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Lockdown
7.

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'Piper, I have to go check on Nicky. Keep an eye on Alex. I'll return soon. Keep her warm; don't let her out of this room. This is the warmest room we have.'

It had been over an hour since she found Alex, and Piper still couldn't find her voice. She nodded at Hannah's words, and watched her leave to tend to Nicky. The door shut, and Piper turned to Alex. Her arm –– which Hannah figured out was broken –– was now in a sling, and Alex had been given whatever remaining clothes that could be found. Which, unfortunately, wasn't a lot.

She was stripped out of her damp trousers and jacket, and now wore dry, warm clothes. As well as a scarf, hat and extra socks. Piper was worried it wasn't enough though. Her nose was still the colour of coal, she still had her frostbite, and she was horrified to discover some of Alex's fingers had been victim to frostbite as well. They had dipped her fingers in warm water, just the right temperature, and treated her nose with a warm flannel. Colour was starting to blossom over her cheeks.

The severity of her condition didn't stop Alex from glaring at Piper constantly.

Piper was a little miffed that Alex was still mad at her, but she didn't really care. As long as Alex was all right, as long as she was safe. She could be furious at Piper for as long as she wanted, but as long as she was all right. Piper leaned over to drape the blanket around Alex's shoulders. Neither said a word for a while. Maybe they weren't entirely sure about what they should say. Alex had nearly died. What was there to say about that?

She sat opposite her on a stool. Her cheeks were still flushed from crying, and she was afraid more tears may spill if she didn't calm down. Piper lowered her gaze onto Alex's wounded fingers. She hesitated at first, and then took her hand, and covered it with her own. Alex tried to retreat, but Piper was stubborn. She massaged her fingers, covering them up with her warm palm.

'Do you want something to eat?'

Alex said nothing. She had stopped glaring, and was now avoiding her altogether. Alex was tense, a little awkward, but she was angry mostly.

Piper exhaled. 'Look, Alex. I know bringing you back to prison was my fault, but I didn't––' She rolled her eyes. 'I wasn't the one who sent you out there.' Alex didn't respond. Piper jarred her teeth. 'I came looking for you, didn't I? I spent ages looking for––'

'And what a fucking hero you are, Piper.'

Hearing her voice, finally, sent a shock through her body. She never thought she'd hear her ever again.

'I'm just glad I found you.'

Alex watched Piper's hands massage hers. There was no telling what Alex was thinking. Piper was desperate for her to just let it all out. Let everything out. Yell at her, punch her, whatever. As long as it was out in the open. They needed to talk. There was a lot they needed to talk about.

Damn it. Why was Alex being such a pain?

'We need to find you a pair of glasses.' Piper attempted a smile. 'Bet you can't see me without them.'

'You know, right now, I'm grateful for that.'

'Are you seriously going to act like a dick?'

Alex threw her a sarcastic smile. 'Me? A dick? Wow. Good one, Piper.'

'You–– You are really acting like a dick. You're acting like a child, Alex.'

'Uh-Huh. Let me guess: you're the mature one, right?'

Piper fumed. 'That wasn't what I meant. You're just difficult. You're impossible. I want to help you, and you won't let me. Instead you're being a brat. I saved your fucking life, Alex. The least you could do is say thank you.' Her lower lip trembled, and she stopped massaging Alex's hand. 'I thought you were dead.'

Something passed over Alex's expression and, for a moment, Piper was certain she was about to forgive her. Realise how selfish her behaviour was.

Then Alex moved her hand out of hers. The silence was cold. Piper knew they were about to argue, and she was terrified. They were going to argue, yell at each other, say horrible, horrible things. They were nearing their deaths, and they were going to argue.

Without her glasses, Alex was vulnerable. Her glasses somehow managed to mask her eyes –– if anything was expressive about Alex, it would be her eyes, and her glasses were what hid them. But now, she may as well be naked before her. No matter what Alex said, her eyes would be honest, and all Piper could see was pain. This rotting pain she had buried deep inside her for so many years.

'You keep fucking me over constantly' Alex said. 'Piper.' She leaned over, clutching her sore hand. 'What do I have to do? Tell me. What do I have to do to get you off my back? You didn't want me. Remember? You chose your fucking boyfriend. So, y'know, at least I had the decency to walk away. And then you bring me back to prison? You drag me back into that hell hole just because you're that scared of being alone?'

'Alex, it's not like that––'

'I think it is exactly like that.' The corner of her lips twisted into a snarl, and all Piper could see was the amount of damage she had inflicted upon this woman. The frostbitten nose, broken arm, chapped lips, the dark rings under her eyes. Piper didn't look away, but she was left speechless again. She clenched her fists and braced herself. 'At least I didn't drag you down with me when you abandoned me in Paris––'

'You... You named me! You got your revenge by sending me to prison––'

'Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry, Piper. I'm sorry you have to live another six months behind bars. I have another two years on my back! But, you're absolutely right, Piper. I'm the bad guy. I'm always the fucking bad guy. It's never you. I'm always the one who manipulates you, controls you. It's never you, is it?'

Piper shook. She wrapped her arms around herself. 'Stop it, Alex. That's not fair.'

