"Dear Diary"

Part Two

Kurama's Diary II

A/N: Got the mangas so now I actually know what's going on . . . eheh, any mistakes from here on are due to my poor Chinese and general stupidity. Therefore, I will be more vague and make up a bunch of outrageous stuff to cover up my ignorance. Mwaha!

Day 30:

Tried very hard to avoid all of my "teammates" and Koenma, and succeeded partially, though that Hiei's a hard one to hide from. Damned Jagan. But, was successful in managing to get out of this one mission to rescue a lost Koorime . . . or maybe it was a lost cookie? I dunno . . . I wasn't really paying attention when Koenma tracked me down and started getting on my case.

I tutored Kuwabara a few times though . . . didn't want Koenma to get too mad. And to save face . . . to fight with such a clumsy fool is way too embarrassing. Hiei showed up too, with a similar excuse, but we all know what he really wanted, ne? But besides those few times, I never saw him.

My luck ran out today though . . . was emergency shopping for new conditioner (I was getting an alarming number of split ends) when I sensed an eerily familiar ki. Yeah, it just had to be Hiei, when I was having a first-class hair crisis! The guy's got wonderful timing.

So I tried to give him the slip, but like I said, it wasn't much use since he's got that extra eye on his forehead, and he ended up chasing me to this construction site or something. The situation was looking pretty desperate – sure, he's small, but he's got muscley, uh, muscles, and he's got no inhibitions whatsoever. I shudder to think what could have happened if that musclier guy hadn't showed up.

Just when Hiei was saying something about, "Resistance only makes a man more -," [1] this man with a horribly ugly cropped haircut, and cheap plastic sunglasses came up to us and kindly informed us that we had been invited to a Dark Tournament. "Us" as in all four of us. I considered declining, but when I saw the threatening way Big Muscley Guy was flexing his biceps, I thought better of it.

Day 31:

One good thing that came of this stupid tournament affair was that I had an excuse to go clothes shopping. (Kaasan limits me to twice a week, the way I was spending) Got this lovely pale suit with an amber sash that I really think accentuates my complexion well, and this yellow Chinese style tunic. I'm not so sure about the yellow one . . . but the saleslady said it was gorgeous on me, and it was on sale too, so I bought it.

Hiei, Kuwabara, and I arrived on time to take the ship which would take us to the island on which the tournament was being held, and Yusuke showed up late bringing the fifth member of our team. A short, masked person.

The short masked person doesn't talk a lot . . . I think it's creepy. Ever since Hiei, I've developed a sort of phobia of short people of little words.

But hey . . . maybe I'll get lucky and it'll turn out that the masked person isn't attracted to guys.

The people on the ship turned out to be vicious bloodthirsty savages, so we were forced to kill all of them. Ruined my new outfit. Hope they have malls on this island. Yusuke, for some reason, fell asleep once on the ship and didn't wake up even during the fight.

Day 32:

Well, our accommodations are comfortable. When we first got into our suite, I noticed we only had four beds. Leering, Yusuke woke up long enough to suggest that two of us would have to share. Wanting very much to sleep away from the four of them, I announced that I was perfectly willing to bed on the sofa. When it was quite clear I was not willing to share a bed with him, Yusuke fell asleep again.

Hiei, in an unusual display of tact, said that he was okay with sleeping on the sofa, and added that I should have a bed because I wasn't used to a hard life like him. I think he was again trying to seem chivalrous and masculine, but it only made him look arrogant and contemptuous.

In the end, the masked person snapped that he/she would take the sofa and added pointedly that since they were making this sacrifice, the rest of us had better stick to our own beds and enjoy them properly. My fears about this masked person have dissipated in relief that they obviously know everyone else here is out to jump me.

However . . . the clerk in the lobby regretfully informed me that there were absolutely no shopping facilities in the vicinity.

Oh yeah . . . some little guy named Rinku got into our room, and his team's captain, Zeru, showed up too. It was the usual threats . . . disembowelment, decapitation, a horrible gruesome death for all of us . . . nothing to worry about, I'm sure, but a terrible invasion of privacy all the same. I bet they just wanted to undress me with their eyes. Being beautiful isn't easy.

Day 33:

Hmm . . . surprisingly, Hiei knows how to sew extremely well. He offered to patch up my clothes. When Yusuke noticed this and leered, Hiei grudgingly accepted the task of sewing up Yusuke's clothes as well. And even Kuwabara will benefit from Hiei's mad skills with thread and needle. It's interesting to see what lengths certain people will go to for love.

After we were all done discussing the repair of our clothing, we had our first fights. Kuwabara went first, and lost to Rinku. He lost our first battle to a child with yo-yos. Yo-yos! Oh, the humiliation . . .

