A/N: Hey! I'm Back! Been so long. (24 hrs) Thanks to the guest reviewer who caught my nerd-research-gap. Gemava, u b rite. About a lot of things. Quite a lot of shitty language in this one. You have been Warned. Shitstorm is coming. (All the GoT fans, I regret nothing.) Also an excerpt from one of my favorite fics. See if you can spot it.

Chapter Tri

Ash jumped a foot in the air.

God-fucking-Damnit! Ash shouted internally, completely caught off-guard.

Laughter drifted and echoed in his head as the damn ungrateful bastard appeared, from thin air, right in front of him.

You should've seen the look on your face, my friend. What is it you say? It was awesome. Priceless.

Ha-fucking-ha, the fuck do you want Mew-Two?

If your head the mental capacity, you would realize I was 'born' just about the time your puny self started on your amazing *cough*pathetic*cough* quest.

This was the first time in his life that Ash had heard a completely mental cough transmitted somehow through telepathy. He was probably the first human ever to have heard that. He didn't like it, one bit. He decided to ignore that for now and move on to more pressing matters.

From the tone of your voice, things seem to have gone roughly at your 'birthplace'.

Yes, Captain Obvious. They did. Have you ever had your consciousness hurled through time back into your body? Oh, wait. There was no body to return to! It was only because my powers were OP enough that I survived the wait while those imbeciles messed about with Mew's DNA.

Well, you're here now aren't you? Let's make the most of it. What did you want from me? Need I remind you that I was sent back too. I'm just as pissed as you are.

I propose a partnership. Because this time, I haven't made the clones yet. I don't have a purpose.

Wait, are you asking me what I think you're asking me?

You're moronic brain is still dreaming about that female's hindquarters.

Touché. Points off for using the word hindquarters. Seriously? Hindquarters? What the fuck? Are you a troll or not?

I apologize, I got distracted by all the various scenes you were imagining with quite the collection of females and their appendages.

Again with the appendages? Say It! Ass! Breasts, even! What are you? A civilized noob?

You know, I was always curious what using my neutralization powers on a human's brain would result in. Are you, perhaps, interested in volunteering?

Naaahh, I'm okay. Anyway, are you actually interested in joining my team?

Not your team, my un-evolved friend. Just joining you in trolling this backward world and of course the Pokemon upstairs.

I can live with that. So I take it you would mind if I threw a pokeball at you?

I would mind it about as much as you would mind being hurled into Mt. Cinnabar.

Okay then. I suppose you'd also mind being used in gyms?

Please, you don't even need new pokemon, your Pikachu could probably take out any sort of pokemon the pathetic Mareeps throw at you. That damn rodent took out Regice back when you were halfway through your journeys.

Yeah but I still want to make new friends, you would understand that.

I suppose, I can.

...you big Softie, you-

Utter one more word and die.

Okay, okay. Jeez. Calm your tits.

And please refrain from using that Taurus shit of a language. The future really went to hell.

Oh, please. The animes were nice. Our culture gained from it.

Idiotic ramblings about ninjas, rangers and souls. And don't get me started on the books! Magic and Vampires and Gods. I'd rather be Mew's 'playmate' for a day.

Both human and pokemon shuddered and shook their heads at the images brought up by the last thought.

Scratch that. I'd rather be a human fan-girl then suffer such a perilous fate.

I'm just going to forget we ever started this discussion. In any case, welcome to The Team, Mew-Two.

Was that incorrect punctuation supposed to symbolize something?

Goddamnit! Don't turn into a fucking grammar nazi.

Whatever. This conversation bores me. Get off your ass and provide some entertaintment.

Oh I'm sorry, your highness. I forgot you still had that damn Princess-Complex. I suppose being, essentially, a copy of Mew, that was to be expected.

Are you volunteering again?

No but I need to sleep now. Don't you legends sleep or even rest?

We are too advanced for such primitive activities.

I'm pretty sure Mew knows Rest.

