A/N So, I had written most of this last year shortly after the season one finale but didn't post it because...reasons. Honestly, I don't entirely know what they are, but lately I've been looking back at older stuff I had written and came across this and finally decided to fix it up, finish it and post it. I wrote it to address one little gripe I had about the finale, (which was awesome, despite my minor and probably a little biased criticism) and to indulge my desire to see Mikey and Splinter have a genuine heart to heart moment. Also I wanted to explore a side of Mikey that the Nick series rarely allows time to dwell on for longer than a moment, his serious side and to showcase what is so awesome about him. Also, Splinter? His arc in the season one finale was epic, and well, after such a reveal there had to be some emotional fallout.

Anyway, there is a lot of myself in this story, reflected in both Mikey and Splinter though the characters and the situation is still very rooted in the show. But then again, we as an audience will sometimes see ourselves in certain characters at certain times so I guess it isn't much of a stretch, right?

Well, thanks for checking out my latest story! Without further ado, enjoy!

The giant Kraang thing was right on them; he followed his brothers leaping over the large crevices on the technodrome's floor. The escape pod was so close, Raph, Donnie and April had already reached it and Leo was a few steps away from them. He had fallen behind somehow, but it wasn't too far…

Almost there…he thought, just as he suddenly stumbled and fell, falling into the hole. He was able to catch himself before he could plummet to his death, pressing his feet and his shell against the narrow white walls. He would've been able to climb up except the giant robot arm was attacking and it was all he could do to keep from falling, let alone fight back and defend himself.

I'm going to die! he thought in horror as he struggled to get away from the Kraang without falling. He was losing the battle, he wasn't going to make it...

"Stay away from my brother!"

Leo's voice cut through his terror and the next thing he knew Leo was standing above him, reaching for him. He stretched his arm as far as he could, but it was too far to reach so he used the handle of his kusarigama to bridge the gap between their hands and Leo took hold and pulled him up.

His relief was short lived as the delay he caused was costly and the Kraang was almost at the escape pod, threatening to kill them. As he hesitated, unsure of what to do, Leo sprung to action, using his kusarigama, the one that Leo now had in his hands to restrain the alien and hold it back, giving him a chance to join his brothers in the pod at the cost of his own life.

"Leo no! You can't do this!" he cried once he was safe, once he realized what Leo was doing while Donnie had to physically hold Raph back. Not for me…not for me! You would be in here too if it weren't for me!

The next thing he knew they were floating in the water, smoke was billowing out of the technodrome as it slowly sank into the ocean. He sobbed, looking around frantically in hopes that Leo somehow made it out. Raph looked forlorn, mumbling in disbelief.

They floated in silence for a long time, long after the technodrome disappeared from sight as it sank to the ocean floor and they slowly drifted towards shore. He scanned the waters, hoping to see his brother. But Leo was gone.

"This wouldn't have happened if it weren't for you Mikey," Raph spat venomously. He looked up at his red clad brother sharply, his eyes blurry with tears of grief. He looked at Donnie who shook his head at him, his eyes cold as April sobbed into his shoulder.

"Why do you have to be such a klutz?" Donnie hissed, "Leo would still be here if you weren't so useless."

"It should've been you down there," Raph growled, as Donnie and April nodded in agreement.

"I'm sorry," he cried weakly.

"Not good enough!" Donnie snapped.

"You're such an idiot!"

"Completely useless!"

"Leo should've just left you behind, but now he's gone."

"Because of you!"

Because of me…

Leo…

0-0-0

Mikey woke up in a cold sweat, his breaths coming in short gasps. He wrapped his arms around himself and shook his head, trying to shake the nightmare from his memory. He swiped at his eyes, realizing that he had been crying, which was stupid because Leo was fine. Leo made it out, and they friggin' saved the world. Only a few hours ago they were all celebrating their victory. So why was he so sad all of a sudden? Why did he feel like he had just suffered a profound loss when there was none?

Maybe it was because what he dreamt was an outcome that could've easily happened. Leo merely beat the odds and escaped, but he wouldn't have even needed to endanger himself if Mikey hadn't fallen in the first place.