As much as I detest being here, I have a sense of pride, and I took it upon myself to fight next, so no one could bungle it up. I went up against this butt-ugly youkai named Roto, who knew I was much too powerful for him, so he had to resort to dirty tactics. He had a device, and if he pressed the button, his friends would kill Kaasan. There was no way I was letting her die now after all I went through to save her (and no one bakes like Kaasan!) so I let that bastard beat me up for a bit. While he was laughing idiotically about how pitiful I was, I planted a seed of the Grass of Death in him, and when he told me to lick his shoes (I'm sure that had we not been in front of millions of youkai, he would have forced me to do something kinky). As it is, he died in a burst of flowers. It was quite pretty, actually.

Next went Hiei, in that sad pathetic way of trying impress me; he fought Zeru. Apparently the Rukuyukai team has no sense of strategy since they were letting their captain fight at that time. However, it was the perfect opportunity for Hiei, Zeru being the strongest member of their team. Sadly, Hiei almost screwed up. He had to use his Jao Ensatsu Kokoryuuha to burn Zeru into a tiny pile of ashes, and in the process, totally ruined his right arm. Took all the glory out of his victory, if you ask me, but he still grinned smugly at me and swaggered off the stage.

The rest of the Rukuyukai team, after witnessing Hiei's flawed yet deadly attack, tried to flee. Their bench member, some drunkard named Chuu, killed them and challenged us. Yusuke woke up at that point and took up his challenge. They wasted all their ki firing blindly at each other, and so Chuu thought up a game they could play to decide the outcome of the match. Yusuke won with his hard head, which concluded the end of our first day. (Head as in the one on his shoulders. Not the other one.)

Day 34:

Yusuke, the nincompoop, couldn't fire any Rei-gan blasts today, since he messed things up so badly yesterday.

Today was generally a bad day. First we had to deal with some ningens who'd been controlled by yet another ugly-as-hell youkai, this one named Ichigaki, and they all made me cure their sick master. ("Oh Kurama, you must do something!" "Oh Kurama it's just so sad!" "Oh Kurama, you know all about medicinal herbs!")

Then we were forced to watch the excessively maudlin reunion of students and teacher with many tears and running noses.

When that whole affair was over, we had to fight this team who apparently thought it was fashionable to wear huge bulky cloaks with triangular hoods, giving the general impression of large black-headed starfish with no arms or legs. Team Mashuotokai, I think.

Those cheating assholes running the tournament knew we'd win easily, so they found some excuse to keep Hiei and the masked person from fighting. Personally, I was grateful that they kept Hiei away from me, but that masked person is damn good, and it's the principle of the matter anyway.

It was just Yusuke and me, since Kuwabara, being the incompetent lout that he is, had been knocked out earlier.

I went first; I was completely outraged that they'd come to a formal tournament like this dressed as coneheads. People like that ought to be arrested. No one has any idea how deeply disturbed I was by their hideous get-up. Perhaps I should sue for mental unrest.

So one of them threw that disgusting cloak thing off in a flourish (the sort of thing Hiei likes to do) and I was faced by a horrid bare-chested thing who began painting his face flashy colors. And then . . . the real blow. He had the nerve to paint on me too! Red so does not go with off-white. It also had the added nasty effect of weighting me down. Later, after I'd dealt him a fatal blow, he told me he'd painted some wards on me that shut my ki in my body, and then said that the paint was blood. Argh . . . blood stains are so hard to get out of silk. If he weren't already dead . . . I'd . . . god . . . so mad . . .

Then another one whipped the absurd costume off his head in a supposedly dramatic way. Touya thankfully had a shirt underneath. He still sucked though . . . he couldn't beat me even in my disabled state. When I'd knocked him down, he muttered something deliriously about wanting me to kill him to save his dignity. Hah! I've always hated those heroic sorts of people.

Fortunately, the next opponent wasn't as noble as Touya. He bellowed something about revenge, just like Touya had, and proceeded to thrash me severely in my now close-to-blacking-out state. Unfortunately, he broke several bones, and I'm sure that if Yusuke had not magnanimously interfered, I would have died.

Filled with righteous fury (probably because he wanted me in his bed alive – I don't really think Hiei has any such scruples) he beat and went on to the next opponent. I don't really know what went on . . . I was sort of out of it. You would be too if you were in trauma from impossibly ugly deformed starfish outfits, three fractured ribs and possibly a broken clavicle!

When I regained full use of my mental facilities, I noticed Kuwabara losing spectacularly (again) to a very . . . retarded looking person with a nose that Pinocchio's would have looked like had it been trimmed to a length of two inches.

Amazingly, Yukina (who I have since learned is the Koorime the others saved and Kuwabara consequently fell madly in love with) showed up at that point (as did Shizuru, Kuwabara's sister; Atsuko, Yusuke's mother; Botan, Yusuke's assistant; and Keiko) and Kuwabara won in a stunning reversal of events.

When that was done, Yusuke ran off with Keiko, probably to relieve his pent-up lust with some passionate snogging, since I have thus far successfully resisted his advances. Last I heard of Kuwabara and Yukina, the former was yelling insanely about the power of love.