That little demon-spawn knows all the moves that exist in this plane.

The fuck does a plane got to do with this shit.

This plane of existence you insipid ball of sphincter puss.

Haven't heard that one before. Anyway, I'm going to sleep. We'll….talk?..think?... in the morning.

What am I supposed to do till then?

I dunno. Amuse yourself somehow, I guess.

You have made a grave mistake, my friend.

I know, a chill went up my spine even as I said it but I would not be considered a world-class troll if had stopped midway. Do your worst.

For once, your wish is my command.

Ash saw him disappear and thought I may have doomed us all.

BiT

When Ash woke up the next morning he found everything just as it was in the morning. He quickly dressed and left the tent. Outside, everything was still just as it was last night. He was getting increasingly paranoid. He checked in Misty's tent only to freeze, then jump back out at the slightest of movement. Misty was sleeping on her back, her ass in the air, the blanket at her ankles. Her fingers were twitching ever so slightly.

He quickly moved on simultaneously thankful and devastated he had no unannounced visitor in the morning. His head was really getting messed up by the frustration of having no reaction at all to any sort of provocative or even erotic images in his imagination. Pikachu was still passed out in the tent as if he'd just had a ketchup-overdose. Which was really odd. Because he was usually the first one up out of the two of them.

This is just getting more and more creepy Ash realized, as he remembered his travels with the redhead prostate in her tent was usually also quite an early-riser.

Ehhh… Whatever. He decided he didn't really want to know what Mew-Two had done. Whatever it was, he'd probably be aware of it quite soon.

Funny you should say that.

Ash, to his utmost shame, jumped again at the disembodied voice that filtered through the clearing. Preparing a witty-well, somewhat-comeback to the not unexpected remark of his jump height, Ash was even more creeped out when there was no more sound, ominous-echoing-telepathic or otherwise.

OK then. Have to get to civilaztion. Have to see what's left of the world. Ash quickly woke up Pikachu and packed everything up. He hesitated before Misty's tent-flap (which he'd zipped shut after glancing at her ass through the opening for the fourth time while packing up) but then threw caution to the wind and zipped it open….to take a shoe to the face. Granted, what he had witnessed had been worth it. Sorta. His nose really hurt, though. But it wasn't bleeding because of the blow.

BiT

Misty awoke to quite a lot of sound coming from outside her tent. She stretched and decided to get changed before helping Ash, who was probably outside packing everything up. She really only had three sets of clothing that she made do with. She brought the day's clothes and quickly started changing into them. As she was pulling on her top, she heard the zip open and she hurriedly tried to pull her top over head, getting tangled between the shoulder straps of her jean shorts that were two loops at her waist. She tried to cover herself as much and as fast as possible (her…uhh…small…stature?...physique?...was reason enough for her to not bother with bras) but when she heard the gasp her reaction was classic Misty (or classic any-girl-in-the-world I guess, speaking from quite a few personal experiences (damn those heels fucking hurt)) and her foot slammed into Ash's face.

"GET OUT! Don't you know how to knock?", Misty cried out as soon as she had her head out of the top and her body covered properly. Ignoring the absurdity of that statement (seriously, what the fuck was he supposed to knock on? The damn ground?) Ash apologized profusely, backing away from the tent. He knew Misty's fiery temper and did not want to deal with that just after having released the monstrosity of a troller that is Mew-Two to the world. He still didn't know what the bastard had done.

Misty, blushing despite herself at the situation, decided to let him off the hook this time, against her better judgment as she didn't know if Ash was just a pervert or if this time was an honest mistake. What she really wanted to do would see the boy in a coma, but she needed to get out of this damn forest first.

"Don't ever do that again. Understood?" "Yes Ma'am. Can we leave this forest now?" Ash asked smoothly changing the topic so as to avoid further persecution.