"But everything turned out in the end…" he reminded himself, "Leo's fine…we're all fine. We all made it out alive, we saved April and saved the world…"

He heaved a shaky sigh and forced a smile to laugh away the nightmare and the horrible feeling it gave him. It was stupid to let a silly nightmare affect him. He lay back down and closed his eyes, trying to fall back to sleep but instead he tossed and turned, having a difficult time getting comfortable. Whenever he closed his eyes he was back in the technodrome, reliving the day's events, but everything was off kilter and Leo never made it out.

Just a stupid dream…not real! He told himself, rolling over again pulling his blanket over his head as he tried to banish the dream of from his mind. Finally he decided that his mouth was dry and sighed, deciding to get himself a glass of water. Maybe then he could fall back to sleep.

As he made his way towards the kitchen, he peeked into Leo's room and saw him sleeping soundly. Mikey smiled at him, and the sight of his older brother lying there unharmed was as though a weight was lifted and the dream had no more power over him. Well, at least that part of his nightmare anyway. There was still that other part, but it wasn't important and he shoved it to the back of his mind with a forced grin.

Heading towards the kitchen he noticed that he wasn't the only one awake. There was a faint light coming from under the door to the dojo. Ignoring his thirst he instead headed towards the dojo, curious and concerned. It was four in the morning, and everyone had a gruelling day. After their brief celebration, everyone turned in early, all aching and exhausted. So who would still be up?

Opening the door a crack he peered in and saw Master Splinter kneeling on the floor, facing the shrine dedicated to his past life as a human, bowing as though praying. But a soft sound escaped him, and though his Sensei's back was turned, Mikey could tell he was crying…no, crying wasn't strong enough of a word, he was weeping.

Splinter stopped immediately though, stiffening and Mikey knew that he was aware of his presence. Mikey was actually surprised it took so long, because Splinter rarely allowed them to catch him in a vulnerable moment. His guard had to have been down, because Splinter was impossible to sneak up on. Any other time and Splinter would've been aware of him before he had a chance to touch the door to the dojo, let alone open it a crack.

"Sensei?" he asked softly, feeling that inexplicable grief once again, though this time it was different. It wasn't from his silly nightmare that still tugged at his mind no matter how much he tried to convince himself he was over it; this particular ache overshadowed his nightmare easily. The pain radiating from his Sensei was palpable and it was jarring to see his normally stoic master so…heartbroken. He felt a lump form in his throat and he swallowed, his heart aching from the deep sadness coming from his father.

"Michelangelo," he turned his head slightly towards him and Mikey could see the moisture in his eyes, catching on his fur. He turned his head away from him again, and he discreetly brought his hand to his face, "it is late, what are you doing up?" His voice was stern, but Mikey knew that wasn't how he intended to sound. Splinter cleared his throat and spoke again, gentler this time, still turned away from him, "Is everything all right?"

"Hai Sensei," he murmured, "I um…I had a nightmare and couldn't get back to sleep so I just went to get some water."

Splinter took a deep cleansing breath and finally turned his head and body to face him. "Would you like to talk about it?" he asked sincerely.

He grinned awkwardly, chuckling softly with slight embarrassment, "N-nah…it's silly."

Splinter quirked a brow but said nothing.

Squirming under his gaze Mikey wasn't sure what to do next so he lingered a moment, uncomfortable and uncertain.

"Um…can I come in?" Mikey asked finally, though he wondered if maybe it was better if he left to go back to bed. After all, he had interrupted an obviously private moment, he didn't want to get in the way again.

"You may," Splinter nodded with a sad smile. Mikey bowed and approached him, and Splinter motioned him to kneel beside him as he turned to face his shrine once again. "Meditation often helps when I cannot sleep," he told him, and Mikey nodded, pretending he didn't know what Splinter had really been doing. "Perhaps if you join me, you will be able to go back to sleep."

"Hai Sensei," Mikey said quietly, kneeling down beside him, his eyes drawn ahead to gaze upon the photograph on the shelf, illuminated by two white candles on either side of it.

