Previously on 'Our Little Problems'

She sighed I could see a tear in her eyes, "Hanna I need to confess something to you, I can't keep it a secret for any longer." she told me starting to cry. She then really looked at me, "Are you alright? You look a little sick." she commented putting of whatever she needed to tell me.

The tears came back to my eyes, "I have something to tell you as well." I informed her, not telling her right off the bat, I want her to tell me whatever she needs to tell me first me putting off what I want to say myself. "Why don't you go first." I suggested.

She nodded her head, "With everything on I've just gotten so depressed, the only thing that's really keeping me here is you, the girls, and Ezra. I've been cutting myself. I don't like it, and I don't want to do it anymore, but I feel like I have to, and I just can't stop." she cried into my shoulder. Then she looked up at me with a red face, "What did you want to tell me now?" she asked me not expecting me to have an answer to what she just said so soon.

There tears have tripled since they started. My best friend has deluded herself into cutting herself. My best friend is feeling just as bad as I do. "Well, I've kind-of started to eat a lot of junk food then make myself throw-up again. I feel horrible about it, but I feel like A is making me. Does A know about you?" I said taking deep breaths attempting to talk through the tears.

She nodded her head. "Yes, and A has been using it against me, always finding new reasons for me to do it. Is that what A has been doing to you?" she asked me. The look on her face is total despair.

I nodded my head. "What are we going to do? The things is we know that all of this is bad for us, yet no one can know but us without things turning south really fast." I said crying not even bothering to try to control the tears any more.

(Present Time) POV Aria.

Atticus is eight months old. Hanna's daughter, Tiffany, is two months old now. Mike is still living with us and has his full sight back, he is even back in school. We are still living in the same house together and we're raising our children together, but not everything is getting to go as we planned. We thought that with -A out of our life that we'd be happy and drama free, well we were sadly mistaken. It was like that for a while, but I can hardly remember that time now, it feels like its been an eternity ago.

I can hear Atticus's cries all the way from the kitchen, he must be hungry. With shaky hands I make him a bottle and walk over to him. His face lit up when he saw his bottle. "Alright bubba, lay down so you can feed your self, Momma's got some things she's got to get done." I told him setting him down on top of a few blankets on the ground.

I sat back on the sofa and watched him for a moment and took a deep breath. I never expected all of this to be so hard. I haven't left the house in over a week, I never feel up to it. I'd like to go out but then whenever I try to, I realize that I have to get everything ready for Atticus and bring him too.

Atticus bonds with his daddy much more than he ever has with me. I'm envious of Ezra's relationship with Atticus, and I wish that I could have the same. Whenever Ezra gets home from work Attics stops what he doing to go see his daddy, then ignores me until morning when daddy has left for work again. I'm jealous of my husband, he gets to leave and go work every day. He feels up to getting out of the house every day when I just want to curl up in my bed and do nothing. Sure I play and have some fun with my son, but we never have as much fun as they do.

I get up and go to my bathroom and close my door. I pull out my razor and do what I used to. I pulled down my sweats and cut my hip in the very same place that I did just last year. It seems hard to believe that it's only been a year, it feels like it's been a lifetime since then. I remember everything clearly, everything feels like it used to.

The blood oozed down my leg and soaked my pants, I bit my lip so I wouldn't scream, but I didn't do anything about the blood, and just let it cover me. What would it matter if I just bled out? I'm sure that bleeding out would make me feel better then I have been these past few months. These past few months have been harder on me then back when -A was torturing us.

I don't know what I'm doing, I'm taking a very major part of raising two babies and one very confused teenager. I'm still recovering from all of the events that happened last year, I'm dealing with post partum depression. Everything is just all wacko around here.

More cries. Atticus must have dropped his bottle or have gotten into something. I just listen to him cry instead of doing what anyone should do and go see if my baby is alright. I'm sure he'll be just fine after a good cry, whatever it is. I love my son more then anything but it's taken a toll on me to be able to care for him.

The cries stopped after a few minutes. "Aria? Aria, where are you?" I heard Hanna yell for me from where Atticus is. I didn't answer her. I don't want her to know that this has happened, she's been going through a horrible time as well and I don't want her to have to deal with my issues yet again, or for her to start making herself throw-up again. I don't know what I'll do if she has a relapse too…

I can hear her footsteps in my bedroom, she knocked on the door. "Aria, are you in there?" she asked through the door. I continued to sit in silence and watch my hip bleed. The blood started to drop onto the hardwood floor. I ignored it. There isn't any point, she'll walk in any way it goes, I just listened to my son cry.

The door opened. Hanna walked in holding Atticus in her arms and a baby monitor in her hand. When she looked down at me, and the blood surrounding me, tears quickly formed in her eyes. "Aria! No, you remember how it was last time. You can't do this!… Not after what I… Aria we can't both be having relapses! Our children need us Aria, you can't be doing this now!" she cried setting my son in the bathtub, the monitor on the counter next to the towels, and grabbed the closest towel, then pressed it against my hip to try and stop the bleeding.

My mind is getting a little fuzzy from blood loss, but I distinctly heard what she said, "You're making yourself throw-up again?" I asked her as I put my hands over the towel. I looked into her tear-filled eyes and knew the answer before she said anything.

