Return to Me

It burned me to do it.

How many times had I thrown Kryptonite away for him over the years, since I'd known his secret? Hell, I'd been doing this back at Luthor Mansion before I even knew that Clark wasn't actually a meteor mutant. Since then, I'd honestly lost count. Between the Luthors, Phantoms from the Zone, and weekly threats, I'd saved him so much that he owed me free lunches from now until well into the next decade.

I'd rarely used it against him.

I had a few times, which, granted, weren't his fault. The time he'd had an infection courtesy of Brainiac came to mind. That had been a day, to see the looks on Mr. and Mrs. Kent when they knew that I had been let in on the deep family secret. Still, this was different. I'd never pulled Kryptonite out on him when he was in his right mind.

He'd never understand this, what I was doing, why I was doing it.

Of course, he hadn't seen what I had. I didn't care if it was a dream, from what we knew of The Beast half of Davis, it was only a matter of time. I refused to watch the inevitable, to see Clark torn in half. I'd held him cold in my arms a few times before, but I didn't think Jor-El would be able to set something like that right. I no longer could, thanks to Brainiac. If Clark had ever woken up from seeing the person he loved-whom he'd technically died for-in pieces, then he'd understand all of this.

The key to the caves was heavy in my hand. I was the only one who knew where to find it. Not J'onn or Kara, even after her second departure. He'd never even told Lana after all that time she'd lived on the farm. I liked that. Deep down in the middle of all our bullshit and missed connections, of Jimmy and Lana and Davis, of the way he'd looked at me recently when I wore Lois's face, it flattered me how deeply he trusted me with his heritage and his mission. I was about to use that to betray him.

Swallowing hard, I slipped the disk into its slot and forced my eyes closed. The world felt like it was dissolving around me and the vertigo slammed into me hard. I stumbled as the chill Arctic air assaulted me, and forced my eyes open. Clark and Davis were already tangling with each other. I ducked behind a column as they ran into each other faster than I could see. They bounced back off one another and stilled, facing each other for another round. Gulping, I rushed forward and held the Kryptonite high.

The effect was immediate on Clark.

True to his word and ressurrection, the radiation did nothing to Davis.

As I watched, Clark's veins bulged from his skin and began to turn black, a green cast came over his skin, and he sank to his knees. Funny, once in ISIS, I'd told Lana that was what the agency's namesake had done to the great God Ra. After she'd used his powers to put Lois in the hospital, I'd always assumed and feared she'd do the same to Clark.

Nine months ago when he saved me from Black Creek, I never thought it would be me.

"Chloe!" he called out, and I hated myself.

Hated myself for doing this, for playing up the charade. Hated myself for letting Davis take my hand and offering a reassurring smile. I hated that I couldn't explain anything to him, but I hated it more that he'd try and be the hero like always even if I did come clean. I wouldn't let him die.

I owed him more than that.

"Clark, I can't. You can't condemn someone else to the Zone. Davis," I said, my voice struggling to stay even on the words. "He's innocent."

That was beyond debatable. There was a field of two hundred bodies in Smallville that said otherwise. Desperate to stop the Beast or not, Davis had started deliberately feeding it. He'd killed people willingly as a human. Still, I knew how the Zone worked. If Clark went there, he wouldn't come back, not after the Phantoms had come out and then again with Faora as well. He'd hunker down like Kara had, and the world would never see him again. Damn it, everyone needed the Blur.

I needed him, even if when this plan worked I'd never see or talk to him again.

"Chloe, I have to."

"You're not Jor-El," I said, shifting a little as Davis's clammy palm clamped harder on my hand. "You'd never forgive yourself, if you even came back."

"I...couldn't."

"I know," I replied, pulling Davis with me to the main console. I'd send us back to the caves and get a head start.

Getting there, brought us closer to Clark and he groaned but managed to stay upright. For a moment, we passed so close that I could almost touch him, and I wanted to. I couldn't. That would upset Davis, tip my hand, and I needed his compliance. I was never going to see him again or hug him, and before this we'd had one of the worst fights we'd ever had.

That burned.

Clark startled me then by grabbing onto my wrist.

