I give a frustrated sigh as I trudge noiselessly to retrieve my arrow, which is a good 4 inches away from where my target originally was. I can feel annoyance brimming in my chest already as I realize that it was the third game I failed to hit. Honestly, anymore of this bullshit and I know Coin's gonna have my head on a silver plate; she has after all tolerated me enough just to gain my cooperation.

A few weeks after we were rescued from the arena, I took advantage of the District 13 doctor's diagnosis "anxiety" and dislodged any of their attempts to talk to me (except of course when it came to Prim) and proceeded to isolate myself whilst everyone was busy with the preparations for the rebellion. Then when Plutarch suggested taking me to 12, I saw the stubborn glint in the president's eyes as she tried to consider it in her head, but agreeing nonetheless.

I didn't know what to expect on visiting my home again, but after seeing the desolation, death and ruin that was brought upon the bombings I sure knew that "anxiety" was already down the drain, for even depression is an understatement for what I felt. After my visit, I continued my isolation, perhaps becoming more sullen than before, not giving a shit about Coin's schedule which I know is a big deal for the stern woman. The doctor of course noticed this and told me to pinpoint the source of my distress and talk about it, which for me is such an obvious and common advice. Pinpointing it is easy because it was such an elephant in the room: Peeta's situation, the pretense of being madly in love with him and the rebellion. But it was discussing it with someone that I'm currently not sure about. I do have people I trust, but it just doesn't feel right talking about it with them. My mom, wise and practical, but there are just some things that are too delicate for her to handle. Prim, strong and intuitive, but I prefer to leave her out of the list, because as impossible as it may seem, I still want to provide a normal adolescence for her that Panem has to offer; for me to burden her with these is tantamount to robbing her of her innocence. Haymitch, knowledgeable and reliable when it comes to my survival, but right now I'm still too angry with him to consider him and I'm not exactly the type to shed my pride so easily. Then of course there is Gale, out of all the people in my list Gale would seem to be the perfect choice, my best friend, my shoulder, my rock. But lately I don't know what have become of our used-to-be easy going relationship. Whenever I try to talk to him about these things, words just get stuck in my throat, and discussing Peeta with him just won't help. For even though he's aware of my hoax story with Peeta he gets riled up easily, which makes me to just shut up or discuss nonsensical things with him like the weather. Apparently my friendship with Gale has reached a standstill which of course makes me guilty, thus adding to my woes.

These woes however had lead me to my current predicament, not used to being idle for such a long time I decided to push my luck further and paid a visit to president Coin.

"So you want to hunt in exchange for your training schedule?" she asked, her irritated glare betraying her passive stupor. I don't blame her for being irritated though; after all, I just walked in on their meeting to personally ask another favor. I don't know however if I should be thankful or wary that she chose to dismiss everyone first before we had a "heart to heart" talk as she put it.

"Yes..If you'll permit it" I continued, wanting to bash my head for my lame attempts of buttering her.

"You do know that I can be generous Soldier Everdeen, though I just can't help but wonder where this proposition of yours would get us?"

I have considered a multitude of scenarios that would take place over my head once I approach her, luckily this is one of them. I take a breath as I give out my response, which to me is not very resounding for my situation. "I'll fight with you, that's for certain. I just need time to think on being the mockingjay, but I promise tonight you'll have my answer."

"So it would seem that you haven't had enough time as of the moment?"

"I know that you have already been lenient with me, but tonight I'll give you my answer. You have my word."

Coin gave a light chuckle that was dripping with sarcasm. Her eyes alight with amusement as she spoke. "You may be important to the people, but I think you may have a slight misconception on how much. You see soldier Everdeen, plans have already been made and strategies have already been mulled over long before your games, you just provided us a face when you pulled out those berries. We can fight with or without you actually, we just need your face."

I didn't know whether she was expecting a reply and I didn't know what to give her anyway so I just settled for a slight nod.

With a mocking tone she continued "It's not that hard of a job I presume, but if you need some more time, then by all means you have my permission."

