I don't know how to help her anymore. Over the past six days, Audrey has slowly been fading away, consumed by the fear simulations. But that isn't all of it. She's Divergent, I'm almost sure of it. And if she's been hiding it, she knows it, too. Which also means she hasn't wanted to tell me, but can I blame her? I'm tied up with the Erudite and their desire to wipe away Divergence and Abnegation. I don't know how we each keep from being crushed by our secrets, but I can't help but feel ashamed each time I face her. But she needs me even if our presence hurts each other. I comfort her in the only way I can; by holding her tightly in my arms as she sleeps to keep the fears away. At least today will be the last day, but will it ever really end?

After she leaves for her simulation, I just head to my office to wait for the simulations to be uploaded to my computer. It takes a few minutes for them all to start coming in and I begin watching them. All of them are typical, nothing strange. Nothing I need to report. I get to the last video, Audrey's. It opens with her sitting on my bed. Why is she there? I watch as I come in and sneer at her. What the hell?

"Get out." I watch her as she turns pale with shock. But this is her fear simulation. Does she think I'd really do this?

"Leave, I've grown tired of you." I want this to end, now. But I have to watch the whole thing. I have to see this through. But dammit, as I look at her, I feel like my heart is being shredded to ribbons.

"Why?" I can't listen to her like this; to her sounding so fragile. The very sound of her voice just pulls me further into my own despair.

"Because you're nothing. I don't need you anymore. We were nothing. You didn't even let me in. You lied. You're a liar and I don't care about you at all." Please don't let her believe this. Please don't let her actually think I would do this. But I watch her and I can see it in her eyes as she slowly breaks down inside. She curls up on the bed as the simulation of myself continues to yell at her and I want to puke. I can't watch myself do this to her. I want to die as I see its words rip her apart, knowing that she fears this; she fears me

She gets up and I can't stand this anymore. The way she carries herself, the way she cries, I want to kiss it all away. But I can't because I'm the one that's reduced her to this. I'm the only fear that's brought her this low. She makes it to the door and turns back to my simulation.

"I know you're lying," she says, but the way she says it, I know she doesn't believe it. What have I done to make her think that? But then I think what haven't I done to make her doubt me. I thought we were fine, but in reality I had fucked everything up. I had fucked it all up before I even met her. Because of my damn whoring, she doesn't trust me; how could she trust me? I'm going to lose her now. I spiral further into my own oblivion.

I stand and run out the door; I am not going to just sit here as my world comes crashing down. I'm going to see exactly what she thinks. I check the transfer dorms, but she isn't there. I head over to the Training room, but it's empty, too. I gaze at the Pit for a moment, but can't find her there. Now, there's only one place left; the apartment. Did she want to go back to the place of her nightmare? I burst in through the door and find her on the bed. I curse myself as I look at her; she still looks like she can break at any moment. But I need to hear her say it; I need to hear if this is it.

"Do you believe that?" I try to make my voice sound as calm as possible. I don't want her to think I'm mad. I don't want to bring back any memories of that fucking lookalike. But I can't hide my pain. She looks down for a moment.

"No…well…I don't know. I don't believe you'd ever do that, but some stupid, insecure part of me does." The words hurt, but I can't be mad at her; I'm the one that made her like this. It's not all the simulation's fault; I was broken when she got me and now she's been cut by my jagged edges. She looks confused and then she's crying again. Goddamn it, why did I have to make her cry? I can't leave her like this. Now that she's here before me, I can't just leave her to her tears. I sit down beside her and wrap her in my arms; has she ever felt this vulnerable before? She curls into me and cries into my shoulder. I can't help but feel relieved that she isn't pulling away; that she isn't rejecting my presence. There might be some hope.

"Eric, we need to talk." I freeze. 'We need to talk.' She really is going to reject me. She's just trying to make it as nice as possible. This hurts even more than anything I've ever experienced. I'd rather be tortured than go through this. At least that pain can be treated, but this? I don't know how to deal with this.

"Please don't do this." I don't care if it's begging, I can't have her leave me. I need her; I learned that on the day I met her. I can't let go of her now. She turns to me and brings her hand up to my cheek.

