I woke with a start, as I usually do these days, and tried to reconcile myself with my surroundings. After seventeen years of the same house the same room, I am always surprised to wake up someplace else. And I fall asleep everywhere because I am tired all the time. Just last week I fell asleep on the subway and nearly missed my stop. Who knew life could be so exhausting? Today I find myself awoken in my film class. The movie had stopped a few minutes ago, the lights were now turned back on in the crowded lecture hall, and students were moving around, pushing past each other to get out the singular door.

"Shit." I mumbled under my breath. This was the third film I had fallen asleep during, and the last time had landed me a 56 on the quiz. In my head, I silently vowed to look up the movie, "The Shawshank Redemption", as soon as I got home.

With this resignation, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and joined the mass of students headed for the door. Outside the New York air is thin and frigid, showing early signs of winter. The streets are crowed with tourists visiting for the Thanksgiving Parade next week. It has been more than a year now, since my life changed forever, since Jace saved me from my life of isolation. The city doesn't seem as big to me anymore, after a year of navigating its streets and neighborhoods. It almost feels as if my former life was a dream, and that this is the life I was always meant to live. Almost.

For the first time in my life, I am living normal life, the life of a college student. My peers and classmates at NYU would never guess the life I came from. In fact, Jace is still the only one who knows. Our friends have finally convinced themselves that I moved to the city spontaneously from a small town before I met Jace. I guess that's close enough to the truth. After my father's death, my mother ran off with Luke. They send me updates occasionally, discreetly of course. They are married now, living somewhere in the mountains of Colorado. It seems to suit them both. My mother also managed to escape with my father's monetary stash, but not before giving me my share. Conveniently, the police are under the impression that the money when up in flames with the farmhouse. Which means, with my fake identity and newfound inheritance, I was in the unique position to start a new life here in the city, funded ironically by dear old dad. So I decided to take the money and get an education. When NYU accepted me into their art program, it was a done deal.

After pushing through the crowded streets, I finally managed to make it back to my dorm. I walked up the five flights of stairs, like I do every day to excuse myself for not going to the gym, and down the hall to my room. I opened the door, ready to collapse on my bed and take another nap before started all my homework, bust instead, stopped in my tracks. On the other side of the room, two shapes moved around in the dark, breathing heavily.

I squealed and jumped back into the hallway as one of the shapes bolted straight up. I watched from the hallway as Simon jumped off the bed and threw on his shirt and shoes, as Izzy fixed something under her shirt and brushed her fingers through her hair.

"Clary…" she began nonchalantly, still getting herself together. "You're… home early?"

"Nope." I walked into the room slowly, eyes flickering between Simon and Isabelle. "My class ended at 5… just like every Wednesday."

"Five?" Simon looed down at his watch quickly, before rushing out the door. "Shit, I have to get to class."

Izzy called after him, clearly annoyed, but he was already half way down the stairs. She turned around guiltily as she closed the door. "Sorry about that…"

I rolled my eyes with a sigh. With Izzy as a roommate, this is not the first time I've walked in on her. And at least this time they were mostly clothed. "Just let me know next time, okay?"

"Okay." She smiled. I know she's genuine, but I also know she will forget we even had this conversation.

There's a pause before she begins again. "And you know… If you and Jace ever want to be alone…"

I stay silent on purpose, forcing her to continue. "… just let me know."

"Will do," I respond, fully aware that I will never take her up on it. Jace has his own apartment, after all. If we wanted to be alone, we could do it easily.

I set my backpack down by my desk and climbed into bed as Izzy set to work straightening up her side of the room.

"So…" she continued, preventing me from taking my nap. "How is Jace? We haven't heard from him in a while."

That makes two of us, I thought in my head. "He's doing well… just busy with school like we are."

