Coupons

RWBY

Written from the perspective of Pyrrha Nikos

Summary: Jaune is a compulsive shopper, always doing trying his hardest to get the best deals. When a limited time offer on eggs requires him to bring a significant other… how far will Jaune take Pyrrha for the sake of a coupon?

Author's Notes: The S.S. Arkos will never sink. Never waver. Only the Weiss-Jaune-anic is stronger.

Today, Jaune asked me to be his lover… well, pretend to be.

"Okay so I'm putting my hands on your waist now, okay?" Jaune placed his hand on my waist. "Man, this looks awkward… okay I'm going to wrap my arms around your waist, okay? Is that okay?" I nodded. Jaune placed an arm around my waist. "This is okay, right? You don't feel uncomfortable at all? Because, if you are, just tell me and we can stop. B-But like I really appreciate this. I owe you one."

It felt like paradise.

"Jaune, it's fine," I smiled. "We're only pretending right?" We were waiting in line at the supermarket where there was a special on premium eggs Jaune wanted to get to make omelettes for a boxed lunch. The coupon's only catch was…

"Pretending to be lovers! Look, the coupon is for couples only. And we need to convince everyone that we are a couple," Jaune whispered. He looked around, glancing at everyone else in line. Virtually every other couple in line were elderly and grey. "I don't think we fit in…"

"We fit in just fine," I said as I pulled his arm tighter around my waist. We were more than fine, actually. "Just keep your hands on me. I don't think real couples do the hover hand."

"Y-you're right."

And so we waited in line. It moved slowly like a turtle. I didn't mind, Jaune kept his hand on my waist the whole time.

"Pyrrha! Jaune!"

That was...

"Nora!" Jaune screamed. "W-What are you doing here?" Terror was in his eyes. "Wait... why are you holding hands with Ren?"

Nora smiled that sinister smile of hers. "Why... we are lovers shopping for groceries."

Jaune squinted his eyes, "I thought you two weren't together together..."

Ren sighed. "We aren't but Nora needs eggs for pancakes."

"I can't let you have them! For the sake of this coupon's integrity!" Jaune drew his sword and shield. "Pyrrha!"

"On it!" I drew my spear and hurled my shield at Nora.

She dodged with a back-flip while Ren got knocked. "Why did you even do that!? Can't we all just get the stupid eggs and go home?" Ren held his hand to his head as Nora realized what had occurred. "This is too far for a couple of eggs!"

Jaune looked at me. Perhaps we did go a bit too far. The crowd had scattered and formed a ring around us, watching our scuffle. Jaune sheathed his sword and offered Ren a hand to get up.

"I'm sorry. It was my fault."

Ren grabbed Jaune's hand.

"No, it's mine. Nora, now!"

And Nora swung her hammer at full force knocking Jaune into the stratosphere.

"Hahaha. It's just you and me now, Pyrrha," said Nora. "Oh and Ren's here too. Aw... did my little Ren did a boo-boo?" Nora began kissing Ren's bump on the head from my shield.

"N-Nora! That's so shameless," I shouted. My face was blushing red from embarrassment by her bold displays of affection. "H-How can you do such a thing in public?"

Nora smirked. "The coup-I mean-love makes us do strange things, Pyrrha."

Ren pushed Nora off. "I just want some pancakes."

"Oh yes you do, don't you, Ren? You want some dirty, dirty pancakes don't you! Woof! Woof!" Nora began ruffling Ren's hair. "Who's my cute little sloth? Yes you are! Yes you are!"

An elderly couple behind me were talking.

"Is pancakes how kids say they do the hokey pokey nowadays?" The old man asked.

"I thought it was the hankey pankey, hon," said his equally elderly wife.

"Either way, that's wrong."

Nora screamed at the top of her lungs, "Ren makes the best syrup! I could drown my face in it!"

"It's just so so wrong," the old man muttered.

All I could think of was where Jaune was.

"Pyrrrhhaaa! Heeellppp!"

"Jaune!" I shouted as I aimed my spear and threw it across the city. The spear whistled through the wind before it stopped its flight and pinned Jaune to a building. "I'm coming!" I ran through the streets. Block after block I covered to get to him. He was alright, but he won't last long pinned up five stories.

"Pyrrha," said Jaune as I found him with pigeons surrounding him. "I'm alright."

