I finally got off my lazy arse!
Chapter 4
One Shot 1: Raking Bad
It was a noisy night at Wu. There were sounds of explosions and chemicals being mixed. Sun Ce woke up to find out what's going on only to find Lu Su making meth.
"What the hell?!"
"Oh. Hello Sun Ce."
"Why the hell are you making meth?!"
"Get filthy rich."
Before Sun Ce could respond however, Lu Su went inside a red car with all the meth he made. Luckily for him, no police came to stop him as they were oblivious to the fact that he was carrying meth. He went inside an alley to meet with his contact: Han Dang.
"Got my goods?"
"Yeah"
With that, he gave the meth to Han Dang. Lu Su went back inside the car and went on his way back to Wu but not before getting Han Dang's pay.
One Shot 2: Dare Game 3: The Endurance Challenge
For the third time, the Five Tiger Generals played their dare game. What Guan Yu got said:
I dare you to withstand any of the following: (Wang Yi)
Get kicked 10 times in the balls by a horse
Getting slapped on the back shirtless by Meng Huo
or 100 stabs from me
"I'm doing them all!"
"Wait what?" Ma Chao asked.
"You heard me! All of it!"
They go to the stables. Guan Yu slaps Ma Dai's horse in the butt and gets kicked in the balls. He does this again nine times. Afterwards, they get Meng Huo to slap Guan Yu in the back. He however, does this with his gauntlets and sends Guan Yu flying to a wall. They go to Wang Yi's outlet and the sign now read:
MA CHAO
-Banned
He took it seriously and decided to stay outside. Guan Yu approaches Wang Yi.
"Ready?"
"Yeah. This better not be a seduction plan."
Guan Yu's screams of pain were heard as he got stabbed by Wang Yi in the arms and legs though the last one was in the arse. The "God of War" came outside limping and tearing up.
"Cool. You've won one. Ma Chao's won one and Huang Zhong has won one as well." Zhao Yun said.
"Thanks for coming by." Wang Yi said to the group before they left.
One Shot 3: Cao Pi's Secret
"Come on, dear. Tell me!" Zhen Ji pleaded.
"Sorry. Even though you're my wife, I'd rather not share my secret with anyone." Cao Pi replied.
With that statement, Zhen Ji sighed and left. Apparently, she always wanted to know Cao Pi's secret. She told it all about it to Cao Cao and Zhang He.
"You want to know my son's secret?" Cao Cao asked.
"Yeah"
"Idea: We stalk him." Zhang He said.
"Like how Sima Shi used to stalk that girl from Shu?"
"Uh... Yeah."
The trio began to stalk Cao Pi through his day: from breakfast all the way to the point where they got so bored until they snuck inside the young man's bedroom while he was fast asleep after drinking with Zhang Liao and Cao Ren. They began searching quietly until they saw the unthinkable: beside Cao Pi was:
ONE HUGE TEDDY BEAR
Cao Cao, Zhang He and Zhen Ji attempted to hold in their laughter but it suddenly made a sound.
INTRUDERS DETECTED. TRANQ MODE INITIATED
The teddy bear began to fly with a (for some reason,) quiet jet pack and revealed a tranquilizing dart machine gun coming out of its stomach. It sprayed darts at the intruders and they get knocked out.
When they woke up...
"Like it?" It was Cao Pi. "Jia Xu made it for me."
Zhen Ji made a huge face and screamed out:
"JIA XU!"
One Shot 4: A Survey for Sima Shi
Sima Shi woke up only to find a survey in his laptop. He attempted to leave but it said that he can't leave unless he answers the survey. If he tried then, random pop up ads will come out. The masked warrior groans and began to answer the survey.
1. Favorite Food? (Meatbuns)- in the parentheses is Sima Shi's answer
2. Crush? (That girl from Shu)
3. Favorite Show? (Breaking Bad)
4. Have you watched Brokeback Mountain? (Yeah. IT SUCKED)
5. Have you ever read Twilight? (IT WAS BORING)
6. Guan Ping + Xing Cai + Liu Shan= (Too easy! Love Triangle)
7. Explain (Guan Ping likes Xing Cai. Xing Cai admires Liu Shan's virtue stuff and Liu Shan doesn't give a s*** about Guan Ping)
8. NERD! (As if you can answer it by yourself before I gave the answer)
9. If you answer this then, you can leave. Who killed three women in Windhelm from "Skyrim"?
(Easy: Calixto because he needed their body parts for some necromancy ritual on his sister.)
10. NERD! (Shut up!)
Sima Shi noticed that the survey was made by:
"HAN DANG!"
"Sergeant!" It was a military officer.
"You're being called by commander Zhang Liao."
"Yeah. Got it."
Author's unnecessary note: Feels good to be back