"Just remember," he tells me softly, voice so sincere it brings tears to my eyes, "'To the World you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the World.'"
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Let go.
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Meelo's birthday comes a week after Jinora's ceremony, and it comes very much against Korra's will. She is not interested in the celebration, or the presents, and could care less about any part of it. She pleads tiredness, but the guilt she feels after every sigh and 'Okay, then, just rest' forces her to wheel herself out of her room, to the ever overwhelming shock and gratitude of her loved ones.
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The world doesn't need you, Korra.
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They don't need you.
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They just feel sorry for you.
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Even so, she wishes she were anywhere else. The noise makes her (now frequent) headaches worse, and she just doesn't have the energy to be cheery, no matter how much laugher and cake hang in the air. She does not want to socialize. She wants to stay in her room and be left alone. She wants to lay in her bed, so she doesn't have to try and use her betraying muscles; because one face plant to the floor, immobile and prone on the cold wood, was enough humiliation for her lifetime. (She is sure to have a fear of beds and masks all things mechanical in her next life). Autumn has come now to Republic City, and when it's cold like this- cold from within- it's hard to breathe, much less concentrate hard enough on the scratchy, tendon-ripping sound of mauled wrapping paper.
Wind howls outside, carrying the leaves in its wake, and despite being from the South Pole, Korra can't believe how cold it is. She keeps asking Tenzin what the temperature is, but he always says the same answer, and her body never stops shivering. He always lies to her and tells her it's warmer than it has to be. But still, she's always broken out in a cold sweat, no matter how much her teeth chatter...
And she knows why. Because the poison just didn't seep its oily, hellish trendless into her body- but into her mind, into her soul. It's a bitterness so strong, it's like it's growing inside her. And, she with how much her body hurts, would expect her spirit to feel something-anything.
It's funny how sharp emptiness feels like. Like an invisible weight just getting heavier with each breath...
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How could they love a broken girl?
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Look at you.
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Pathetic.
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You weren't meant to be born.
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And a balloon pops, and she jumps in her chair, and has to take deep breaths until she feels the familiar warmth of Asami's hand on her shoulder.
She tells Asami she's fine, and wheels herself over closer to the kids and the birthday boy. If the others have noticed how many blankets she has draped over shoulders, or how violently she shivers, they don't say anything to her. This is Meelo's day, after all. Stop being so selfish, Korra, she chides herself, it's not all about you. Meelo is squealing about some new toy, and Korra feels something pulling at the corners of her lips. Somewhere in between gift number four, and Jinora giggling into Kai's ear, does she start to drip away. The edges of the room are blurring around her like a black fog and ash fills her nose.
There is something-someone- lurking in the corner by Pema, staring into her soul, and she can't force herself to look away. The wind picks up around her, and nips at her face. Her hair is in snarls, little Dark Spirits nipping at the strands with their yellow teeth, and her limbs are being weighed down by chains. She tries to scream, but her mouth is sewn shut, and that someone is still in the corner, their eyes like glowing lights in the shadows.
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Let go, Korra.
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Let go
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Everyone else carries on with what they are doing. Can't they see? Don't they understand? Another present that was almost forgotten it being carried out into the middle of the floor. It's huge, and angular. Korra's sure it's some kind of weapon to kill her with, because the someone in the corner starts laughing; the melody dripping like some bitter acid to the floor that swims to her feet and burns her flesh on contact.
And she screams, but no one hears her.
And he comes out of his hiding place now, all with his greasy smile and philosophical stature; confident in his plan, because everyone is too preoccupied with cake and toys and happiness to save her in this...this...disorder.
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The world doesn't need you, Korra.
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They don't need you
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They just feel sorry for you
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His hand comes up and caresses her face, and she wants to spit at him, but her lips have turned to blooded shreds under his tongue sucking on her. His teeth nips her ear, and trail down her jaw, until bruises form, and she swallows back a moan, as his hands travel down her waist to the underside of her shirt. His burning flesh meets the frostbite of her stomach and makes way to her chest. She whimpers when his fingers cup around her breasts.
His lips come to tickle her ear, his breath right in her eardrum.
"Let go, little girl."
And she's been reduced to a helpless, child, succumbed to her own daemons, and-
"Korra!"
Her name is being screamed in a voice she knows, but her world is dark; dark, and dank, and cold.
"Korra, open your eyes!"
