Noxi: I decided to give the Nine Lives challenge a try this time - exercise my brain and my Caryl feelings for once [and because I love Jessa]. Its not much, but I hope you enjoy.

Nine Lives Challenge: "What If" Prompt 1 - What if our merry band of heroes never found the prison?

Notes: This takes place one year after the loss of the farm, taking into account that the group never found the Prison and instead are wandering Georgia, always seeking out new places of safety. The SUV is in fact a GMC Jimmy from the 70s.

Warning: Excessive Caryl feels.

All that I Need

Carol listened to the hollering behind her, lips turned down as her head pounded a steady beat. They'd been driving for quite some time, watching as the storm clouds ahead of them swelled and grew with each passing minute and it was getting to the point that not even she could handle the wailing. All those nights she tried to quell Sophia's crying all her own, and not all of them had been successful, leaving only one of them crying in the end. She had experienced her own dark days, when she was all alone with no help from anyone. Lori seemed persistent about caring for her girl, but Carol knew that even the strongest woman needed a break. They all needed help, from time to time. And she wasn't alone.

She watched Daryl's fingers tap an anxious pattern across his leg and she could tell by the glances he was giving that he was on the verge of snapping, holding his tongue only for the sake of their sanity's.

"She just won't stop crying," Lori whispered pleadingly, as if that would calm the distressed child in her lap. She tucked her breast back into her shirt, and sighed heavily, head dropping back against the panel. Jude was cradled in the crease of her legs as Lori was situated against the makeshift cushions that Carol had propped up for her. Eyes closed, she massaged her temples, her lips turned down, as she ignored the crying child in her lap. Carol closed her own eyes, head tilted back, knowing it was just the stress and exhaustion talking but growing impatient as the crying continued. She felt fingertips press softly to the back of her hand and she glanced down to see Daryl's hand shifting away from hers just as quickly as the touch had been pressed. Her eyes flickered up to his from under her lashes, as she watched him concentrate on the road ahead, even as the crease between his brow grew deeper.

She needed to relieve Lori of Jude. Her friend was too tired to do anything herself. But it had become increasingly frequent for Carol to take care of Jude. Not that she minded, but she wasn't getting the sleep she needed either - her or Daryl. And Daryl knew this, though by the frown and the touch his only concern was about her.

She sighed, turning in the front seat, gripping the cushion and Daryl's shoulder as she manuevered over the top and into the trunk where they had made a makeshift sleeping place for those who weren't driving - particularly Lori and Jude. Her fingers dug into the soft of his flesh, rough cotton and the barest touch of leather and the warmth of his skin beneath his torn button-down. She felt the brush of his hand along her leg, as if he was spotting her subtly. She nearly vibrated by the action.

When she felt secure enough in the back she squeezed his shoulder once before letting go, and turned to the two who needed her.

"Let me take her," she murmured, not wanting to add to the noise. Lori groaned, not bothering to answer. She had been resisting her help more and more lately, and she knew it was because of Rick. She was just about to tell her again when a water canteen was being thrust over the seats, Daryl's eyes still firmly held to the road. She took it gratefully, her fingers brushing his. She turned but didn't miss the flick of tired blue eyes to her in the mirror.

Carol leaned forward, pressing the canteen of water into her palm before gripping Jude firmly and lifting her without question.

"She's just as cranky as the rest of us," Carol murmured, ignoring her own headache. She hadn't slept well in the past few nights and they were catching up with her. But more than herself, Lori needed the rest. Even if she didn't want to admit it. "She just gets to let everyone know it, is all." She cradled Jude in her arms, her squalling continuing. She glanced up at Lori with a smile.

"Why don't you try to get some rest?" She waited until Lori rolled her eyes, and then nodded. She knew how hard it could be to accept help, especially when it wasn't who you wanted it from. But they were all in this together. She shifted Jude to a comfortable position in her arms and then started to crawl further back into the SUV, juggling the child in her arms carefully. She caught Lori watching her, until she waved a hand. She settled back against the wall as the truck bounced along the road, and she curled Jude tight to her chest, murmuring sweet nothings to her.

