FULL WARNING-There is drug use, alcohol, self harm, and depression themes in this story. Please, if you are-or you think you are-sensitive about any of these, and you think it may affect you, please do not read this. I don't want anyone who thinks or knows they can't read this story to read this. Please, only read if you are old enough to read M rated fiction, and only if you feel like you can do it.

So... I'm rewriting this. I'll probably post the original, unedited version on my deviantart (link in my bio), if you prefer that version, but I think it's safe to say my writing's improved since I started Self Inflicted. -_-' I guess I'll keep the author notes, but only so the comments make sense, haha...

Alright.

Here we go.

It wasn't my fault...

It was those damn demons, it wasn't me...

I knew that, and the others knew, but still they...

Still I...

"This is where the mission's taking place?"

"I-it's so creepy..."

"Gross! Something's dripping out of that window!"

We stared up at the abandoned asylum, checking the place out before they entered as Yukio prepared to explain what exactly they were doing here.

... Or, maybe he already had, and I just wasn't listening.

My eyes raked over the decaying building. An old, battered sign hung at an angle above the padlocked doors. The lower floor windows were boarded up, but the floors above that were left open. The glass was dirty, and some were cracked and broken in.

I took a deep breath and grinned, despite my increasing heart rate. To be honest, I had a bad feeling about this place, and I was hesitant to go in, but it was a mission, so there wasn't really anything I could do... besides, it was probably just my hyperactive nerves talking. I brushed aside my thoughts and took a few steps forward.

"Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go!" I crowed enthusiastically. I tucked my hands into my pockets and strode forward, only to be stopped by someone grabbing the back of my collar.

"Wait a moment, Okumura-kun, you have to know what we're up against." Yukio said in that boring, monotone "teacher voice". He sighed in exasperation, and I turned my head to glare at him. "You know, you would have known if you had listened to me back at the school." He scolded.

I huffed and freed myself from his grip. "Bag it. I'm listening now, so spit it out." I muttered.

Yukio seemed to ignore this comment, and he pulled a file out of his coat. He opened it to the front page and cleared his throat.

"You all had a brief introduction to this class of demons in the classroom last Tuesday, but I'm going to go over it again in case some of you weren't listening." The small class glanced with amusement at me, and I stuck my tongue out at them. Yukio continued. "The demons we are up against are mid-class demons that are the offspring of a demon called Poludnica, or, more commonly, Lady Midday. Her offspring are tricky. They can shape shift and pretend to be someone you know... they're also known to be able to cause insanity, but it's usually temporary." The air around the class thickened a bit, but Yukio went on as if nothing had changed. "Their weakness is clarity. You have to keep a calm mind through this mission. Try to keep your emotions as neutral as possible. Stick with your group, and keep one another safe. If your partner is possessed, try to exorcise the demon in the early stages of possession by reminding them of things they've done, good things."

I snickered, and gently punched Yukio's shoulder. "Now that doesn't totally sound like something out of a cheesy m-ow!" I yelped as Yukio jabbed his elbow into my ribs in a brief moment of juvenile behaviour.

"If you don't take in this information, you may well be walking to your own insanity." Yukio added, his words even and intense. I fell silent, and Yukio composed himself again. He reached into his pocket and drew out a small bag. He opened it, and dumped the contents into his palm. Six small, shield shaped charms sat there. He held them out. "Each of you take one, they will keep the Poludnican demons at a healthy distance from you." He said.

I picked one up and flinched a little. "Ow..." I hissed. The stinging faded, and I looked at the small charm. A simple "X" was etched into the silver metal. I assumed it was made of some demon warding material, since it had hurt when I touched it. I shrugged it off and tucked it into my pocket. I looked up at the others and grinned at them. "Let's get this over with then!" I said cheerfully.

This time, when I headed towards the decrepit building, no one stopped me. We approached the door, and Yukio pulled out a large, heavy looking key. He unlocked the padlock and he pulled open the doors. They creaked with the effort, and the smell of mildew and dust smacked me in the face. I sneezed, but I followed the others into the foreboding building.