"Don't."

Before I could answer, Davis pushed hard against his shoulder, sending Clark sprawling back. "She made her choice, Clark."

God had I.

We were at the console, and I was moving what I needed around to get back to the caves. Maybe there were a few islands of information left in my brain after all, even with the infection gone. The one thing Brainiac's infection hadn't completely ruined for me, although God knew he'd tried.

I was almost done and the glow was building through the Fortress when the Kryptonite in my hand started to burn. I screamed and dropped it. When I looked down, it was black.

Clark, his jacket covering his hands, raced forward and grabbed the black rock before I could get it. I noticed the amber glow dimming from his eyes, and wanted to scream. Just enough distance with Davis's push, and now he had neutralized the only thing I had to keep him out of this.

"Clark, please!"

Now I was begging, but it was too late.

He surged forward, and he slammed hard into Davis. The black Kryptonite flared almost purple in the Fortress and Davis screamed. I couldn't believe what I was watching, the way that the Beast-huge grey spikes and all-pulled from his chest, almost splitting his torso in half but at first stuck to the same set of still human legs. The light continued to grow and the Beast pulled harder against its confines, legs sprouting as well like some sort of arachnid nightmare.

The glare crescendoed and I fell to the ground as a concussion tore both halves of Davis apart. Clark was so ungodly fast now. I used to think it was annoying when he blurred off on me in high school or back at The DP. I could barely even process what was happening. The panel was humming now, the grey-blue haze of the zone swirling from it. The hole grew and, desperately, I threw myself in front of it.

"You go, and I go."

Clark was struggling hard with the Beast in his grip. The monster was technically in a headlock, and I figured only its own disorientation at being freed kept it close to manageable.

He looked at me and shook his head. "Not this time, Chlo."

"You can't hold him and move me at the same time."

"I don't have to," he said, nodding.

Strong arms, for a mortal, were around me. I flailed as best I could in Davis's grip, scratched and clawed at his arms, begged and screamed and pleaded. The one time ever that he and Clark agreed on anything and it was about me. Despite all I did, Davis was still a large guy and a paramedic. He was used to lifting people. It was easy to force me to the side, to hold me still as I watched my best friend, fuck, the man I loved dragged to Hell.

Davis didn't release me until long minutes after the portal had shut itself. When he did, I rushed to the console. We were back in the Kawatche Caves before Davis could blink or really understand what was happening. I surged past him, my eyes angry and brimming with tears. Not now, I needed to get to my car and get to the loft. I'd get the crystal from the loft. I'd get that, and I'd find J'onn, and then he'd tell me how to use it, and I'd go after Clark myself.

"Chloe, wait."

"No, don't you dare," I said, scrambling through the narrow passages and rushing to my door. "You helped him!"

"And I know the Beast better than anyone else," he said, as he whipped me around to face him.

Reaching up, he cupped my cheek. I shuddered. The attraction between us was gone. Most of it had left when Brainiac was gone from me, but after that field and the dreams, now that only just Davis, paramedic sociopath remained. No, there was no affection there. The hopeful look in his eyes, so like he'd been the day he'd kissed me before my disastrous wedding, said his desire for me was as fervent as it had ever been.

"Chloe, Clark's gone."

"I'm getting him back," I said, yanking my arm away.

"You can't. There's no way to open that whatever it was."

"Phantom Zone. You know nothing, and you don't have a part in this, not anymore. Congratulations. Clark did figure out a cure all on his own. So now, him? Me? We are officially not your problem."

Davis reached for me again, and I dodged him. Quickly, I unlocked the car and opened my door. "Chloe, everything we wanted...Clark's gone, and Jimmy's in Coast City at rehab, not to mention the divorce."

"I don't want you, Davis."

It shocked me how fast he could move, even without Kryptonian additions. He was holding me by my shoulders and pinning me to a car. It was so pathetic, so desperate, that I rolled my eyes before I could think about it. I'd been threatened by everyone from Brainiac to Lionel Luthor, this wasn't even in my top ten.

I brought my knee up, hard, tired of his games.