BiT

"Ok, this is just ridiculous." Misty muttered in exasperation. "13 trainers in 3 hours?!" Ash looked at the expression on her face and fought to control his laughter, shrugging, as Pikachu giggled away on his shoulder, the little troll. Now, Ash realized calling everyone a troll was lame and actually reduced the awesomeness of actual trolls. But what would you call a small inconspicuous pokemon like his Pikachu, that cleans out 13 teams of 3-6 pokemon each, consecutively, without a break, without ever slowing down the pace or ferocity with which the opposition was taken down.

13 trainers tried to intimidate him with a variety of tactics and pokemon and they all bowed down to the mighty mouse….currently acting like a giddy Pichu, high on caffeine and sugar, messing about on his shoulders and the ground around them as they finally made their way out of the forest. Ash had decided not to catch anymore pokemon than he needed for the next gym that he'd face. Which basically meant he was lazy and also didn't quite remember the exact details of 'when' all of his pokemon were supposed to run into him. He was pretty sure he only had Pikachu and Butterfree while leaving Viridian Forest and heading into Pewter City.

He already had Metapod and the troll, also got a Gyarados (it looked kinda reddish in the right light, but ash knew he was probably just imagining it… shiny pokemon were rare, it wasn't like any old trainer passing through a region where it was seen could have it….right?) and he was still just reaching Viridian City. Misty had insisted on going here before attempting to travel through the remainder of Viridian Forest between Viridian and Pewter and he agreed readily, he wanted to get to a television set ASAP.

I need to know what that bastard was up to last night Ash thought as he and Misty arrived at the centre and gave their pokemon to nurse joy to check over even though they were fine. (it was an unofficial rule for trainers to check into the town or city's pokemon centre first thing when they arrived in a new place)

As Nurse Joy was checking up on their pokemon, Ash rested walked outside in search of a TV. (pokemon centres, despite being such a hub for trainers, usually didn't have any sort of noise producing technology to maintain the peace and calm atmosphere they were known for, which was also the reason why he hadn't beaten the shit out of that punk Damien back in the original timeline. Ohhh….. do I have plans for that little shit this time around.

He shook his head to clear it of thoughts of revenge as he turned a corner…to see a gigantic crater right where Team Rocket's HQ were supposed to be, underneath the Viridian City Gym. There was no sign of the gym building, not even any indication of there having been a working league-authorised gym and a functioning hub of crime just below the surface right in the middle of the crater.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Hey, I informed you before-hand that I was…bored.

What. Did. You. Do.

Oh don't be dramatic. It doesn't suit your pasty, innocent face. You look like you're about to throw a tantrum.

*siiiiiiiiigh*

Good job! You pulled of that mental sigh flawlessly. You're getting better at this.

You know what? I don't give a fuck. I don't care what happened to the rockets. Fuck them. I need a shower.

What? You want to know nothing? Nothing at all? Not even a little curiosity in that human mind of yours? You don't want to know how Giovanni begged for mercy on his knees? What secrets he revealed to me?

Nope.

….

3….2….1….

Go fuck yourself.

THERE he is… How you been man? It has been too long.

Yeah? Go fuck yourself.

Come now, my friend… you're not seriously about to-

Do you know how much time I spent on this stupid idea? How much effort I put into it?

Zip. Nada.

Yeah, well. That doesn't matter. The point is I was so invested in this idea and you had to ruin it.

It was too obvious, you wouldn't simply destroy it just like that. It isn't….poetic enough for your troll sensibilities. Besides this was just for me… Team Rocket hasn't actually gone after you all that much…yet.

Whatever. I'll get you someday, my friend.

With that thought, the gym came back into existence , along with all the people in the general area. The whole thing was a damned illusion in his head. No wonder it was an illusion, where were all the people reacting to it, except for him.

What would you have done if actually had been able to see a TV first?

Well, you didn't, so I'll save it for next time you do see one.

Looking forward to it.

Ha-bloody-ha. Next time, I'm going to use one of your friends. You may have been an acceptable choice of mate back in the future but right now you're nothing but a scrawny, snot-nosed firstie.