"All right. We'll split up into partners or groups, and we'll each take a wing to start with. When you've finished scoping out a wing, come back here and wait until the others are finished." Yukio said, once we had gathered ourselves. He quickly divided us into groups; Konekomaru and Shiemi, Shima, Izumo, and Yukio, and, (much to my chagrin) myself and Suguro.

Once we had all prepared our weapons (summoning papers, guns, the normal things, y'know), we each took a wing and proceeded deeper into the building.

The longer we were in there, the stronger my hesitation grew. I cast my eyes around the halls we walked through. The floors were dusty and littered with shattered glass from the broken windows. Dry rot had taken over the rooms, making my nose itch and my eyes water from the stench. My heart pounded a little in my chest, but I passed it off as adrenaline. This wasn't like me, I wasn't scared, this kinda shit didn't scare me.

Over the next hour, Suguro and I would occasionally exchange a quiet word or a glance as we prepared for the worst... but every time we entered a room, or met with the others and moved on to the next floor, we were greeted with a silent, dusty nothing.

After a while, I groaned with exasperation and leaned against the wall of the third wing we'd searched. Suguro stopped as well, and looked back at me.

"What?" He grumbled.

I scowled at him. "Nothing, that's what." I snapped, irritated. I gestured to the hallway. "There's nothing here, this is a total waste of time!" I complained.

Suguro glared at me. "If you're bored, too bad. Until we've searched every inch of this place, we have to assume it's housing demons." He said, checking his gun and making sure it's safety was off. "And if you have to complain, do it silently. I'm tired, and I don't wanna be here, and I definitely don't wanna be here with you. So keep your mouth shut, Okumura." He muttered.

'Wow, SOMEONE'S in a bad mood...' I thought to myself. I rolled my eyes, and I opened my mouth to speak, when I shivered. On instinct, I reached back and grabbed Kurikara from my back. I slipped the red cloth sleeve from the sheath and placed my hand on the hilt. "Something's up." I muttered quietly, but Suguro had already noticed my behaviour and had placed himself at my back so we could see down both sides of the hall.

That's when it happened.

I sucked in a quiet breath as a figure appeared out of the darkness at my end of the hallway. "Suguro." I whispered. Suguro quickly turned around and aimed in front of me.

It was a woman. She was tall and slender, with waves of golden hair flowing around her shoulders, falling to her lower back. She wore a wispy white gown that fell off her shoulders, exposing skin that seemed dry and cracked. She would have been pale, but she looked flushed, as if she'd been burnt by the sun. I frowned, noticing the odd, foggy haze surrounding her. Was she a ghost?

While her skin looked dry and raspy, her voice was smooth as honey when she spoke. "Hello, boys. Are you lost?" She smiled sweetly. Frozen, we could only watch as she stepped forward, close enough that we could see her eyes. They were cloudy white, and I could barely see a blueish tint where her irises would be. "Can I help you?" She asked, her voice quiet.

Suguro and I glanced at each other. She wasn't one of the demons, she would have been repelled by the charms if she was. We lowered our weapons a little, letting ourselves relax a little. "How could you help us?" Suguro demanded.

The woman tilted her head. "That depends... let me tell you a story, and you can tell me if it helps." She offered, tucking a strand of her flaxen hair behind her hair.

Suguro's gaze hardened, and I raised my hand. "Hold on, Suguro... I think she's just a ghost, she could help us." I said.

Suguro sighed and let his gun drop to his side. He gestured for the ghost to continue. "Well then... go on." He muttered.

The woman smiled, and she sat down on a rotted bench. She crossed her legs daintily and placed her hands in her lap. "Thank you... it's been far too long since I had someone to listen to my stories." She giggled. "Far, far, far too long, far too-" She gasped and grinned at us. "Once upon a time, there was a little boy. Oh, he was so precious, so small. He still is." She closed her eyes. "He loved stories too, he loved it when his parents told him stories, when he was trying to sleep." She paused, and her eyes opened again. They had misted over completely, and my brow furrowed. They were pure, milky white, yet they were trained on me with a gaze that made a shiver run down my spine. "What's your favorite color, Rin-chan?" She asked suddenly.

