The Naked Youth, Part 1

A parody based on "The Naked Truth" (also known as "The Hong Kong Arc)

. .

. . . . .

Takaba, Kou, and Takato walked down the dimly lit corridor toward Takaba's apartment.

Kou has a huge grin on his face. "Oh man... this is going to be so much fun! Three dudes staying up all night, eating hotpot and drinking warm beer on a hot summer's night. Doesn't get any better than this. I just love manly bonding!"

Takaba pulls out his keys to unlock the door. "Yeah, we're always staying up all night drinking. By the way Takato, I gotta ask you something... doesn't your wife mind that you stay out all night with us? I mean, you even spent all New Year's Day with us instead of her."

Kou turns to Takato, flabbergasted. "You're MARRIED? When did THAT happen?"

"A few weeks ago, back in Chapter Three. You should know, you were there!" Takato frowns, "There was a cop stalking Akihito back then... remember?"

"There's ALWAYS somebody stalking me," Takaba grumbles.

"But... but..." Kou stammers, "the guy that got married had BLACK hair!"

"Well... you see," Takato explains, "I dyed it, and then... uh, I dyed it back again afterwards."

Takaba opens the door. "So Takato, it doesn't bother your wife AT ALL that you..."

"AAAAH!" Kou yells suddenly. "Akihito! You've been robbed!" Kou and Takato stare at the trashed apartment.

Takaba turns red. "No... I've just been too busy to clean. Sorry about that. Let me just clear off a place so we can put these groceries down..."

"There's a clean spot over there..." Takato points, "where your computer used to be."

"AAAAH!" Takaba yells suddenly. "I've been robbed!

. . . . .

Takaba is sitting in a nice restaurant, chatting on his cell phone with his friend, Kou.

"I'm having a terrible day! I'm going to be totally busy for the next two weeks. The thief also stole all my photo disks, so I have to re-shoot everything."

"You know you are the most awesome friend in the world to invite us along for one of your re-shoots! I mean WOW! The food... the free drinks... the yacht... the free drinks..."

"Ha ha!" Takaba laughs, "How much have you had to drink, Kou? Where did you get the crazy idea that I invited you along for one of my photo re-shoots?"

"From that beautiful model you have working for you... who came and picked us up in that limo! She said you arranged it all."

"Model? What model?" Takaba asks puzzled.

"The beautiful Chinese woman! You know... with the long silky hair, sultry eyes, husky voice..."

"Ehh? I don't know any beautiful Chinese women with long silky hair, sultry eyes..."

Fei Long walks in. He flips his long silky hair back in a total model move, then sits down at Takaba's table and glares at him.

"Hey... something just came up. I'll call you back."

Takaba ends the call and puts his phone down. "Look, about what happened before... that was ALL a misunderstanding! I swear, there's NOTHING between Asami and me."

"Is that why you think I'm here?" Fei Long slips his hand over Takaba's. "Think again."

"Oh, umm..." Takaba tries to pull his hand away but Fei Long grips it tightly. "You know, you and Asami have SO much more in common than you and I do. You know... like a life of crime, shooting at each other for fun, raping innocent young men... you two should really get together and make up, because I've honestly never seen two people who were truly meant for each other."

Fei Long smiles. "I'm only interested in Asami's disk."

Takaba blushes furiously. "OH! Well... it is rather large... and h-he really knows how to use it, but..."

Fei Long growls. "DISK! D- I- S- K. With an 'S' not a 'C', you idiot!"

"Oh! Sorry, I though maybe you had... a lisp."

Fei Long digs his fingernails into Takaba's hand. "Where are your friends, Kou and Takato?"

Takaba winces from the pain. "How do you know who my...?" Takaba looks at his phone as realization sets in. "Oh no..."

"I'll make a deal with you. You give me the disk, with the information intact, and I'll give you back your friends... with all their vital organs intact. Does that sound like a fair deal to you?" Fei Long gives him an evil smile.

Takaba grumbles, "Not really. Somehow I think I'm gonna end up getting screwed in the end."

. . . . .

Later at a marina, Kou and Takato watch as Fei Long exits a car and strolls past them.

"Isn't that just the sexiest thing you've ever seen?" Kou sighs. "She's a stunner! I swear Takato, I'm in love!"

Takato scrunches up his face. "You realize that's a man, right?"

Kou turns to Takato. "A man?! No way!" He looks back at Fei Long again and shrugs. "I'd still tap that."

