Absence

Katniss Everdeen walked into her first class of the day with her head down, but her eyes were darting around the room anxiously. Where is he? Katniss took her seat and settled in but continued to watch the classroom door. The bell rang, class started, and Katniss sighed in defeat. Why isn't he here? Four days without Peeta Mellark at school. She didn't bother to ask herself why the missing baker's son mattered to her so much. She knew. Or at least thought she knew. Because of the bread. Because he saved her once seven years ago. Peeta Mellark had given her hope and burnt bread and that was why his absence made her fidgety. She owed him and had never thanked him. If he would only come back to school and be ok she would definitely thank him and then his absence wouldn't matter anymore.

The first day she noticed his absence she didn't notice his absence at all. Katniss simply felt unsettled all day long. She walked around school with the feeling that something was missing, but could not pinpoint what. Day Two dawned bright and warm. A lovely June day, but Katniss was moody all day and snapped at her precious little sister Primrose on the way home from school. Prim had done nothing but point out that the Merchant group walking in front of them seemed quieter than usual. They usually laughed and talked loudly on their way into town. Sometimes they even tossed a ball back in forth. Once a ball had bounced out of the Merchant group and accidentally hit a small Seam girl. While the other boys had snickered, Peeta Mellark had broken from the town crowd, apologized, and helped the little girl pick up her dropped books. With a start, Katniss realized that Peeta Mellark was not in his usual place at the center of the laughing town crowd. Katniss couldn't help but notice that Peeta's closest friend, Delly Cartwright, was walking a little bit away from the subdued Merchant crowd. Little Prim felt the brunt of her sister's frustration when Katniss snapped at her to mind her own business.

Where was Peeta Mellark? This thought raced around Katniss' head all evening long. Is he sick? Several times Katniss opened her mouth to ask her mother if she knew anything about the baker's son, but she snapped it closed at her mother's expectant looks. Mrs. Everdeen was a well-known and gifted healer to Seam patients, but it was unlikely that snooty Mrs. Mellark would seek her help. Besides it had only been two days. Surely he would be back at school tomorrow. Katniss tried desperately to reassure herself and wipe the hang-dog look on Delly Cartwright's face out of her memory. Because Peeta was fine, she told herself firmly. He had to be ok. Delly was just being melodramatic.

On Day Three, Katniss jumped out of bed and dressed hurriedly. She grabbed a quick breakfast for herself and urged Prim to finish up quickly. They started out for school together, but Katniss strode out ahead of her dawdling sister. Today she had a purpose. Now that Katniss knew what was missing she knew exactly where to look for it. As soon as they reached the school grounds, Katniss distractedly saw Primrose off to class and began scanning the Merchant groups for Peeta Mellark. He was nowhere to be found. Katniss made her way to her locker and her first class of the day, all the while her hunter's eyes furiously searched the crowded halls for Peeta.

By lunchtime on Day Three, Katniss had given up her search. Peeta Mellark was not in school…again. All of her senses were on alert for him, but it was no use. On this day, Katniss learned that she knew the sound of his voice and could pick his laughter out of a crowd. She knew his smell, a distinctive mix of vanilla and sugar. She missed looking to her left in History class and seeing him drawing in the margins of his paper. Once she had been staring intently at a mockingjay perched outside the classroom window, only to turn her head and notice that Peeta Mellark had been expertly drawing the same bird. His long fingers were curled around the pencil, delicately shading feathers on their bird. His eyes were downcast, drawing Katniss' attention to his long, pale eyelashes and the freckles dotting his nose. When Katniss realized where her wandering thoughts and eyes were taking her, she gasped out loud and Peeta's head snapped up to catch her staring. She flushed beet red and looked away quickly, but she felt his eyes on her for the rest of the class.

All of those things that Katniss realized that she knew about Peeta on Day Three, the sound of his voice, his smell, his intensity when he drew, and the warmth of his eyes when he looked at her, were conspicuous in their absence. In his absence. Where is he?

On Day Four, Katniss had a plan. If he was not in their first period Math class, then she was going to stalk Delly Cartwright. There was nothing else to be done for it. She briefly considered asking her semi-friend Madge Undersee at lunch. Madge was the Mayor's daughter. She lived in town and might know. But Katniss dismissed that plan because she didn't want to answer questions about why she cared about Peeta Mellark. She didn't want to explain about the bread and she certainly didn't want to explain about the other things. The things from Day Three that caused the feelings that even Katniss couldn't dismiss as life-saving bread related.

Katniss did not have a class with Delly until third period, so she would have to seek her out between classes and then try to follow her to lunch. Katniss stuck as closely as she could to the Merchants for the rest of the day hoping to overhear something, anything, about Peeta but nothing. The crowd continued to be uncharacteristically quiet, Delly especially, but no one seemed particularly upset and Peeta's absence never came up. Some friends they are.

Katniss was staring out the window in her last period History class trying to come up with a new plan when she saw him. Peeta Mellark was outside walking purposefully toward the school's main entrance with a piece of paper clutched in his hand. Finally! Katniss drank in the sight of him, reassured that he was still alive and coming to school. She wasn't the only person in the room to notice Peeta outside. Delly made a little sound of happiness and the other Merchants in the room began to titter noisily. Katniss whipped around and fixed them all with her most intimidating scowl. Now they care?!

