Prologue

"You cannot climb the ladder of success dressed in the costume of failure"

A/N

Okay, so to start off this isn't my first story I've written, but it is the first really thought out one. I have major plans and sixteen chapters written up, so for those who even care to read this this is my baby.

Also, a slight warning, there are major references to tales of the Abyss, but you don't have to have played TOTA to understand this story, but it is mentioned for future reference.

Personally, I'm more proud of the future chapters than this one, but a story has to start somewhere, so… Here it is.

Romance? I'm going to say most likely not, but it depends on what kind of feedback I get and what people want, because how she ends up love life wise doesn't have much to do with her as a character. Of course its important, but with what I have lined up plot wise it doesn't matter which way I go.

Anyways, I went back and redid this chapter. Nothing changed plot wise, I just added more.

:3

Enjoy!

Dead.

Usually, that word signifies and end to a tale. Grand or no, when someone dies there is supposed to be nothing left. Even if souls exist, without a body, a soul must be meaningless. It was something commonly believed in culture, in religion... And life. But what do they know? They were never dead.

Dead.

But the funny thing was… I don't remember what that felt like. Dying, I mean. Somehow it felt like it was someone else. And I guess in another life, I really was someone else.

I know what you're thinking. Another life? Oh yeah, because you're dead right? Actually even though I felt like my life was over, because Mikayla Deer was over, I still wasn't dead. It wasn't over.

After I was dead, the one thing I remember was… Pain.

My first and only thought I remember was I died to feel more pain? Seriously? That wasn't what I was raised to believe. I believed in heaven, but before that I believed in final judgment. I had died, I didn't want to suffer without knowing why. Wasn't that a living persons problem? So where was the judgment?

I wanna be judged dammit!

I could see people though. Humans, without the right to judge. And they saw me. I knew what it was the moment I saw it.

But I'll cut to the chase for you right now.

I was reborn.

I don't remember much at the beginning, except that it was incredibly foggy, I was super small, and I was carried around. Of course, I remembered some, but why would I want to retell breastfeeding and diapers? No thanks. I'll keep my dignity. Before I pieced it together, I wondered if I was just… Floating on clouds. The optimist in me wished that to be true, anyway.

But deep down I knew that wasn't right. I heard voices. Other dead people?

You wouldn't believe how close I was.

The idea of rebirth came slowly, first as a incoherent thought. But the truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.

I was forcing… No, allowing myself to fall into ignorance for a while, but as facts began to stack I could no longer deny it- It didn't mean I had to like it though...

The truth was I was stuck in a body I didn't recall ever being in before.

After that, everything was so much harder.

I was slouching. I was sad.

Depression was a sickness passed down in my old family, and my mom… It destroyed my family. In more incomprehensible ways than one. It was many, many things that built up, and exploded all at once. I wouldn't have been able to catch up with it if I hadn't been through it myself. Luckily though, that was not the case in my newer body. I was fine. But being reborn after finally escaping the job of living wasn't exactly pleasing either.

Anyways, that led to another subject; my new family.

After the bittersweet memories of my past family, I could easily say that when I started becoming aware of the people around me, I was very hesitant to let them in my heart. I could tell they cared for me, but the fact was they were not the family I remembered.

After a while, I got used to them. I knew how our little family worked, we lived in a cute home, the family dynamics created a very loving environment. The only thing that kept me from loving them as they loved me was my own abnegation towards my selfishness. I knew deep down the only reason I threw such a fit, refused to acknowledge them as a family was because I didn't want to be alive, in a new family. I had finally done it, the life I ended in cowardice was supposed to be over. I didn't want a second chance. I tried telling myself it was because I didn't deserve it, but I knew that wasn't it. Well, sorta.

I was more afraid of death than I ever was before after being reborn.

That makes no sense right? I died and survived, wouldn't that make it easier to try again? To give up again? After all, the more you commit a crime the easier it is to attempt it over and over again. But with death? Anyone who said that was wrong, apparently.

