Okay, so I'm not exactly sure if anyone is reading just because they think the M rating means a lemon, but I'm not writing one for this story. I considered it for all of ten seconds originally and I came up with a big NO and that hasn't changed. I'm not writing a lemon for this story. If I ever choose to do so at another time, it's going to be a completely separate one-shot. And odds are that won't happen anyways so yeah. If you were hoping/expecting one, I just wanted to throw that out there now so that no one is disappointed by continuously waiting for one.

Anyways! Beyond that, the inspirations for this chapter were numerous episodes of Soap, puns obviously, Pokémon obviously, and a couple of movies I was watching at the time, namely Big Daddy which got me the idea for what Weevil tried to do.

Also, late birthday gift to Echo, even though you technically got it then too lol

I'm not entirely happy with the ending but whatever. I figured I would put it out now instead of butcher it senselessly some more when I don't expect it to actually get any better. I think this is just one of those times where I have to back off and let well enough be exactly that. So if the ending isn't satisfactory for you, realize it wasn't for me either so there's no real reason to point it out. Thank you.

Warnings: One or two small religious jokes, small possible trigger (maybe?), also you may want to wash your brain with bleach if you really love/enjoy Pokémon LOL

The Pun Bowl Part IV: The Guys and the Girls

"Do you actually...r-read these things?"

Yami glanced at her sideways for a moment and then snatched the magazine from her fingers as her face began to turn bright red. "No, Mana, I look at the pictures," he stated seriously, shrugging at her surprised expression and tossing the catalog aside without a glance. "And stop looking at my personal filth. You're too young for that."

The blonde raised a brow, shaking her head at him, and scowled faintly when he flashed her a simple smirk. "Then why would you leave them in plain sight in your room?" she scoffed, though her face began to grow red once more at the thought of the image she had seen so briefly.

"Because I like naked boys. I like to look at them, I like to be near them, and one day, given the opportunity, I would really like to touch one. And then, most of all, my aspiration which will allow me to die happy, I would like to sleep with one," he snorted, smirking at her wider and shrugging a shoulder.

"Oh my Ra."

"You asked. I delivered." He smirked wider. "Preferably that boy will be Yugi, but he's crazy right now so I have no idea."

"I don't suppose ignoring him is helping either."

"Fuck you." He paused. "It's definitely not helping though."

Both of them wandered downstairs after a long moment of silence, grabbing their backpacks from the doorway. Lazily, they slung them over their shoulders and started out the door without a backwards glance. Both parents had gone back to sleep after making sure they had gotten up, the usual procedure on a school day when neither needed to go to work.

"Are you still...you know...going to ignore Yugi?"

"I can't imagine talking to him," he snapped in annoyance, his jaw already beginning to clench. "Who the fuck does that anyways? Who says that kind of way and just acts like they didn't afterwards?"

"I don't think he knows what he said or did wrong..."

"Does it look like I care? If it does, I'm sorry, because I don't."

"But you can't just blame him for—"

"I'll blame him for whatever I fucking want. Shut up, Mana."

"But—"

"Seriously, Mana, stay out of it. This is between me and him, all right? This doesn't involve outside parties."

"Outside parties? I'm your sister!"

"I don't recall offering you a spot in my relationship. And since that will never happen, you are considered an outside party. As an outside party, stay the fuck out of it," he snarled, spinning on her so suddenly that she jumped several feet and gaped at him in shock. Her older brother immediately turned away again, playing with his shoulder strap, and walked ahead a couple of steps. "Besides that, if you haven't noticed, I kind of want to pull his hair out from all the stress he's causing me."

"His hair?"

"Well, duh. I'm famous. I can't afford to have my hair ruined."

"Oh...well...yeah, I guess that makes sense. Everyone would freak out if you were the one with your hair messed up."

"Damn straight." He followed her along the sidewalk towards the school, humming softly and preparing himself to meet up with Yugi. The fact that he was so irritable with him was not something he thought easily managed. He also did not find it easy to forgive him for the tug-of-war he had played with his pelvis. Because that crap had hurt far more than he was willing to recount to anyone else.

"What are you humming?"

Yami paused and then began to sing, "Eenie meenie, minie, mo, I wonder where my glove will go" in a loud voice.

"Your g...? Oh my Ra!"

"Well, you asked!" he snorted, laughing out loud at her expression of stark horror. "I'm not even sorry. That face is totally worth it."

"You horrify me."

"As is the job of an older brother." He continued with her into the school, his lips pulling downwards, and narrowing his eyes in annoyance. Oh great, Yugi was already there. He wiped the look off his face in favor of a blank expression, glanced at his sister as she scurried away for her own class, and then walked into the room again.

Yugi twisted around in his seat the moment that Yami took the spot next to him. His eyes were bright, burning into his face, and his lips were pulled into a wide smile of excitement. But it did nothing to make Yami do more than glance at him lazily before sitting down and ignoring him altogether.

"Yami..."

He glanced at him from the corner of his eye but didn't turn his head. The smaller teen deflated immediately, flustered as he looked at him unhappily. What was it that he had done exactly? It wasn't like he had accidentally pulled on his penis again today. That would have just been rude. Especially when it was already beginning to invert itself to become a...girly part. What were those called again?