Warning signals went off in my brain, and I tightened my grip on Kurikara. How did she know my name? I licked my lips. "...why do you-"

"I'll go with blue, it's such a beautiful color, and it matches your eyes." The woman cut in, nodding. "One day, all the stories were ripped away from him in a flash of brilliant blue." She whispered. My tail twitched in agitation. "They were gone... no one was there to tell him stories any more... even though it was now even harder for him to fall asleep." She said quietly. "His brother, his father, his mother, everyone. His life fell apart... so he vowed that he would protect what was left of his shattered life... his friends, his self, and his temple."

My eyes widened, and Suguro stepped forward, his gun at the ready. "Who the hell are y-" He started, but she wasn't going to be stopped. She got to her feet, shaking with excitement.

"One day, years after that terrible night, he was betrayed, dreadfully betrayed, by one of his own friends! One he had thought he could trust with his life, but no!" She stopped again, staring directly into my eyes. I was stiff, frozen. "Those blue flames were too much! They reminded him of the night when his family burned around him!" She paused, then she smiled again and her voice dropped. "Slowly, day by day, hour after painful hour, some of the trust grew back." The woman advanced. I needed to move, I wanted to move, but I couldn't. My muscles screamed at me to back away, but it seemed both Suguro and I were stuck where we stood.

I trembled as I felt her hand ghost across my cheek. She was burning hot. "...But to this day, he can't fully trust his friend. He's constantly afraid that he'll go berserk, and kill everyone he cares about."

My eyes teared up, and I tried to move my jaw to speak, but it was locked in place. I couldn't even turn my eyes to look at her.

"...Sadly, none of them fully trust him. They all have that seed of doubt, and with each small flicker, even as small as a match flare, the sapling grows, branching out like a great oak." She said walking around them. She gently ran her fingers through my hair, and I felt her lips brush my ear.

"Did my story help?" She whispered, her hot breath tickling my neck.

I swallowed, and I struggled to speak. Tears were running down my face, but I wasn't entirely sure why. "...Who are you?" I rasped, trying to blink back the tears.

The woman placed her hands on my shoulders and moved so I could see her. She smiled sadly. "Did my story stir something in your heart?" She murmured. Her eyebrows creased in sympathy, and I could see veins of red creeping into her eyes. "Ta... I'm so sorry, dear..."

"I asked you a damn question!" I shouted, still shaking.

The woman stepped back, apparently startled, then grinned.

"Most address me as Lady Midday... but, you won't really have to worry about that much longer." I gasped and strained to break free of the statue-like state I was stuck in, but I couldn't avoid her as she leaned down and grabbed my cheeks. Her lips seemed to burn as she kissed my forehead.

Heat exploded behind my eyes, and I dropped to my knees. I heard Suguro's feet on the floor as the spell broke, and a gunshot rang in my ears. My vision blurred, but I saw the smiling figure of Lady Midday dissipate into the air, leaving no sign that she was there besides the bullet hole in the door of one of the rooms.

"Okumura, Okumura, pull yourself together!" Suguro's voice barely reached me, and it distorted itself in my ears.

I felt my mouth drop open, and my hands seemed to move on their own. I heard the metallic screech of steel against steel as I pulled Kurikara from it's sheath.

"Okumura, you-"

I growled, and shot to my feet. I twisted around and swung Kurikara in a wide arc, aiming for anything, anything, I needed to-

To-

I felt my lips pull back in a snarl.

Destroy... anything.

My mind faded in and out, but I could see Suguro run down the hall and disappear around a corner. I staggered, and placed a hand against my head. I shook away the dizziness and tried to ignore the burning inside me. I raised my head and headed down the hall, following Suguro's scent.

I heard a door slam, and my head whipped in the direction of the noise. I let Kurikara drag behind me as I walked down the hallway, listening for anything that would alert me to his whereabouts. He had to be, he-

Who?