Mikey focused his attention on the photo of the Hamato family, of the beautiful Tang Shen and baby Miwa and the stern gaze of Yoshi. He had gazed at the photo many times before and he had pretty much every detail of it memorized. When he was little he used to find the photo so fascinating. At first it was because of the strange creatures depicted in it, but as he got older, the reasons for his fascination changed and shifted until he couldn't pinpoint exactly what about it had him so intrigued besides the fact that it represented a time long ago, before the mutagen changed everyone's lives. Whenever Master Splinter told stories of his past, Mikey used to stare at the picture and then close his eyes imagining the people in the photograph coming to life.

He sometimes wondered what Hamato Yoshi was looking at when the photo was taken because he wasn't looking at the camera, but at something above, but he had never thought to ask. He always struggled to make the connection between Master Splinter and Hamato Yoshi as being one and the same, even though he knew that they were. But then again, sometimes he tried to remember what it was like as a regular turtle, but he never could, so it was hard to fathom the fact that he and his brothers had once been like Raph's pet turtle Spike.

Mikey glanced beside him and saw that Master Splinter's head was bowed, his eyes closed and Mikey mirrored the position, not quite sure of what else to do. He was never really good at meditating because his mind tended to wander and he was easily restless, but he felt like it was really important this time.

Despite his best efforts after just a couple of minutes he began to twitch, tapping his foot nervously, his mind going a mile a minute. His nightmare was mostly forgotten, because now that he was awake the false memory had no reason to consume him. Or so he let himself believe. A part of it still nagged at him but he pushed it aside. It wasn't important enough to dwell on.

What bothered him now was the knowledge that Master Splinter was hurting and he had no idea why or how to help. The fact that Master Splinter was hiding it from him so effectively only made it worse. If he hadn't caught his Sensei in such a moment of grief, Mikey would've been in blissful ignorance of just how much Splinter was suffering and perhaps his nightmare would've held more weight than it did now. It made him wonder how many other times Splinter so convincingly hid from him and his brothers his deepest emotions.

Master Splinter wasn't completely stoic, he was perfectly honest about when he was angry or scared, happy or sad, but the thing was that Splinter only revealed his own vulnerability on his own terms. What Mikey witnessed, though brief, was so profound that it shook him to his core. It was like he just discovered that his wise, calm and strong, seemingly indestructible Sensei was even capable of such despair, and for Mikey, who always wanted everyone to be happy, it hurt. It made him feel like an ignorant fool, selfish and oblivious to what was right there in front of him, and even then he couldn't figure it out. He didn't even know what it was.

What's wrong Sensei? He thought, wanting to ask the question out loud, but completely unsure if he should or not. After all, Sensei clearly didn't want him to know that he was hurting like he was and he should respect that but... Was it something he or his brothers had done? Was it…? He opened his eyes and looked at the photograph again and it clicked. Master Splinter had earlier faced his greatest enemy whom he hadn't seen since before the mutagen changed their lives. Surely encountering the Shredder again, the one who had taken everything from him, had to have brought back painful memories…

"Something is troubling you, Michelangelo," Splinter murmured, interrupting his wandering thoughts, his voice strong and steady.

Mikey startled when he spoke, feeling like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar, "Um…uh…no Sensei, I…I'm sorry I was fidgeting again wasn't I? You know I'm not good at this."

"Actually," Splinter quipped, "you seem to be more focused than usual which tells me that something is pressing on your mind. Was it about your nightmare?"

Not anymore, he thought, What's wrong Sensei? I know something's wrong but since you're acting like everything is OK, I don't know what to say or do to help you feel better. I don't know if I should even acknowledge that I caught you crying. What happened with you and the Shredder?

"Mikey?" he raised a brow, the rare use of his nickname catching him slightly off guard.

"Uh… yeah," he replied reluctantly, realizing he was taking too long to answer but unsure of what else to say.

If he confronted Splinter about what he saw, he feared that would only make it worse. Sometimes, when Mikey was feeling down, he preferred to keep it to himself, at least until he was ready to talk or the feeling passed, whichever came first. So he understood why Splinter might not wanthim to say anything. It was obvious Master Splinter didn't want to let him know how he was truly feeling, and maybe he would when he was ready, but it certainly wasn't any of Mikey's business to begin with. He just wished he knew what to say to help him feel better while still respecting Splinter's privacy.