Ignoring the chill that went down his spine at that statement, Ash soldiered on.

Awww… you think I'm an acceptable choice of mate? Come here so I can kiss you, wittle BuuTuu.

If Mew hears about this….'conversation'…

They both shuddered, although Mew-Two was invisible.

For both our sakes, let's move on.

Agreed.

BiT

Ash having returned to the centre, continuing his banter with the 'test-tube baby' of legends, met up with Misty and after collecting his pokeballs and Pikachu, promptly whispered at Pikachu to go easy.

Pikachu was confused at first, but the explosion that blasted a whole in the roff of the centre refreshed his memory quite readily. He smirked and sparked his cheeks, rejuvenated and ready for action.

Ash saw this and smirked as well. In actuality, both pokemon and trainer had such evil expressions on their faces, any onlooker would have shat themselves. Fortunately, for both Ash and the onlookers, they were all too busy staring at the spectacle that was Team Rocket, rather the defunct cartoon department of Team Rocket, landed inside the centre and started their much-reknowned intro.

"Hey! Hey! Excuse me! Team Rocket! I have a question!"

"Oh my god, kid! Didn't your elders teach you any manners? Couldn't it have waited until after we finished our intro?" Jessie said in her most condescending tone,

Ash smirked, "I just wanted to know why you didn't use the doors."

Everybody in the crowd looked from the trainer to the two hooligans and their talking Meowth.

Misty, who had called out her Staryu and Starmie as soon as she recovered from the explosion, looked to Ash to see what he was doing.

Jessie's mouth was working but there were no words coming out as Ash continued smirking, "I mean, I know you're bad people and all. That you've come here to steal all the pokemon in the centre but really? Did you just have to blast through the ceiling to gain entry? It wasn't like the door was reinforced , or even closed for that matter."

"I-.. We-..I… Urgghhh, James let's teach this twerp a lesson. Go Ekans!"

"My pleasure, go Koffing!"

"Heh, noobs. Misty?" Ash looked towards her gesturing at his Pikachu and her two water types. She nodded. "Staryu, Starmie use Water Gun on these weaklings."

Both pokemon released formidable jets of water at the opposing pokemon. Ash just looked at Pikachu and the little yellow rodent released a massive bolt of electricity at the five, electrocuting them and then launching them in the air just with the momentum of the attack, before being blasted off into the distance.

BiT

"That was fun." Ash said as he followed Misty out of the damaged centre. They had apologized to Nurse Joy only to be thanked in return for saving the pokemon in the centre.

"It was. I haven't had a tag-team battle in a while." "That was hardly a battle. It was more like a chore. Like taking out the trash." Misty chuckled at the lame joke and turned around the corner….and promptly froze in place. Ash stopped himself in time to avoid walking into her. He looked around her at the bike stand beside the centre and performed what, after he got older, he would regard as his best poker face. All the bikes in the stand were gone, without a trace.

Internally, he was laughing his ass off. He could distinctly hear Mew-Two's chuckle in his brain.

Well played sir. Very well played, indeed.

I expect quite a lot from you, my young friend. In return I can always help…smooth out…the way.

Thanks Mew-Two.

He received a mental nod in response. He then returned to the present and turned to Misty, "Should we lodge a complaint?" "No… I-..It doesn't matter, the bike was quite old anyway", Misty sighed, "Its just-… What am I going to do now?"

"You could always travel with me." Smooth as fuck.

Misty sighed again at the empty bike stand before turning to him and smiling, "Sure Ash. Let's go then. Where do you have to go next?"

"I was thinking Pewter would be best at this point. It's the closest, just through the remainder of Viridian Forest."

Misty groaned and Ash chuckled at the two made their way out of town on foot.

A/N: Thanks to everyone that reviewed.

Again, many thanks to people that are taking time out to correct and guide little old me to the right track.

Quick question, should I change the rating from T to M because of the language in this one?

The rest of the story will probably follow the same trend…

Lemme know what you think I should do. Thanks for the ideas.