I can promise I lost my life. But this time I was aware there were consequences to being so reckless, it was a moment of weakness. Like a bad memory, I shun anything to do with it to prevent remembering my stupidity.

I hoped I wasn't around after death, but I was reborn. Making my actions pointless and harmful- Without any way to get my life back, and plenty of humanity to care that it was gone.

I was flesh and blood. I still felt pain, sadness, and any negative emotion I tried running from. Then came the fear of no escape, like I was being constricted by fate with no chance of closure. Everyone wanted closure when they died, and I was unlucky enough to not get it.

Days blurred. It was winter. My mother would sometimes stay by my side and try and sing me to sleep. It was like that for a while, but I could tell I was making my mother exhausted. She had my elder sibling to take care of as well. I was definitely doing no good. I felt horrible about it, so I pretended to sleep. Even if being forced into my thoughts with no escape was horrible, I didn't want her to worry.

It… Didn't work completely.

My father. A lean, but muscular man. Messy hair that was almost mismatched with his steelish eyes. Surprisingly, they were not cold.

I heard a light chuckle.

"Closing your eyes is the best you can do, huh?" The deep voice startled me, and I opened my eyes to look upward. Smiling down at me was my new father. Older than my old one was when I was born, but he was still young.

I simply blinked up at him, and he chuckled again before picking me up.

Usually, I wasn't too fond of being picked up. However, that man managed to do so without ruffling me up too much, so I was somewhat content with being held. Besides, I was curious. Who was the man expected to raise me, and who was I expected to answer to for two more decades?

He was silent. He didn't actually say anything, which was perfectly okay with me. We sat by the window, and I noticed some snow was falling. I let out a sigh, and my father shifted only slightly in response.

"..." He sighed, watching the snowfall with me. He looked down at me again. "Lloyd loves the snow. Do you as well?" Slightly surprised he was speaking to me, I couldn't help but instinctively attempt to respond. However, my answer came out as a babble, a 'Ba' really.

He seemed as surprised as I was, before adjusting me a bit. "... Heh."

We remained silent after that, me appreciating the company silently. Unlike mother, Dad didn't seem to mind staying up for me. In fact, he seemed very natural about it, as if it wasn't even a struggle. Well, struggle wasn't the right word- Like he it wasn't even needed. Was he like me then?

I figured he was, since after that, he stayed up with me many nights afterwards.

.

The older I got, the closer our family got.

My older brother seemed to enjoy playing with me for some reason. I would sometimes make things out of the little boxes we had, only for the eldest child to knock them over. Then I would calmly rebuild… And have them knocked over again.

Then he'd fall asleep by my side. And I'd continue rebuilding.

There was a energy of sorts. It was actually much like blood, but I was aware of it. It was kind of cold, and sometimes I felt like if I breathed out, ice would come out. Other times, it simply blended with the flow of my blood and I could ignore it easily. It didn't feel like ice though, when it was like that. Instead, it was silkier, and it was more like a cold blanket on my insides.

Some time passed, and it got strong enough to where I felt I could actually grip it, and at certain times, I could physically feel it reacting in accordance with me. And by me, I mean every piece of me. Physically or mentally. If I was shocked it would... Spike, for lack of better word. If I was tired, it would hum softly, as if lulling me to sleep.

So I tried it.

I managed to shift it inside my body, and the only way I noticed it was because it seemed to distort the image around my appendages, like water was covering them.

I was so exhausted afterward, I fell asleep instantly without a fuss, which was very abnormal. So I took a break, and took to meditating sometimes to be able to see it inside me like it seemed to do instead of forcing it out. Sometimes my parents would walk in on me doing so, and my older brother would constantly try and get me to move, and it was then I would be forced to do so.

Although I would be plenty happy to sit there all day, if my parents didn't think I had mental problems because of it.