"Care to talk about it?" Splinter asked.

Mikey looked at him and met his eyes and could see the pain in them, hiding behind his concern, "Well…I don't know what to say because…well…it was silly."

"Sometimes dreams are, doesn't make the effect they have on you any less valid," he told him, "if it is troubling you so much that you cannot sleep, then it is not 'silly'."

"OK, this is kinda freaking me out!" Mikey blurted, taken aback and overwhelmed by everything that happened since he peeked into the dojo. He clasped his hands over his mouth, surprised by his outburst.

To his surprise Splinter laughed, "And why do you say that?"

"Well…" he started but then he hesitated. It occurred to him how weird it was that they were having this conversation. He and Master Splinter, they never really saw eye to eye and rarely had heart to heart talks, at least not one on one. Most of what Mikey had to say was easily dismissed by everyone and that was mostly because most of what he had to say was well…nonsense or at least seemed that way.

Then there was the fact that Master Splinter had not too long ago been weeping, clearly in distress, hurting more than Mikey had ever seen him hurt. It was so jarring to see him that way because he was always so strong and in control of his emotions and it was unsettling because he was the rock that he and his brothers leaned on, he was their Sensei…had he been this hurt before without them even knowing it?

He and Splinter, they never had these kind of talks, and yet here they were, having a heart to heart and Master Splinter was not only acting like he was OK when he obviously wasn't, but he was also saying that something that had to do with Mikey wasn't silly! Master Splinter wasn't dismissing him as being silly, and they had been meditating together in the middle of the night and it wasn't because he was being punished for not paying attention again. And Master Splinter had called him Mikey, he almost never called him that! This kind of special bonding moment usually belonged to Leo or Donnie and even Raph occasionally, but never with him.

It was nice, but it was also weird. They didn't exactly have much in common, if anything. When Mikey had a problem and needed advice, he usually went to his brothers first. He was usually so happy-go-lucky and content enough that it wasn't exactly necessary either.

When Mikey realized that Master Splinter was patiently waiting for him to elaborate, the concern in his eyes deepening he offered a bashful smile, "Well, this is me we're talking about. Of course it's silly."

"But it is troubling you," he reminded him.

"We never talk like this," Mikey added.

Splinter shrugged, "Perhaps, but that doesn't mean we can't start now."

Mikey sighed, thinking back to the nightmare that had plagued his sleep, "OK, well I dreamt about what happened earlier today…er I guess yesterday by now, huh?"

"With the Kraang?"

"Yeah," Mikey replied, "but in my dream it was different."

"How so?"

Mikey hesitated his mind replaying the dream in his head and it unexpectedly brought a new wave of emotions to slam into him. "Sensei, do you think I'm useless?"

"Why do you ask that?" Splinter asked, clearly taken aback.

"Well? Do you?"

"Of course not," Splinter scoffed, "why would you wonder such a thing?"

Mikey sighed, "Um…because…I…I think I am. No…I know I am. I am useless."

"Michelangelo," Splinter put his paw on his shoulder, "what happened today? Leonardo spoke briefly about what happened on your mission, but I have yet to hear the tale in detail. What happened to make you feel this way?"

He shrugged, almost dismissively. His dream wasn't bothering him so much anymore, but then again…maybe it was. Seeing Splinter so sad distracted him enough from it, but now that Splinter was making him talk about it he realized how badly he needed to get it out of his system. Everyone, himself included was so quick to brush off his troubles as insignificant, but this one particular thing did indeed press deeply on his mind. If he had to be honest, it bothered him long before they saved the world facing the Kraang…

"I'm not skilled and disciplined like Leo, or strong like Raph or smart like Donnie…I'm just…I dunno…stupid. We saved the world and it was awesome, but to be honest, looking back… I wasn't…awesome that is, not like my bros were. I had nothing to do with it, really. All I managed to do was…" …get in the way. He took a deep breath, his heart getting heavy again, "I dreamt that Leo died and it was my fault. But he's OK, so obviously it stupid to let the dream affect me but…it was close enough to happening in real life…I mean Leo almost died for real and it totally would have been my fault."

"What do you mean?" Splinter asked softly, his breath catching slightly as his ear twitched and Mikey could tell this was news to him.

