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Disclaimer: Castle is not mine :/

[Every Second Counts]

The boys have other plans and that's perfectly fine with Kate. She doesn't mind some one-on-one time with Castle. In fact, she's rather looking forward to it, especially considering they never had the chance to continue their conversation from yesterday about missed opportunities, and it gave her a sense of hope.

That wall of hers has been coming down. It's just a matter of time now. And perhaps this conversation will be the final nudge of the wrecking ball.

She follows him as he walks up to her desk. "So, I guess it's just us," she offers, with her arms crossed, trying to hide just how excited she is, although she knows it's a difficult task to do.

"Yeah."

Rick rests his jacket over his arm and doesn't say anything else. This catches Kate off guard a bit. But the more she thinks it over, the more she recognizes how distant he's been today, and she can't seem to put a finger on it.

Maybe he's just as nervous as she is?

She glances down. "You know that the case is done," she pauses, meets his gaze, "What did you want to talk about?"

He hesitates to speak, unsure if he should say anything or blow it off. The pain that courses through his veins and pumps out of his heart is numbing, and he can't go through all of this agony again. Kate waits patiently, seeking his eyes.

He can't do it. He gives a small shake of his head, waving it off. "Nothing. Nothing important anyway."

Kate's confused, and before she can respond, ask why, he's already leaving.

"I'm gonna head home," he tells her coldly. "Night."

Standing there, she stares at the spot where he had just been, her mind trying to wrap around what just happened. She calls out to him, even though she's sure he isn't listening. "Good night...?"

She tucks a strand of hair behind her hair then grabs her jacket, and she can't help but wonder what that was all about. Just when things are starting to look good for them, for their relationship, he's rigid and dismissive.

They've been growing closer. And now? Now, it's like they're growing apart.

It doesn't make any sense.

Kate slips one arm in and then the other, before she flicks her hair out from the collar. That's when she glances over at the elevator, and what awaits her crushes her heart. The double doors close on his dark expression, his eyes briefly meeting hers before he's gone.

Something's happened.

She thinks back over the day, her thoughts drifting toward the interrogation room. When they were interrogating Leanne, he'd been cold and stiff next to her. The words he'd spoken still hung in the air like a fog.

"Sinning by silence— it's not smart, it's not brave. It's just cowardly."

As she walks toward the elevator, taking the same path he had taken just moments ago, she can't help but feel that his words weren't aimed at their suspect.

No. They were aimed at her.

Her heart sinks down to her stomach as she calls the elevator.

He had just gone to pour his heart out, tell her he didn't want them to miss out in their chance to be— well, he didn't really know, but they'd been making progress.

And then she hits him with this.

She'd known this whole time— this whole damn time, yet she didn't say anything. Instead, she lied to him and used that knowledge to keep him around and lead him on.

As the elevator takes him down, he slumps against the back wall and lets his emotions get the better of him.

God. She remembers.

He has no idea why she chose to lie to him instead of telling him the truth. The only way it makes sense in his mind is that she doesn't reciprocate his feelings.

How could he have been so oblivious? She's been faking it for months, and he is so hopelessly in love with her that he'd given into her lies. He thought that maybe she felt the same way. His thoughts drift back to their conversation on the swings back in August, where he thought that he had a chance, that they had a chance.

Boy, he was wrong. And now his heart is paying the price for it.

He reaches his loft in record time, immediately heading for his office and the bottle of scotch he has hiding in the bottom cabinet of his desk. Shedding his jacket off and dumping it on the chair, he rolls his shirtsleeves up before he grabs the bottle and pours three fingers worth.

He hopes that this will ease the ache in his chest. If not, there's still a full bottle left.

Downing the drink, Rick relishes in the burn it leaves down his throat and immediately pours another glass. He slouches in his desk chair, the affects of the scotch leaving a buzzing in his bones and he aches to feel it again, so he tosses back the second helping of scotch.

A small choke erupts from the back of his throat and he wipes his chin with the back of his hand as the coughing subsides. That's when he lets the tears fall, unable to hold back any longer. He's thankful his mother and daughter aren't here right now; otherwise he doesn't think he'd be able to handle it.