He furrowed his brows and grabbed his cup of coffee, sipping it thoughtfully. What were those things called? He had forgotten a while ago, mostly because they didn't interest him, but also because they never came up in conversation. No one spoke about those things.

...No one even spoke about Excalibur without blushing either. And there wasn't much to blush over anymore. He was becoming small and inverted and Yami was becoming a girl soon. Did that mean he would have to let Yami sit in his lap from now on? Wasn't that how relationships went? The girl sat in the guy's lap?

Yugi felt his eyes grow wide and his head slowly turn towards his boyfriend as the other ignored him completely. Oh gods, did that mean he had been the girl before? Was it possible he was a girl and then he and Yami were swapping genders now? Was that...?

He blinked slowly and then looked down. The movement was so fast that it made Yami turn his head in confusion. He stared down at his crotch for a moment, chewing his lip slowly. Was it possible? Was he still down there or was he gone? Or was he bigger?

Yugi blinked several times and then found his eyes narrowing, his brows furrowing, as he reached downwards. Beside him his boyfriend had gone completely still, eyes nearly popping out of his head in confusion and growing horror. And then, despite whatever he had done to piss him off before, his eyes lit up with excitement and he shifted in his seat, moving a little closer to him. The smaller teen barely noticed this, however, instead pulling his pants away from his hips by the waistband and sticking his hand down.

Yami leaned closer some, eyes nearly bugging out of his head, excitement making him breathe harder. If this was how Yugi reacted when he ignored him, he was definitely going to have to try that more often. If he was really about to—

Wait...this was Yugi he was thinking about...right?

He squinted at himself, lips pulling slightly downwards. Yugi wasn't someone to be that crazy in the middle of class, especially over a fight. Especially when just the day before he had gone off on Bakura for his comment about them breaking up. Pleasuring himself in class because Yami was ignoring him made no sense in light of that.

He almost sat back with a huff, but he couldn't help the small bit of excitement that remained in his gut. By the gods, Yugi actually had stuck his hand down his pants. The very idea was so shocking that he wanted to laugh out loud but scaring Yugi seemed like it would be counterproductive to what he wanted to happen here.

The moment passed almost immediately, however. He blinked and Yugi had suddenly withdrawn his hand. For a moment he felt his shoulders sag as the smaller boy settled back in his seat again. But he turned to him suddenly, blue-violet eyes extremely serious, and Yami felt a foreboding dread licking at his insides. Oh no...

"I was just making sure I'm still a guy."

His eye twitched and he barely bit back a snarl of frustration before turning away angrily. His jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed into slits. He wanted to jump up and take a seat across the room, annoyed out of his mind, but instead forced himself to remain somewhat calm.

Oh, one of these days he was going to get Yugi back. Of course, that was preferably when they were in bed together so long that the other boy couldn't stand properly anymore, but if that day never came, improvising was always just as good.

Oh yes, he was going to make Yugi suffer for this crap.

First he insulted Excalibur and now he was calling him a bitch?

Not on his watch!

He'd get him tenfold. He'd have to plan for it, but he definitely would. He would have Yugi eating out of the palm of his hand in an attempt to make everything okay again. He'd put him back in his place and...

Yami snorted at himself. Oh please. Who was he even trying to kid right about now? He'd get him back, but where was the fun in putting him at the bottom layer of the pyramid? He belonged up there at the top, with him, even if he pissed him off pretty badly at the moment.

Oh well...

Twenty minutes into the period and Yami wanted to sob with despair. No one was answering any of the questions right and Chono was beginning to lose her head over it. Everyone was trying to hide away from her mounting anger and so no one would answer any questions. She kept giving him a harsh look like she was about to ask him immediately what it was that he was going to say and the very thought made him sick as they looked at one another. Dear gods, no, he didn't want to answer anything she was asking.

He had failed with a negative sign. Was that not enough humiliation to last him the rest of the school year?

"Do you even know basic math? Do you know addition? Do you know two plus two? Bakura, what's two plus two?" she screamed loudly, her voice rising to such a hideous screech that Yugi actually paused in the middle of swallowing a mouthful of coffee and gaped at her. The liquid burned its way down his chin, making him stop short, and his eyes flickered towards his boyfriend as he reached over to begin wiping at his face. Yami still did not peer at him for the most part, though his eyes remained closely on his cousin. His rubbing was gentle enough that it was almost gossamer, and Yugi thought for a moment it was because he was so distracted. Suddenly, the red-eyed teen leaned to the side, whispering softly into the other boy's ear.

The brown-eyed teen's gaze grew wide and he blinked curiously at the teacher. "Seven!" he answered determinedly, repeating his cousin's whispered answer and nearly growing still with horror. The other boy was on the floor in seconds, crying from laughing so hard, and he bunched up around the leg of his table, shaking and blubbering with his guffaws. Other students burst into laughter with him and Bakura shot Yami a furious look. He would be the one to take advantage of a sleeping person like that for his own entertainment. Fucking asshole...

Chono's entire face took on a furious scowl and a ruler slammed into the metal of her desk as she demanded the laughing class's attention once more. "Jesus fucking Christ! You idiots!" she snarled furiously. "This is why you all are going to fail this class again and I'll have to watch you struggle harder while you fail with your lives after all of this."