Davis groaned and stumbled back. It gave me enough time to pull the taser from my jacket pocket. The electricity arcced between its ends, blue and fierce. "I said, I'm done."

He hopped again and I reached out to stun him, surprised a bit when he fell unconscious to the ground before I reached him. Looking down, I saw the dart embedded in his back, I was not surprised to find Tess Mercer coming out from behind a tree.

"You can thank me later. Should I have my labs take him?" She emphasized her point by nudging his back with the tip of her boot. "My team will love to get a look at him."

I flinched and fought back my own anger and revulsion. She'd spent the better part of a year like Lex before her begging Clark to confess all his secrets to her, trying to convince both of us that she wanted to only help. Her curiosity, her clinical detachment when looking at what she still assumed was an alien chilled me. I wondered if she'd wanted Clark in that place as badly, if all her talk about the good he could do was so much bullshit.

"He's not the Beast."

Tess narrowed her eyes at me. I'd give her this, for a relatively new corporate scion, she did condescension almost as well as Lex or Lionel. "Don't lie. I'm not stupid, Chloe, and I can trace a pattern."

"He was," I corrected. "But he's not now. Clark and he fought...I...Clark did something and now he's not."

"Not possible, not if Davis can survive the severe meteor rock bath you gave him or so Oliver mentioned."

"I can't give you the details."

"Why not? Clark knows that I know he's special, that he's the Blur as sure as both of us are sitting here. If he did something, then you can explain what."

"Trust me, I could tell you the words, but you wouldn't get it anyway, too many blanks. Besides, you're more than eager to cut into Davis to see what makes him tick and, currently, he's perfectly human."

"Admitting Clark's not?"

"Admitting," I continued. "That if you're this excited over what you think is more than human, then I don't want to know what would happen if you had concrete proof that Clark and The Blur are the same guy."

"Again, I'm not stupid."

"No, but I don't trust you any more than I ever trusted Lex."

"I'm not Lex. He uses people."

"That's all Luthors know how to do," I responded coolly. "Trust me, I've graduated that school. Fine, then let me go. Davis...he's human now but he is the Cornfield Killer."

"No really," she drawled. "So, you don't want my help except under very specific circumstances? I can help get rid of the trash."

"No," I said, my voice tight. "I didn't say kill him or experiment on him. You'd be disappointed."

"Well, I'll make sure, first, it's a waste of time."

"Just turn him over to Detective Sawyer. I don't have time to babysit him, not now. Clark needs me." This time, I at least made it into the car and buckled up before she tapped on the window. "What!" I shouted after starting the car and rolling down the window.

Tess shook her head, "Not even a 'thank you?' No wonder Lex got sick of this town."

"Chloe, I thought you knew about the crystal."

I was sitting on J'onn's sofa, a large afghan over my lap. He'd offered me that along with a cup of coffee that I wasn't thirsty enough to touch. Maybe that was a first for me. I'd driven directly to Metropolis and his apartment when I frantic search of both the loft and Clark's house had failed to turn up the crystal he'd once used on Zod. I knew it was there. It had to be there.

J'onn had to know; he was powerless but still Clark's guardian, even now.

"Chloe," he started again, patting my hand. I stilled. J'onn was trying to comfort me. I didn't need that. I just needed him to direct me to the crystal and tell me the on switch. There wouldn't be anything to worry about once Clark was home. "Kal-El's crystal was destroyed by Faora and he had to use mine to get rid of her."

"Great so it's not in the loft. Is it in his desk at The Planet? I know Clark can be sloppy, and I'll talk to him about where to keep his extraterrestrial goodies later. You'd think he'd understand that reporters, even in the basement, can be dangerous to Kryptonians by now."

"You're not letting me finish."

"You're drawing it out," I countered.

"Faora destroyed his so he took mine, but then The Persuader destroyed that when the Legion was here."

I blinked. Everything between the final onslaught of the Brainiac infection and then waking up in my own bloodied wedding dress was hazy at best. I could remember some things, oddly Clark walking me to the aisle sticks out but not actually saying my vows to Jimmy. Also, yes, Davis's kiss. Everything once Brainiac had me fully under his control was a blur though, and I had no idea what a Persuader was.

