Do you guys remember when I updated this story crazy fast? When everything was a fun roller-coaster ride with silly ideas to put our favorite characters through? When I stopped updating?

Hey guys, it's Panda-chan here, trying to survive crazy college prep high schools with constant neck breaking studying and trying to socialize with other people your age and failing terribly but laughing it off with your old friends.

Lately, out of pure boredom, I've been getting into K-pop (a.k.a. what plenty of anime freaks have come to move on to). So far, I've been loving discovering these innocent yet sassy male divas and seeing idols stay humble and caring throughout their tough lives. But at one point through this ride, I remembered some things:

I still have readers.

They probably want an update now.

Hurry up with that new chapter!

And so, as I learn more and more about K-pop, I've been trying to get back into my silly old fandoms that are still alive and running with old and new fans. After a while, I finally remembered why I loved these characters so much, why I liked to draw them so much, why I liked to write about them so much.

I was enjoying old and new videos on Youtube, feeling nostalgic and inspired to finally write a new chapter, to finally update. But mid-way through a video, I felt those stupid negative feelings again: loneliness, sadness, depression.

You know, I realized something after feeling my heart constrict in pain from those feelings:

I wrote these stories when I was depressed.

I know, I know, it may not seem like it with the silly screaming, retorts, and =w=" faces, in fact, I didn't realize it either. I was just a silly middle school girl constantly denying and ignoring that she was depressed. I realized plenty of things about my stories:

I wrote these stories when nobody was physically there to listen to my ideas.

I wrote these stories so that these characters didn't have to suffer when I was going through.

I wrote these stories so that readers can have a better time living and enjoyed their current lifestyle while I didn't.

When I was in middle school, people never noticed me nor talk to me.
By 6th grade, my best friend since 3rd grade who was suffering from family problems, depression with suicidal thoughts, and bullying was forced to leave to a new middle school and we eventually never contacted each other ever again.
In the summer of 2013, my old, silly geezer of an uncle, who was really never related by law or blood to me and was rather a really good friend to my family, who raised me up and supported me ever since I was born, died unexpectedly.
By 7th grade, my friend from 5th grade suddenly came but left because people were still bullying her for being fat and even then did I realize that we were loosing our spark as friends.
My parents grew busier with working and my older brother grew busier with high school.
There was no one there for me, and even then, I was too ignorant to realize that I was depressed.

I think people never chose to talk to me because of my natural glare and frown face from having stereotypical Asian-pointed eyes and they thought that I was depressed and/or hated the world. Well, I didn't, until they decided to ignore me or try to be my pity friends but would end up ditching me.

There are people who get hurt so much mentally that they feel the need to apply it physically, and there are people who get hurt so much mentally that the pain soon becomes numb.

The latter obviously applied to me, numbing out my senses of sympathy and increasing my senses of indifference to others, basically thinking whenever people tried to socialize with me, "Oh, you're just going to leave me like the others too."

After my friend left in 7th grade though, there was a change throughout my monochromatic life. A loner girl, who I haven't had any classes with until now, partnered up with me when her friend picked someone else over her. Obviously, I didn't think much of it, but after working with her, we actually became good friends and she is such a weirdo and has such a quirky life, but I regained some of my senses again.

She introduced her other friends to me: a sassy, short blonde girl that may seem like a total jerk at first but is funny and silly, a Fairy Tail fangirl that wouldn't stop bothering me in Art History and would end up practically being my best friend, a silly girl who I felt most comfortable being myself with, and the seemingly flower-y, innocent, nice girl who was actually extremely sarcastic and knew how to fight back.

Just a small group of 6 friends, but our bonds were strong.

In 8th grade, where I basically started hanging out with them the entire school day, that's when my updates started to buffer out of lost of interest and being able to tell others my idea who I knew would be there for me.

Now that I'm finally happy again, it's terrifying feeling those dreaded feelings again. Maybe you understand now why I hesitate on updating now, maybe you don't, but I really am too scared to drown in the feeling of loneliness again when writing for this fandom that I loved so much when I was alone.

You know, I almost had a heart-attack when I saw how the amount of followers dropped in almost half of a year of no updating. It was weird because for some reason, to me, it was interesting seeing how many people chose to leave and move on. But really, thank you:

(... Wait not much has changed here so this note is slightly different =w=")

For sticking with me throughout the story.

Now, I would have ditched my stories seeing how so little people are still with me, but so what about quantity? I learned a lot about choosing friends depending on quality, not quantity, so I have a 2 choices for you guys to choose:

1) "Give the story to someone else so that it will be finished for us."

2) "It may take a while to no longer feel terrified, and maybe it will never happen, but we'll wait for you to finish it."

One last message here: if you see someone alone, who you know has done nothing wrong, maybe even nothing good, please try to get to know them, please try to be their friend. Who knows, you might end up as the greatest buds ;P

Sincerely from Panda-chan1358, I love you guys! :3