So Mikey told him the story of how they saved the world from the Kraang's evil alien invasion. "But when we were trying to escape," he said, "I tripped and fell. The others were almost to safety but I was cornered and being attacked, but Leo came back and saved me. The delay I caused meant that the Kraang would've caught all of us, but Leo held it back using my kusarigama, allowing us a chance to escape. Leo didn't make it out with us. He escaped, but barely. If he didn't come back for me then…"

"We might have lost you instead," Splinter finished calmly as he processed what he learned from the tale. He paused, considering his next words, "I am very proud of Leonardo's bravery and sacrifice, and I am glad that you all made it out unscathed, but that doesn't mean you should take it to mean that you are any less than he is. If the roles were reversed, would you have gone back to save him?"

"In a heartbeat," Mikey nodded, "No question."

Splinter smiled gently, but his eyes were still betraying his sadness even as they focused on him, "And if that were the case, would you want Leonardo to feel the guilt you are feeling?"

"Of course not!" Mikey exclaimed.

"So why are you feeling guilty?"

"I'm not though," Mikey protested, "not really...well OK, maybe a little. If Leo wasn't OK then I guess I would be feeling a lot more guilty because it was my fault, but... I can't help but feel… useless because I am useless! If I wasn't such a klutz, Leo would've never had to go back to save me and we could've all made it out together!" he swallowed, overwhelmed suddenly as he confronted the insecurities he always managed to brush off with a bad joke and a laugh. Mikey shook his head and continued, "You ask about if the roles were reversed, but Leo would've never been in my position, neither would Raph or Donnie because they're so much better than I am! The whole mission all I did was get in trouble, I didn't do anything to help, all I did was get in the way!"

As Mikey spoke, Splinter's warm smile slowly faded and he nodded solemnly, tugging at his beard, "Hmm, I see…"

"Maybe we would've all been better off if I held the Kraang back instead…stayed behind…"

"Michelangelo I see where this is going and that's enough!" Splinter cut in sternly, "I will not tolerate such a self-depreciating attitude…"

But Mikey was on a roll now and so he interrupted him, this time unwilling for his concerns to be dismissed as typical Mikey nonsense. "But it's true Sensei! I mean, look at me! What am I good for? A laugh? That's all I am, I'm not smart, or strong or skilled or good at anything but setting off alarms, getting in trouble, getting in the way…Mr. O'Neil would've been rescued a lot sooner if it weren't for me, Leatherhead would…." He choked up for a moment, suddenly missing his friend dearly, "Leatherhead would still be here…"

"Stop right there Michelangelo," Splinter grabbed his wrist and pulled forcing him to look at him. Mikey blinked, surprised at the tears forming in his eyes.

He felt a rouge tear fall down his face and looking his Sensei in the eye he disobeyed and continued, "Leo would've never had to almost sacrifice himself to save us. God he nearly died and it would've been my fault! How could I ever live with myself if… if…"

And suddenly, just like that reality slammed into him like a freight train. Usually he was so content with being the slacker goofball, always cracking jokes, never taking much seriously, including his training and one of his brothers almost paid the price. Everything turned out OK, but what if it didn't?

"Maybe everyone would be better off without…"

Splinter turned him and grabbed both his shoulders, "Now you listen here Michelangelo," he said, shaking him as the floodgates unexpectedly opened and Mikey began to sob, surprising himself completely by the raw outpour of emotions spilling from him, "Listen to me! You are not useless. What on earth would ever make you think such a thing? Don't you ever say that we would be better off without you! You are my son, no matter what happens." He pulled Mikey into a hug and Mikey sobbed into his shoulder, nestling into his Sensei's embrace. "Do not dwell on your past mistakes, learn from them," he said gently.

Mikey allowed Splinter to comfort him a moment while he cried into his Sensei's shoulder. It was a nice feeling, cathartic, but it made him feel guilty for indulging in it. Splinter was the one who was really hurting—he was just feeling sorry for himself. "I'm s-sorry," he said finally, pushing away, "I don't know what came over me." He forced a laugh, "I mean, I'm acting like such a…girly crybaby or something…"

"There is no shame in tears, Michelangelo," Splinter said calmly, catching a tear with his finger before placing his hand at the nape of his neck, "Clearly this is something that has been bothering you for some time." He gave him a warm smile and let him go.