It was becoming more and more often now that she took Jude. She wasn't sure if Lori was too exhausted mentally or if she was physically tired of trying to care for the child. It didn't really matter which because she didn't blame her. She would never make a full recovery from the C-Section she'd only had three months ago and it was hard for her to even hold Jude on the bad days.

But Carol could see that she was spiraling, probably from the lack of support from Rick and some postpartum depression. She'd cry at random intervals, and stare off at Jude as if she didn't even see her. Even now, after Judith had been born, the rift between Rick and Lori continued. While on some days it seemed to soothe, it never lasted long, returning shortly. She wondered how long it could continue, before Lori broke.

Carol wasn't sure how to help that situation other than constantly keeping an eye on the both of them, which Rick seemed to be ever thanking her for. She didn't need his thanks. Rather, she wanted him to be there for Jude. Even if he didn't want Lori, she wished he could accept his daughter. But it seemed his anger was holding out better than anyone had imagined.

She began to hum, a soft meaningless tune that reminded her of the songs she used to sing to Sophia, bouncing Jude in her arms. She shifted between one melody to the next, never able to remember the entirety of the songs. It never really mattered.

As she hummed, a few words slipping out here and there, she could see Lori drifting further into the blankets she'd gathered around herself, sleep claiming her. The relief that at least one of them would see rest fluttered through her.

She brushed her cheek along Jude's, still murmuring senseless words in her ears as her lips grazed her temple. She listened to her cries grow softer, followed by soft hiccups. She brushed her fingers along Jude's forehead, smiling down at her with that tenderness she had never forgotten. And she watched as, eventually, Jude settled peacefully in her arms, the silence overtaking them like the expanding of lungs in a breath.

She sighed in relief at the quiet that surrounded her, listening to the sleeping breaths of her family. She nestled back, curling Jude between her and the floor of the trunk, her back against the wall for support, and closed her weary eyes.

"Daryl," she murmured sleepily, not wanting to leave him alone to the silence, but unable to deny the sleep that hovered at her lids.

He hmed in response, and she wanted to open her eyes, see if he was watching her or if he was focused on driving. But she couldn't, not as she furrowed further into the darkness that tried to claim her, and the warmth that was building between her and Jude.

"I'm gonna..." She barely managed to get the words out, not even bothering to finish. But it didn't matter.

"I know," he said softly, and her lips turned up, feeling as if she had just been tucked into bed.

And as she drifted off to sleep, she listened to the sound of Daryl humming softly to the tune she had just used with Jude.

xxx

When she woke the car was stopped and rain was pelting the roof of the vehicle, the drumming sound almost hypnotic. She lifted her head slowly, blinking the remains of sleep away as she scanned the car for Daryl and Lori. She saw Lori first, still sleeping, nearly covered by the blanket. But she was shocked to find Daryl sitting next to her, feet stretched in the space between her and Lori. Her eyes traveled down the length of his legs, until she was staring at his hip, directly next to her head. He was fiddling with something and didn't notice her yet.

It was strange to see him so close, and so unaware of what she was doing. She'd gotten so used to it, that she never even questioned it - the way he would watch her. He'd gotten bolder over time, something she correlated with his growing confidence.

Daryl was getting stronger, even if he didn't think so.

She shifted, eyes dropping to the weight in her arms and remembered that she still had Jude cradled with her. She smiled down at the child who was wide-eyed yet quiet. She was relieved that the silence continued.

"Sleep alright?" She turned up to Daryl, and nodded, yawning even as she did so. She caught the barest hint of a smile as his eyes flicked away, and he continued working on the thing in his hands.

She got to a sitting position, and let Judith lie between them. Her tiny lips curled up in a genuine smile, unaware of the situation they were in. It was one of her favorite things about being with Jude - there was never a moment where she felt completely hopeless.

"What are you doing?" she murmured, fingers teasing Judith, as she glanced between the happy child and Daryl's hands.

