Notes: Whenever I watch Angels, something like this happens. Last time it was a fix-it (even if the problem I was trying to fix existed only in my mind), this time...Well, I've been told to give a warning: This, apparently, is "bleak as fuck". Enjoy it :D
Afterword
Don't travel alone, she says, his River Song, his Melody Pond, the daughter of his best friends, and Amy echoes it with the last words she will ever speak to him. Don't travel alone, they tell him, and for once, he promises himself he won't argue with them.
He will never argue with Amy again, and River… for reasons of her own, River won't come with him for anything more than the occasional visit.
So they say he can't see the stars alone, and he won't, because maybe they're right; they've all told him that before, once they've left him, they've all told him to find someone else, and obeying is both easy and the hardest thing in the world. He picks these people up, time after time, shows them all the wonders of the universe, things their tiny little perfect minds could never even dream of, and he loves them, he does, loves each and every one of the humans he travels with.
It is easy to take them with him, because he loves them.
He loves them, and he destroys them.
Rory and Amy, lost in time, maybe together but maybe…
Donna, a hole in her memories, an extraordinary woman made into nothing, nobody, just the average person on the average street, dying if ever something happens to remind her of him…
Martha, made a soldier, made a fighter, made strong and weak enough to fire a gun, all because he can't do so again…
Rose, his Rose, thrown forever beyond his reach, broken by the distance that breaks him…
River, forced to watch as he forgets her, 'saved' in a computer by a man who didn't even know her name the last time she saw him…
Jack, dying and dying again, watching as everyone he loves ages and dies, knowing that he is the only one that will survive…
Astrid, her life to save his. Adam, abandoned in a world that will always consider him a freak. Oswin, crash-landed and turned to a monster, dropping the force-field to set him free. Sarah Jane, left to believe he'd forgotten her because it was better than the alternative. Jabe, bursting into flames before his eyes. Lynda-with-a-y, exterminated when he'd told her she should be safe. Agatha, her marriage only just over and her memories ripped from her skull. Adelaide, splattering her brains across her living room walls to repair the path of history that he ruined. Charles, William, Harriet, Pete, Victoria, Reinette, Elton…
Wherever he goes, death and destruction follow him, a wasteland of lives taken or twisted beyond recognition and yes, sometimes there are days when everyone lives, when he saves more than he loses, but not enough.
Never enough.
So no, he will not travel alone, but he will not take anyone else with him.
He is done trying to save them, these humans for whom his love will only mean their deaths.
He is done.
They ask him not to travel alone, and since alone is what he has to be, he will travel no more.
Enough.