She nodded her head yes, which made the tear that where already in my eyes multiply. "Hanna! We're supposed to stay strong for each other!" I sobbed as I let go of my hip and let my face rest on my bloody hands letting blood smear into my face. I'm sure I'm quite a sight right now.

"I know. I know. Listen I'm going to call Caleb to come take to kids, and we can go the hospital together so you can get some stitches. You just don't know how to do shallow cuts do you?" she said pulling her phone out of the pocket of her sweats.

I don't know why, but I feel very strongly against this. "No! Hanna, we can't tell anybody about this. We're going to stop again, and we're not going to do harm to ourselves again. This is just going to be a one time thing. Alright?" I told her grabbing a roll of toilet paper from under the sink and wiped up the rest of the blood.

She nodded her head. "Okay, but promise me this is never going to happen again. I can't handle this. I feel like throwing-up…. What are going to do about the scar? Ezra's bound to notice that." she said looking back at my hip, still all bloodied and oozing blood.

I shrugged, "I just won't change in front of him… Will you watch him for a little while I get everything cleaned up?" I requested looking at my son knowing that I can't just sit here in my blood like I want to. I have to get cleaned up, and I have to stay strong for Hanna, for my son. I can't believe he just sat there and watched this. I'm a horrible mother. I let my baby just sit here and watch me bleed, watch me have a melt down. What kind of mother does that?

She nodded her head, "Of course, take your time. Make sure you don't get any blood on the carpet, you'll easily be found out then." she said walking out the door with Atticus on her hip. Her long blond hair in a tangled mess is trailing behind her, that shows how bad this is. Hanna hasn't even bothered to brush her hair, one of her most prized possessions. She hasn't even gotten it trimmed since well before Tiffany was born.

After I got myself and everything else cleaned up I walked back out and looked at the time. "Mike should be getting home from school anytime now. If he doesn't have any homework I'm going to have him watch Atticus so I can go take a nap." I told Hanna as I walked into the nursery. She is attempting to nurse Tiffany, and so far is having no success.

I don't think she heard a word that I said, "Why won't she latch on? She hasn't eaten anything all day! She has to eat and she's not eating!" she said as she started to cry, which made Tiffany stiffen up. She doesn't like all of the tension coming from her mommy.

I took a beep breath, in through my nose, and out through my mouth. "Hanna, she won't latch on because you're freaking out. You need to clam down. Now there is some breast milk in the fridge, I'll heat it up, and I'll feed her. Why don't you go and watch some TV with Atticus." I told her trying to forget about what just happened in the bathroom, and fight my overwhelming urge to go back there. Now it's time to suck it up and help Hanna like she helped me.

I got the bottle, and fed it to Tiffany myself while Hanna sat in the living room with Atticus and watched Blues Clues. Tiffany finished her bottle fairly quickly, then was out in a matter of minutes. I put her in her crib then walked back out to Hanna and Atticus.

After I'd taken a seat next to both of them Hanna gave me a desperate look. "I thought we were over this. I thought that life was going to be awesome after we got rid of -A. now I seriously want to kill myself." she informed me wiping a tears from her eyes with the end of her sleeve. A year ago makeup would have smeared into her sleeve, but now neither of us even bother with makeup anymore. Why get all prettied up for two babies who don't care if we're wearing makeup or not.

I took one of her hand and started to cry along with her. "I wish I could say I felt differently, but I feel the exact same way. Why does life have to be this hard? I haven't gotten a good nights rest since way before Atticus was born. I keep on having nightmares, theses horrid nightmares that I'm killing myself, and the people around me." I informed her of my feeling, my nightmares, and my lack of sleep because of said nightmares.

She looked at me through her tears, "Why haven't you told me this before? Aria, we're supposed to share everything with each other, we are each others crutch, and when that crutch stops working we both go down… Hard… On our faces…" she told me through her sobs.

Trust me, I wanted to tell you, but… "Because Hanna! We're not supposed to be feeling this way! -A is gone and out of our life and we're supposed to be happy! We're new mothers and we're supposed to be excited with this new phase in our life. We're newly weds that should be excited about spending our lives with our families!" I told her starting to uncontrollably sob myself.

Hanna rested her head on my shoulder as we both cried. "Mike should be here any second now, we need to calm down. The last thing he needs is to walk in and have to deal with our tears." she said after a moment as she sat back up and grabbed a couple of tissues and handed one to me.

Mike walked in a few minutes later, followed by Emily. "What's going on guys?" they asked us seeing our position and the redness of our faces and what is left of our tears. They both know that we've been going through a hard time, but neither of them know the extent of it. For all they know we're sleep deprived and that's it, that's why we've been acting the way that we are. We are sleep deprived, but that is the least of our problems.

We wiped off our tears, "Oh nothing. We're just tired." I told them what they wanted to hear, it might not be the truth, but this sounds so much better then wanting to commit suicide.

A/N I know it has been literally forever! I feel so horrible about this! I have had so much going on! The most recent thing is I fell and I got hurt pretty bad, I'm for the most part all better now so I am very thankful for that so I can have a clear head to be able to write and post stories on here!

So I really hope that you love this story. Please review and tell me what you think. I promise, that because I've been gone for so long I will try my best to keep the updates regular and never go too long without an update!

I love you all, XOXO ~TotalCowGirl