And she does. She does what the voice tells her to, because she knows that voice. Knows-
And Asami's face is right in front of her, looking more devastated than the night her father turned on her. Behind her, everyone's faces- Tenzin, Lin, Pema, her parents, Bolin, the kids- all share shocked and horrified looks that make her feel like she's falling into a never-ending pit.
One pair of amber eyes, do not look at her, however. They are staring at the ground. She's sure that if they looked at her, she'd see something far too dangerous lurking in their depths. Something like hope.
"Korra, what is it, honey?" Oh, her mother. Her sweet, oblivious, good-hearted mother.
"Yeah," Jinora whispers. And Korra can't help but notice how tightly she is holding Kai's hands. "You were screaming really loud."
And she doesn't know how she does it, but she speaks. "I'm fine. Just tired is all."
No one in the room dares contradict that blatant lie.
She wheels herself to her room without another word. They let her go to bed early, and even though she knows this can't mean anything good, she can't work up the energy to care.
"Korra, you're scaring us," Pema whispers at breakfast a few days later. Korra blinks, and tries to force her fingers to firmly hold her chopsticks.
She's recently been released from bed rest and given the all clear for solid foods. She can even wheel herself now without Asami's help. Maybe they'll leave her alone as a reward.
"Sorry, I'm just sleepy. Katara says the poison's toxins induce insomnia." And it's the truth, so sue her. "And, I mean, I really haven't showered yet so I probably smell..."
"That's not what she means, Korra." Tenzin's voice is terrifyingly gentle. Like a polerbear-dog cub before they grow up. "And you know it."
Tenzin's voice annoys her for some reason. Why was everyone treating her like she was fragile? Was it too much for someone to yell at her? Why were they whispering like she was some baby that they had to hush to stay asleep?
She sits back in her wheelchair, and pinches her palm. Mako, Bolin, and Asami are all making a point of not looking at her, and she knows that they are all together in this.
"I know you are still feeling sick due to the whole...ordeal, and the poison. But you need to eat to gain your strength back." She's never hated Tenzin as much as she does in that moment.
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He's lying, Korra.
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You don't deserve to eat.
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You're the worst Avatar ever.
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"I know," she explains. "But I've just been nauseous. The poison-"
"-You have to try," Tenzin cuts in. "For us?"
She swallows when she feels the shame heat her face. "I'm just not hungry." Her words come out too fast. "I can't eat right now. I need time." She stares into her lap.
Spirits, why were they bringing this up in front of her friends? Couldn't Tenzin and Pema have talked to her privately about this?
"I'll save it for later."
She glances at all of them now to see their reactions. Mako is the only one to hold her gaze, and she can hear him thinking I don't believe you.
Too bad. If he wants to argue- if he cared enough to say anything- he'll have to shout.
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He never loved you
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"I know." She mumbles.
"What was that, Korra?" Tenzin asks.
"Nothing." Her voice is monotone. Why was talking to damn exhausting?
Sickening silence passes.
"You've lost a lot of weight, though, since everything happened," Asami gives her two-cents. Korra can see her friend choosing her words carefully.
Bolin nods. "We just want you to get better as soon as possible." He flashes a smile that does not meet his eyes. "You know, the old Korra."
And she stops and looks up then, her neck nearly snapping. If she closes her eyes, she can see the Spirits floating around, and the landscape changing with every thought, in the Spirtual World. He is sitting cross-legged right in front of her like a Tyrant; talking down cities on his command, socking the sky in blood.
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New growth cannot flourish without first destruction of the old
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"Shut up!" She snaps, and Bolin looks like a wounded pup. The others stare at her with open mouths.
"Korra..." Tenzin starts.
She starts turning her wheelchair around. "This is pointless. I'm going to bed." And even though it's not even ten in the morning, they let her. She locks the door, and screams into her pillow and cries for no reason she understands.
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Let go
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Hours pass-or, maybe days; she can't be sure- and there is a knock on her door.
Two loud, and one silent. She knows who the person is before they even speak.
Her voice is without emotion. "Go away, Mako. Please."
She hears the door open anyway, and his familiar hand is on her shoulder before she can even blink.
And Korra just wants them all to leave her alone. Leave her alone to the voices in her head, and to be left in a world that no longer needs her. She should have known he would be knocking at her door, eventually. It was only a matter of time.
"Korra..." Damn him.
"Please, just go away..."
"We both know I'm not going to do that, Korra."
Soooo...took a shot at writing Korra. Hopefully it sufficed. Let me know what you think and if I should continue.
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