"I guess it has," he sniffed, feeling himself calm down.

"Why didn't you say anything before?" Splinter asked.

"I don't know," he replied quietly. And he really didn't. These things normally didn't bother him because when he felt himself getting down he usually was able to lock away his insecurities with a ridiculous joke or two and forget about them. It was easier that way. Most of the time. But even still, no one took him seriously and why should they? Even when he was being serious, anything he had to say was often dismissed as insignificant, and he couldn't blame them. After all, he says a lot of ridiculous things.

"If you bottle things up inside, sooner or later the pressure is going to build until you can't contain it anymore," Splinter mused.

"You mean like just now?" Mikey chuckled, wiping his eyes feeling embarrassed by what just happened, but also a strong sense of release and the weight that pressed on his conscience was lighter now and easier to carry.

"Yes, exactly," Splinter smiled.

"Thanks Master Splinter," Mikey murmured.

"I am sorry Michelangelo," Splinter started and Mikey's eyes widened in surprise because why would he be apologising to him?

"For what?" he exclaimed, "Sensei…"

Splinter silenced him with a gesture, lifting his paw and shaking his head. He turned towards the photograph again, sad and wistful and then back to Mikey, "I must apologise because I failed to see until now that you were upset."

"But Sensei, I'm OK, really. I just…"

"Please let me finish," he said, "You have always carried with you a light that shines so brightly Michelangelo," his eyes drifted back to the picture again, and he sighed, lowering his head as though in prayer, "it's easy for us to take it, to take you for granted. Your brothers and I, we can sometimes get lost in the darkness of our own minds. When I find myself in the dark, I can always count on you to be that beacon to lead me back into the light because you're always laughing, always joking, always looking on the bright side. I know your brothers feel the same way. You never seem affected by our circumstances, and so I often forget that you still can be, you can be deeply affected, even if you choose not to show it."

Splinter paused and turned to him, looking him in the eyes, "I know we've never really connected much, we've never really seen eye to eye…you've always seemed so confident and content that I've rarely felt the need to give you the kind of attention I give your brothers. It never really occurred to me that you might need it too. For that I apologize."

Mikey considered his words thoughtfully, they made him feel good, all warm and fuzzy, but the praise, the apology…it also made him uncomfortable, but in a good way. He grinned, "Aw, it's all good, Master Splinter. And thanks."

"Please do not think of yourself as useless," he added, "you may not always measure up to your brothers in certain aspects, but I can say the same for them when it comes to you."

"Really? How?" Mikey asked, incredulous.

"You may think you're only good for a laugh but that's far from the truth," Splinter told him, "take tonight for example."

Mikey frowned, "But…but I didn't do anything but mess up!"

"That's not what I'm talking about. You see…tonight, tonight encountering the Shredder it…it wrecked me," Splinter confessed, his eyes going back to the picture as they sparkled with unshed tears. Mikey perked up slightly, his concern growing tenfold as he wondered if maybe he was finally getting the answer to the question he was afraid to ask lest he invade his Master's privacy, "it brought back painful memories, opening old wounds and I learned things…things that, well I'm not sure quite yet how to deal with."

"Like…what?" Mikey dared to ask.

"When the time is right, if that time ever comes you will know," he replied gently, "but for now, I need time to process everything that happened tonight."

"Right, of course! I understand," Mikey nodded, remembering him saying something similar to Leo earlier, though he hadn't been paying as much attention at the time. "Sorry."

"That's all right," Splinter replied. "Tonight had put me in such a dark place, all I could think about was all that I had lost, but then I saw you and your brothers, I saw April, reunited with her father and I saw that you were all OK, and you defeated the Kraang… I couldn't be prouder."

Mikey gave a small, empty smile because didn't he just tell him how he had nothing to do with that victory?

