Her heart matched the heavy pounding of the bass, beat per beat; heavy, and painfully loud.

She threw back another shot.

If you were one to ask her what was wrong, you wouldn't have known that anything was wrong in the first place. Just the look of her right now at some two-bit, run-down club- drinking in abandon, seemingly carefree- matches the stereotype that is Beca.

The bass was seriously painful to that space where her heart was supposed to be in her chest; each beat echoing around the cavity's walls louder than before. She could feel it, painfully screaming there inside her. Part of her wanted to wince, another part of her wanted to cry. She didn't have a heart after tonight.

She threw back another shot.

The mass of the dancing, writhing, carefree crowd pressed in around her in various states of inebriation. Multicolored LED lights danced across their faces, casting them in hues of red and blue and yellow; flickering in the club's smoky, hot atmosphere and reflecting back down on her. She was at the bar, being pushed and pressed against eager men and women interested in having the time of their life that night. The sticky wet surface on which she leaned heavily was littered in shattered peanut shell fragments and alcohol.

Beca felt the rush of heat to her face that came with six shots of tequila and a jack and coke; her vision swam before her eyes but it wasn't enough to get rid of Her face looking at her in tears, pleading at her to understand. She felt overemotional. All of a sudden, her eyes filled with water and there was a sob stuck in the back of her throat choking her. Part of her wanted to burst out in tears and heartbroken sobs. The other part of her wanted to laugh.

She threw back another shot-

And quickly realized that she'd reached her limit.

Swiftly, because even smashed she didn't want to embarrass herself, she bolted through the throng of people and rushed into the bathroom, tossing herself into a stall and having just enough time to lock it behind her before she threw up in the toilet. Again, and again, she heaved and gagged as her body violently forced the burning alcohol out. When she was done, Beca was left gasping for great ragged intakes of breath. Her body felt imbalanced. She wobbled and fell over to the side. It was impossible for her to stay grounded when the very earth beneath her seemed to be flipping inside out on itself; moving so that she couldn't sit upright. Her head crashed into the side of the stall. Without the music blasting through the air, the place where the bass had been resounding felt empty.

Beca rested her burning cheek against the coolness of the toilet seat, vaguely registering without actually caring how disgusting that action was. Her eyes couldn't focus on anything. Her mind didn't focus on anything.

Nothing but the fact that she was being used. The entire time, Beca was being used. This was all a game to Her. She'd used her, hurt her. Everything about their relationship was real to Beca; all the emotions, all the moments, all the words and kisses and flirting. Before Her, Beca hadn't even known she'd liked girls. And then, one day, she met Her, and She was the only one that Beca ever did. It was never a game to Beca, but it was a game to Her.

"Please, Beca, I'm asking you to understand-"

"Beca, I care about you. You were never just some girl to me-"

"I needed to get close, because you didn't care and I had to make you care so that I could tear it all away-"

"I care about you; I should never have done this- but I'm in love with someone else and-"

"This wasn't the plan-"

"But wasn't the plan to hurt me?" Beca mumbled to herself deliriously; the florescent lights of the bathroom burned her eyes. She had to keep blinking in order to keep her eyes open. Everything about this position, her half laying upon the floor and leaning against the side of the stall with her cheek relaxing against the toilet seat, was painfully comfortable enough for her to fall asleep in.

Before Her, Beca had been normal. Human. She liked guys.

But then, in the aftermath, an acidic taste in both her mouth and her broken heart was all she had left of their relationship... And another thing.

Abruptly at the thought of what She'd done to her, Beca burst out in hysterical, laughing, drunken sobs. She threw her head back until there was another painful thud against the stall and she sat up, tossed her arm up in a sarcastic cheer and angrily bellowed, "Great job, world! Ya made me a fuckin' dyke for life, an' tore apart my soul!" Sobbing, she smacked her head against the stall again before letting it loosely fall to her shoulder. She stretched her legs out until she knew they were peeking out from underneath the door carelessly. Sniffling, she hoarsely spoke more, "God, I'ma mess. Fuckin' lovesick fool. Pukin' all over the floor. What th' hell's the point? This was'sa bad idea, bu' 's the bes' idea I've-ever had..."

Sighing, Beca let her eyes fall shut and passed out on the bathroom floor.

AN:

Hey all! I'm trying to get back in a writing mood for one of my other fics that I've been neglecting. In an effort to get the creative juices flowing, I wrote this.

Since I kinda like ^All that, and since I'm purposely leaving out who the "She" is that broke Beca's heart, I'm totally going to come back to this later. Hopefully then I'll be able to explain things a little more.

On a side note, I'm going to college soon. As in, the day after tomorrow. It's a confusing situation. All the underclassmen dorms had been filled due to renovations and crap, so I'm going to be dorming in one of the upperclassmen dorms. In a suite. With five other girls.

Not gonna lie, I'm totally terrified about meeting them. I'm also terrified that they're going to be all Seniors and I'm gonna be the weird, younger, new girl who's going to have to figure out this whole "college" thing on herself as they'd already figured it out.

Mostly it's just the meeting them, and living with a total of five of them, that's got me wide-eyed and nervous.

As a result of that, I might end up waiting to write any more fanfiction for a while until either I'm comfortable with them, or I know they're comfortable with it.

It's just... you have no idea how awkward I am around multiple new people. I can handle talking to a few people; I'll put on a brave face and get it over with. Any more than three or so make me shy, and it'll be worse if they're all upperclassmen and already know each other and I'm just the girl that they got stuck sharing a room with.

Maybe irrational fears, but I'm nervous about this.

In any case, just wanted to give you guys the heads up. For those of you familiar with my other fanfiction "Fire and Ice", I've kind of been hung up on this chapter for a while. Around life that is happening around me, as well as some personal demons that I'm facing, as well as my family's demons that I'm also facing, I've been a bit hung up and dry in the creative pool of literature. I'm trying to push through it, so I'm begging you all to please give me a bit more time to figure everything out. It's a tough situation for everyone. Thanks for your patience guys! And thanks for reading~

FAV IT if you liked it, or if you especially love this (or love me, because I know I'm irresistible) THEN LEAVE A COMMENT PLEASE! I'm seriously curious as to what your opinion is, and I've entirely clueless as to if you think this fic or any other I've written has a future.

THANKS FOR THE LOVE GUYS!