"I'm not leaving you. That isn't what I need to talk with you about…or, well, tell you about. I just hope you don't leave me…" She looks away and I feel my heart break all over again. I would never leave her. There's nothing she could ever do to make me leave her. What do I have to do so she'll know that?

"Eric, I haven't told you something about myself. I'm different. I'm Div-" I stop her right there. It's enough already. I don't want to make her explain herself.

"I know Audrey. I figured out that the first simulation was a loop. I'd just hoped I was wrong." It would have been so much easier if I was wrong. She wouldn't be in danger, then.

"You never said anything…"

"Because it's something I can't talk about. That you can't talk about. That we can't talk about. But whatever you are, I love you." I will always love her. I will never stop loving her. I pull her closer to me; I never want to let her go. She pulls herself in as well, so we're completely wrapped in each other.

"What now?" There's so much going on I don't even know where to begin. But I need her to know I'll always protect her…and the full scope of the danger she's in.

"I don't know. There's something big happening. I'll keep you out of the way, keep you safe. I don't want to lose you." I refuse to lose her. I would rather die than live without her. She looks to me, confused.

"What do you mean by 'something big?'" I sigh. I'll have to tell her. The more she knows, the better, as we've just learned. Now it's my turn to hope she doesn't leave.

"It's about Erudite and Dauntless. They…I…we…believe that Divergence destroys the system of the factions; that they were essentially errors in the system that would create chaos. So, the errors were to be…erased. But now it's about control; about running everything." I watch as the gears in her head turn and see the realization dawn in her eyes.

"Is this why you watch us?" Her face is a blank; I can't read her now. I just have to give her the truth.

"Half of it. It only comes in during the simulation portion."

"Have you ever caught anyone?" I can see the worry in her eyes. Why did I have to be so fucked up?

"No." I can't help but be thankful that I've never acted on my suspicions. That I'd always held out the benefit of the doubt.

"If you had, would you have reported them?" She's looking straight at me and even though I want to lie to make everything better, I can't. She gave me the truth; I have to do the same.

"…Yes." I don't know which is worse: the feeling of shame that I have or the disappointment in her eyes. I can't look at her anymore; I don't deserve to look at her anymore. This just might be the end. Who would want to stay? She gets up.

"I'm going out. I love you. I'll be back." I don't deserve to, but I want to reach for her…to stop her. But she's already out the door. I scream my frustration. I'm so fucking stupid. Why the hell did I ever go along with Jeanine's batshit crazy plan? Why did I have to drag Audrey into all this? Screaming isn't enough. I need something to break, something to hit, some sort of violence to make me feel less like the monster I am. I head over to the wall and slam my knuckles into it. I do this again and again until my hand goes numb and I let out one final scream before I just lean against the wall and let go. For the first time in a long time, I let myself cry, thankful that there's no one here to see this. I pushed her so far that she finally ran. I can't even hold that against her, because who in their right mind would want to stay with someone as ruined and broken as I am. I cry until I'm empty inside; I'm completely and utterly hollow. There's nothing left of me because everything that mattered disappeared with her. I just sit on the couch and stare off into space, wishing I could just sink into the ground. I don't know how long I stay there when I hear a knock on the door. I rush to it; it can only be one person. I let her in and get ready for the end.

"Going to break it off officially? Don't worry, I still won't sell you out to leadership." There's no bitterness, no anger, no hatred, no anything that I feel. I'm a blank right now. But I don't want her to stay out of fear for her life. That would kill me even more than having her be gone.

"No. I want to fix this, us," she says, "I ran away, but I came back. I love you; I can't just leave." I look at her and I don't know what to say. She's going to take me back; she's not leaving. She's going to stay with me, even though she knows about all the horrible things I've done. I'm dating an angel. She comes closer to me and wraps her arms around my waist. I encircle her in mine; I never want to let her go ever again.

"I can forgive what you've done, but I can't forget it," she says. I'd be stupid if I expected her to. I don't know how to make any of it up to her.

"I'm sorry." God, I'm sorry for so much. For all the damage I've caused. For everything I've ruined. For everything that I've put her through. I would gladly be punished for the rest of my life if that's what it took to make her believe me.