Takato rolls his eyes, "You'd tap anything even remotely warm-blooded that moved... if it would let you get close enough."

Kou gazes at Fei Long dreamily, not really listening, "Yeah..."

. . . . .

Takaba walks into the hotel room. "Wow! The Imperial Suite!" Takaba smirks, "You didn't have to go to all this trouble just for me."

Asami crosses his arms. "I didn't. I have to go to a meeting and everyone attending the meeting is staying here, so it makes sense for me to get a room here as well."

Takaba shakes his head, "No, it doesn't. You already live close by. Try again."

Asami glances at the phone. "I'm expecting a phone call from someone, but he wrote the number down wrong. He was off by one digit. This room happens to have the phone with that number."

Takaba looks surprised. "Really?"

"I just felt compelled to get a room," Asami says irritably. "I really don't know why."

Takaba takes a deep breath. "Your boyfriend, Fei Long came to see me."

"He's not my boyfriend," Asami growls.

Takaba's lip quirks upward, "Sorry... your EX-boyfriend."

Asami glares at him. "Are you purposely trying to piss me off?"

"No... NO!" Takaba puts his hands up apologetically. "I'm not. I just need a small disk... I mean, FAVOR!"

Asami looks at him sternly, "I'm not giving you that damn computer disk. Do you have any idea what's on it?"

"Um... porn?" Takaba says meekly.

"You wish," Asami smirks.

Takaba tries to think of a way to manipulate Asami, and then remembers that Asami seems to have a weakness for tears. He turns his back, thinks of something sad, and then turns back around. Tears are now streaming down his face.

"So..." Takaba's lip quivers ever so slightly, "You won't help my friends?"

Suddenly an intense emotional look comes over Asami's face. Takaba begins to do a mental victory dance.

Asami grabs Takaba, "Nope." His lips crush against Takaba's in a passionate kiss.

Takaba panics and struggles, breaking the kiss. He manages to push Asami away. "Wait! Look... I'm crying! See the tears?"

Asami looks at him, his eyes blazing with mad desire. "Oh yes! Seeing a cute young man cry makes me incredibly horny. Always has." He lunges at Takaba.

"Ah! Oh shit... I got that wrong, didn't I? No... WAIT!"

Asami grabs Takaba by his shirt and drags him to the bed.

. . . . .

Fei Long is pacing back and forth at a bayside restaurant. He walks over to Kou and smiles sweetly at him. "I think you need to call your little friend and find out what's taking him so long to get here."

Kou shrugs, "Maybe he couldn't make it?"

"CALL HIM!"

Kou pulls out his phone, "Yeah... you know, I think I'll give him a call to find out what's taking him so long to get here."

Kou taps Takaba's name on his phone. Fei Long leans toward the phone so he can listen. Kou grins like an idiot and snuggles closer to Fei Long.

"Hahhh...ahh... yes..."

"Hey Akihito! It's getting late. When are you coming out here?

"Uhh... ummm...there..."

"Yeah, out to the marina."

"Ohhh yes...right... THERE!"

"Well, the party is about to get started. Do you want us to wait for you?"

"Mmm...no...NO! Please... don't stop..."

"Well, hurry up then! We'll be outside."

"Haah... hot... sooo hot...!"

"Actually, I'd say it's quite pleasant. There's a really nice breeze out here. So? Are you coming or not?!"

"Ahhh...yes... YES... YES! COMING!"

Kou turns to Fei Long. "He says he's coming."

Fei Long grabs the phone, "Give me that!" He listens for a few seconds, his face reddening.

Fei Long growls into the phone, "Be here by 4 o'clock, or else your friends are dead!" He hands the phone back to Kou and stomps off.

Kou looks at Fei Long, puzzled. "Does this mean we're not going out on the yacht?"

. . . . .

Takaba gets out of the shower and sees that Asami has his back turned to him. Takaba hears the sound of a drink can being opened. After a few seconds Asami turns around. "Are you thirsty?" He hands Takaba a can of orange soda.

Asami picks up a glass of wine. Takaba stares at the wine. "How come you didn't offer me a glass of wine?"

"You prefer orange soda."

"That's true... but how would YOU know that?" Takaba looks at Asami suspiciously.

Asami smirks, "Because you're so predictable."

"Predictable, eh? Let's trade!" Takaba snatches the glass of wine away from Asami and hands him the can of soda. "Well? Drink up!"

