I don't own Merlin sadly. It belongs to the BBC.

This is just something I thought of let me know what you think.

Rated 'M' to be safe as this has a swear word in it.

Summary: After finding out Merlin is pregnant Arthur and Merlin have to face the pains from their past in order to move forwards with their now future.

Warning: light malexmale, angst but happy ending.

I wrote this just today so I apologise in advance for any mistakes I may have made :D

Arthur Pendragon King of Camelot was in a council meeting when it was interrupted by Gaius who came walking in, apologising for the interruption before looking at the King. "Gaius what is it?"

"Merlin."

Arthur looked to Leon who nodded and took over from Arthur and Arthur left with Gaius. "Where is he?"

"In your chambers sire, he knew this was a possibility, he told me he prepared himself and he was ready again if he was."

Arthur stopped. "And is he?"

"How I have left him he doesn't look at all ready sire."

"No I mean is he pregnant?"

The old man sighed. "Yes sire."

Arthur nodded. "Thank you Gaius, I will take it from here." when Gaius walked away Arthur took a deep breath before walking into his and Merlin's chambers and felt his heart break when he saw his husband rocking back and forth on the bed, hugging a pillow with his knees up, mumbling.

Arthur walked over and sat on the bed. "Merlin love." he whispered, his hand reaching out and touching Merlin's arm who moved away from the touch.

"No, no, can't, not again, never again, no, can't."

"Merlin this won't be the same."

Merlin looked up, his blue, red rimmed eyes piercing into Arthur's. "How do you know that? You don't know that, Gaius doesn't." Merlin turned away from the King and went back to hugging his pillow. "No one does."

"You're right. No one does know. Merlin love it has been two years, we have to move on. And I know it is easier said than done but we have moved on love, we have been ourselves again, we have laughed, loved and cried. We knew this was to happen eventually, we both knew this love."

"I know, now it has I don't know what to do. How can I do this Arthur, carry this one talk to it, laugh when I feel the first kick get close to it like before."

Arthur took the pillow off Merlin and turned his husband and held him close in his arms. "Merlin we will do this, we are stronger than this. What happened before was tragic and nearly finished us but it didn't did it, we came out of it stronger and we will do it this time Merlin, we have to, if not then we will always be afraid."

"I know you are right."

"Say it Merlin."

"I can't."

"Merlin love say what happened to our baby two years ago, you have never said it, only when you say it can you move on, it killed me to say it but I had to, I had to say it and grieve when you were sleeping as I couldn't let it show as I have a Kingdom to run."

Merlin looked up at Arthur when he felt his husbands hands on his face, holding him there. "Our... our baby was stillborn Arthur." Merlin cried and dropped to his husbands chest clinging to his top, crying with all that he was.

Arthur clinged on to his husband, crying with him.

Leon hearing what was going on in Arthur and Merlin's chambers walked away, leaving the couple to grieve in private, back in the council chambers he addressed the court. "As Arthur's first knight I will be taking his place for the next few days."

"I don't think so." said one member of the court. "I am going to see the King about this right now."

"Don't you dare, Arthur and Merlin are together at the moment after receiving some news you know of what has happened in the past you leave them be." Leon ordered, surprised when the court member did as he was told.

One week Arthur and Merlin stayed in their chambers, grieving and comforting each other, something they couldn't do when they lost their son, they had to grieve separately, Arthur at night when his husband had fallen into a fitful sleep, Merlin in the day when Arthur was in court trying to put on the brave face, trying not to let it show just how hard it hit him losing a son and nearly losing his husband as Merlin shut himself off from everyone.

At the end of that week Arthur and Merlin went to where they buried their son and sat there for a while, talking to him, telling him he had a younger sibling on the way. "And you watch over him/her while daddy is carrying like a good boy." Merlin said, his voice breaking slightly.

"Me and your daddy are better now baby, we will never forget you as you are our first born, you are always in our hearts and thoughts son." Arthur said.

Merlin leaned forwards and kissed the markings, "goodnight my beautiful baby boy, father and daddy love you so much."

Every week Gaius was checking Merlin over, giving him the correct potions, telling him to keep active. "You do not rest and do nothing for the remaining of your pregnancy, you go for walks m'boy, eat plenty and drink plenty of fluids. Anything wrong at all anything on your mind you come to me Merlin, doesn't matter if it is the middle of the night."

Merlin nodded and placed his hand on his stomach that was growing. "I can't believe I am six months already Gaius."

"I know Merlin. And everything looks healthy and well. You have been doing well, more better this time around than you were last time I will admit."

Arthur woke up in the middle of the night to find the bed empty. He got out of bed and lit a candle before going in search for his husband, he knew where he would be, Merlin was now seven and a half months gone, he was that far gone last time when early labour started.

Arthur walked deep beneath the castle where all the royals were laid to rest and saw Merlin stood in front of where their son was laid to rest next to his mother and father. "You are being such a good boy, such a great big brother, watching over your younger sibling whilst daddy carries them." he heard Merlin say as he got closer.

"Merlin love?"

Merlin turned and saw Arthur walk over to him, he accepted a kiss from his King, smiling before his eyes glowed gold.

