New Line Cinema, the Hughes Brothers, Darin Scott and Tyger Williams own Menace II Society. Rusty Cundieff, Darin Scott, Spike Lee, 40 Acres And A Mule and Universal Pictures own Tales From The Hood. Spice 1 owns "Born II Die", the song from Tales From The Hood that is quoted in this chapter.

This story is my own small take on both movies, and until the personal twist that I came up with happens, this is practically a long summary. Anybody who's seen both movies might be able to figure out the twist when it happens, and the real-life connection behind it.

If any regular readers of my past work read this and find this hard to figure out, it's cool because I wasn't sure that you would be familiar with either of these movies. If you are, though, then that's good. But anyway, to start off with, this starts at "Hardcore Convert", the final story in Tales From The Hood. And just to be clear, the character Dr. Cushing in "Hardcore Convert" is not the same Dr. Cushing from Doctor Who.

So now, I give you the first chapter of "Ilena's Cousin The Sharpshooter".

(Simms Funeral Home; South Central section of Los Angeles, California; Wednesday May 24, 1995; shortly before midnight)

"Hey man, fuck a Barbie! This is bullshit, Bulldog! So what's up? You gon' show us what we came here to get or what?!" This was the question Stack had for Mr. Simms, the strange "mortician" who owned Simms Funeral Home. Along with his friends Ball and Bulldog, Stack had been lured to the place under the pretense that Mr. Simms had recovered a lost stash of drugs, which they had referred to as "The Shit". But so far, all they had to show for their time there was three stories of the deceased that had been left in his care.

The first was about a ex-police officer who ended up in a mental hospital after killing his former partners in an effort to avenge a councilman's murder that they committed. The second was about a young boy who killed his abusive stepfather by crumpling up a drawing of him and burning it, which also led the man to suffer the same fate physically. Finally, the third story was about a gubernatorial candidate/ex-White supremacist who had been murdered by small dolls inhabited by the souls of slaves for, among other things, living in the same house where the slaves had been murdered themselves. Mr. Simms had somehow managed to get a hold of the most vital doll, which is part of what led to Stack's outburst.

The trio was growing impatient, and Bulldog, who was more or less the leader of the crew, wasn't afraid to remind Mr. Simms of it. "Really though. See, I ain't got all night to be listening to no got-damn ghost stories."

"These ain't ghost stories. Everything I say is real," Mr. Simms said.

"Well, let's get this shit over with. Let's see how real this shit is you got!" Bulldog replied angrily.

"Ahhh, 'The Shit'!" The anger and frustration that the crew felt had little, if any, effect on Mr. Simms, as his last comment was ended with a slight laugh, and the fact that he stuffed his cigar in the front left pocket of his jacket while it was still lit should have been a true sign that they would have even bigger problems later in the night.

"Yo man, you ain't fittin' to believe this, man!" Ball exclaimed while standing at the doorway of one of the reception rooms. "Man, this shit is a trip, homie!"

Mr. Simms practically barged into the room with the trio right behind him, and as he stood near the casket, it would soon become evident that the fourth story, which revolved around the man inside, would hit too close to home for them.

"You knew him?" Mr. Simms had asked. Ball replied with "sure did", while Stack chimed in with a resounding "hell no!" Bulldog made it a point to add to the ruse by claiming, "no, we ain't know him. He was just some nigga we seen around."

Mr. Simms actually knew more than what the young men were letting on, but he basically ignored it and continued by saying, "yes. He got himself involved in that crazy gang madness. Yeah, 'The Shit'. He got himself involved in 'The Shit'."

(Wednesday May 17, 1995, South Central L.A.)

"My gat scream 'fire'!/ The bullet told me, 'shoot that motherfucker, he's a liar!'/ I talk to my .380 like a bitch on the stroll/ when niggas try to dick me, I haul off and let her ho/ Kill 'em all!/ I can't be fucked in this game, I'm a psychopath/ My AK told me to shove him up some nigga's ass!/ I'm having long conversations with Mr. Millimeter/ He's one of my best friends, bitch-ass nigga eater/ And Mrs. Mossberg loaded in the back trunk/ You know that old-school bitch, she like to get it pumping..."