I thought back to last spring, the night my mother came knocking on our door, the night Jon came after me. It's all a blur now, the fight, the gun, the shot ringing out. I remember the world fading to black as I saw Jace lying on the floor in a puddle of his own blood, red spreading across the front of his white V-neck. I remember crying and screaming and holding his limp body in my arms until suddenly there were policemen pulling me off him and EMTs putting him on a stretcher. I vaguely remember being wrapped in a blanket and sat in the back of an ambulance as people coaxed me into explaining what happened. They told me they tracked Jon down before he could get very far, but he shot himself before they could arrest him. At some point I must've fainted, because the next thing I knew I was waking up in the hospital. I remember waking up alone and screaming for Jace, for anyone familiar. I remember realizing that my family was gone, that no one was coming for me. I was all alone. When they finally let me get up, Izzy led me to a room upstairs where an all too pale Jace lay motionless in a hospital bed. He would live, but he would be in the hospital for three more weeks. In that time, he got a letter from Columbia. They awarded him a full scholarship for four years to study whatever he wants.

I sat by his bedside for three days, waiting for him to wake up or show any signs of life. A small part of me worried that I had lost him forever. Then one day, as I was sitting at his bedside, sketching him as if he were in his prime, he reached over and grabbed my hand.

But things were never the same between us. Even when Jace went back to normal, he was distant and moody. I felt like I had lost him. For good. He wouldn't talk to me. He would barely look at me. So when I got accepted to NYU, I decided to move out and live with Izzy in the dorms. As far as anyone knew, we were still married, still snuck around behind their backs, but the real story was quite different. It all faded away, and I will never know why. These things cannot always be explained. Nowadays, I spend a lot of time alone, trying to sketch anything but his golden hair and mischievous eyes.

But life went on. And for once it was normal. I went to terrible poetry readings with Simon and made fun of his band mates. I was dragged along on shopping trips with Isabelle to approve or disapprove at all of her outfits. I read comic books with Max and went to dinner parties hosted by Magnus and Alec. Sometimes Jace would be at these parties, and we would talk and act normal, but it didn't feel the same. I felt like I wasn't allowed to touch him, and oh, I wanted to touch him so bad.

Now we were nearing the end of the semester. That means winter break, an entire month were the dorms, my sanctuary, would be closed. I would need to find out were to go. I can't go back to Jace's, which means I would need to tell someone. But once I tell my friends, they'll all take Jace's side, and then I'll have no one. No friends, and no family.

"Clary…" a voice in the distance begins to shake me awake. When did I fall asleep? "CLARY!"

"Wha-" I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. "Izzy, I'm awake. What do you want?"

She stands over me with her phone to her ear and a determined yet annoyed look in her eye. "My mom wants to know what time you and Jace are coming on Thursday?"

I look up at her in confusion. "Thursday?"

"Ugh…" she groans. "Thanksgiving!"

"Um… I…" I tried to find the right words. "I wasn't… I'm not… going… with Jace."

"What?" She looks at me incredulous. "What do you mean? Of course you're going with Jace. You two are like an old married couple."

"I uh…" I stumble over my words again. "I'm actually going to stay here for Thanksgiving. In the dorms."

"Don't be crazy!" she scoffs. But then she sees the look in my eyes and her face falls. "Mom," she talks into the phone, "I'll call you back."

She hangs up the phone as tears start to gather in the corners of my eyes. But Isabelle doesn't look sympathetic or comforting. She looks pissed.

"I'm going to kill him."

"What?" I look up at her. "No!"

"What did he do?" She looks ready to commit murder. "Did he cheat on you? I am going to kill him!"

"Izzy, no!" I grab her arm to keep her from calling him right there and then. "Jace didn't do anything!"

Her face falls. "You guys are still together aren't you?"

"I mean we're still married…" I tried to answer that question as honestly as I could. "But other than that, I really don't know…"

"No, you two have to be together." She reminds me of a toddler who can't get her way when she's like this. "He was so disgustingly in love with you… I've never seen him as happy as when he was with you."

"Really?"

"Of course, when he first told us he got married I thought he was crazy." She shook her head. "But then I saw they way he looked at you and I knew it was the real deal."