They all rearranged themselves to sit up again, straight and pristine as they should have been before. Yami took his seat again, biting his lip to keep from laughing and rubbing at his eyes to keep away more tears. Bakura being the one humiliated was definitely always worth it. And now he had gotten him back somewhat for making fun of his inability to grade decently on his math test. He still had plans for that though, for more.

The class settled back into silence as Chono began to speak slowly, as if they were all toddlers, enunciating and glaring at them furiously. Her eyes kept falling on him and he had the impulse to duck his head and hide under the table each time. He thought he could see the mockery growing there, that he had infected the others with his own stupidity as the only student she had ever had to get a negative score on a test.

Why couldn't she glare at Bakura and Malik? They were over there throwing paper balls at each other, after all. They were both wide awake now and tossing them across the room at each other. Other people were getting hit too—one of them had even complained about their eye nearly being taken out so why was she even paying attention him? She needed to get her priorities straight.

Just like his—first he would somehow find it in himself to forgive Yugi, then he would get him off coffee, then he would figure out a way to find out what pie flavor it was he had pledged himself to, and then he would fuck him. Yes...yes, that was the plan.

Screw school and everything else—

"Boys have penises, girls have vaginas!"

Yami jerked his arm so roughly that the table shook. The math book in front of him went flying forward and straight into the back of Espa's head. The religious boy screamed out loud and Yugi nodded to himself proudly. Everyone in the class had grown deathly quiet, gaping at each other and staring in confusion.

Weevil and Rex were frozen, staring at them with shocked expressions. Bakura and Malik both missed their mark at throwing paper balls at each other and instead clenched them tightly, staring stupidly. Chono was so startled that she could only blink and furrow her brows several times.

No one laughed, so stunned by the outburst, and the silence began to grow deafening.

"Okay, there, Kindergarten Cop, do you need to leave the room?" Chono drawled after a moment, shaking her head at him in mystification.

"It's true though! Guys have penises and girls have—"

"I am amazed at how well you have retained information that will have no impact whatsoever on your life," the teacher snapped, cutting him off and scowling now.

"No impact?" Bakura scoffed. "He has a penis—"

"That's up for debate," Weevil snorted quietly.

"Listen here, you little bitch," Yami snarled, spinning on him violently so that he jumped and nearly fell from his chair. "No one needs your life story, understand?"

"Shots are being fired," Malik snickered, grinning widely.

"I can't believe I might have to explain that comment," Chono hissed in amazement, reaching up to rub at her temples with a loud sigh of frustration. "Let's get back to the test, shall we—?"

"Don't be upset just because you got confused by a girl—"

Yami lunged at him and his chair hit the ground while Weevil screamed and made a break for the back of the room. The red-eyed teen sneered at him silently for a moment and then furrowed his brows in confusion as a hand tugged on his jacket sleeve. When he looked over, Yugi was staring at him with wide eyes, appearing both confused and concerned.

"I was right, right? Boys have penises and girls have vaginas? That was...I was right, right?" the smaller teen asked in a low voice, blinking up at him in confusion and frowning faintly. Yami found himself almost mystified by the very fact that he was not asking him if that meant that he had one now. The relief of such a dodge came immediately afterwards, however, and he hesitated for a moment. Nodding might make him say something stupid and completely change the entire situation around and then everyone would know his humiliation. And that was not something that he would allow to happen.

Abruptly he turned away from his smaller boyfriend, immediately locking eyes on Weevil again. "Say one more word, Weevil, and I will show you exactly how I exterminate bugs at my house," he snarled softly.

The fourteen-year-old grew pale and the red-eyed teen smirked as he saw his throat bob with a heavy gulp. His face twisted, brows furrowing, lips curling back, and his nose wrinkled as he sneered at him noiselessly in response. The feeling of victory that swept over him at his speechless state was quickly wiped away, so suddenly it made his stomach drop completely.

"Oh, I know this one!" Yugi exclaimed excitedly next to him, voice full of enthusiasm so pure it made his spine tingle faintly in abrupt horror. Oh gods, the taller teen was going to have to brace himself for another wave of shame and humiliation, no doubt. "First you befriend the bug. You pet it on the head several times and don't realize it's a bug. So you're totally into petting the bug. Almost like it's a small animal...like a little dog. A cute, adorable, little dog. Except it's not. Because it's ugly and hideous and gross."

Yami blinked several times, frowning as he mumbled, "Uh..."

"No, hush!" the smaller boy snarled at him, glaring furiously at him and making him freeze in place. If only he could make him look at him with such emotion for an entirely different reason. "I'm telling this story!"

Yami decided to ignore the way his heart began to sink at the very thought of this story being told. He did not know exactly where Yugi was going, but it almost made him sound like a sadistic animal killer. So, staring at the smaller teen and feeling somewhat sick to his stomach, he pursed his lips, feeling his mouth fall into a flat and tight line of mounting annoyance and frustration.

"Then, you look over, see what it is, and scream. Because it's a bug." He paused, drawing in a deep and dramatic breath before lowering his voice somewhat as if he were telling a scary story. "But especially because it's an ugly bug. A hideous bug. Like so hideous you want to burn it with fire."