"I love you, but that's not all we need to fix. We can't have a war." She looks at me expectantly and I don't know what to say. Keeping her safe is one thing, but to stop the war, I'll have to fight against the full force of Erudite and Dauntless. But I can't disappoint her, I can't put her through anymore. Whatever may happen, I want her to be happy. Even if it means risking everything to make it happen.

"Alright. I take it you already have a brilliant plan underway." I smile to her in reassurance. And she's so brilliant, I'm sure she already has something started. I watch as her eyes light up and I know that whatever happens, the choice that I made is the right one.

"If you can find out exactly what they're planning, I can. Don't openly oppose what they say, but look for any sign of dissent. So far, I think we'll have to sabotage whatever it is. We can sabotage what they're planning by finding a window to stop them with solid evidence to help back us up. So no matter what, they can be brought down." So she knows it, too. That this will probably end in death. But I won't let that happen to her. I don't care about my life, but she will make it through. I kiss her; it's the only form of support I can give.

"I'll trust your brilliance." I'll have to trust in her. I didn't before and look where that got us. She gives me a smile, but her eyes hold some sadness in them; I guess she's coming to terms with what we've just agreed to. She holds onto me tighter and puts her head on my chest and I just hold her in my arms, wishing that I could have kept her out of all of this. But then she kisses me. It's not like the last one; this one holds more passion than I've ever felt from her. I find myself drawn into her kiss and returning it with equal desire. There's nothing to hold me back now. No secrets or anything that can keep me from her. I feel her pull from the kiss with a look in her eye; a sort of determination and lust I've never seen before. She takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom, shutting the door behind us.

She brings me over to the bed and pushes on me, so I sit. Then she straddles my lap and renews our kiss. I don't know where she's going with this, but I like it. I feel her hands slide down my chest to the bottom of my shirt and she pulls it off. She's done this before, but it's different this time. There's something almost desperate about it. I want to say something, but she kisses me before my lips can form any words. My thoughts are lost in her sweet taste, but then she starts to pull on her own shirt and even though I desperately want to continue, I can't let her make some split second decision; I don't want her to regret any part of our relationship.

"Audrey…" But where do I even start? There's a thousand questions I want to ask. Why now? Why me? How did you decide I was worthy of this? Do you really want this?

"Eric, I love you." I can see in her eyes that she does. Her every action a constant reminder of her love. And I can't deny that I love her, too. That I've wanted to do this with her since the beginning. Not the way I did with the other girls; that was all lust. This…this is love. I haven't wanted her body; I've wanted her. To truly know her. To finally feel her. She moves her mouth right above mine; a replay of the Training Room. And just like that day, I kiss her; I accept her desires, because they're my own. I move my hand to the bottom of her shirt and pull it off of her. I take in every beautiful detail of her and kiss her before I turn us, so she's lying on her back. I'm going to have to take the lead and I want her to be as comfortable as possible. She moves her hands to my jeans and slides them down, while I kick them the rest of the way off. I move my hand to the front of hers, but I stop. I want nothing more than to rip them off, but I want to be sure that she won't regret this.

"You're sure?" She just smiles to me and kisses me. This is what she wants and it's also what I want. I unbutton them and take them off. I can't help but notice that her breath catches as they come off. I also can't help but regret that I didn't wait for her. Even if we were to stop now, this would still be more meaningful to me than anything I'd ever done with all those other woman combined. I kiss her neck and try to get her to relax; to make this as enjoyable for her as possible, I need her to be relaxed. I make my way down to her chest and remove her bra. I move my face back to hers and kiss her, trying to ease her into the intricacies of love. Once her breathing is back to normal again, I kiss my way down her torso and pull off her underwear. Her breathing increases and I go back to her neck, running my hands through her hair to relax her once more. Finally, I remove my boxers and we're both fully exposed now. I can't help but wonder one last time if this is what she really wants. She must have noticed the trouble on my face, because she takes it in her hands.

"I love you." She says it with such sincerity that nothing else matters.

"I love you, too."

A/N: Happy Month-iversary my dear readers! Hope you all enjoy this last bonus chapter. Anyway, for those who are now following Spark A Flame, I'll be updating tomorrow after my Japanese Language exam. Gomenasai! I feel bad making you all wait, but I can only write so much