Lunchtime Wallflowers

-in which Miku's crush always walks past the spot where she sits at lunch just as her friends do the weirdest things ever. Sort of one-sided Kaito/Miku, high school AU, crack.

WARNING: Prudish and normal people will have a hard time reading this with someone if they don't get in a cracky mood. A few swear words.

Miku did not deny that she was . . . weird. And by weird she meant that she didn't exactly fit into the societal standards and guidelines to be defined as a normal teenage girl of age fifteen. That is to say, obsessed and worried about boys, clothes, makeup and popularity.

Actually, she didn't really know how to properly apply makeup, much to the frustrated chagrin of her younger sister.

Yes, Miku was not one of the normal-ler kids around. And neither were her friends.

It wasn't that she didn't like being abnormal, or that she didn't like her friends – quite the contrary, seeing that she would have probably become a sociopath without them. But, well . . .

Much like herself, they were weird.

And when one sat in the corner of a busy hallway with very weird friends at lunchtime, one attracted a lot of looks. And she meant a lot.

Some of those weird looks came from Kaito Shion, one year older than her, basketball athlete, drama club leader and her crush.

Yes. This was a tough one. Hence why she had no love life.

Monday

"Imagine what would happen if people had rubber boobs."

Most lunchtimes, their conversations started from the most average of all things – maybe a new movie starring a K-pop star Clara liked, or how Cul had a problem with yet another one of the people that annoyed her. This lunchtime was no exception. It had initially started with SeeU asking how everyone did on the Biology test that she didn't have to do, due to not being in the class. Somehow it had changed to a discussion on the hypothetical situation where mammary glands of women were rubberized.

"Well, for one, the bra sizes would have to be changed to X, Y and Z," Gumi thoughtfully said in between bites of her hot dog. "They'd be huge."

"Oh, and stretchy, too," Cul added, tossing a piece of orange peel at Luka. "YES!" she cried when it slipped into the girl's cleavage. "Score!"

"Cul!"

Naturally, SeeU was laughing like a hyena throughout the whole thing.

"Stretchy, bouncy boobs," Lily pointed out, drawing their attention away from the boob-crack basketball and back to the discussion at hand. "You could use them to slap people in the face, or as a pair of extra hands."

"Like, put them through your sleeve?"

"Oh, that'll totally work. Yeah, cuz nipples totally act as fingers," Galaco said just a bit too loudly.

It was at that moment when Kaito walked by with a friend of his. Both made a slightly disturbed face and continued to walk away from the point of chaos, legs moving just a bit faster.

"How does this happen to me?" Miku wondered out loud. This statement, of course, sent Cul singing the chorus of Simple Plan's 'Untitled', which was quickly joined by Gumi and SeeU while Galaco scowled at them in annoyance. The off-tune singing was like the sounds of cats running claws down a chalkboard.

Tuesday

"DIE BITCH DIE!" Cul shrieked in her roar-shriek voice (note: not to be confused with whisper-yelling) as she pelted Merli with Satan berries, the chunks of red fruit that no one could identify. So Cul had taken to calling them Satan berries for reasons involving Sonika, Tumblr and a really long story.

Merli, of course, simply batted at the air in the direction of Cul before going back to talk K-pop stuff with Clara. Because the only Korean of the group, SeeU, had zero interest in what she called 'manufactured Barbie idols', she picked up discarded Satan berries and started tossing them idly at Cul. The redhead hissed like a cat.

Sonika, able to join them on the one lunch she was free, was ranting about her nemesis in science class instead of telling them what the test had been about. "So the motherfucker continues to argue with Ms. Stein while the rest of the class is like 'please stop' and you can literally see Ms. Stein about to strangle her-"

Miku was studying with Luka, trying to know exactly what would come up on her test since Ms. Stein was a troll when it came to questions.

Gumi raised her phone into the air. "HIGH SCORE FUCK YEAH!"

For some reason, Cul decided to shout her latest phrase of the random moment when Gumi got a high score in her phone game. "AND YOU GET A HUMPBACK WHALE!"

Just as Kaito came chasing after a stray basketball. The finger, jerking wildly, did not stay pointed at Gumi but ended up pointing at Kaito's (rather good looking) face at the 'WHALE' part. "Um, okay?" he said.

Miku tried desperately to hide herself. Luka snickered.

And, of course, SeeU burst into laughter.