His boyfriend could not understand the emphasis on the use of the last two words. What the hell else would he burn a bug with? It wasn't like you cold burn them with water. He nearly snorted but found himself instead growing numb inside, horrified as he recalled where this story was going.

Oh dear Ra...

Yugi was nodding now, a raw and powerful determination making his eyes bright and focused as he looked at the taller boy. "And you scream harder! Until your sister comes down the stairs and kills it."

He groaned pathetically as laughter burst out of his classmates, and his right hand came up to cover his entire face as he let the noise grow louder as it expelled from his lungs. Why were the gods so fucking cruel to him? He was a nice person—for the most part. Didn't he at least try to do a good deed every day? Just one? Past one would make him a saint and you couldn't be sexually deviant if you were a saint...

A hand grasped at his sleeve again, pulling on the coffee stained fabric, and he peeked at him from between his fingers, eyes mere slits of bright red. His expression was so concerned that any other moment, had the circumstances been different, he might have found it heartwarming. Now, however, at this moment, he wanted nothing more than to scream.

"What? Did I miss something?"

Yami shook his head miserably at the innocent tone in the other's voice. The laughter seemed to be growing louder. He could barely hear his own thoughts beneath all of their guffawing. His heart slowed down. He wished he would die. The floor needed to open up and—

"You have to have your sister go in and kill bugs for you?"

"Well, in his defense, it was a cock—"

"You would think that would be the one you would love the most, Yam Semen," Weevil sneered, cutting Yugi off and making him frown in annoyance at the very idea of being interrupted. "Considering that's what you want in life, right? Cock?"

Yami shook with the anger that swam through him. His body heated to the point that he thought he might catch on fire. A cold and violent ice swirled through his bones. He spun around, eyes blazing, and snarled, "Weevil, you little chuckle fuck, I'm going to take your cum-guzzling thunder-cunt ass and show you why jizz-inhaling gerbil-fuckers like you don't make it far in life. When I get my hands on your gutter-slut, yeast-infected cum bubble, they'll be wondering where your goddamned cock sucking motherfucking piece of shit, son of a bitch bastard body is! You incestuous kin-slaying oath-breaking hermaphrodite! I'll rip your spine out, you stupid fucking colonoscopy bag! I'll shove your eyeballs down your throat, you sucker at the teat of a syphilitic camel! You motherfucking fuck-cake, I'll string you up by those nonexistent balls between your legs and use you like the little blood stain you are! I'll use your intestines as a jump rope and sell your liver to Hannibal fucking Lecter, you dog-nasty cross-eyed scum-fucked bark-weasel!"

"A fuck-cake?" Yugi whispered slowly, awed, turning his head and looking at him. "That sounds...delicious."

Yami halted for all of a second, glancing at him sideways and swallowing back a small bit of laughter that threatened to bubble up before immediately leaping forward into his onslaught once more. Weevil was gaping at him, his eyes almost thrice the size of his massive glasses, and he was waiting for that moment to fully annihilate him.

"You fuck-knuckling, ass-maggot, dog-fucking little shit stain of a worthless bug! You goddamn ed hemorrhage in my asshole, I'll bleed you out and decorate my walls with it! You big fuck bruise, I bet your mother regrets not swallowing you that day! You fuck-noodle, twenty-four-inch-double-dong—"

Weevil blinked. Yami lunged.

Yugi blinked slowly and stared in confusion. Bakura grew rigid in his seat, first from the shock and then with excitement. Malik had already stuffed a fist into his mouth, crying from laughing so hard. Espa was praying under his breath now that Yami was no longer talking, the movement making him remember how to speak. Rex was out of his seat and across the room to avoid the attack.

Chono screamed for Yami to stop it as the older boy threw Weevil to the ground. The fourteen-year-old was screaming now. The red-eyed teen had his hands wrapped around his throat. He was still seething, but now he was shaking with laughter as well. Weevil was struggling but failing to move him. He kept hitting his rib in a desperate attempt to shake him. Yami wouldn't release, snarling as he lowered his face closer to his.

"Got something to say now, you little bitch? Want to repeat that? Can't breathe, can you, you little shit?"

He opened his mouth to say something further but ended up yelping. Fake fingernails had dug their way through his uniform and pinched his skin violently. He whimpered at the assault, releasing him, and was jerked to his feet immediately. Weevil sputtered and gaped, crying out several times around wheezing, and Yami kicked but missed. The rest of the class was frozen, horrified by the display...

Until someone whispered, "Sucker at the teat of a syphilitic camel" and everyone burst into laughter. Someone fell out of their seats, sobbing, and Yami breathed in roughly as he struggled in Chono's grip, whining pitifully at the feeling of her claws in his skin. He flailed but she held him fast, not the least bit deterred by the laughter around them. He finally fell still, glancing only once towards his smaller boyfriend who was on his feet and staring with a slightly horrified expression.

"Oh my gods," Yugi whispered quietly, blinking before turning to face him more fully. "Why would you curse a camel with syphilis, Yami?!"