Being alone allows him to be vulnerable and open. When he's alone, there's no chance of his heart getting broken.

It's better this way, he thinks.

At least, it will be. One day.

He pours one more glass of scotch, coughs it back, and stands. His feet are sluggish as he carries himself toward his bedroom, where he tears his clothes off and leaves a trail behind him, his eyes on the shower.

Rick's completely naked by the time he reaches the en-suite. With a flick of his wrist, the showerhead springs to life and hot water gushes out. Not having the patience to wait for it to cool down, he steps under the harsh spray, letting the scalding water burn into his skin like fire. It doesn't take long for the entire bathroom to be filled with steam.

Steam is clouding the shower stall as the hot water barrels down, the air heavy. His back hits the wall; the coolness of the tile is a stark contrast of the warm water against his skin. He takes in a deep breath, eyes shutting closed, his hands clenched in fists as he lets the steam surround him.

The thick air makes it difficult to breathe, his lungs ache with each breath and he decides to focus on that. In and out, he breathes. After a few minutes of this, he shuts the water off and steps out.

Quickly wrapping a towel around his waist, he heads for his room but halts in his tracks when there's a knock on his front door. His heart plummets at the thought of Kate being on the other side of that door. Maybe if he ignores—

The knocking grows impatient, the banging increasing in loudness. Giving up, he slips into his black robe and secures the tie before padding out to the living room. A trail of wet footprints is left in his wake. He can clean it up later.

He opens the door and just as he'd suspected, there she is.

Reeling in all of his grief, he shifts uncomfortably and gives her what he hopes is an annoyed look. "Beckett, what do you want?"

She takes in his appearance, her eyes working their way up from his feet to the top of his head before she settles on his eyes. "Can we talk?"

Rick is unresponsive as he clings to the door, almost as if he's ready to slam it in her face. Silence greets her as she waits for a reply.

"Please?"

Huffing, he steps back and opens the door. "Make it quick."

Kate nods, a thankful smile tugging at one corner of her lips as she steps over the threshold and inside. Okay, this is good. At least he's not shutting her out completely.

He directs her toward his study, taking a seat at his desk chair as soon as he gets inside, while Kate stands awkwardly in front of his desk. She fiddles with her keys, eyes focusing on them as she hears the telltale sound of Rick fixing himself another drink.

Not sure where to start, Kate shuffles on her feet. If the clearing of his throat is any indication that she's being too slow, the slow ticking of the clock on his desk just adds to her nerves.

"You've been acting really weird ever since this afternoon," Kate eventually says, pocketing her keys. "And I just wanted to see if everything's okay, but from what I can tell it's not," she nods at the bottle of scotch. "What's going on, Castle?"

He has a glare for her in return. "As if you don't already know..."

What the hell…?

"No. No, I don't. That's why I'm asking. Did I do something wrong? Because if I did, I had no intention of hurting you in the process." Kate's desperate for an actual answer. He can't just blow it off. Not again.

"It's more what you didn't do," he says, taking a swig from his scotch. "Man. I knew you had a good poker face, but I truly had no idea as to the extent it could go."

The tone in his voice is one she hasn't heard in a long time; it sends chills down her spine. He's angry.

"What are you talking about?" She really didn't know, but she wanted to find out.

"I was there... This morning."

"I know. I got your coffee. But what—"

He cuts her off, is anything but gentle about it. "The interrogation, Beckett. When you were interrogating Bobby, I was behind the glass. And, well, let's just say I heard."

"You— you heard?" He nods. "Everything?"

Oh God. That means…

"Enough," he flatly says. "Tell me. When did you plan on telling me you remember? Because over the past seven months or so, I've asked and you've pushed it to the side, telling me that you don't remember. You lied. You lied straight to my face for months, with me none the wiser."

"I— I'm so sorry. I just couldn't—"

"Couldn't what?" Rick growls, his eyes darkening. "You know, a man can only take so much rejection, and if that's why you're here, then you might as well leave now."

Kate's nearly in tears. "No. Castle!"

"What?" He barks, causing her to flinch in response.

Sucking in a shaky breath, she steps forward and grips the edge of the desk. "I never meant to hurt you."

