral who had hoped her crew would manage to find the happiness that had eluded them in the Delta Quadrant.

"Are you all right, Kathryn?"

Chakotay was standing by her side, their son in his arms. She reached up for a kiss and then traced his tattoo with her finger.

"I'm fine. I'm just so happy."

The End

-I can't believe I did it! I never expected this story to be so long, but thank you for reading. I have truly appreciated all of the reviews and comments. They kept me going and I hope you have enjoyed the story. Have a happy Thanksgiving!