Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit, fan-based parody. Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball GT and their respective franchises are the property of Funimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV and Akira Toriyama. Hellsing Ultimate is owned by Koura Hirano and Studio Madhouse, and licensed by Geneon, Madman Entertainment, Manga Entertainment, and Funimation. Dragon Ball Z Abridged and Hellsing Ultimate Abridged are the property of TeamFourStar and Takahata101. Please support the official and unofficial release.

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An Unusual Alliance

Chapter 1: Screwing with the Natural Order

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Planet Earth, Hellsing Universe, 2006

An extract from the mission report of Operative Alucard

Now, I know what you're thinking: "How did all of this come about?"

Well, it all started on a midnight stroll through the woods. The air was clear, the moon was full. I was dying to sink my teeth into something.

Get it? Because I'm a vampire. Muahahahahaha…

It's funny.

Anyway, things were going fairly normally – or as normal as they ever do for me, anyway… right up until those weird flying guys showed up.

That's when it got… weird.

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Planet Earth, Dragon Ball Universe, Age 767

"RAAAAAAHHH!"

The roar shook the barren wastelands, as a massive explosion of light blasted outwards, shattering several large rock formations.

After a long moment, the rumbling died down, and the light faded. A single figure hung in the air where one of the largest rock formations had been moments earlier.

Vegeta, prince of the Saiyan race, dropped to the ground, flexing his arms as he glared around. The golden aura of his Super Saiyan transformation swirled around him, stirring up the dust and rubble that his energy blast had created.

It had been less than a day since the battle between the Z-Fighters and the androids, and Vegeta hadn't gotten over it yet. The embarrassment of having the ever-loving crap kicked out of him – by Android 18, a girl, no less – had left him absolutely livid, and he'd decided to take out his frustration on this wasteland.

Deciding to take a break from training, he sat on a large, roughly flat chunk of rubble, and began to carry out another of his favorite training activities; namely, rationalizing his actions.

"No, you see, I didn't f*ck up," he muttered to himself. "I just underestimated her. I'll admit; I went in a little too overconfident. But of course I was a little overconfident. I mean, have you met me? I'm me! I'm a big deal!"

He clenched his hands into fists, glaring at the ground. "And you know who's really at fault here?" His eyes narrowed. "The boy."

Vegeta hopped up and began pacing in a circle, his ranting slowly increasing in volume as the thoughts of his time-traveling son from the future fueled his rage. "'Oh, the future is so bad!' Well, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you weren't such a pansy-ass!"

Coming to a halt, he tilted his head back, glaring upwards at the sky as his golden aura flared to life around him. "Now, once I get back in the game, and destroy those metal brats–"

And that was when the entire world turned upside down.

A blinding white light flashed from every direction at once, blinding him. A moment later, a deafening rushing sound, like the roar of a flooding river, echoed in his ears, and he felt a sudden falling sensation, as if the ground had suddenly vanished from under his feet. The strange feeling intensified, as if he was being pulled by a powerful current, faster and faster.

"What – the hell – is – happening?!" Vegeta roared. He could barely hear his own voice, even though he was shouting at the top of his lungs.

And then, just as suddenly as it began, the rushing sound, the blinding light, and the falling sensation vanished… only for Vegeta to realize that he was plummeting straight into the middle of a forest.

In the moment before impact, he caught a glimpse of the sky overhead. Bizarrely, it appeared to be the middle of the night, although it had been midday right before the blinding flash of light.

Vegeta frowned. What in the…

That was when he slammed into the ground, and everything went black.

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About five minutes later…

Vegeta opened his eyes, to find himself staring up at a star-filled night sky through the branches of several tall trees. He sat up slowly, rubbing his aching head, and realized that he was lying in a deep crater in the forest floor.

As he looked off to his left, the first sight that greeted him was a second crater a few yards away, and a third off to his right.

"Uh… ow, my head," a familiar voice muttered from the crater on his left. "What the hell was that?"

Vegeta's eyes widened. Is that the Namekian?