I just stared at her. She had never told me any of this. This was the closet to crying I had ever seen Isabelle. She looked like she was mourning a loss. "If you two can't make it… well there sure as shit isn't hope for the rest of us."

"You and Simon?" I asked.

"I don't even know if he really likes me for me or if he just like my body."

"Come on, Izzy." I smile to lighten the mood. "I've walked in on you two enough times to know you're crazy about each other. That boy is head over heels for you."

"You really think so?"

"You should see the way he talks about you when you're not around. You are all he thinks about… he can't shut up about it!" I joke.

That gets her laughing. "Okay, but seriously, Clary… you cannot stay her for Thanksgiving. You are coming to stay with me, okay?"

I give in. "Okay."

"And one more thing, Clary?"

"What?"

"Talk to him."

Izzy offered to lend me some clothes for Thanksgiving at her parents' house, which I would've normally declined. But Jace is going to be here and I want to look good. TO my surprised, she dresses me up in a red sweater dress with brown boots and a scarf. I look like me, but in prettier clothes. I even let her do my hair, which she puts into delicate, fiery curls. I don't dare let her do my makeup. I sat around for what seemed like an eternity, waiting for food and waiting for Jace.

Simon is the first to arrive with is mother and his sister. They immediately depart to the kitchen to mingle with Mrs. Lightwood as Simon sneaks off with Isabelle. I'm left playing a card game with Max on the living room floor. The game is called 'spit' and he is absolutely crushing me. Then Alec and Magnus arrive with Magnus holding a kitten that attracts Max's attention and sends him flying toward the door to greet them. They must've picked up Jace on the way because he sneaks in behind them.

With Alec and Magnus entertaining Max with the new kitten and everyone else in different rooms, Jace and I are left standing and staring at each other, waiting for the other to say something. I remember Isabelle's words: Talk to him. So I speak up.

"Jace, can I talk to you?" I speak clearly and concisely, gesturing to the guest room where we would have some privacy.

"Of course." He responds in his ordinary nonchalant tone, but it feels anything but normal.

I close the door and join him on the edge of the bed, trying to figure out where to start. Luckily I don't have to because Jace starts.

"How are you?" He asks, sadness behind his eyes. I know right away he is talking about my family.

"Honestly?" I begin. "Not good."

"I'm sorry about that." His face is down, his eyes won't meet mine.

After months of holding this all in, I feel like I am about to burst. And somehow, all the emotions mixed up inside me come out as a laugh. A laugh of disbelief. "You're sorry about that? Its your fault!"

He looks at me in confusion as I continue. "My house burned down, my dad died, my brother killed himself, my mom ran off, and you got shot! I was left to deal with all of it alone! And then you woke up and you abandoned me too!"

I was crying now and yelling and so mad at him. But all I wanted was for him to hold me. And he did. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my head as I cried into his chest. Then he started to explain.

"Oh god Clary, I'm such an idiot!" He squeezed me tighter. "I felt like I had been taking advantage of you this whole time, and with your father and brother gone, I assumed you wouldn't want me. So I tried to give you space. I assumed you would want your own life. I didn't want to keep you captive anymore!"

"What? No!" He loosened his grip on me so I could look up into his golden eyes. "You never kept me captive. My old life was what kept me prisoner. You saved me, don't you get it? I would've chosen you again every time. I love you, Jace. I want to be with you more than anything."

"You don't know how glad I am to hear you say that." His eyes were sparkling, his lips smiling. "Oh god, I was such an idiot."

His hands came up to rest on the sides of my face and then one went into my hair and pulled me into him. His lips were full and softer than I remembered and the kiss was full of urgency, as if he were trying to make up for lost time. He pulled away and whispered, "I love you, Clary."

His kisses slowed down and became lighter. He kissed down the right side of my neck and up to my ear and he whispered again. "I love you, Clary. Please come home."

I nodded my head as I held his face in my hands. "I would love to come home." And then I kissed him because I never wanted to be separated from him again.

THE END.