Asami looks at Takaba in shock. He stares at the can warily, and then puts it down. "I'm not drinking this rubbish."

"I didn't expect you would," Takaba smirks. He downs the glass of wine and then smacks his lips. "Oooh! That was very tasty! Too bad you didn't..." Suddenly, he crumples to the floor, knocked out from a sedative in the wine.

Asami picks him up, puts him in the bed, and covers him with a blanket. "You're so predictable," he smiles affectionately.

. . . . .

At yet another hotel, on the opposite side of the city, Asami is visiting with an old friend by the name of Cho.

Asami lights a cigarette and wonders why Cho made him come all the way across town in the middle of the night, when he could have just as easily told him what he wanted over the phone.

Cho laughs nervously, "I pissed off Fei Long. He wants to kill me, so I'm just going to stick close to you because I heard you really know how to protect a guy!"

"Fei Long is after you, too? He's also after my..." Asami frowns, "nephew..."

"It must be reassuring for you to know that your..." Cho snickers, "nephew... is safe in that penthouse fortress of yours."

Asami's brow furrows, "Actually, I drugged him and left him helpless in an unguarded hotel room downtown."

Cho looks at Asami, horrified, and then runs out the door.

"Ah," Asami sighs heavily. "That explains why I am staying in that damn hotel room..."

. . . . .

Meanwhile back at the Imperial Suite, Takaba can hear someone banging on the door.

He walks up to the door. "Who is it?"

"Fei Long's goons," a muffled voice answers. "We're here to beat some information out of you! Let's us in!"

Takaba rolls his eyes, "No."

"Where's Asami!?" yells the voice on the other side of the door.

"Why should I tell you?"

"Because if you don't, we'll break this door down, rape you, and then kill all your friends."

Takaba slips a piece of paper under the door. "Here's the address. It's faster if you take the highway."

. . . . .

Back at the second hotel, Asami is standing in the lobby that has been recently destroyed by gunfire. Cho is dead, along with five of Fei Long's men. Shattered glass and splattered blood cover the room.

Takaba walks in and gasps. He feels horribly guilty at first, but then realizes that this may be his one chance to finally break free from Asami.

Takaba walks up to Asami and dramatically does a wide sweep of the room with his arm. "All of this... I AM the one. I AM responsible. I TOTALLY ratted on you to Fei Long and told him where you were."

Asami raises his eyebrows. "You're telling me you are the cause of THIS?" His face registers extreme shock. "YOU?! YOU'RE the one responsible for all this carnage and bloodshed?"

Takaba steels himself and proclaims boldly, "That's EXACTLY what I'm saying."

Asami gives Takaba a fierce look. Takaba flinches as Asami advances toward him. "That is just..."

He suddenly grabs Takaba and gazes at him lustfully, "... hot as hell!" He bends down to Takaba's ear and whispers, "Move in with me." He kisses Takaba long and hard.

After a minute, Takaba pulls away from Asami, gasping for air. "Has ANYONE ever told you... that you are truly warped?!"

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Asami grins.

Takaba stares at him. "It is a bad thing."

"Go pick up what you need and meet me at my place. On second thought, you don't need to pick up anything, not even clothes. Just head straight over to my place."

"Umm... I need to go get my... LUCKY toothbrush! Yeah! So, I'll just get that and then meet you at your place in an hour."

"Make it 30 minutes."

"Right..." Takaba casually walks out and once he is outside, he RUNS LIKE HELL!

. . . . .

Takaba runs into his friends, Kou and Takato. They hug like they haven't seen each other for 36 hours.

Kou studies Takaba suspiciously. "You have that look on your face again... like, you just had some really satisfying sex. How is it YOU get the most sex out of all of us?

"Yeah!" Takato says. "You get more than me, and I'm married!"

Takaba's eyebrow quirks up. "That's because you're never home, idiot." Takaba turns to Kou, "I need to hide out at your place for a while..."

Takaba sees Fei Long's limo drive by. "AH! Never mind! I just had a brilliant idea!" He takes off running after the limo.

Kou and Takato watch Takaba as he runs down the street. Kou narrows his eyes, "He's gonna to get laid again, isn't he?"

Takato sighs. "Probably."

. . . . .

Takaba chases the limo through congested streets until he sees the car head into a parking garage of an office building He finally finds Fei Long in a random office.