Peeta's presence at school was short-lived. Katniss watched the classroom door expectantly but he never came inside. Instead, not 10 minutes after she saw him walk into school he walked out again and headed back into town. Katniss noticed then that Peeta wasn't carrying any books. He was alive and apparently ok but was not coming back to school. Katniss was relieved and knew that this should be the end of her obsession with his absence, but it wasn't. Why wasn't he coming back to school and what was she supposed to do without him there? This thought immediately gave her pause. Katniss never realized that she needed Peeta Mellark's presence. They were in their final month of school and their last Reaping was also looming. Katniss realized that from now on Peeta would no longer be a calming constant in her day. He'd likely be working in the bakery with his father. She hoped in the bakery—not in the mines. She'd most likely be the one working in the District coal mines. Peeta would marry someone like Delly and Katniss would be alone. Alone never bothered Katniss before but she wondered how she was just now noticing that she hated Delly Cartwright. Katniss couldn't pinpoint why she hated her. It certainly didn't have anything to do with how she felt about Peeta. Everything she felt about Peeta Mellark was tied to the bread. He saved her. She owed him. She needed to see him regularly to know that he was ok. Because of the bread. That was all.

All of these thoughts crowded in Katniss' head as she walked home with her sister. They stayed with her as she made dinner and ate with her mother and sister. She thought of Peeta as she brushed her teeth and prepared for bed. One thing she still didn't know was why? Peeta clearly wasn't coming back to school, but why? Once she knew why maybe she could let this go.

The next morning found Katniss in the woods, hunting for squirrels. She didn't usually hunt on Friday mornings but if she was going to show up at the bakery she needed a reason. Katniss shot two squirrels and stuffed them in her game bag. She quickly stowed her bow in the hollow tree and headed into town. Fifteen minutes later, Katniss was fidgeting at the back door of the bakery. This was a mistake. I should go home. But how else was she going to know?! Before she lost her nerve she rapped quickly on the door and prayed the witch wasn't on the other side. She was relieved when Mr. Mellark swung open the back door with a slightly confused look on his face. Katniss took in the baker's appearance and noticed that he look tired and older than she had ever seen him look. Maybe he's the ill one. No, Katniss shook her head to clear that thought. That wasn't something she wanted to entertain either.

"Katniss! Have I got my days mixed up? We don't usually see you until Sunday."

"I-I have squirrels," Katniss stuttered out with no further explanation. Her eyes were drawn to movement at one of the worktables to her right. There sat Peeta calmly icing cupcakes as if she hadn't been afraid that he was dead. When Peeta raised his head to look at her in surprise something odd came over Katniss. She dropped her bag into Mr. Mellark's hands without once breaking eye contact with Peeta. He continued to watch her cross the room with curiosity and something else maybe in his eyes. He rose from his stool and put down his frosting bag as Katniss stalked closer. Something in her expression held him in place and caused his breath to catch in his chest. He wondered if this is what it felt like to be prey. Her prey.

Mr. Mellark quietly slipped out of the room with a bemused look on his face. This was clearly not about squirrels.

Katniss came to a stop right in front of Peeta, her eyes searching his face for answers to all the questions he caused. She raised both of her fists and gently but forcefully pushed them both against his broad chest. Peeta sat back down heavily on the stool and they were face-to-face. Katniss spread both hands out so they were flat against his chest. His very solid, muscular chest. She wondered when that happened and when she started noticing things like that but she decided those were questions for another day. Right now, she was staring into those fathomless blue eyes that she just realized she needed like she needed air and she only wanted the answer to one question.

"Where have you been?" Katniss asked in an urgent whisper.

Peeta's eyes widened at her question and his mind ranged about for an answer. Peeta Mellark never had a problem thinking of something to say to anyone in any situation, but Katniss's flashing gray eyes rendered him speechless. She was so close. He could smell the forest on her. All fresh air and sunshine. He could see the blue and green flecks in her gray eyes. Her pink lips were also distracting him. He unconsciously licked his own lips and leaned forward. Really, he'd always had a problem coming up with something to say to Katniss Everdeen. And how was he supposed to think with her lips right there.

Katniss desperately wanted to lean forward and do something. She wasn't sure what. She'd never been in this situation and she'd never felt all these things. Now she was surrounded by his smelland his lips looked so inviting. She licked her own lips without even realizing that she was mirroring his action. She still needed an answer so she huffed and pushed on his chest again. This forced Peeta to remember that there was a question and to stutter out an answer.

"My f-father has been ill. He's better now but he needed/needs help in the bakery during the day. Both of my brothers have other jobs so they can't help. Mother is well…Mother so that just leaves me. The bakery is supposed to be mine provided I survive the reaping anyway, so we applied for a hardship work-release. Mayor Undersee and Cray approved so here I am." This long speech left Peeta somewhat breathless and his chest heaved under Katniss' hands. Katniss eyes dropped to watch the rapid rise and fall of his chest. She also felt the steady beating of his heart, though it was racing a little bit. Just like hers. She nodded her head and stepped closer still. So close that Peeta could feel the words against his lips as Katniss breathed out her response.

"Ok. I just-I want! I…" Katniss trailed off and her shoulders lifted helplessly. "I need you to stay with me."

Peeta nodded furiously and pushed an answer against her lips as he closed the final distance in a kiss. Their lips melded together perfectly and they sighed into one another. Katniss' hands rose to run her fingers through his hair. Peeta's hands gripped her hips and pulled her impossibly closer.

"Always…"