Sure enough, Piccolo sat up, looking around with a confused expression on his face. When he saw Vegeta, he scowled. "Oh, great."

"What the hell just happened?" Vegeta snapped.

"How should I know? One second I'm flying over to Gingertown; the next second there's a flash of light, and I slam into the ground. And…" Piccolo looked up at the sky in puzzlement. "Wait, what the hell? It wasn't night before, it was the middle of the day!"

"Uhhh…" The pained groan came from the third crater. "What… what happened?"

Piccolo's eyes widened in surprise. "Trunks?"

Vegeta's head snapped around, staring incredulously at the crater. "Trunks?!"

The adolescent half-Saiyan from the future crawled out of the impact crater, shaking his head repeatedly to clear his vision. "What was that?" he mumbled. "I was leaving to check out what was going on in Gingertown, and then…" He blinked, looking up at Vegeta and Piccolo. "Where are we?"

"Actually, that's a very good question," Piccolo decided. "What kind of place is this?"

"How the hell should I know?" Vegeta countered.

Trunks looked around uneasily, adjusting his purple Capsule Corporation jacket. "I can't sense anyone around here, but I think there are some people off that way." He pointed off into the forest."

Piccolo's eyes narrowed as he looked in the direction that Trunks was pointing, as he used his acute hearing in an attempt to pinpoint any sounds in that direction.

After a few seconds, his eyes opened wide in surprise, and he took a step back involuntarily.

Vegeta and Trunks turned to face him in surprise.

"Uh, Piccolo?" Trunks asked. "What is it?"

Piccolo's gaze flicked over to him. "Okay, I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?"

"Ah… good news," Trunks decided.

"Well, the good news is, you're right; there's definitely a bunch of people that way. I can hear them."

"So what's the bad news?" Vegeta spoke up.

Piccolo sighed. "The bad news is, most of them are screaming."

Trunks gulped audibly.

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The three fighters quickly took to the air, flying directly towards the source of the people that Piccolo had heard. The night was illuminated by a huge full moon, which seemed to be hanging in the sky overhead.

It didn't take them long to reach the location; a small town. Several of the houses were in flames, and the occasional scream echoed through the night.

"Oh, God damn it," Piccolo muttered under his breath.

As they approached the town, Trunks noticed that most of the inhabitants seemed to be gathered together in the center of town, although their energy signatures seemed to be oddly faint, as if they'd been muffled by something. Pulling slightly ahead, he called back, "Follow me!" and made a rapid descent, landing lightly behind a house near the crowd's location.

As Piccolo and Vegeta landed behind him, Trunks crept forwards and peered around the corner of the house, just in time to see a large group of people standing a few yards away. They were gathered around a man dressed in the attire of a priest, who was holding a struggling blond girl in his arms. Bizarrely, their eyes were glowing with a sickly purple light; many of them were covered in blood, and had visible injuries on their bodies; and they all appeared to have fangs.

"Why are we hiding?" Vegeta demanded in a hiss, only to cut off abruptly when he saw the transformed people.

"What the hell is going on here?" Piccolo said out loud to no one in particular.

Then, to their surprise, someone else appeared in the clearing, striding out of the forest.

He was a tall, thin man, well over six feet in height. He wore a full-length red trenchcoat, as well as a large red hat and glowing orange glasses that concealed his face. His skin, where it was visible on his hands and neck, was ghostly pale.

Piccolo frowned. And who the hell is this?

The man strolled casually across the clearing, completely ignoring the transformed people around him, and came to a halt directly in front of the man dressed as a priest.

"So, you came," the priest hissed in a harsh, rasping voice. "Too bad you're far too late."

The man in the trenchcoat tilted his head. "What?" His voice was the opposite; a deep, smooth, cultured baritone.

"Everyone else is already dead," the priest replied. He grinned sadistically, showing that his teeth were actually long, dagger-like fangs. "Except this little tart." He tightened his grip on the girl as she continued trying to get away. "But, trust me, I still plan to kill her."

The guy in the trenchcoat hadn't reacted in any way to this statement. "Mm-hmm."

"But first…" The priest chuckled. "I'm going to rape her!"