Eventually I became conscious enough of the energy, if the buzzing got too annoying I could stop it from moving inside me. I couldn't make it disappear completely of course, but it stopped the thumming.

.

I could understand the language, so I figured I was in familiar, albeit poor, territory. There were several time's where mother would try to play with me, talk to me anything just to get me to respond.

I refused.

She would frown, and call her husband over. I hadn't caught his name, because she always called him 'daddy' for the sake of my learning.

Then he would try, but instead of cooing or trying to get me to engage in childish games, he would do things like read somewhat intelligent books to me, or go stargazing with me next to him. His odd looking dog would sit next to us and allow me to lean on him quietly.

So long as he didn't move. It took a while to get used to the beast, since I wasn't really a dog person.

After a while, I figured out that he was more willing to do these things with me if I smiled once in a while. Yeah, I forgot the most basic thing in any language. Smile if you're enjoying yourself, a sign that you're happy.

So the more I did that, the less worried they became. In fact, they did things like my father did more often, and although I didn't reduce myself to childish giggles I still kept smiling for the camera.

I didn't have enough energy to try anything more than that.

I eventually learned my name was Eris, in little tidbits I caught like "Where's Eris?" "Eris, Baby…" or "Eris, your mother is calling." Stuff like that.

My older brother's name was Lloyd, to clarify. Of course, it was the name of the main character in my favorite video game in my past life. So I kinda went hey, his name is Lloyd! without really connecting the dots just yet.

Since its easy to kinda figure it out, yeah. My parents were Kratos and Anna Aurion. I figured it out while listening in on their conversation without them knowing when I was one and a half.

I froze. Then I curled in a ball and started crying. Yeah, that was my moms job.

I threw a tantrum when either tried comforting me, then my three year old brother started sobbing as well and wouldn't stop until I did.

So I got over it.

.

Sometimes, I heard them talking about me, but I'd grit my teeth and just kinda deal with it. Thinking I couldn't hear, I could tell they were discussing whether or not to consult a doctor on my... Abnormalities.

"... She helped us before, didn't she?" I heard Mom ask Dad, a stern tone. "Even if its just to see what keep's Eris up at night, I'm sure she'll help. I think its why she's been so withdrawn."

Then Dad responded. "I understand, but right now? Eris is healthy. I can't sleep either, so perhaps she inherited it from me."

"But wouldn't Lloyd…?" There was a slight pause, and a moment later I heard a sigh.

"I'm not entirely convinced its a problem… But if your worried, then... I suppose you might want to send that woman a letter now. It will take a while, a couple months maybe, but…"

I heard a laugh, and decided to stop listening. A doctor? Well, whatever. My problem was nothing that could be seen anyhow.

.

It was about a month from that conversation, and it was spring.

My father, Kratos the Hero was watching us from his spot on the ground, and I stuck to eying Lloyd as he babbled energetically to me, as if trying to get me to play. He handed me a toy, and I held it awkwardly as he continued making pointless chatter. The sunset was making their eye's glow in a pretty amber hue, and I wondered if my eyes matched the setting sky as well as my father's and brother's did, or if my eyes were the forest green in my mothers.

I knew my parents were growing worried because I hadn't spoken or made any sound in a long while. But they always worried. And that was weird. Kratos, worrying about me? Well he was supposed to be a fictional character, and he was an angel. So yeah. It was weird. I did make noises sometimes, just to hear the sound of my own voice and make sure yes, I exist and yes, I am actually stuck in a childs body, but I hadn't actually spoken. It was too annoying to speak with my chubby mouth and swollen feeling vocal cords.

.

It was a while later. I was getting better, getting used to the fact that I was probably the only person from my world who had seen Anna's face.

Noishe was trotting around us, once in a while nudging Lloyd playfully. He would simply giggle, and I would back up every time the beast got closer. I never liked dogs as much, I was very afraid.

The large protozoan seemed to notice that I was too far away, and feeling like he couldn't exclude me, softly jumped on me and nuzzled my face eagerly.