"That's that punk motherfucker Deke right there! Got you now, you little motherfucking bitch! Yeah, motherfucker, come on! Hahahaha! Smoke this nigga! Where the fuck you think you going, bitch?!"

Those were the words of Jerome John, who was more commonly known on the streets as "Crazy K". Riding down the street in a brand-new black Ford Mustang with the top down, with Spice 1's "Born II Die" blaring through the speakers, Crazy K was calm, even if the expression on his face said the complete opposite. But that changed once he spotted "Lil' Deke", another man who was presumably a gangbanger and/or drug dealer like he was. While at a red light, Lil' Deke had turned on the same street in a old red car, which was a 1960's Cadillac. Crazy K saw him, and was immediately ready to go after him, which led to him taking a U-turn to follow Deke.

Eventually, Lil' Deke pulled up in front of a house in a nearby neighborhood, but Crazy K was right behind him, and before Deke could even get out of his car, Crazy K was right in front of him, with the headlights of his Mustang beaming heavily on Deke and his old-school ride.

Both men had basically stepped out of their vehicles at the same time, with Crazy K practically leaping to his feet at the chance to confront Lil' Deke.

"Got damn, nigga! You trying to blind me or something?! Shit!" Lil' Deke had exclaimed once on the street, reacting to Crazy K's headlights zeroing in on his driver's side door.

"What's up, Lil' Deke?!" Crazy K yelled.

"What's up, nigga?"

"What up with all that shit you was talking, huh, motherfucker?! Huh, huh?!"

Before Lil' Deke could even blink, Crazy K flashed his Glock 17, and the look on Deke's face seemed to suggest that he knew he was doomed, and Crazy K let off about 10 shots, all of them hitting Deke in his chest and stomach before he eventually fell on his back by the front driver's side tire. Crazy K looked on for a brief moment at the murder he just committed, even going so far as to call Deke a "bitch ass nigga" before finally deciding to go back to his Mustang. But he would only get to his own front headlights before three friends of Deke's emerged from the house, and the first, a young, bald-headed man with a dark blue lumberjack-style shirt had noticed what happened. Yelling out "son of a bitch", the man let off about six shots from his own gun - most likely a 9-Millimeter model of the Heckler and Koch P9S, which hit Crazy K in his back. He hadn't killed him, yet, but the shots had done enough damage to weaken Crazy K to the point that he lost the Glock before falling on his back.

The three young men who were friends of Deke's ran from the house over to Crazy K, with the shooter on his left, a young man with a afro wearing a Philadelphia Flyers road jersey in the middle, and another man in a black hat and dark green hoodie on his right.

"Where you want me to shoot yo' ass, motherfucker?! In the head or in the chest? Blast yo' little-ass dick off first? Man, fuck this, man!" The young man in the Flyers jersey yelled.

"No, hol' up, hol' up, don't peel his cap just yet," the shooter warned. "Wonder how many homies he done killed over the years?"

"Too fuckin' many, he think he hard!"

"What's up now, Crazy K? You crazy, huh?" The shooter asked Crazy K in a taunting manner before saying, "you looking kinda fucked up!"

Just as the three young men were about to finish off Crazy K, four or five squad cars from the LAPD had suddenly showed up, causing them to flee the scene. But none of them wanted to go down without a fight, which was made clear when the man in the green hoodie shot at the cars. The officer who was driving the first car, who had ducked under the door of the car to avoid being hit by the gunfire, had re-emerged and killed the man after releasing four shots of his own. The man had been hit so powerfully by the shots that he had lost his hat and fired off a stray shot from his stainless-steel .45-ACP 1911 gun before eventually falling to his death. The other two young men had shot back as well, and they were lucky to make it to the curb before the shooter of Crazy K was shot, which, oddly enough, had led to him falling on his knees with his head stuck between two slots of a white picket fence, making it appear as if he was about to be beheaded. The man in the Flyers jersey had been shot as well, and, because of his friend's positioning, had tripped over his legs before falling on his back.