"Huh?"

"The villain from the future sent to kill Kal-El before he could fulfill his destiny. He destroyed the crystal in the loft, and that's why...nevermind."

"No, why what?"

"Kal-El might be in the Phantom Zone but if he ever got back he'd be mad that I told you."

I leaned up and glared back at him. "I'll be more pissed if you don't. Besides, I don't have time for this. I have to get Clark out."

"The portal is there. You know he got back before. If he chooses to use the portal where Kara did not, then he will."

"And he could be stubborn and never come back for 'the greater good.' J'onn, unless you have anything else to offer me, I have an amazing amount of research to do to rescue our resident martyr."

"The Legion had different ideas on how to deal with the host," he confessed, leaning back in his chair.

"Me, you mean. Say what you mean."

"It doesn't matter now. There's nothing you can do to get Kal-El back. He's on his own."

"And we wait? Oliver's crazy and is going around murdering people. You're, well, you're like me and both our abilities are D.O.A., and the rest of the League is disbanded. Without Clark, Metropolis has nothing to protect it."

"And, honestly, I do believe he'll come home. I don't think he'll make the same choice that Kara did, but it'll take time and you know that in the Zone-"

"Time moves differently," I repeated, rolling my eyes. "That's not good enough. If it takes him time, he could be gone months or years." The thought of him passing me by, of not getting back on accident until twenty years or a hundred from now made me nauseated. "I won't do that."

J'onn stood up and walked back to the island in his kitchen. He poured himself a second cup of coffee and gestured toward mine. "It'll help you think."

"I don't need to think. J'onn, isn't there anything else? Are there other Kryptonians? Other resources? Come on, think!"

"I'm sorry, Chloe. If Kal-El comes, he does it on his own."

One month.

That was one month of walking by The Planet and expecting Clark to be there, working away at my old desk. That was one month of reaching for my phone and pressing the speed dial on his number first thing in the morning and remembering he couldn't possibly answer it. It was one month of racking what was left in my brain from the infection and then digging into Swan's journals as well as Clark's steamer trunk, hoping I'd stumble onto something. I wished I still had that crystal that I'd had back when Faora had overtaken Lois, but that had shattered. I was on my own with dead ends, and the aching, bone deep loneliness.

Davis was in jail, awaiting his trial for the Cornfield Killings, and Oliver had left long ago for Star City. Good riddance, he'd blackmailed me for things Brainiac had forced me to do, and stooped to murder. Lex was awful, don't get me wrong, but he deserved to go to jail as Lionel once had. If we stared killing the criminals instead of turning them over to the law, we should just rename ourselves "vengeance" instead of justice.

Of course, that would imply we existed in any form at all, which we didn't. Sometimes J'onn came by my office at ISIS to talk with me, and, to be fair, Bart had taken me out for tacos last week to ask how my "finding Stretch" project was coming, but otherwise, we were closed down. Without our strongest players on deck in J'onn and Clark and without Oliver's financing, we were dead in the water.

Lana was gone who knew where with her infection and powers, and Jimmy was out of my life, which after his Facebook messages I wasn't even sad about. I honestly don't think I'd have said yes to the engagement without Brainiac in my head and certainly would have never said yes without my memory full of holes. The fact he'd stolen from me and insulted me alleviated any guilt I had about injuried the Beast had given him.

I at least assumed that as I searched for Clark that I'd have Lois in my life. She shocked the Hell out of me by moving to the Star City Register so she could rekindle things with Oliver. She mentioned that with The Blur gone, Metropolis no longer seemed as exciting. I'd waved Clark's absence away as best as claiming it was an extended visit to see his mom. Mrs. Kent had played into that fiction, and Lois, seemingly with nothing left for her here and Tess breathing down her neck, had left to the familiar, to Oliver.

We talked nightly, but I never had anything to say. I could only talk generally about my patients, and there was nothing else that consumed my days but Clark. I would find him; it was what I did.

I just was out of ideas.