"That's the thing he worries about the most," Chono hissed quietly, reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose while Yami gave his boyfriend a somewhat furious look. "Of all the things you say, that's what he really notices."

"He's an animal lover, what can I say?" he snapped snidely in response, glowering at the smaller boy who was shaking his head with a disappointed expression. Apparently that was really the only thing he loved because he sure didn't seem to care for the distress he was causing him. "Can you let me go already?"

"Once I shove you out the door, maybe," she spat, green eyes blazing as they locked on his. He wrinkled his nose and sneered at her, but didn't bother to speak again, instead flinching violently when she sank her nails in a little deeper.

"Let go!" he whined loudly, squirming again before snarling in anger. "I'll fucking sue you if you leave marks, bitch!"

"You'll sue me? And what about your academic career when I report you to the police for trying to strangle a fellow student?"

"Yeah!" Weevil burst out, laughing at him snidely. Yami bucked at him and he flinched violently, though he remained quiet only for a second. "You're fucked!"

"Oh, shut up, you sniveling worm," Chono snapped, rolling her eyes before shoving Yami away from her a step. The teenager stumbled but somehow managed to keep his footing, eyes wide in surprise. He turned back, pursing his lips, and watched her as she glared at the other boy. "You aren't even that hurt. He didn't even squeeze enough to bruise. There's no proof. And who the hell is going to believe you anyways? The last time you didn't like someone you tried to get them framed for peeing on the principal's car. Newsflash, if you're going to do that, you should try not going about it in broad daylight. For fuck's sake, teenagers these days."

"You...peed on the principal's car?" Yami asked, horrified as he looked at the smaller teen who blushed furiously and opened his mouth to refute the statement. He held up a palm, shaking his head slowly. "That's just...extremely low class. I'm...almost ashamed I tried to strangle you when you're that fucking low."

"Okay, that's enough. Get out of my classroom," Chono growled, snapping a finger at him and pointing towards the door.

"With pleasure," he spat in annoyance, turning and snatching his books before heading straight for the exit. He was halfway there when he heard someone humming and glanced over his shoulder, stunned out of his mind at the sight that greeted him there. Yugi was happily skipping behind him, bag on his shoulder and coffee cup in his hand. He looked like the picture of happiness, oblivious and beautiful, and Yami wanted nothing more than both to kiss him and maybe dunk his head under cold water.

Ugh, being mad at a boyfriend was a lot harder than he thought it would be...

Yami took his seat with the others without so much as a sigh. Mana shot him a slightly horrified and confused look but the others pretended not to have heard of what had happened beforehand. There was no point in asking when everyone had been talking about it all day. There were rumors Yami had tried to tear Weevil's tongue out in the middle of class, though, and someone else said he had prepared to scoop his eyes out of their sockets before Chono grabbed him, but no one was willing to ask. Joey was honestly more worried about ticking him off by asking than he was anything else. So, when the red eyed teen straightened his back, looked at them, and cleared his throat, none of them reacted for a solid second. Then, abruptly, as one, the entire table turned to face him immediately.

"So, just to clarify, I simply cursed him out. And then I attempted to choke him but Chono got to me before I could do any real damage," he mumbled, nodding once and then turning to his cousins swiftly. "Puns?"

Yugi gave him a furious look, opening his mouth to say no, but was cut off before he could even begin to form the words.

"What kind of shoe does a thief wear?" Malik offered immediately, his eyes brightening drastically as Bakura smirked.

"Sneakers."

"This world truly needs some more shoe puns. Take this joke and run with it," the red eyed teen announced in approval. He watched Tea from the corner of his eye, seeing her face grow from extremely worried to somewhat amused. He knew exactly what had crossed her mind upon hearing about what had happened with Weevil and explaining himself was not something he thought himself able to do. It was too stressful and frustrating to even consider it fully.

"This joke definitely has legs," the brown eyed teen agreed.

"What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?" the blond demanded, making them both raise a brow. A moment of silence passed, neither offering a response, and he snickered with bright eyes.

"White Vans."

The entire table stared at him for a moment.

"There was no sole in that," Yami said in disapproval, shaking his head.

"Goddamn it," Malik cursed loudly, giving him a sharp glare of annoyance. "You done did mewrong, you ass hats. That's a nice way of thanking someone when they watched you nearly kill off Weevil."

"That's true," Bakura muttered, nodding at the blond and then looking at the others with a wide smirk of amusement. "That shit was honestly hilarious! I still can't believe you just attacked him like that, Yami."

His cousin pursed his lips for a moment and then narrowed his red eyes, glancing quickly at Tea's bottle and then focusing on him. "Water you trying to insinuate here?" he demanded, glaring at both of them before huffing softly. "I had every right to tear him to pieces like that! And it's not like you haven't done worse!"

"Don't try to reverse this on to me!" Bakura objected, narrowing his eyes in response as his lip curled faintly. He had better not have been planning to say anything, because if he did, he would annihilate him. Yugi's gender-confusion would be the least of his issues if he decided to open his mouth about any of that.

"Let's not forget we're playing for the same stream here," Malik put in, attempting to stop the quarrel before it could even begin. He held up his hands in surrender, trying his hardest to keep them from going for each other's throats.