Arthur jumped when he felt heat through his feet. "Warn me before doing so, but thank you."

Merlin laughed, "You are barefoot Arthur, you will catch cold."

Arthur smiled. "I knew I would find you here, are you okay?"

"A bit weary. It was this time last time."

"I know love, how are you feeling?"

"I feel okay in myself, baby woke me by kicking, like to think baby knew about their brother."

"How long have you been down here?"

"Only about an hour."

Arthur kissed Merlin and kissing the markings where their son lay Arthur led his husband back up to bed. "You need your rest now love, only have six weeks."

"Will I go six weeks though Arthur? I'm scared. What if the same happens again? What if -"

"If your arms and legs drop off?" Arthur finished, laughing at Merlin's face. "Love you can't live with what ifs. You need to live your life how you want to live it, live in the present making a better future for our future children, our son dying yes it broke us but do you know what they say when things like that happen?"

"No."

"They say it was just natures way of telling us it wasn't the right time."

Merlin huddled close to his husband smiling at the warmth and protection his husband never failed to give him.

One month later Merlin joined Arthur in one of his council meetings. Arthur was halfway through telling his council members something when Merlin snapped.

"Will everyone stop staring!"

Arthur turned and looked at his council members and saw his husband was right, they weren't staring at Arthur they were staring at Merlin, he slammed his papers down. "Council dismissed."

"But my Lord we still have many matters to go over." one of the council members said.

"Then it is your fault as you are all staring at my husband causing him distress. Leave. Now!"

Merlin had never seen the room empty so quickly. "Sorry Arthur." he said once they were alone. "They were staring as though expecting something to happen any second."

"You have no need to apologise." Arthur sat down and helped Merlin stand up before placing him on his knee.

"Arthur I am heavy."

"You're gorgeous, want to go back to our rooms, take a walk or sit here for a wh-" Arthur stopped when he felt dampness on his legs. "Merlin?"

Merlin looked up at Arthur. "Two weeks early Arthur." he gasped, holding his stomach. "Oh we need Gaius."

"Guards!" Arthur yelled.

The doors banged open and three guards came running in, swords in their hand ready to fight. "Get Gaius Merlin is in labour. It doesn't take three of you, one of you find a maid and go and get some sheets, plenty of sheets." when none of the guards moved Arthur snapped. "NOW!"

Merlin laughed despite being in pain. "I love how you clear a room."

Five minutes later a guard came running in with a maid carrying plenty of sheets. "Lay a few out on the floor near us," Arthur ordered. Once done Arthur helped Merlin up and helped him sit down before sitting behind him.

A maid threw a sheet over Merlin covering his legs, once done Merlin used his magic to banish his breeches, boots and socks.

"Oh Arthur I am early!"

"I know love we will do this, we will get through this. Remember what we said?"

Merlin took deep breaths and nodded. "What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger."

"Merlin!" Gaius called as he hurried into the room. "Right leave the sheets here everyone else out."

"I am not leaving him Gaius, not this time."

"But Arthur-"

"I said no Gaius, I am not leaving my husband."

"Can you both stop arguing I am in pain here." Merlin shouted.

Gaius hurried about with what he brought with him and got to his knees. "Right Merlin we have been through this before, I need you to breath through the pain Merlin, you push when I tell you to."

Merlin nodded and carried on panting, holding Arthur's hands, squeezing them when the pain got worse.

"Ow Merlin that hurts."

"Fuck you Arthur, that is nothing to what I am feeling."

Arthur looked at Gaius who just raised his eyebrows before continuing with what he was doing.

Outside the closed doors Leon was walking back and forth, he had been told from one of the knights and hurried to the council chambers where he stood and waited. "Oh I hope this one is okay, please let this baby be okay." he continued his pacing until he heard a baby crying, he sagged against the wall and ran a hand through his hair.

"Our baby." Merlin said. "How is our baby?"

Gaius who had took the baby away to check on it turned and smiled when he wrapped the small baby in a sheet. "Your daughter is healthy and perfect."

Merlin dropped back against Arthur in relief. "She's alive Arthur."

"I know love." Arthur said, not being able to stop the tears that was running down his cheeks. "Our gorgeous baby girl." he said as he looked down at his daughter who was now in his husbands arms.

"Use your magic m'boy, and let yourself heal." Gaius said.

Merlin did as he was told and Gaius lifted the sheet to check and smiled. "All well Merlin, put your breeches on before you get cold. I will leave you both to rest and be at your chambers later to check on your daughter and congratulations to you both."

When Gaius opened the doors to leave Leon nearly fell in, he stumbled before coming to a stop, running his hands down himself to straighten his clothes. "Arthur. Merlin. Did everything go well? Girl? Boy?"

"Girl." Merlin said, laughing at his friend. "We need a name for this little one."

Looking out the window Arthur saw that the wind was blowing. "Autumn is coming."

"Autumn." Merlin said. "Our little girl was born in Autumn, Autumn isn't coming Arthur, Autumn is here in her daddy's arms."

Arthur tightened his hold on Merlin and kissed the top of his daughters head before kissing his husband. "Autumn Pendragon. Perfect."

The end.

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