He snorts in disgust. "Maybe you should have thought about that before you lied to me for almost a year."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"The more you say it, the less truth it holds."

He's cold with her, no emotion bleeding through all while she is practically sobbing in front of him. What the hell is happening right now?

"Castle—"

He looks away. "I think you should go. You know where the door is."

He's not about to push her out. No, not this time. Kate stands her ground, her voice gaining the strength, the calmness that she's been lacking this whole time. "No. I'm not leaving. We need to talk."

"So now you want to talk?" Rick asks on a laugh that Kate's never heard from him before, and she doesn't like it. "That's new seeing as you haven't been one for honesty or opening up."

"I'm trying. Can't you see that?" Silence awaits her. "No. Of course you can't, because you are too stubborn to even listen. If this is what I get for trying to make an effort..." She throws her hands up in surrender and makes a beeline for the door, leaving him sulking in his chair.

He stands, slamming his drink down on his desk. "I'm too stubborn? Are you fucking kidding me?"

Kate doesn't respond. She merely walks out the door, as Rick is hot on her trail, the tails of his robe flittering behind him as he briskly catches up with her.

"Don't you walk away from me, Kate Beckett! I'm not finished with you."

She whirls around, anger and sadness washing over her face in a mixture of emotions. "Oh really? Because it sure didn't seem that way a few seconds ago."

"Yeah. And I'm the stubborn one," he huffs bitterly, but his resolve falters slightly as the raw emotion takes over.

He takes a seat on the armrest of the couch and leans over, his elbows on his knees as he runs his fingers through his hair. Kate watches from a short distance and let's him gather himself.

It's the first time since she's been here that he doesn't look so angry.

And she has no idea if that's a good or bad thing. Either way, it makes her heart break to see him like this.

It's another minute before he speaks again. "God. Do you even realize what it was like for me that day? I saw you die in that ambulance. I had no idea if I was ever going to see you again. Then to see you for the first time afterwards, only to have you tell me you didn't remember, it—"

"It what, Rick?"

He looks up to find her closer, and he let's out a sigh. "It made me think you didn't feel the same way. I mean, how— how am I supposed to react to that, Kate? You lied to me. And you were too damn stubborn, too damn proud to be honest with me."

She hears the break in his voice and immediately runs to him, her arms wrapping around his shoulders as she hugs him. Her fingers run through his hair, cradling his head in her chest. And Rick, surprisingly, doesn't pull away. He welcomes her embrace instead.

"I'm sorry, Rick. I know I've said it countless times, but I mean it." She pulls his head away in order to meet his eyes; those blue orbs of his are misty with unshed tears. "I am truly, deeply sorry that I lied to you. I know it was wrong of me, I should've been honest from the very beginning, but I was struggling. I needed time to heal, to come to terms with everything that happened that day."

Rick shudders as the tears fall down, his cheeks are flushed and he cants forward, his forehead resting against Kate's abdomen. His hands grip her jacket in a white-knuckled clasp, and she can only hug him, comfort him as he lets go. She even has a few tears slipping down.

"I'm sorry, Castle," she whispers into his hair. It's easier than she'd expected but she says the words she's wanted to say for a long time now. "I love you."

When those words are uttered, Rick tugs her closer, needing to feel every bit of her lithe form against his body, desperately seeking that connection of touch, and Kate lets him, in fact, she strives for it too.

"I love you, Rick."

Kate is standing in the vee of his legs, the robe opening slightly as she leans into him. It's not until she becomes more aware of how naked he is underneath that she feels him. All of him. And Rick notices this around the same time she does.

"Castle…" her breath is shaky, the evidence of her arousal, her want can be heard in the single utterance of his name.

Lifting his body away, arms still circling her waist, he meets her gaze and what he sees knocks the air out of him. He sees love, desire, lust all mixed together in the greens and browns of her beautiful eyes.

Before he can say a word, Kate's lips are on his in a fierce kiss that reverberates throughout his entire body, all the way from his mouth to the tips of his toes. His tongue traces over the seam of her lips, aggressive and impatient, and she opens to him, a moan escaping her uncontrollably.