"After this whole ordeal, I just have to ponder the concept of life." He paused, waiting, but the other two merely swapped looks and then stared at him in response. For a moment none of the others even spoke, watching him as if they were expecting him to lunge at the brown eyed boy again. He barely resisted the urge to glare at each of them and instead rolled his eyes upwards for the briefest of moments. "I have a few theories to run bayou."

Laughter burst out from another corner of the table and all three of them jerked in surprise at the interruption. The effect was almost comical as Joey clapped his hands once in approval and pointed at Yami, laughing, "I sea what you did there."

Yami snickered, the tension leaving his shoulders immediately as the other two began to relax as well. He settled back against his seat again even as Yugi huffed in annoyance next to him, glowering cutely at his best friend. "R.I.P. hot water, you will be mist."

"No more water puns?" Bakura hissed, flustered by the confirming shake of the other boy's head. There went an hour's worth of planning beforehand right there... "Ugh. Now what?"

A long minute and a half passed silently aside from background chatter and Joey wolfing down his food as if it he might starve to death. Tristan tapped his fork against his dish and Tea frowned faintly as she glanced at Yugi. She needed to talk to Yami, make him see just how bad it was to let him continue drinking that crap. It was obvious Yugi had already damaged their relationship without even realizing it, as was clear by the way he continued to ignore him. And she couldn't even blame him for feeling so terribly insulted by it all.

"Okay, what do you call a fake enemy?"

"What?"

"A faux!"

All of them gave him horrified looks and Yami bowed his head, mumbling, "I admit that it was pathetic. I apologize wholeheartedly for that joke." He paused, hesitating, and pursed his lips, wondering as his eyes drifted towards the ceiling in thought. Beside him Yugi was beginning to relax from where his eyes had grown enraged and his body had started to tremble faintly.

Mana caught his eye for a brief second, almost hesitantly, and immediately his mind circulated to the morning. Their conversation as they had walked to school came to him instantaneously and he purred as a new idea of a string of puns came forth.

"I'm not gonna Raichu a love song," he sang, nodding enthusiastically as the others grinned widely in surprise.

"This shit is Onix ceptable," Tristan snorted, laughing at his startled expression.

For a moment there was silence and then he leaned forward again, eyes narrowed once more. "I turn on my Charmander pants come off."

"Shit," Malik snorted, smirking widely. "Weedle get you high."

"300 is a movie about Spartans killing Persians," Joey slipped in.

"E-Raticate means to remove or destroy utterly, to extirpate," Mana laughed.

"Real magicians say that saying Abra Kabadra doesn't work," Tea snorted.

"Slowpoke is a very lame insult," Bakura stated, nodding.

"Llamas guarding sheep aren't that all Farfetch'd," Tristan announced.

"Side effects may include Drowzee-ness, Koffing, and Weezing," Malik stated.

Yugi snarled softly, grabbing at his wrist, but Yami merely sneered, "If you don't like it, then go Muk yourself." He hesitated and then looked at him slowly. "If you want to Rhydon my dick, I Giratina orgasm."

He nearly screamed but the taller boy merely shrugged and looked at the others. "I got my point across. I'm good now," he announced, smirking at their shocked and slightly horrified expressions. "Kakuna Rattata, it means no worries, for the rest of your days—"

"I will fucking kill you."

All of them stopped short though Yami merely glanced at him sideways now.

"I will slaughter you like a pig. Shut. Up."

"A little high on the tension scale there, Yugi," Joey scoffed, frowning at his friend as his blue- violet eyes immediately shot to him and he glared at him furiously. "Just plug in your earphones and play music and—"

"I have math work to study! I don't need music to distract me!"

"I see so much studying going on," Bakura snorted quietly, rolling his eyes. "Pull the other one, Yugi."

"How can you expect me to study when you're all...punning around me?!"

"Yug, come on, bud, we've barely even started—"

"Well it needs to stop anyways! I don't care. I have to pass my math test, guys! I will not be a stupid and fall through the cracks!" He paused and breathed out roughly before slumping in his seat and then happily drinking his coffee. Tea shot Yami a desperate look, hoping to catch his eye, but the teen was focused on his boyfriend completely. His expression was so hard for a moment she nearly flinched upon seeing it, and for a second she almost feared he might strike out at him.

Yugi was infuriating when he was caffeinated, but if he hit him...

"Is life high definition?" Yugi asked suddenly, eyes wide as he implored his boyfriend for an answer. Yami blinked stupidly, startled so completely that every trace of frustration was wiped from his features. He tilted his head, frowning at him in puzzlement, and looked almost like he might open his mouth when his sister began talking instead.

"The human eye sees in five hundred and forty-eight mega-pixels which is an aspect of two hundred and sixty thousand, four hundred and ninety-two by one hundred and thirty-eight thousand, five hundred and seventy-two...so I guess so?"

Yugi gave her a startled look, calculating each of the numbers, and then opened his mouth as the idea became clear in his head.

"You geek ass bitch, go do a sodoku puzzle," her brother snarled, wrinkling his nose at her. His voice pushed out all of the thoughts in his boyfriend's head and he abruptly lowered his hand from where he had raised it to speak. He settled back into his seat, content with his answer, and began to look at his math notebook with a sip of coffee.

