I want them to love me. I want to be Thor's brother; and Odin's son. I want them to tell me the truth. I want to be treated like I am important; like I am special. I want them to look at me and smile instead of glare. I want the lies to go away. I don't want to be a monster. I want him to be proud of me. I want him to tell me, "You are good, Loki. You have made me proud to be your father." I don't want to fight anymore. I just want them to see. If they only understood the pain; maybe they would learn to care.

I want to show them that I can be more; that I am useful. I want to believe that I am. I want to know that it is okay to fall and try again. I want Thor to build me up and defend me against the world's cruelty. I want him to think me loyal. I want the blood to dry, and the wounds to heal. I want the light to shine through the darkness. I want the hate and the doubt to vanish; the rain to stop falling.

I never want to hear the words killer, liar, traitor, monster. I don't want to feel lost. I don't want the pain to gnaw at my heart until I break down and do something terrible. I'm sick of the cold in my heart and in my veins. I don't want any more disapproving looks; and disappointed faces. I don't want any more tears.

I want to feel wanted. I want them to wish for my presence; I want to know that I can take away their sadness. I want someone to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and put them together. I want to find myself; leave the abyss of hate and cruelty. I want to scream loud, letting the world know the depths of my suffering. I don't want to be known for bringing suffering and death. I want to have a reason. I want the flames to go out.

I want someone to mourn for me; to pray for my soul. I want someone to tell me it will be alright. I want to love someone and have the feelings returned. I want to be a hero; be appreciated for what I have to offer. I don't want to give up. I don't want them to say I didn't try. I don't want to be blamed. I don't want to be alone.

I want my family; Mother, Father, and Thor to wait for me and embrace me when I return to my kingdom. I want them to forgive my mistakes. I want to belong. …I want to come home.

But I would never admit that to anyone. Not even to myself.