"Neat."

"But before I can do any of that, I'm going to kill you!"

The man in the trenchcoat removed his glasses, revealing that, beneath the orange lenses, his eyes were glowing bright red. "Oh?" His eyes narrowed. "See, that would be intimidating, if you were… well, intimidating."

"Grrr…" The priest's hands clenched into fists. "Are you mocking me?!"

"Oh, no! No, no, no, no…" The man in the trenchcoat grinned, revealing that he also had fangs. "Pfft… Yeah." With that, he produced an oversized pistol from inside the trenchcoat, moving so fast that the action was only a blur. He lifted the pistol and fired, blowing a hole through the right side of the hostage's chest and straight through the priest's heart.

*"Shot through the heart!"*

Both the girl and the priest crumpled to the ground.

Immediately, the group of purple-eyed villagers charged, but the red-clad man vanished in a blur. He reappeared with an explosion of blood, carving effortlessly through the crowd. The sounds of his gun firing repeatedly echoed through the air, each shot dropping another of the creatures.

Trunks flinched, his eyes wide in alarm and a rapidly increasing nausea at the sight of the brutal carnage.

Vegeta, for his part, actually seemed intrigued. "I like his style," he commented.

"You would," Piccolo replied flatly.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

From start to finish, it took the tall, pale man less than a minute to slaughter every last one of the purple-eyed monsters. He came to a halt in front of the fallen girl, straightened up and holstered his gun with an amused smile. "Well, that should about wrap things up here," he said, putting his orange glasses back on.

"Unh…" the girl gasped, blood leaking from the corners of her mouth. "Gah…"

The pale man looked down at her in surprise. "Oh, yeah, forgot about you. Sorry about that whole 'shooting you' thing, but I know, if you look deep into your heart…" He glanced around. "Which is currently all over that tree… you'll find a way to forgive me."

The girl made a soft whimpering noise, which was cut off by another gurgling gasp of pain.

"Aw, jeez; you look like a puppy!" the pale man complained. "A blonde, eviscerated puppy!"

The girl whimpered again.

"Christ, fine, I'll help you!" the pale man snapped. "But only because you've got nice tits."

As they watched, the pale man kneeled beside the girl, placing an arm around her shoulders, and – to their astonishment, and Trunks's horror – he opened his mouth and sank his fangs into her neck.

"No!" Trunks yelled. He burst out from behind the building and rocketed forward towards the pale man, drawing one fist back to strike.

"Oh, God damn it!" Piccolo snapped, launching himself after Trunks. Vegeta was right behind him.

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Just as Alucard bit into the police girl's neck, waiting for the bite to take effect and begin her transition, the sound of a yell reached his keen ears.

"Huh?" He turned, just as a hurtling fist slammed into his face, knocking him backwards and sending him tumbling across the clearing.

The vampire rolled to a stop and jumped to his feet, just in time to see a young guy with lavender hair standing protectively over the girl. Obviously, he was the owner of that fist.

"What was that for?" Alucard protested.

"Stay away from her!" the kid yelled, entering some kind of fighting stance.

"Oh, for the love of…" Alucard sighed. "I really don't have time for this right now. If I'm not back by midnight, my supervisor is going to blow a gasket. Not that I don't enjoy causing that, but it's suuuper annoying when she lectures me about it. So, as much as I'd enjoy killing you, could we do this another time?"

The kid stared at him for a moment, dumbstruck. "I… what?"

"If you don't mind, that is." The vampire smiled faintly. "Also, I really need to finish with that girl, so if you wouldn't mind–"

"No way in hell!" the kid snarled, instantly back on his guard. "I'm not letting you near her again!"

"Well, if you don't, she's going to die," Alucard replied honestly. "I was about to save her, when somebody decided to punch me in the face. So, you can either let me do help her, or I can go through you – literally. Fair warning; it'll be violent. Very violent."

"Trunks, back off!" another voice called, as a tall guy with green skin, wearing a purple outfit, a white cape with shoulder pads, and a turban, appeared behind the purple-haired kid. It took Alucard a second to realize that he had dropped from overhead.