Digging through Clark's chest for the hundredth time, hoping frantically that some alien mcguffin had been left behind that I'd somehow missed the first ninety-nine times, I found nothing. The only things besides the key to the caves and Swan's journals were Smallville momentos-his letterman jacket from senior year, things Mr. Kent had given him, an old yearbook.

Silly sentimentality was overwhelming tonight. I'd come to the farm from Belle Reve. Despite all my best efforts, one of my patients had used their pyrokinesis to almost burn down their high school. I'd had to sign them over. Belle Reve wasn't completely the hell-hole it had once been, but it wasn't anything I wanted to send someone to if I could avoid it. This was the fourth patient I'd had, including the shadow shifter back in the fall, who'd hurt people or gone as far as killing. I needed to stop kidding myself, maybe.

I wasn't a counselor. Hell, the one thing I'd wanted more than anything was to get rid of my own powers and I almost had, going as far as to almost getting my heart cut out.

Still, I had helped ease Clark through a lot of crap in his life, and I knew what it was like to fear your mutation and the possible madness building inside of you. Lana had left me with a foundation that was a thinly veiled excuse to spy on Lex and do experiments as with Casey Brock, who Brainiac had infected two years ago. I'd worked hard to get real, helpful staff and to do what I could. Hell, I was already blacklisted thanks to Lex, and someone had to keep these kids from turning into supervillains in their own right.

Especially with Justice disbanded and Clark gone.

I sucked at what I did, but if I didn't do it, Metropolis and Lowell County would suffer more for it.

But watching that girl's blank glazed over look as they took her away, it felt too much like my mom. Even if Clark wasn't here right now, even if I'd known I wouldn't find my magic bullet tonight, I needed the comfort of the loft. Hard memories were here, but so were some of my best. Even if this is where the Beast had waged havoc, or I'd seen Clark kiss Lana before Lex and Helen's wedding, even then, well, it had all really started here, hadn't it?

Tired, I reached out and picked up the yearbook. As crappy as I felt, as bone weary, I smiled paging through it. The superlatives page hurt a bit, both to see the class have hope for Clark, even in a jock strap capacity as most likely to be in the NFL (if only they knew how badly Clark would fail any physical) and to see me as someone who was bound to succeed. Hadn't seemed like it one damn bit this year or since Lex fired me. Still, as I flipped through, I felt that warmth again, that happiness. There was a collage of just candid shots at high school and goofy student poses, no real theme.

There was Clark, towering over me like always, but smiling broadly in a way I hadn't seen him do since before he'd quit college. The expression on my face was about as naive and hopeful. The words below that bit even deeper.

Best friends.

Best friends would save each other. He got shot for me, came to Black Creek without powers or a prayer, had fought back Brainiac to bring me back to myself. He'd saved me so many times, and I'd never been able to really save him. I'd had my shot, but I'd bungled it miserably.

So far.

Screw it. I wasn't going to fail I couldn't find it alone and J'onn couldn't do it, I'd go to someone who had the means and probably had pored endlessly over her predecessor's work. If I had to tell her everything, so be it. Clark could yell at me when he was home.

It'd be about like when he left.

Pulling out my phone, I dialed the main office for The Planet, spoke quickly with the secretary and waited for the person I wanted to be put on the line.

"Chloe, pleasant surprise. It's as if you noticed the barrage of voicemails I left you after I found out you and Clark managed to cure Davis or, hell, the emails and couriers I started sending after Clark dropped off the face of the planet."

"Operative word, Tess."

"Now you're interested?" she was practically purring on the other end.

"I'm desperate. Help me find Clark, please."

"Depends."

Slow, deliberate. Bitch was enjoying this.

"On?"

"You know. I can't help you with vague clues and no direction. You tell me everything you know about Clark, and all of LuthorCorp's resources are yours, everything also that Lex and Lionel left to me privately about the Traveler. Just confirm it for me."

It ate at every instinct I had to say anything. Hell, I'd had the DDS beat me senseless once over his secret. But I couldn't protect Clark either if he was in an alien wasteland. Ignoring the burning in my gut, I gripped the spine of the yearbook harder, and spoke:

"Everything you and Lex ever suspected is true. Tell me where to meet you and we'll get our partnership started."

Clark, forgive me.