Once all the shooting had ended, the cops came over to check on Crazy K, Lil' Deke and the three men from the nearby house. Crazy K had enough strength left in his body to notice this, and the sight led him to say, "saved by the motherfucking cops. Damn!" He had coughed up some blood before quietly but angrily saying, "fuck!"

Now, it was 1999, and in the fourth year of a life-without-parole sentence for Lil' Deke's murder, Crazy K was currently in his prison cell doing sit-ups. While this was happening, Dr. Cushing, a late middle-aged Black woman with light skin and gray dreadlocks was walking with a bald, somewhat heavyset Black man who was one of the prison's guards. The guard explained Crazy K's record, and along with the life sentence, it was revealed that he was a suspect in three other murders, along with a previous record with arrests and convictions for other crimes such as aggravated assault, first-degree battery and aggravated mayhem. In addition, he had spent the last two years in solitary confinement for fights with other prisoners.

After calling Crazy K by his real name of Jerome twice, Dr. Cushing asked how would he like to be released from prison, which led to him asking in response, "man, is you fucking with my mind or what?! How that shit supposed to happen?!"

Dr. Cushing then explained that if he consented to complete a behavior modification program, then he would "be out on the street in no time", to which Crazy K simply replied, "yo, let's do this".

Eventually, Crazy K found himself handcuffed and heavily restrained in the back of a police van that actually was more reminiscent of a mail truck. He had been transported to a different prison that, on the outside, looked like a Transylvanian castle. Once inside, it was discovered that the prison had also doubled as a laboratory, and at one point while he was restrained and escorted by two more guards that were dressed like psych ward orderlies, Crazy K had noticed a Black female nurse pulling a cart with large plastic bag-like tubes, and inside were nude White women with blonde hair who may have been dead and were definitely unconscious. Crazy K briefly looked on in shock and awe at the sight before the guards eventually took him to his new cell.

Eventually, he did make it to his new cell. But if the small, cramped, animal shelter cage-like feel of the cell didn't irritate or anger Crazy K, then what did may have have been the man that he was placed next to. A White prisoner filled with tattoos nonchalantly suggested that Crazy K was "the first soldier in my army, perhaps". He blew off the man at first, but quickly became angry when the man suggested that he must have been a "real bad-ass spade" to be there, before asking why. In response, Crazy K angrily answered, "murder, punk! And I wouldn't mind doing the shit again!"

Oddly enough, the man laughed before saying, "me either", and eventually telling Crazy K that he wanted to show him something. He then told Crazy K that "the final fight between Black and White has begun", and that he had led "his troops" on a "wave of assaults to wake up my White brother". He then stated that "all of the 'niggers' of the earth would be killed" except for those who lived as slaves and fought against their "mud-souled brethren". As he was saying all of this, he showed off his tattoos, which included a portrait of Adolf Hitler, a large cross with a swastika and a knife/dagger with blood dripping from it, and inside of the weapon were the words "Nigger Killer".

After hearing the man ask him if he wanted to be spared, Crazy K punched the man in his mouth, with the blow striking him so hard that he began to bleed. But instead of being angry, the man laughed and then asked Crazy K, as he was drawing back to throw a second punch, "hey nigger, those guys you killed? What color were they? Huh?"

The question stopped Crazy K cold, as the man laughed and tasted his own blood before saying, "they were niggers, I know it." He laughed again and spit out some of the blood before adding, "you're cool with me, nigger. I like you. I like you a lot."

Later, as he, Dr. Cushing, and the pair of orderly-like guards were on an elevator, Crazy K said that he "didn't like being put in there with that crazy Klan motherfucker, either." Dr. Cushing added that she thought that the tattooed supremacist was someone that Crazy K "ought to meet". She then explained (again) that he was being rehabilitated as a part of the behavior modification program that the U.S. Government was paying her to develop, and she reminded him that if he successfully finished it, he most likely would be released, but if not, he would "rot in solitary confinement for the rest of your wasted life".