"Thank you" I reply, more out of custom than sincerity and turned to leave.

"Though, I will wait for an answer tonight soldier Everdeen, because like I said, you are important…to them." She added, her steely gaze never wavering.

I give a curt nod before turning once again to leave her office.

I can feel my shoulders slump and let out a sigh again as our conversation this morning replayed in my head and it angers me that I still can't get my mind in focus when Coin already made her point clear: no answer tonight and I'm dead. I take a seat at the forest floor and cradled my head with my hands. Back in district 12 I usually go to the meadow to think, its serenity and solitude always managed to clear my head and calm my belligerent spirit. But here in 13, the forest looks nothing of that sort, instead of peaceful its foliage actually seems gloomy and sinister, worsening my already dampened mood. I close my eyes for a moment, the truth is I don't actually give a damn about my life anymore, maybe that's why no matter how I try, I find it hard to straighten myself, then I think of Prim and in an instant my eyes open and my chest hardens together with my resolve. As if on cue, my ears perk up from the sound of a twig snapping, a game no doubt.

I stand up, steadying my stance while drawing my bow and an arrow. I decide to take advantage of my momentary determination for I know it will be fleeting and with that thought my eyes zero in on my target, a deer. "Think of Prim" I remind myself, I give a breath and feel a rush as I release my arrow, I then feel myself give a knowing smirk as my arrow finds its mark.

I keep poking my food for the past 5 minutes, my hunger long since faded. I glanced at the clock again, willing it to go slower, why the fuck had the Capitol chosen tonight to air Caesar's interview of Peeta of all nights. Now it seems foolish to have given my word to Coin, when all of the day's events have managed to make me more of a wreck than before. "Think of Prim" I thought and repeated it over my head like a mantra, but this time even the thought of my little sister made no avail of a difference.

"Hey Catnip" Gale chirped as he sat down beside me. "Here I got this for you, since I saw you weren't able to get one" he continued as he placed an apple in front of me.

Typical Gale, trying to cheer me up or get me talk at the least by offering me food, since the portions here in 13 weren't much for anybody.

"It would be easier if you just talked to me you know" he sighed.

"Peeta's interview?" he inquired when I didn't respond.

"Peeta's interview" I admitted.

"What about it?"

"You saw it Gale, he doesn't want me to be the mockingjay, which is so unlike him yet the way he said it he didn't look…" I trailed away, unable to finish my sentence.

"Tortured?" Gale finished bluntly.

I remained silent, resenting the thought but unable to disagree with it. Peeta was many things, but being a coward was never one of them, but Gale is right, when I saw his interview a while ago, he didn't look any bit forced.

"Doesn't matter" Gale said with a shrug.

I glance at him questioningly, prodding him to continue.

Gale turns to face me, his blue eyes meeting mine "I know you Katniss, you'll be the mockingjay." He states matter-of-factly.

I tear my gaze away from him, irritated by Gale's indifference; maybe he's right that no matter where this indecisiveness leads, one way or another I'll still be the mockingjay, which is Coin's point after all. But still, it hurts that my best friend doesn't even consider my feelings. Ever since the hunger games, I felt like a ball being volleyed by people around me, not having my own say on where I should go. The funny thing is though, I don't even know if I should feel this, if I have the right to feel this, we are in a war for God's sake and here I am the face of the rebellion wallowing in my selfish melancholies. I scan the cafeteria, trying to dismiss my unwelcome thoughts, when my eyes land on a bronze haired guy, who seems that I haven't seen for a very long time. I don't know what happens or why it does, but the instant I realize it's Finnick I feel relief wash over me and my lips twitch upward in a small smile.