Alucard raised an eyebrow. "Wow, someone with even worse fashion sense than me. That's neat."

"Hey!" the green guy exclaimed in irritation.

Privately, Alucard thought, I must overcome this man. I have a fashion rival, and I must vanquish him. Also, just as an observation; he's a green, flying man with a cape and turban, and that's fucking weird.

"Okay, so are we going to fight, talk, or what?" another male voice interrupted, as a short guy with spiked-up black hair dropped out of the air and landed next to the purple-haired boy.

And now this one can fly too, Alucard observed with interest. Huh.

"Honestly, I'm open to either one," he replied. "But, either way, I'd like to save that girl's life first."

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Upon hearing the pale man's request, Vegeta shrugged. "Yeah, sure, go ahead. Whatever."

Trunks gawked at him incredulously. "But, Dad–"

"Oh, just relax, would you?" the Saiyan prince snapped. He nodded to the pale man, pulling Trunks away from the girl. "All yours."

The pale man grinned. "Thanks." He walked across to the girl, crouched down beside her, picked her up, and bit into her neck again.

Trunks winced, turned and looked away.

"So, not to sound rude, but biting her neck doesn't exactly seem like something that would save someone's life," Piccolo pointed out.

The pale man pulled back for a moment. "Well, if you must know, I'm a vampire, and she's dying, so the only way I can help her is by turning her into a vampire. Which I am now doing." With that, he bit down on her neck again.

Vegeta groaned audibly. "You have got to be kidding me," he muttered.

"Wait, wait, wait," Piccolo replied. "You're a vampire?"

"Well, do I look human to you?" the pale man mumbled, before biting down again.

Vegeta considered that for a moment, and then shook his head. "Uh… yeah, I'm gonna go with no."

"Well, then there's your answer," the pale man replied promptly. "Now, for the love of Christ, let me finish in peace, would you?"

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Once the pale man – the vampire, that is – was finished with the process of turning the girl into a vampire, he led the way back through the forest, carrying her unconscious body in his arms. Vegeta, Trunks and Piccolo followed, not sure why they'd chosen to accompany him.

"So, where exactly are we going?" Piccolo spoke up.

"My home," the vampire replied. "Don't worry, you're with me; the guards shouldn't cause you any trouble." He glanced back at them. "By the way, I saw you flying back there; how did you do that?"

"Long story," the Namekian countered.

The vampire shrugged. "Fair enough. Can I get your names, though? Might help when I have to explain to my boss why I brought the three of you along."

"Yeah, that's fine. I'm Piccolo, this is Vegeta, and that's Trunks." Piccolo indicated each of the other two as he spoke. "And what's your name?"

A grin flickered across the vampire's face. "Alucard. Head operative of the Hellsing Organization, immortal vampire, defender of the world from evil, and – my own personal favorite – bitch-master extraordinaire." He smirked, shaking Piccolo's hand. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Same to you."

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AN: Hello, everyone, and welcome to my newest story, An Unusual Alliance! Now, as some of you may be noticing, this isn't exactly a serious crossover between Dragon Ball Z and Hellsing Ultimate; instead, this is actually a parody crossover. This story is a crossover between two famous Abridged parody series; TeamFourStar's DBZ Abridged and Hellsing Ultimate Abridged. I only got into watching Hellsing Ultimate Abridged fairly recently, and when I saw it for the first time, I randomly got an idea; "What would happen if these two shows had a crossover?" And so, I decided to write one. Unfortunately, this story will have a limit to how much I can write for it, since it'll be following the events of Hellsing Abridged, and that series updates VERY slowly (literally only one new episode a year, I think). So, I'll write it until it's up to the end of Episode 4 of Hellsing Abridged (the newest one, for now), and then it'll just be on hiatus until the next episode comes out. So, for now, enjoy the story!

I greatly appreciate receiving feedback on my writing, so if anyone has a question or comment regarding this chapter or the story as a whole, please review! (No hate, please; that's not fun for me or for anyone else who has to read it.)

See you all next time!