Now, to understand why SeeU's laughter was such a big deal, one had to first hear the sound of an enraged murder of crows, the stereotypical witch's cackle, a television's psychopath laughing and a child screaming in either joy or terror. Put all those sounds together, crank the volume up and that would sound something like the sound SeeU produced on every occasion she found funny – which was pretty much every five seconds.

Kaito left, looking a little disturbed as usual.

Wednesday

Miku liked to read at lunch. Cul called her books 'useless trash', 'weird romance' and 'shit', but she liked them.

SeeU, for all her video game loving, murder-laughing soul, also liked to read at some lunches. Sometimes their reading material was similar, and sometimes . . . .

Currently SeeU's book was titled 'Lenin, Stalin and Trotsky'. It was the size of a dictionary and had print smaller than half her pinky, yet SeeU was flipping a page every minute.

SeeU took History. Miku didn't.

This lunch, SeeU was reading in the corner while somehow managing to eat or drink her soup from a precariously balanced thermos without spilling a single drop of whatever Korean cuisine she was consuming.

Gumi was chatting with Lily, the only member of their lunch group to actually have a boyfriend. "Is it true that boys have misshapen testicles?" she asked seriously, using her hands to weigh out invisible balls.

SeeU had apparently been listening into the conversation, because she spat her soup out and started to laugh. The thermos was knocked away from the group, thankfully, and its content spilt.

Galaco rolled her eyes at SeeU, who was still too busy laughing to actually get up. She began to make her way for SeeU's fallen thermos when Kaito stepped in, being a gentleman and a good human being in general.

Unfortunately, thanks to the corner's wall, Galaco didn't actually see Kaito until he stumbled into her while trying to pick up the thermos. She fell, he tripped and both of them go their clothes stained with whatever soup SeeU had been slurping up.

Naturally, Cul began chucking almonds picked from her trail mix at them while SeeU shrieked at her to not waste the almonds because damn it, bitch, they were hers.

Thursday

On the one day Kaito Shion didn't walk by their lunch period, her friends were peacefully quiet. They only tossed three Satan berries and pieces of chocolate wrapper down Luka's cleavage, and their conversation could probably only be heard up to the next city rather than the usual neighbouring country.

Miku suspected that her friends had a conspiracy against her.

Friday

Just who out of all her friends were the most shameless?

It would be difficult to judge. Cul and Gumi, when paired together in the right environment, could probably give even the most liberal of politicians a heart attack (and possibly give them the impression of possible terrorism). Galaco had a rather loud voice but no mental filter, and often ended up blasting awkward sentences in the presence of teachers that always happened to be walking by. Lily, thanks to having a boyfriend, complained about every part of boys, sometimes right in front of her boyfriend.

Today, though, without a doubt, SeeU won that award. The girl never PMSed – at least, not in the usual bitchy way – but claimed that her cramps took pain to a whole new level. And whenever she had cramps, she felt the urge to give a detailed speech explaining just what she felt.

And thanks to her being a member of the public speaking class, she knew how to give speeches.

"Not only is it awkward to have blood constantly coming out of a hole in your body," she said after completing a section on how similar it was to bleeding to death. Most of the group had tuned it out, being used to her speeches, but the hallway was emptying fast. SeeU's luck seemed to repel teachers whenever she spoke about potentially troubling things, and the students didn't want to stick around to hear what she was actually saying. "But the cramps."

Clara, who had been returning from the cafeteria with her daily cookie in hand, later explained what she had seen. Kaito had been heading over to their spot, headphones drowning out the speech. He had turned the corner in front of Clara to talk to SeeU - probably something to do with history - and tugged off his headphones just in time to hear the impactful line.

"It feels like someone shoved a hand up your vagina and began clawing at your insides," SeeU announced, adding in clawing hand gestures to accentuate her point.

Kaito's jaws dropped; Miku worried that his gorgeous eyes would pop out of his skull from the way they widened. He closed his mouth, opened it again, closed it and then just walked away.

SeeU found it funny. The others joined in laughing, partly because SeeU's laughter always made them laugh and partly because, well, Kaito's reaction had been funny.

Miku, though, was too horrified to laugh along.

"Kill me," Miku whined to Galaco.

Gumi, on the other side, patted her shoulder. "At least he won't be disturbed by anything else we have to say," she said in condolence.

Somehow, Miku rather doubted that.

But then again, her spare was in the same block as SeeU's - and Kaito's - history class. She could always just drop in.

AN: typing rubbarized. "Oh yeah, making up words like a boss". Then thinks it'll be better with an 'e'. Turns out to be actual word. Dafuq.

I'm cleaning out my documents and just uploading whatever is good enough after a dusting off.