I instantly stand and make my way towards him, uncaring of Gale's confusion towards my abrupt departure. I don't know why I'm suddenly elated by the sight of Finnick, but I guess it's because of the fact that I owe my life to him. Even though no one mentioned it to me, I know it was him who rescued me after the arena was destroyed. I was drifting in and out of consciousness, but I remember the feeling of being carried by strong arms while nestled on a rock hard chest. I also remember the scent of ocean breeze and sugary mint that brought me comfort and calmed my senses effectively putting me to the most peaceful slumber that even a sedative induced sleep didn't even come close in comparison. I remember being roused by an argument whose voices I later recognized as Haymitch and Finnick, wherein Finnick wanted to come back in order to save Johanna and Peeta, but was prevented by Haymitch due to the nick of time. The memory makes my cheeks redden in embarrassment as I recall being unreasonable towards Finnick during the first few weeks after our rescue, when trying to think of it, he did actually make an effort to save me because I don't remember seeing him anywhere near me when I shot the arrow towards the force field.

The memories fade away when I sit down and take a look at the man sitting across from me, his tousled golden bronze hair now an inch longer than before, his tanned skin making him standout amidst the pallid complexion of the people here in 13, his brows knit in confusion as he works a complicated knot. Small purplish circles from lack of sleep are now appearing under his eyes. But all of that combined with the sharpness of his nose, his chiseled cheekbones and jaws, and the broadness of his shoulders; he is still the strikingly handsome man I have met before, who looks more of a Greek god than a grief stricken victor. I know I am not the only one who's thought of this in 13, based from the longing looks girls are giving him here, ironic however that the object of their affection seems pretty oblivious to their stares and would rather prefer the company of his rope than any woman here.

"Hey Finnick" I said starting conversation.

"Hey Katniss" he acknowledges without looking at me.

I reach out and grasp one of his hands which are now red and sore to make him look at me. It works as he raises his eyes to meet mine and I am again stunned by the intensity of his emerald orbs.

"How are you?" I manage, which makes me want to roll my eyes at my insensitivity, the guy's suffering from depression damnit and I ask how he is.

"I am well, thanks for asking" he continues politely with an amused expression alight in his eyes, obliterating my expectations of a snide remark for my stupidity.

"You are well?" I prod, again ever-so-bluntly, so much for wanting to make it up to him.

"I'm not half of who I used to be, but I'm coping. Though, shouldn't I be the one asking you this question girl on fire?" He admitted, dropping the rope and crossing his arms in front of him, his amusement palpable.

"I'm good" I answer with a noncommittal shrug, retracting my hand, not liking the turn of the conversation.

He in turn just raises his eyebrows.

"What about me Finnick?"

"Mockingjay issues?" he asked

I shrug again.

"C'mon Katniss, you can talk to me" he says, concern evident in his eyes as he leans towards me.

"What do you want to know?" I ask avoiding his gaze.

"Start by telling me how you really are. I mean c'mon, you are perhaps the only one who hasn't had a say in this situation since the very start. Yet here you are now, being looked upon as the leader of the rebellion, not one bothering to ask how you feel about it."

I gape at him, for the first time since the rescue; somebody understood how I felt even without me openly discussing my emotions.

"I hit a spot didn't I?" he smirked.

I narrow my eyes at him, refusing to admit it. He laughs at my antics, which in turn lightens my mood, making me give in.

"I'm scared Finnick" I admit. "I can fight Snow, I want to. I just don't know how to lead these people who sees me as the face of this revolution. I mean what if I just lead them to their deaths. I don't want to give anyone false hopes, and I don't want more blood on my hands anymore, I've already got plenty" my shoulders sagging along with my confession. "Besides, Peeta and Coin doesn't want me to be the mockingjay either." I continue, my tone becoming more sullen with bitterness.

Finnick narrows his eyes at me while speaking "Katniss, there's no question about Coin's stand, that woman's got a stick shoved up her ass. But is that really what you believe Peeta's trying to tell you?" He finishes.

My eyes widen about his comment on Coin, while trying to choke my laughter down. But when I realize his remark on Peeta, my expression becomes bemused. "You mean he could be telling me otherwise?"

"All I'm saying is you know him better than I do."