'What isn't? Me telling you the honest truth?'

'I loved you!' Piper exclaimed, standing on her feet. Her palms shook as she tried to control them. She placed them at her sides, in her pockets, then she desperately clenched them into fists. But she just couldn't stop shaking. 'I loved you, Alex, I would have done anything for you. I–– Fuck! I agreed to deliver that drug money because I loved you, and you were asking me for help. Because I thought if I helped you, you would stop working so much, and actually spend time with me! But I was wrong, okay? I was fucking stupid. I was stupid, all right? Because you chose the drugs. You had me, Alex. I was yours, but you chose the drugs over me.'

Alex scoffed. Piper tried to ignore the tears in her eyes. 'You think it's about the drugs?'

'What else could it have been?'

'My mum died, and you left me.'

Piper froze instantly. There was a moment when nothing happened. Nothing happened. They just stared at each other, utterly still, not even breathing.

But the moment passed all too quickly, and Piper's face contorted in agony.

Alex had never seen her this way before.

Piper had cried to her, Piper had screamed at her, Piper had laughed at her.

But this was panic. This was devastation. This was Piper's guilt resurfacing, but, this time, she was so overwhelmed with anger and distress, she wasn't able to bottle it down. Piper inhaled sharply, but it was raw, croaky, her lungs rattled in her desperation to keep breathing, but what came out was close to a wail. Piper turned away, hands pulling at her hair, and she wept loudly.

Everything poured out. Everything.

Alex sat, watching her, pathetic in her shock.

She wasn't sure what made her cry too. But Piper's exclaim hurt.

It hurt. She had hurt her immensely just by reminding her what she had done. Deep down, Alex knew it wasn't black and white. Piper left because she had to. Her mother's death was just such inconvenient timing, but Piper had no choice. Me or the drugs. Alex chose her drugs, she chose her business over the love of her life, and that was the biggest mistake she had ever made.

Now it was Piper's turn. Alex didn't stand. She remained seated, and the power switched. The authority was switched. Piper might be a broken mess, but she was standing, she was still standing, and Alex took whatever her ex girlfriend threw at her.

'I was scared, Alex!' Piper faced her, tears pouring down her cheeks, frenzied and urgent. 'I was so, so scared. I told you I never wanted to carry money or drugs or whatever ever again! All of that just scared me, don't you understand? But I wanted to stay with you. I wanted to stay with you, and you wouldn't let me! You wouldn't let me stay with you because you chose the drugs. Alex, don't you get it?! If it weren't for that fucking business you were so obsessed with, I would have stayed with you. You were my life. Nothing else would have mattered. You were everything I ever wanted, and everything else was––' background.

Just irrelevant noise.

Images without colour.

It was all Alex.

It was all for Alex.

Just Alex.

Just.

'Leaving you broke my heart.'

Piper couldn't look at her anymore. Not at Alex's scarred, wonderful face. She gasped, turned away, and held herself, held herself until she stopped shaking. Alex blinked, and wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeves. She had the decency to not say another word whilst Piper recovered. However long that took. She would wait. Because she knew if she uttered a single word, Piper would start crying again and even after all of this time, watching Piper cry was a slash to her already bruised body.

Especially when she was the one who made her cry.

I made her cry. I made her cry again.

Maybe that was all Alex could give Piper now: tears.

Piper was still shaking, still fighting against her emotions, and Alex realised she wasn't going to recover on her own. She needed Alex. Even after what had happened, she needed her. She needed Alex to, just for once, nod and understand. To just get it. Just once. Christ. Just, please, understand what I'm trying to tell you. For once, be selfless. For once, stop this constant battle.

It was so exhausting.

Neither were sure how it happened. Suddenly Alex's arm was around her body, Piper's back pressed against her chest. Piper flinched, but instantly responded. She clung to Alex's hand at her tummy, intertwined their fingers, and pressed herself into her. Piper was warm. So, so warm, and Alex greedily absorbed her heat. It felt good. This all felt good, and, gradually, Piper began to stop shaking.

Piper smelt nice. It was a bizarre thought, but with her nose in her hair, Alex had to admit Piper smelt nice. A soothing aroma. She smelt like Piper. How she always smelt in the morning, before a shower, when they would wake up together, snuggle and kiss and tease and drink coffee. She smelt of sunlight, something sweet, and herself. Alex held her a little tighter.

She had missed that smell.

Missed her body on hers.

All of this.

Alex had missed her dearly.

'I'm sorry, Piper. For all of it. I'm sorry.'

Piper struggled not to cry. A few warm tears fell. 'I'm sorry too, Alex.'

Hail battered against the window, drowning out the sound of Piper's heavy breaths, but Alex waited for her to calm down, for her heart to slow, for her to lean back into her.

Then, just like that, they were okay.

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author's note: If only Alex and Piper could solve their problems as easily as that. This chapter was heaps of fun to write; I love a good argument between these two. But seriously – there are more pressing problems at stake, like, I dunno, an apocalypse, so they had to grow up. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I apologise for the slow updates, but hopefully this chapter was worth the wait. Until next time!