"Look, Fei Long," Takaba pants as he tries to catch his breath. "You like Asami, and I just KNOW Asami likes you, so you need to go talk to him. Quickly, before he catches me and locks me up in a cage inside his place!"

Fei Long gasps, "He asked you to move in with him?!"

Takaba shakes his head confused. "I'm getting the idea that maybe you don't understand Japanese so well."

Takaba backs away as Fei Long saunters toward him. "I heard you two on the phone earlier, going at it. I guess I'll just have to settle for indirect sex with Asami."

Takaba frowns, "Indirect sex? There's no such thing..." Fei Long grabs Takaba and yanks his pants down. "You've GOT TO BE kidding me!"

Fei Long pats Takaba's behind. "I'll make a deal with you."

"No way! Your deals suck!"

"You describe to me what it's like to make love to Asami, along with all the precise details- down to his dirty talk, moans, and other sound effects. If you do a good job, I'll let you go."

"O-okay. First, he runs his fingers through my hair and tells me how it's the most beautiful he's ever seen..."

Fei Long growls at Takaba, and then... RAPES THE HELL OUT OF HIM!

. . . . .

Ten seconds later, Fei Long chuckles and zips up his pants. He hears the telltale sound of the hammer being drawn back on a gun. He pulls out his gun and whips around and points it at Asami.

Asami also has his gun pointed at Fei Long. "All right, Fei Long! You've had your fun, now give him back!"

Fei Long stares at the gun aimed at him and then smiles deviously. "Before I do that... don't you think Takaba has the roundest butt cheeks you've ever seen? I mean, that ass is truly a work of art... don't you think, Asami?"

Asami's eyes flicker in the direction of Takaba's ass. Fei Long rolls his eyes before shooting Asami twice. "I'm really pissed off that worked!" he growls.

Asami falls to his knees. "His ass is indeed... a work of art, but..." Asami grunts in pain as blood pours from his wounds, "Takaba also has very nice hair... prettier than yours, I'd say."

"I'm not falling for that!" Fei Long scowls.

"That natural shade of pale gold? It's simply breathtaking," Asami smirks.

"Natural, my ass! That has to be the WORST dye job I've ever..." Fei Long's eyes flicker in the direction of Takaba's hair. Asami quickly raises his gun and shoots Fei Long in the stomach. Fei Long clutches his stomach as blood spurts from between his fingers.

"Heh... got you," Asami chuckles evilly, as his own blood begins to pool onto the floor.

"Both of you are seriously unbalanced!" Takaba backs toward the door, "But you know... it's great that you two have so much in common with each other. I'll just leave you guys alone now..."

Fei Long quickly snatches Takaba. "Mine!" Fei Long sticks his tongue out at Asami. "HA HA HA! I got your catamite!"

Takaba struggles against Fei Long. "Let me go!" He stops suddenly, "Wait... what's a catamite?"

Asami suppresses a smile and lightly coughs. "He said 'I got your cat that bites'."

Takaba turns to Fei Long, "Oh. Yeah, that's right! I bite!" He chomps down on Fei Long's arm.

Fei Long growls and punches Takaba, knocking him out. He begins to drag Takaba across the room. Takaba's pants have slipped down to his knees. Asami tries to stand but collapses to the ground.

"If you... ever..." Fei Long struggles to pull Takaba's body toward the door, his own blood begins to drip on the floor "...want to see him... again...you'll have to come to..." Fei Long stops for a second and gasps for air, "Damn, he's heavier than he looks!" He resumes dragging Takaba, whose pants have now slipped down to his ankles, and exits out the door.

Fei Long is now gone. Takaba is now gone. The only thing left remaining in the room is a wounded Asami.

And a lone pair of pale green pants. With nobody inside them.

. . . . .

. .

[Acknowledgements: Dr. Suess. "What Was I Scared Of?" The Sneetches and Other Stories. New York: Random House, 1989.]

Next: The Naked Youth, Part 2! Coming... maybe in the next year or two.
:P

The "How It REALLY Happened" Viewfinder parodies will now be under this one title, and posted in chapters. If you're interested, the previous parodies are: "Viewfinder: How It REALLY Happened" 1) "You're My Consolation Prize" [Feb. 2014] 2) "Sexer" [Feb. 2014] 3) "Nobody's Chaste" [Mar. 2014]

The Viewfinder Series are the property of Yamane Ayano and Digital Manga Publishing. I claim exemption under the US Copyright "Fair Use" rule (Use in Parody) [17 U.S.C. § 107]