"I'm glad you're safe, Jaune."

"Hey, so did you get someone to save our place in line?"

"No..."

Jaune's eyes twinkled a bit before he screamed, "nooooo!"

When he got down, there was a look of defeat in his eyes. Our place in line was gone and so was the loss of our prized eggs. "No, no, no," he whimpered sadly. "It's all my fault... if only I didn't fall for Ren and Nora's trick."

I placed a hand of Jaune's shoulder.

"It's alright, Jaune. Maybe there's still a chance some eggs are left."

"We can try..."

I placed a hand on is chin and raised it up. "No, we will definitely try. Come on," I said as I grabbed his hand and pulled him back along to the supermarket. We took our time strolling through the streets. I led Jaune the long way back, through parks and leisure streets. With plenty of windows.

"This is a fancy part of town," Jaune said. "I don't usually go here."

"Then I've got so much to show you. Oh! This is a good cafe," I said as we passed by a favorite small coffee shop of mine. "Someone took me here to try the scones. It was delicious."

"Someone? Like a guy someone?"

I smiled. "Jealous?"

"Unsurprising, actually." I punched him in the shoulder. "Ow! Watch your strength, woman."

"For your information it was another arena fighter."

"Was he handsome?"

"She," I corrected, "was pretty cute, I'd say."

"Oh."

"But we should try it out some day."

"As a team?"

"Maybe just the two of us," I suggested softly.

"That's right! Ren and Nora betrayed us!" I brought my free hand to my face. He's as dense as a rock and I'm sinking further down with him.

When we returned, we found the shopkeeper at the front sweeping the broom.

"Ah, pretty miss and lad. We're out of the eggs today, come again when we have the next sale."

Jaune cursed. I placed a hand on his back and rubbed it. "There, there, Jaune. It's just eggs... besides I got some extra lien. We can just buy some eggs are regular price..."

"It's not the same, Pyrrha! These are the special golden eggs..."

"Oi! Worthless son of mine, are you telling customers we are out of eggs again?" An elderly lady with curling pins in her hair and a rolling pin in hand came out from the back of the supermarket. "You trying to scare away good business?"

"B-but ma," the shopkeeper got a good whack from his mother.

"Alright, lass and lad. Show me you two are lovers and you can have this one the house since you seem to be the prettiest couple we had all day," said the shopkeeper's mother.

"P-Prettiest?" I stuttered. "U-Us?"

"Pyrrha, play a long," Jaune whispered with a nudge before exclaiming. "Pyrrha! My love!"

Okay, gotta play a long Pyrrha. "Jaune! My love."

"Okay, now kiss," said the shopkeeper's mother.

The shopkeeper began chanting: "kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss."

"W-wha?" I've never kissed a boy before!

"Pyrrha... if you want to stop..."

"No." I've resolved myself. My heart is ready. My body isn't. I was trembling. "Do it Jaune."

Jaune placed both hands on my shoulders and leaned in close. It was quick but it felt like an eternity when he consummated our fake relationship. It was warm and wet and confusing and magical and then awkward then suddenly magical again before I realized it was over.

"Damn," said the shopkeeper before his mother whacked him over the head. "Ow!"

"Don't stare, son. That there is true love."

And we walked back to Beacon, hand in hand, with Jaune carrying a box of eggs under his shoulders. And I carried a sweet memory and caught a man I wouldn't let go of. What a great deal.

Coupons Fin

BONUS SCENE

Nora is in the kitchen making pancakes for Ren and herself.

Ren: These pancakes are delicious, Nora.

Nora: Aw, here you go sweetie.

Nora piles on more pancakes onto Ren's plate.

Ren: You know... you don't have to call me sweetie anymore.

Nora places a spatula to her lips.

Nora: I wonder if Jaune and Pyrrha are still mad at us.

Somewhere out in one of Vale's many garden-parks.

Jaune: I made boxed lunches.

Pyrrha: These look delicious. May I?

Jaune: Please. I insist.

Jaune takes a fork and takes a piece of omelette. Jaune holds it up to Pyrrha's mouth.

Pyrrha: J-Jaune! Th-this... this is so bold... and shameless...

Jaune: Pyrrha my darling, please.

Pyrrha ate the best damn omelette of her life.