"You're so mean today," Mana mumbled unhappily, frowning.

"You want to hear a little story, Mana?" he sneered, leaning forward across the table and glaring furiously. "Once upon a time you weren't such a little bitch."

"Ooh!" Yugi crowed, attention immediately on them once more. His eyes had grown bright with excitement and he jumped slightly in his seat, bouncing as he looked between the two siblings. "Ooh!"

"It's not my fault your ego is so fucking fragile," she snarled in response, bristling. "You need to step off your high horse for a second, you idiot. I mean, honestly, Yami, it's fucking pathetic how stupidly you're taking all of this!"

"Pathetic?" he spat in response, bristling further and growing so tense that Bakura almost shifted his seat away from her in order to avoid the collateral damage if he should leap over the table at her. After he had attacked Weevil, he wasn't sure he would put it past him at this point, sister or not.

"Dude, don't push him," he whispered, frowning. "He choked Weevil in class, remember?"

"He wouldn't—"

"You always have something to say about everything, don't you, Mana?" Yami snarled, curling his lip back some. "This morning you couldn't stay out of my business and now you still can't—"

"All I did was answer a question!"

"That wasn't even directed towards you!"

"I don't think he was asking anyone in specific!"

"You fucking dildo!"

Bakura jumped a mile, horrified and gawking, as he waited for the moment that he would prove him right and leap over the table again. He scooted away, leaving her to fend for herself, and saw Malik doing the same on the other side of her. However, Yugi simply looked up, blinking shocked eyes, and turned to his boyfriend in surprise.

"Because you're like a dick but you're not real enough!" he whispered, nodding once more to himself as Yami blinked at him in confusion and then sighed softly, falling back against his seat once more.

Tea was back to watching him with that horrified expression that spoke very clearly of her fear that he might snap and turn on Yugi in some kind of fury. Joey was suspicious as well, though Tristan hardly seemed to bat an eye aside from amusement towards the smaller teen's whisper. Between the two other teens and his own temper rising so drastically, he would not be surprised if Yugi was either convinced he was unstable and might hurt him or he himself was locked in a loony bin.

The sooner this day was finished, the better...

They had been sitting on the couch for over an hour. Yami had tipped his head back and was leaning fully against the cushions, breathing soft and almost even as if he were asleep. Yugi was fidgeting beside him, frowning and chewing his lip as he struggled to figure out what he might have done to anger him so much. He had not said a single word to him all day, aside from panning at him, but that had not really been conversation, so he didn't really count that as anything...

He cleared his throat awkwardly and scooted a small bit closer. "So, koi, are you a cat now? Because you have ignored all my attempts to earn your love and affection," he mumbled softly. His boyfriend's eyes snapped open immediately and his head turned, but his expression was anything but amused as he looked at him. Instead, red eyes bright and jaw clenching, he looked infuriated. His entire body seemed to thrum with tension, and a muscle in the column of his neck jumped for a split second as they looked at each other.

"Maybe you should come and sit over here with us, Yugi," Mana suggested, looking at them from over the banister in the kitchen. Her stomach sank as her brother turned a furious glare on her but she relaxed when she saw that the smaller boy didn't even truly seem to be considering the suggestion.

"No thanks, I want to sit with Yami—"

He got up abruptly, heading into the kitchen, and for a second the blonde thought he might start in on her, but instead he plopped down in one of the chairs. Bakura and Malik both looked at him curiously, raising their brows, and frowned faintly as Yugi obediently trotted after him and took the spot next to him. Immediately the smaller boy dragged his seat so that their chairs nearly pressed against each other and gave them a childish schoolboy grin of bright white teeth.

Mana wondered vaguely how it was that his teeth hadn't turned bright yellow...or maybe a hideous dark brown like the coffee he was drinking. Was that possible? Could someone's teeth turn brown like that after drinking coffee for so often? She was kind of horrified, wondering if maybe soda would do that to her as well, and her heart hammered in her chest. She looked at her brother, opening her mouth, but his apparent confusion at her new expression made her stop short.

Her eyes flickered towards Yugi for a brief second. It probably wasn't a good idea to say that in front of him anyways... If he was so concerned that Yami was turning into a grill, how badly would he react to the question? He might knock his own teeth out for all any of them knew!

She wouldn't put anything past him in his caffeinated state...

"So, do you think Chono is actually going to punish you for strangling Weevil in class?" Bakura asked, sitting up a little and raising a brow when he saw his cousin turn to him with a blank look before shaking his head with a small blink.

"I doubt it. We all know she was enjoying it."

"That almost makes it sound kinky..." Malik snorted, to which his brown-eyed cousin gave him a disgusted look.

"Gross."

"Isn't it?"

"You horrify me," Yami scoffed before shaking his head. Yugi had moved closer, he realized after his hair brushed his chin, and his eyes flickered towards him in surprise. The other boy was leaning so close that his breath nearly exhaled over his cheek, blinking at him as he turned to speak into his ear.

"I see that you are paying attention to someone who is not me," the small teen hissed, watching him and pursing his lips as he leaned even further forward. He almost moved as if he might end up in his lap at any moment, he was so close, and Yami found himself frowning faintly in response. "Why is that?"