Rick leaves her mouth and begins to trail kisses along her jaw. His fingers slip under her jacket, practically tearing it off her arms. Kate continues to ravish his lips, a gasp leaving as soon as he touches her bare skin underneath her sweater. With her jacket out of the way, he trails the curve of her spine and she arches into him, delicious friction building at the contact.

Her skin is hot, so hot, burning under his touch and she can't help but rock her hips into his, groaning as the pressure builds between her legs. She can feel him hard against her, the robe not leaving much to the imagination.

Kate's hands trips over the belt of his robe, and she gives it a small tug. He gasps, pulling away from her. He stands, his form towering over hers, even though she's wearing heels. His eyes are dark as they gaze down at her, and she gulps when she feels his large hands mapping out her lower back.

It happens in a flash, so fast she doesn't really know what's happening. One minute she's standing, then the next she's switched spots with Rick, who is currently removing her heels with ferocity and speed. Her bum is barely resting on the armrest of the couch, her legs draping over the side. Kate's pants are ripped from her legs and she groans when his palms drag along her calves and go all the way up to her thighs.

"Kate—"

Fingers in his hair, she mewls when he starts to press open-mouth kisses on the inside of each leg, purposefully skipping over the part she wishes he'd touch. It's a sweet form of torture, one she could certainly get used to.

"Please, Rick. Please…"

Her pleads ring in his ears, but he doesn't give in. "Please what?"

God, he's evil. "Touch me. Please. Please touch me."

That's all he needs. Her grip tightens, holding him to the apex of her legs as his tongue comes into contact with the black lace of her panties. It's too much and she feels the coiling in her lower abdomen.

She's so close, and God, he's way too good at this.

Sliding her panties to the side, he grazes a finger along her wetness and attaches his mouth to her bundle of nerves. Just the feel of his mouth on her sets her off. She grips her legs around his head, holding him as she tumbles off the edge and into the pool of ecstasy.

"Oh God!" She shrieks and her eyes shut closed as her orgasm rushes through her. Kate shudders, her hips undulating against his talented mouth and fingers.

It takes her a few minutes to come down from the high. But, as soon as she's recovered, she yanks him up to her mouth and kisses him with everything she's got. She can taste herself on his lips, and that's just turns her on more.

"I need you, Rick," her voice low and throaty, while her chest heaves against his.

He grins against her, his forehead leaning against hers as he lifts and takes off the bathrobe, before he helps her remove the rest of her clothing. Kate's purple sweater, her black bra and panties go flying across the room, and before she can let the chill wash over her exposed skin, his hot hands are caressing her.

Then, he's lifting her hips slightly and bending down enough so he's now lined up with her core. In a single motion, he's pushing inside, strong and solid and filling her completely.

Kate tries to breathe, her fingers digging into the broad stretch of his back, feeling the strong muscles beneath. She shudders, letting out moan after moan as her muscles stretch around him. He's so big and she's so tight.

She sinks her teeth into the skin at his neck, arching her back so her breasts press against his chest. A groan rumbles from deep within him; his breath on her skin, his hands on her thighs, the intensity blooming between her legs as he thrusts into her wet heat.

It's all too much.

Fisting her hands in his hair, her whole body is so tightly wound that all she can do is clench around him and moan. He lifts her thigh up, changing the angle, and that's when she falls apart. Kate's body seizes up, she slides against him, and her body goes slack against his. He grinds into her, faster, harder, and he comes with a single buck of his lips.

Time passes by, and it's a long moment— that of a single heartbeat— before either of them open their eyes.

"That… that was—" he starts, not finding the words to describe just how incredible that was, how incredible she is.

"Yeah," she supplies, smiling up at him and it makes his knees buckle.

Rick leans down, pressing his lips to her forehead, then he removes himself from her and before she can even process what's happening, his hands are underneath her, lifting her up from the couch and holding her against his chest. She wraps her legs around him, her arms circling his neck as she clutches to stay upright.

He strides toward the bedroom, not paying attention to where he's going. His eyes are on her as she rests in his arms.

Kate has a tender kiss for him.

Neither speaks as they make it to the bedroom, their eyes speaking and conveying more than their words ever could.

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