"And it wouldn't bother me a bit," Dr. Cushing added. "Because I think you're scum, Jerome. So don't test me, you understand?"

Eventually, Dr. Cushing, Crazy K and the guards were in a large dungeon-like lab room. As they first made it inside, Dr. Cushing pointed out that, according to some of the tests, Crazy K had a high IQ, which led her to ask if he was interested in science. He joked, albeit angrily, that he had "sold a few chemicals" in his day, obviously referring to his past as a drug dealer (and gang member) before being shot, arrested and eventually imprisoned. He noticed a large black table in the center of the room, and said that he wouldn't get on it, to which Dr. Cushing said, "you have no other choice."

As time went on, Crazy K, whose prison-issued white boxers was replaced with a black man-thong, had been strapped onto the table. To further embarrass him, his trademark fade haircut, with a K in the front center of his head, and porkchop sideburns had been shaved off without the use of any water or shaving cream. Then he had been put in further, belt-like restraints around his ankles, black gloves that covered his entire arms and a electric chair-style helmet on his head. In addition, a large, I.V.-like tube went into his nose, and a knob with a large spring had been placed at his crotch.

"I'ma break you off something real proper when I get out this motherfucker!" Crazy K yelled. However, his threat was immediately put to rest when a metal (or stainless steel) gag was placed over his mouth by Dr. Cushing, and to further damage his cause, a green liquid flowed through the gag by way of another tube, and she tightened the knob on the spring one last time before saying "I don't think so!" A female nurse who was assisting Dr. Cushing lowered the table backwards, and did so with a mischievous smile.

Finally, a large black pair of goggles resembling the View-Master toy was placed over his eyes, and the table was elevated up closer to the podium where Dr. Cushing now stood. Armed with a control board, she began to slowly spin the table around, seemingly ignoring Crazy K's screams which were muffled by the gag. After instructing the nurse to start the optical sequencers on the board, Dr. Cushing said, "Jerome, I'd like you to take a little look at something."

As it turned out, Dr. Cushing had put together a video montage of several pictures and film clips, much like the doctors had done to Alex DeLarge in A Clockwork Orange. And just as the montage that Alex had watched was set to Beethoven compositions, Crazy K's was set "Born II Die", the very song he listened to in his Mustang before killing Lil' Deke.

Part of the montage included old photos of Black people, particularly Black men, being hung by Whites, along with videos of Ku Klux Klan marches and different cross burnings. The other part included visuals of different gang-related shootings, some of which may have included Crazy K. In fact, there were a few instances during the montage where Crazy K had seen his own flashback of the night that he had killed Lil' Deke.

At about the halfway point, Dr. Cushing asked him if he didn't like seeing other Black people being killed, before taunting him with the question, "but isn't that what you've been doing all your life, Jerome?!" She then made a Biblical reference by pointing out that Cain was the world's first murderer, noting that he had killed his own brother by murdering Abel. To drive the point home, she asked him, "and how many brothers HAVE YOU SLAYED?!" The point of Dr. Cushing's own comments, along with the montage and the earlier confrontation, was to show Crazy K that by being a gang member, he was no better than the slave owners, Klan members and general White supremacists, especially the "man" he met earlier in the night, because he was contributing to the downfall of not only himself, but other young Black people by being involved in the ever-increasing gang violence that had been around for years.

The message seemed to be getting across, as Dr. Cushing eventually sent a panicked Crazy K into a sensory deprivation chamber, where, as she explained it, he wouldn't hear or see anything, and his mind would "have nothing to feed upon but itself", before stating that it was "a tiny meal, indeed", which was followed with an evil-like laugh.

As the death-row, electric chair-like seat eventually hit the floor, Crazy K faced the ghosts of his past victims, beginning with a young man named Tracy, who was killed because he owed K money. Crazy K simply brushed it off by stating that Tracy "was coming up short all the time", and that he couldn't just let him rip him off.

