Because I'm avoiding my own writing and feeling annoyed. And when I get annoyed I write humor.

Behold: An exercise in dialogue.

…

"Fili, what do you suppose it is?"

"Beats me. Have you tried poking it?"

"Do I look like I want my hand cut off?"

"You're right – bad idea. … Do you think it's alive?"

"It's growling at me, Fili. Of course it's alive!"

"I don't think so. It looks like an old bear. Better chop its head off before it eats you."

"Mum would murder you."

"You're the one to worry about getting murdered."

"Yeah, but I won't be the one committing murder today. If you're so worried, you dispose of it."

"Speak not of treason, Kili! I am a prince!"

"Were."

"Am still."

"Not when Uncle disowns you after this."

"You're one to talk."

"I'm the youngest. I have leniency working in my favor."

"You're the one who came up with the idea."

"Watch out – he's glaring at you."

"I'm getting Dwalin."

"You can't just leave me here alone!"

"Kili, you'll be fine! Just … don't move and maybe it won't slice you apart."

"Get Mum. She can handle it."

"How many ways do you want to die when she sees this? I'd rather hand my own sword to an Orc."

"Might be a better idea by now…"

"He's still alive, isn't he?"

"Hasn't stop glaring yet…"

"You're dead, Kili."

"I didn't do anything!"

"Then how did this happen?"

"I don't know! I … might have given him a push… I didn't know it was that fast-drying…"

"Kili, I'm getting Mum."

"Don't betray me!"

"Mother!"

"Fili and Kili! Get your uncle out of that mud this instant! What in Mahal's name – you're both grounded, do you hear me?"

"We're doomed.