Interesting tidbit: Yukina is Hiei's sister. Poor Kuwabara won't be getting any, not if Hiei can help it.

Day 35:

Rather uneventful day in the beginning. Unless you count when Yusuke came back from a walk with the masked person with a stupid blue penguin on his head.

I went down to the bar to get a drink – so I'm not legally old enough, but hey, that's another one of the perks of this tournament. Noticed they've set up a betting ring down there. Some rather, uh, interesting, bets were being placed on me. No doubt the work of Yusuke. Hiei's too anxious to get on my good side to do something like this . . . and let's face it, Kuwabara hasn't got the brains.

Anyway, I met this poor soul by the name of Karasu who was trying to get himself drunk. It seems that his teammates hate and mock him all the time. When our little pity party was over, we had a most enjoyable discussion on hair-care. He's the only guy (or girl, for that matter) who knows more about treating cowlicks than I do.

Day 36:

Went up against Team Uraotogi today. Yusuke and Masked Person were conspicuously absent, so Hiei, Kuwabara, and I were left to dispatch the whole team.

Hiei's obviously getting desperate. He fought the first two, and used his Jao Ensatsu Ken. I suppose his little pyrotechnics are slightly entertaining, though he's losing his touch if he can't do Jao Ensatsu Kokoryuuha.

I fought a depressingly repulsive and short guy named Uraurashima, who had a mysterious box that changed me into Youko. Of course, I then defeated him easily.

Kuwabara made an ass out of himself today, and we found out that the masked person was Genkai. Interesting.

After our fights were over, we went back to the hotel rooms. That's when I became depressed. Kuwabara confided in me that he was an amateur poet, and proceeded to read at least 50 godawful poems to me. I nearly choked when I complimented him and forced a smile. Then I felt really weird . . . I guess I had a problem adjusting with Youko in my system. I've always been, uh, well, more voracious in that form.

Escaped to bar. Met Karasu there. We went up to his rooms. Found out that even though he acts chronically depressed, he's really very . . . feisty. Since it's him, it doesn't really bother me that he's a guy. Most guys are dirty and smell vile (Yusuke and Hiei think its macho to shower as infrequently as possible), and girls are clean, soft, and they smell nice. Now that I've finally found someone who's as beautiful as me (and god he's got wonderful hair) it doesn't matter that he's male. Just need to keep his existence unknown to Yusuke and Hiei. They'd probably hunt him down and skin him alive if they found out he's my lover.

Day 36:

Didn't have to fight today. Spent day at Karasu's place. He taught me things you can do with just a pair of handcuffs and two cucumbers that I'd never dreamed of. Extraordinary.

Day 37:

I'VE NEVER BEEN SO INSULTED IN MY LIFE!!! Karasu – that bastard, that dirty, worthless whore – asked to be seme! No one tops Youko Kurama!! I kicked him out, needless to say. I'd told him when we met that the only thing I hated more than being uke was being forced to wear stripes with plaid (Kaasan's doing when I was in first grade . . . it haunts me even to this day), but no, he doesn't listen!!

Clearly, this means I'm not meant to find my one true love. Woe is me . . . no one's good enough for me.

Oh, by the way, I think Genkai died today. Kind of sad, really.

Day 42:

Hah! I showed him! Killed Karasu today when we fought the Toguro team. So I lost, but still . . . he's dead!

Was so caught up in my ecstasy that I didn't really note what went on after that. I think Kuwabara nearly died, and Yusuke killed Toguro Otouto, but besides that, nothing important happened.

When the initial euphoria wore off, I realized that Sakyou, the replacement/manager of Team Toguro, was a madman and was going to blow up the stadium. We all got away, unfortunately (why couldn't Hiei and Yusuke have been killed? Would have been extremely convenient) and got back to our hotel rooms to pack up.

Found a sparkly purple thong underneath my bed. Luckily, I was able to dispose of it before anyone else saw.

Day 43:

Genkai came back to life because we wished for it and we won the tournament. Actually, Yusuke wished for it. I would have wished for something infinitely more useful. Like to have the hair on my legs disappear permanently to save me the annoyance of shaving once every week.

Oh well. Yusuke thought Genkai's life was more important than my legs being smooth and hairless.

At least we got to get off the damned island and go our separate ways once more. I'm positive that if we had been forced to sleep under the same roof once more, Hiei would not have been able to control himself any longer and something bad would have happened to me.

A/N: Yeah, I know I'm a complete arse at updating regularly. Hopefully the length of this chapter makes up for it. ^^;;

[1] I think I stole this line from Ayashi no Ceres. It goes like this: "Resistance only makes a man more aroused." Feisty Hiei . . . me like. veg

Thankies to all my reviewers. You make the pain and hell that is writing to the best of one's ability worth it.