After Tracy faded into the background, two other young men with afros appeared in front of Crazy K. The larger of the duo, who was in a red T-shirt and black gym shorts, stated that they didn't know Crazy K, but yet he still shot them in retaliation for a friend's death, despite the fact that they weren't the ones responsible. While this was happening, the other young man, who wore a white T-shirt and black Adidas sweats, repeated "that shit was wrong, man" twice, and once his friend finished, he then said, "that shit was really wrong, G." Crazy K, however, didn't buy it one bit, as he exclaimed that their set (gang) had killed his friend Little Joe, and that they would have tried killing him if they had the chance. He then finally yelled, "fuck you niggas! Fuck y'all!"

Fear and confusion had set back in, however, when a little girl no older than seven explained that she was playing in her bedroom, before a bullet came through the wall, which had hit her. Crazy K, searching for a way to explain and possibly justify what happened, stated that a bullet "don't have no name on it", and that the girl was just "in the wrong place at the wrong time."

The ghosts of countless others had appeared, and in anger, Crazy K yelled "shut the fuck up!"

"Why should they, Jerome? Are they saying something you don't want to hear?" Dr. Cushing asked tauntingly.

"So you gon' blame all this shit on me? I don't owe any responsibility for these motherfuckers!" Crazy K yelled angrily!

"But you are responsible, for the lives you've taken, for the dreams you've turned into nightmares."

"Nightmare?! Motherfucker, what about my nightmare?! What about the nightmare I live in? What about the nightmare I lived since I was born into this motherfucker?! Who's responsible for that?!"

"I don't know, Jerome, you tell me! Who is responsible? Your mother? Your father? Your teachers? The world? Who?"

"Yeah, that's right! All those motherfuckers 'cause they created me! So now I'm the motherfucking nightmare!"

"The nightmare ends when you say it does, Jerome. You've got to take responsibility to wake up! You've got to take responsibility to break this chain!"

Dr. Cushing tried as much as she could to convince Crazy K to turn his life around, even going so far as to call the program a shot at redemption. But he wasn't having any of it, and even when Dr. Cushing explained that there was nothing to stop him, he made it a point to stick to his old ways. Eventually, he was free of the chair's restraints, and once that happened, he immediately had the female nurse in a chokehold. Dr. Cushing still fought hard to help Crazy K redeem himself, even pointing out that it wasn't "too late to be saved", but also warning him that he wouldn't get another chance.

Unfortunately though, Crazy K was too hard-headed for his own good, and as Dr. Cushing, the ghosts of his victims, and even the nurse began to disappear, he yelled "I don't give a fuck" repeatedly.

Dr. Cushing's failed attempt to rehabilitate Crazy K was also due to the fact that everything that happened after he got shot was all in his head, and now, he was back on the streets at the mercy of Lil' Deke's homies.

"I don't give a fuck! I don't give a fuck, I don't give a fuck! I don't give a fuck!" Crazy K yelled painfully, the blood from his gunshot wounds pouring from his mouth as he spoke.

"We don't give a fuck either, motherfucker!" The bald-headed man yelled in response. Then he and the other two gunmen went into overkill as they fired a countless amount of shots into Crazy K, finishing him off for good. His head drifted off to his left, and as his eyes remained open, one final trail of blood dripped from his mouth.

Back at Simms, Mr. Simms looked in Crazy K's casket one last time, before pointing out a cold fact of life that applied not only to him, but many others like him.

"Oh, I must say. I don't think you can rehabilitate those types. Nah, you just kill 'em." Stack, Ball and especially Bulldog had lost their patience with Mr. Simms and were ready to finish him off as well. But they still had the pressing matter of "The Shit" to get to, and Bulldog understood that they couldn't do it if they took out the old man. Little did they know, however, that Mr. Simms had his own plan for the crew, and it was far worse than anything they could think of doing to him.

And there ends the story of Crazy K. The story isn't over yet, though, and Stack, Ball and Bulldog still have to be dealt with. If you saw both movies before, you might be able to guess where this is going, and how it may tie in with the story. If not, then all I can say is to brace yourself, because it's gonna get ugly for the hustlers at Simms Funeral Home. For now, hopefully you enjoyed this first chapter. 'Til next time, peace and good night.