I realize he's right, I do. I think about Peeta and his ability to twist words to get his message across the people of Panem while successfully eluding the dangers of the Capitol's wrath, even now. For the first time, I understand.

"He does want me to be the mockingjay" I say with a gasp. The nod I get in response from Finnick is enough to justify my realization.

"But why would he? Why would he encourage me in spite of his predicament?" I ask, again feeling lost and afraid for what it might bring him. I may not harbor the same feelings Peeta feels for me, but he is still my friend and to have him tortured because of a fake love story with me is more than enough to shake my ground.

It was Finnick's turn to take my hand in his and I am surprised by the warmth it brings me. I do not shy away from it however; instead I take comfort in it. "Maybe because he believes in you Katniss, just like all the other people all throughout Panem does. Death is inevitable in Panem whether in the presence of war or not, the people know this, yet in spite of the pain and suffering they will most likely face they still choose to follow you. They know you won't be able to save everybody, in fact they know their fate is not in your hands. But maybe, they follow you not exactly to be saved Katniss, but because they want to give more meaning to their deaths, in order to save lives in the future."

I squeeze his hand as I grasp the meaning of what he said, but I do not let go, not just yet.

"But do you?" I ask, not entirely sure what made me ask him this.

Finnick raises an eyebrow, not sure either what I was asking from him.

"Do you…believe…in me?" I ask, between swallowing lumps in my throat.

Finnick's smile was dazzling, giving me a glimpse of the charming victor inside this dejected being, "I'm one of those people Katniss. I do believe in you, even before you pulled out those berries. Even before Peeta made everyone believe in you."

I was astounded; Peeta's statements of me during his interview were what made me admirable and pulling out those berries was considered as my primary act of defiance against the Capitol. These two milestones combined are what catapulted me to being the mockingjay and before that, as Haymitch put it; I was just a brooding teenager. What Finnick claims to have seen in me then completely baffles me.

"Then what made you?" unable to stop myself from blurting it out.

He is still smiling when he replies, but the sincerity in his viridian orbs makes me doubt not a single word, "Since I first saw you arrive in the Capitol Katniss, I was a mentor then. The fire in your eyes was undeniable and when you gave that little girl the burial she deserved, you proved me right."

"So you think I should be the mockingjay?"

"That is entirely up to you, regardless of what you decide, doesn't change my opinion of you." He states, cocking his head to the side nonchalantly.

"Why?"

"Like what I'm trying to say Katniss, you inspire us yes, but what awaits you is not just being a picture for the people, it's a dangerous task. So you have a choice."

"Yeah right, if only Coin would hear that" I say, giving an unladylike snort.

Finnick cocks an eyebrow again in question, which makes me recount my conversation with the woman this morning. He keeps his expression placid, not giving anything away. It is only after I finish that he speaks, "Well, I think she's given you a chink in her armor."

This time it was me who raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Katniss, don't you realize what she said? She outright admitted it to you that yes she doesn't like you, but to the people you are a beacon of hope. So whatever answer you give tonight, you remain untouchable to her."

For the first time since my arrival in 13 I see a light in my situation, small and flickering, but a light nonetheless and I feel hope surge in me.

"Don't downplay your importance Katniss, you are after all the person who started all these. Unintentionally maybe, but still it was what all of us needed." Finnick continued.

I realize that I am still holding his hand, and gave him a small squeeze as a sign of gratitude, "Thank you Finnick" I say with the first genuine smile I have mustered for ages; seeing the irony of the situation where I wanted to be the one to comfort him but it turns out that it is me again who was saved by him. Especially since he was even nowhere near the roster of people I considered confiding in this morning.

"Anytime girl on fire, though I too would want something in return" he said with a playful smirk plastered on his lips.

I laugh, as I let go of his hand and stand to meet Coin with a newfound strength within me, "Keep dreaming Odair" I say, oblivious to the fact that with just a few short words Finnick had effortlessly been able to cheer me up, something Gale has been trying so hard to do, but have simply been unable to lately.