He held up a small, wooden item that vaguely represented a dog. She broke out in a grin, reaching out to touch the precious thing he had made with his own hands.

"It's beautiful," she whispered, letting her fingers graze his knuckles. She looked up into his eyes, breath slowing. She could feel the minute scars on the back of his hand, and she had the sudden urge to reach down and kiss each one she felt. But she tamped it down, contempt with the fact that he wasn't pulling away.

"Fer Jude," he grunted, ignoring her compliment, but never pulling away from her touch. She smiled, and let her fingers slide away from his hand, to rest at his side. She leaned back and closed her eyes, fingers tugging on his pant leg.

She was pushing boundaries, and she knew it. But the more she pressed, softly, the more he reciprocated. And it was like the sun peeking out of heavy rain clouds. She wanted to ingrain each of his moments in her mind forever.

She opened her eyes to the gray of the window and squinted. She wasn't sure where they were or what reason had made them stop, but she assumed it had been important.

She could barely see the other cars parked in a single file line beside them. She knew the rest of her family was inside each of them, waiting out the rain, hopefully finding some much needed sleep. Maggie and Glenn, confined to a car with Beth and Hershel. Rick and Carl bunked up with T-Dog. Everyone in one place, still safe.

"Are we okay?" she asked, more out of habit than anything else. He nodded, bottom lip pulled between his teeth as he concentrated on the storm outside. The rain came down harder, the rhythm soothing her back to sleep again. Jude gurgled at her side, small hands clutching at her arm.

She wanted more than anything to find a place to settle. She knew it was absurd to hope for something permanent, but she wanted something more than what they had. Shelter, beds, something that resembled home. She was tired of sleeping in the back of the car, constantly on the move, always afraid what would be around the next corner. It made her weary.

"I wish we could find someplace to settle," Carol admitted softly, watching as the rain slicked down the windows, blurring the world around them. She took a chance and leaned to the side, her head grazing his shoulder. He stilled, hands wrapped about the wooden figurine in his lap. She could feel him staring.

"I just...wish there was someplace we could call home." She exhaled, thinking of all the places they had found and how they'd been run from each one by a herd or the danger of humans. Nothing had worked, and the more time they spent on the road, the more she lost hope that they would ever find something. She shouldn't have been holding onto a far-fetched notion, but she couldn't help it.

Daryl shrugged, his shoulder arching to graze her cheek. She was hit by the scent of him; leather, earth, musk, safety. He was like the safe place she had never known. She leaned down, finally giving in to her desires as she layed her head against his shoulder. She exhaled, eyes sinking closed at the closeness of him.

She wasn't surprised by his response. She didn't think Daryl cared so much for a home, as he did keeping everyone safe. She thought that was just as important, if not more so. And it was just like him.

"Yer my home." Her eyes flew open, her breath caught in her throat as she went still. She pushed herself up to stare. The quiet admission, so unlike him, warmed her invariably. Her cheeks grew hot, and she reached out to touch the back of his hand - as if to confirm this was all real and not a dream.

It was a sacred touch, gentle and reserved, as if she was waiting for him to reciprocate. He said it with so much finality, like it was the rock beneath his feet keeping him steady. She didn't know what to say, knowing that repeating the line back to him - which was the truth –- would only ruin the confession.

And then she wrapped her hand around his, burying her face against his shoulder, hoping that just this once it would be okay.

Her heart fluttered in her chest, in surprise and in fierce joy, as his fingers squeezed hers back, and his lips pressed to the top of her head, breathing her in - not quite a kiss, but the ghost of one.

And she realized that she didn't need a home either. But that it had been with her all along. Constantly protecting her, giving her what she needed, being the ground beneath her feet and the air in her lungs.

Daryl was right there with her, and as long as he stayed, as long as she had this, it was clear that she didn't need anything at all. Because everything that she wanted was right here with her.

And that was all she really needed.

A/N: Thank you so much for taking the time to read! Reviews and constructive criticism are always appreciated.