"Noi! Sop!" I exclaimed, my vocal capabilities not up to par with my knowledge to give the dog the scolding I wanted.

Lloyd giggled, and resumed playing as I scooted away from Noishe, who went back to playing with the boy.

I sat closer to my father. I had already gotten over the fact that he was a videogame character, and I accepted him as the father figure he was supposed to be. I knew he and Anna were to disappear from my life in less than a year, but was it fair to treat them like they purposefully walked out on my life for my own emotional protection? Because that was far from it, I knew if Kratos could, he would have kept his life the way it was at the time forever.

It was a constant battle to ignore my worsening sadness though, and it was even worse that I knew this world would never understand it for what it was.

But I was healthy, and I'd be damned if I wasted that.

Yes, I was reduced to referring to Eris and Mikayla as two different creatures. For some reason it was hard to accept us both as the same thing. Which was still confusing. If they are different, who am I now? But many times we were both the same too. I wasn't sure if I stole this body, or if it was made from my soul or something. Maybe Eris was part of the original plot, just died in the rockfall and Kratos never mentioned it? I didn't know.

But for some reason I felt as if this body was the latter, stolen, and that Mikayla's memories weren't mine, as if even though I was suffering for them, they didn't belong to me.

All I needed was one push in either direction, and it was what happened next that made me realize; I'm neither one or the other.

There's Mikayla, Anna's daughter, then there's me.

Eris.

.

It started out a fairly peaceful day, I was actually meditating without interruption for the first time in what seemed forever. My brother had fallen asleep sprawled out asleep(And snoring) all over his toys, Mom was cooking in the kitchen and 'Dad' was doing something outside.

Until he slammed the door open, and immediately ran into the kitchen.

Him and 'Mom' were talking in hushed voices for several minutes, and Lloyd was wide awake after our father had stormed through the door.

We were awaiting anxiously, me even more so because something was very, very wrong, And I was the only one smart enough at the time to realize that. I knew I was panicking, but millions of different possibilities were running through my head. Did someone get hurt? Sick?

The next thing I knew, Dad and Mom swiftly left the kitchen, dad picking me up and Mom Lloyd, abandoning all things except a sword I never knew my dad had, as we ran full speed ahead out the door. Mom rode on our horse, dog thing that was called Noishe.

We were running for only forty five minutes when we started being chased. I had no clue what was happening, and I was growing increasingly worried.

Eventually... We were cornered at a cliff.

"Its about time I caught you."

A man stepped forward, and my father put me down and drew his blade. What happened next made my heart stop, my mind pound and flipped my world upside down.

"Kvar…!"My father growled, holding out his blade, standing in front of me protectively. Kvar was a stupid name. I had only heard that name once, and it was in a RPG videogame.

Wait.

Its happening.

"Kratos, you have stolen what rightfully belongs to me. Give it back, and I might spare you."

Its happening…!

"Leave my family alone…!" My father, Kratos Aurion, stepped forward and prepared himself to fight.

Anna is about to die. Such is the way of the world. You'll get used to it.

"Anna!"

I felt a breathtaking pain in my chest, Cutting off my major panic attack at the realization. My head was spinning, I knew, I knew, that it would happen, but… I wasn't expecting it so soon. Did I not have more time?... There was no way I could survive, I wasn't strong enough, so many terrible things were going to happen I knew-!

The rest was a blur, I felt the familiar haze of a concussion, I felt my legs give out, and became completely unaware of anything happening. There was so much crying, and screaming, my family was being physically and mentally torn apart, and I was too weak to do anything.

I was falling. Later I could piece together what happened, Kratos watched as they, we fell, and searched for us, hoping to any deity out there that he could find us only to see nothing in sight.

I passed out. I was grateful for that, taking me away from reality. Although... Alone and far away from anyone in my 'family' who could have helped me.

But my life was far from over.

.

.