Who was I looking for?

Why was I doing this?

What reason did I have to be doing this?

Whatever I was looking for, it must have done something bad, something to piss me off, so I had reason to be-

Ding.

I heard it from the door right next to me. I snapped out my leg and kicked the door off it's weak, rusted hinges. Heat and flames billowed around the small room, which contained nothing but a few pieces of furniture. I raised my head and inhaled, trying to detect a scent besides the smell of burning mould.

There, the dresser.

I stalked towards the rotting, wooden box, my sword held loosely at my side.

'What are you doing?'

I frowned. Why was that coming to mind?

What happened next went too fast for me to follow. All I knew is that in one moment, my sword had been knocked out of my grip. It skidded across the floor and hit the baseboard at the other end of the room.

I growled and turned towards my prey again, a boy with streaked hair. I lashed out, but he ducked out of the way. I turned on my heel and lunged, my claws reaching for his face. The boy grabbed my hands and twisted. Pain shot through my wrists, and I screeched. My flames flared up, and I grinned with satisfaction as he jerked his hands back. He backed away, hissing and holding his burnt hands, and I advanced.

'That's Suguro!'

I stopped dead in my tracks. My eyes widened.

'What am I doing?'

I moved to back away, when a gunshot echoed in the room.

Fire blazed through my shoulder, yet there was something wet, soaking into my shirt...

My eyes slid shut, and I collapsed to my knees.

I blacked out before my head hit the ground.

.

.

.

"...-guro-kun, are you alri-"

"He tried to kill me."

"Please, calm-"

"Calm down?! If I hadn't sent you that text, I'd be dead!"

The voices were reverberated inside my head, and my eyebrows furrowed in pain. My throat was dry, so dry, what happened-

"-he can't be trusted! It may have been provoked, but he's too dangerous to have around!"

My eyes cracked open, but I slammed them shut again. 'Ow... what's-'

"You have to inform the higher ups. We have to get him out."

My heart clenched as I recognized the voice, and the words finally sank in.

'He's... talking about me...'

'What did I-'

My heart skipped a beat as memories began to flood back.

'...Oh...'

"Mr. Suguro, I understand that you're shaken up by this incident, but under the rules, if an induced attack on a fellow exorcist is committed, then no extreme consequences will be dealt. I'm sorry that-"

'That's Yukio-'

"Screw that! He's different, and you know that! It's a whole different scenario seeing as he's the son of Satan! He could kill someone in a second if they weren't expecting it!" Suguro shouted. The words stabbed through me.

'He's right.'

I heard a shuffling, as if someone were gathering their things.

"It makes no difference according to-"

"That's because there hasn't been a kid of Satan before!"

My heart dropped into my stomach, and what little strength I had seemed to vanish.

I heard someone stand, and their footsteps faded into the distance. After a moment, I heard a few more pairs of footsteps retreat, and all that was left was the sound of Yukio's tired sigh.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my emotions, and sat up. Someone-presumably Yukio-had taken off my shirt and had bandaged the bullet wound in my shoulder. It stung, but it was healing, I could feel it. Yukio looked up, startled.

"Nii-san..." He said quietly.

I held onto the wall and managed to get to my feet. I noticed Kurikara lying a foot away, sheathed. I leaned down and picked it up. I straightened up, and stood still for a moment.

I glanced at Yukio, meeting his eyes for a moment. He seemed to have nothing to say, and I sighed.

Without another word, I turned and left the room.

I looked up at the broken, dripping ceiling, and I felt my eyes tear up. I slammed my eyes shut and shook my head.

'He's right...' I repeated to myself in my head.

'There's no reason to hang onto it though-'

'But you're going to.'

I forced myself to walk forwards.

'...yeah.'

So, yeah, some changes from the original, but I think this works better... especially since in the original first chapter, it was in third-person P.O.V, but the rest of the story is in first person. -_-' Yeah. Alright, I hope this goes well!

Hope you guys are doing well.

Bye.