Why was that? Yami nearly snarled in open outrage for a brief second. First he had emasculated him, then he had told multiple people he was going to turn into a girl, then he said he was on his period, then he played tug-of-war with a body limb, and now he was going to pretend not to know why he was ignoring him? How dare he!

His head snapped to face his cousins once more, voice low as he hissed, "Weevil needs to get run over with a truck. Several times. With eighteen-wheelers. And...an exploding gas truck. He needs all of it!"

"That's a little harsh, don't you think?"

"I think it's just."

"Your so cr—"

"You know, one time, I was at the states and went to the mall and wandered into a Sears and I thought that a guy was a mannequin," Yugi blurted out, hurrying to rush over any hint of conversation that they might attempt to continue around him. His raised voice made each of them turn to him, eyes wide in confusion, and the small teen tilted his head as he continued to recount the story. "So I was over there starting to feel up the material of his coat. When he turned around, I screamed because he moved, and then we both screamed because I was screaming so he started screaming. And we were both really freaked out..."

"Oh my god!" Bakura howled with laughter, picturing it and loving it so much he nearly doubled over on the table. He was shaking, covering his mouth, and then wiped at his eyes. Beside him, Malik did the same and Yami remained frozen before snorting in amusement as his sister gaped at him and covered her mouth with her fingers. "Holy crap!"

It took them several minutes to calm themselves and Yugi watched his boyfriend, waiting for him to perhaps say something to make it clear that he was upset. He wondered if he might be jealous, considering he had touched him along the arms in order to feel the fabric. Wasn't that enough normally to make him bristle?

Maybe now that he was changing sexes he no longer—

"Wait, are atheists supposed to say 'Oh my god'?"

"Of course we are," Bakura scoffed loudly, smirking at her devilishly. "We're supposed to say that anytime we hear something that's unbelievable."

Yami gaped at him for a split second and then threw his head back, laughing out loud at the statement. "Oh shit."

"Damn," Malik snorted, wiping at his eyes.

"Can I have some birthday cake, Yami?" Yugi suddenly asked, looking up at him and blinking wide, curious eyes. His boyfriend glanced at him as he stopped laughing and then shrugged as he turned immediately to the others again. The small teen jumped to his feet and headed for the fridge without a second glance, and Yami watched his ass wiggle faintly with each step. His ass looked so nice...

"Dude, stop being such a pussy over this," Bakura scoffed at him, making his head snap around. Yugi paused in pulling the cake out and frowned at him quizzically. His boyfriend was staring blankly at his cousin and Malik was running his hand through his hair as Mana's eyes seemed to nearly bug out of her head. The two of them were frozen, horrified and stunned, and not once did Yami's attention waver. "You're being a little bitch about all of this. You'll never get laid at this rate. You know it's not even working! Yugi doesn't even care that you're ignoring him."

"He can't stop becoming a pussy," the smaller teen commented with a frown, looking at Yami who immediately grew stiff in horror and slowly turned his head towards him. His eyes were wide, appearing almost glassy for a split second, and he thought for a brief second that he might burst into tears at any moment. But telling them this was nothing new, however. They were all aware, so why should he cry? It wasn't like any of them were unaware of the fact that he was changing genders right in front of them...

"Becoming?" the brown-eyed teen said slowly, voice low and curious before his eyebrows rose in surprise. A moment passed before he realized very slowly exactly what it was he was saying and then nearly laughed in stunned disbelief. Yugi still had not forgotten or dropped the idea that Yami was turning into a girl...

"Yes, he's becoming a pussy," Yugi stated, nodding once firmly. "He's becoming a pussy. There's no way to reverse it. That's why Excalibur has shrunk and Yami is so emotional right now."

"I...I'm going to go upstairs...maybe cry for a while," Yami whispered softly, voice cracking as he got up slowly and breathed in roughly. "I'll...see you whenever...if I don't slit my wrists first."

"Don't do that!" he snapped. "You'd hurt yourself if you slit your wrists!"

"No, I'd fucking kill myself. There's a difference," he spat, spinning on him furiously before turning and trotting to the staircase with a loud, low and keening noise as if he were trying to swallow a scream.

"Good luck."

Yami let out a screeching noise in answer, so loud and dangerously high pitched that it sounded almost like a dog whistle.

"See? He's just so emotional right now," Yugi said, turning back to his cake and pulling it out to put on the counter. The others were gaping at him, watching Yami disappear up the stairs and unnerved by that unholy noise leaving him as he stomped his way to his room. The smaller teen leaned up on his tiptoes to grab a plate from a shelf too high over his head and then nearly fell backwards when he tottered back by accident. "He's on his period now too...so he's extra emotional right now."

I've got the entirety of the rest of the Pun Bowl mostly planned out but not so much outlined so I'm working on it but updates will be extremely slow. I've got extreme block where the humor is involved right now so yeah…

Any really awkward misspelled words or completely out of place and strange phrases are probably the result of my phone doing its autocorrect while I was editing and trying to get the chapter set up completely. If they're bad, go ahead and point them out to me if you want and I'll fix them as soon as possible. That in mind, it might be a while before I do that. And it will DEFINITELY be a while before I update again.