"We were all tired and sore from our respective battles that had clearly been trying for all of us," Splinter continued, "But then you started to chant 'Who saved the world?', with such pure joy and began to celebrate the fact that together you and your brothers had been victorious, defeating a formidable foe. The energy you possess, it's so bright and pure it's infectious. I could see the heaviness your brothers carried lift as they joined in with your celebration and seeing you all together, happy and relieved, it reminded me of all that I had gained.

"You have no idea how often your carefree spirit has pulled me and your brothers out of the dark, just by being you. You're the heart of this family, Michelangelo. It might not seem like much to you, but to me, to all of us, it's everything."

"Really?" Mikey breathed, feeling overwhelmed, like he had just been given a rare and precious gift, "Wow, um…thanks."

"Do not sell yourself short. You're creative and compassionate, and you have such a raw athletic talent that you have the potential to be a great ninja if you could only focus…"

"I try though Sensei, honest, I don't know why I'm so easily distracted and maybe if I wasn't then…"

"I know it is a struggle for you," Splinter shushed him gently, "I know you try. But after tonight, perhaps now you can see why it is so important."

"I do," Mikey nodded as the memories of his nightmare blended with reality and he felt the pang of loss he felt those moments when they thought Leo was gone. "Sensei, do you…do you think you can help me with that? I mean, I try to focus, but then I find myself thinking about how hard I'm trying and then all I can think about is 'am I focused enough?' and the next thing I know I've fallen behind again because I lost focus!"

Splinter chuckled warmly, "Of course, my son."

Mikey yawned heavily and grinned.

"Well, I suppose it's time to get some much deserved sleep, don't you think?"

"That sounds like a good plan, Sensei!" Mikey agreed, "What time is it anyway?"

"I'm not sure…"

"Well, good night anyway…"

"I think it's a bit closer to good morning," Splinter mused with a grin.

"Yeah, I guess so…" Mikey chuckled, jumping to his feet and giving his Master a bow, "Good nightning then? Mornight? Mornevning?"

Splinter laughed, "Run along Michelangelo!"

Mikey smiled and started out the door but paused, getting serious again. He didn't want to invade his Sensei's privacy, but he had to make sure… "Sensei…"

"Yes?"

"Are…are you OK?" he asked, his eyes flicking back to the picture that seemed to hold more presence in the lair than ever before, "I mean, you said that tonight brought you to a dark place…and I can't imagine how difficult it must've been. Not only did you have to face the dude that took everything from you, but… I don't know…I'm sure he did everything he could to hit you where it hurts, and not just with the physical stuff…"

Splinter nodded, his eyes going distant, "That he did…and no, I'm not OK. But I will be."

Mikey hesitated, truthfully not expecting his quiet admission and was unsure of what to say to that.

"Now run along back to bed," Splinter dismissed him quietly.

"OK," he murmured, starting out the door but then he stopped, took a deep breath and turned around and before Splinter could say anything he was at his side, leaning over him and wrapping his arms around him, "I'm sorry you had to lose your family, I hate that had to happen to you, I hate that you had to lose everything, and get mutated and forced to live underground because you deserve so much better. But at the same time, of all the people in all of New York to adopt us, I'm glad it was you. I couldn't ask for a better dad," Mikey told him.

Splinter's breath hitched and then he went quiet for a moment, and Mikey worried that somehow he said the wrong thing and made things worse, but then he turned to him, his eyes wet with unshed tears, "Thank you."

"You've always been there for us when we needed you," Mikey continued, "and it goes both ways. Don't forget that, Sensei."

"I won't," he replied softly, his voice rich with a strange vulnerability rarely heard from him. He smiled and reached out to return the hug and after a moment, they let go. Father and son's eyes met and they smiled and with a nod Mikey stood up, bowed and wordlessly slipped out of the dojo, pausing a moment at the door before quietly closing it behind him.

A/N Thanks for reading. I put a lot of myself into this, into both characters so I would love it if you guys could give me any kind of criticism you might have to offer. I would love to hear what you think, good or bad, so please review! I struggled with the ending, I even had a 1400 word epilogue written that I cut out literally at the last second (seriously, I deleted it shortly after uploading it in doc manager) because it's so different in tone. On purpose mind you, to show contrast, but it interrupted with the overall flow of the narrative, besides, this story is long enough as it is. I might post it later, but as of now I consider this complete.