A/N I've been wanting to try writing some Pre-Mondler stuff for ages now and I just felt like writing today. I have finally found a little time before I'll be back to busy uni again soon so please be honest and let me know what you think of this. Also – I have not forgotten about "Waiting For You" and I do plan to continue it and to finish it. Just bear with me. Also for anyone who's interested – the title is taken from the song Heart Out by The 1975.
This is set in season three just after Chandler's break-up with Janice.
Chandler Bing, pathetic, awkward, weird loner with the worst case of commitment phobia.
There was no doubt anymore - he had hit rock bottom.
He slumped in the black barcalounger and secretly hoped that it would swallow him.
Chandler had had his great share of horrible days: spending his 8th birthday alone with the nanny, his parents announcing they were getting divorced, his father showing up at his swim meets dressed up as various Hollywood starlets, just to name a few. But today he'd managed to top even all of that. If he even managed to drive away Janice; annoying and clingy Janice, then how on earth would he ever get someone better suited than her to stay with him?
He groaned in frustration as he fisted a few of his sandy strands of hair in a desperate attempt to substitute emotional pain with physical pain.
When he had joked about becoming crazy snake man just a little more than a year ago he had been bitter. But never in a million years had he thought that he would start to like - or even love? - Janice. While he was still wondering whether he really loved her or was just using her as an excuse not to end up alone there was a knock on the door.
Before Chandler could even hide his tear-stained face, the door opened. As much as he loved his little gang of friends, they had no sense of privacy at all.
He quickly used his oversized shirtsleeve to wipe away his pain, but she saw it anyway.
"Hey."
Even though he didn't want to see or speak to anyone right now, he was relieved that it was her.
"Thought you could use some chocolate brownies. No low-fat, I swear."
Chandler slowly glanced over at Monica, noticing the big bowl of chocolate treats she was carrying in her arms. He tried to feign a smile, but failed miserably.
He watched as she put the food down next to him on the coffee table. She played with the hem of her shirt as if undecided whether to stay or to leave. When he still didn't say anything she slowly sat down on Joey's barcalounger.
"You know, you don't have to do this. I'm fine. Seriously," he scanned her worried face for a second before tentatively reaching out to grab a brownie. Today was not a day to reject yummy chocolate treats made by the best chef Chandler knew.
"I know I don't have to. I want to, Chandler."
He still felt her gaze on him, just like it was piercing through him. He felt like he was never good with words so he decided to just bury the pain, like he had done for the past 28 years. It had worked just fine, hadn't it?
She took another attempt to get him to talk and he just knew that if there was one person to get things out of him, it was her. He simply couldn't deny her anything.
"I know you don't want to talk about it. But I know how you feel."
Chandler continued to chew on his brownie even though he had no appetite at all, letting the silence evelope them eventually. As much as he liked Monica and appreciated her sentiment - he really just wanted to be alone right now. Basically as a preparation for how he would spend the rest of life. Alone.
Her last words echoed in his mind and he finally spoke up, not able to take any more second of silence. Everything he had kepted inside suddenly erupted like a volcano.
"How do you know? I don't think you've chased scared any of your ex-boyfriends away with your commitment phobia and then ended up chasing them down the street? And after that I was even lucky enough to get her to stay with me, and she goes and falls back into the arms of her ex-husband! What on earth did I do wrong?!"
He hadn't meant to yell at her, but his emotions had got the best of him. She just stared at him for a second, shocked, wide-eyed, until he buried his face in his hands. If this hadn't driven Monica away then he wasn't sure what would.
"Well, I haven't done that, no," she paused before continuing, "but that doesn't mean I can't feel as hurt and lonely as you do."
Her soft voice caused him to look over at her. Slowly, almost shyly he looked over into her piercing blue eyes and was met with a mix of determination and sadness. Chandler had seen his best friend's fragile side quite a few times, and yet he had never let anyone else know about it. It was an unspoken deal between them. He was there when she needed him and she was there when he needed support, no questions asked. Whether it was 2 a.m. and he needed some relationship advice or they were discussing her job problems at a 6 a.m. early morning breakfast on weekdays.
He didn't know what to say when he realised just how broken the woman next to him was. He wanted to talk, but he couldn't.
He might be lonely, but he definitely was not alone with it.
He looked down shortly until he heard her sniffle next to him. When Chandler turned his head to look at her, he caught her wiping her tears with her shirtsleeve.
"It's nothing, really. God, this is so stupid..." she mumbled something incoherent and he wasn't sure whether she was laughing or crying. All of a sudden he felt very insecure and uncomfortable.
"Mon, it's... it's okay to cry. I mean, at least it is for you, you're a woman," he tried to cheer her up as he reached out to stroke her arm that was on the armrest next to his own. A little chuckle could be heard but she was still crying softly.
Chandler bit his lip, contemplating his next move before opening his arms. "C'mere, Mon."
She choked down a few tears before getting up, not looking at him as she melted into his arms completely.
"Ssshh, everything's gonna be just fine." He had no idea if that was true and he didn't even believe in that phrase anymore, but the urge to reassure her that everything would be fine won him over.
The fact that he was the one who should be comforted right didn't even cross Chandler's mind anymore.
"How do you know that?" He heard her mumble the question against his chest as she continued to shake in his arms.
"I..." Chandler held her even closer and softly rubbed the small of her back, placing a kiss on top of her head. "I actually don't know."
He didn't expect her to, but she was laughing, even if it was just for a second.
"You're an idiot, Chandler."
"That I do know..."
They were both silent for a while as Chandler continued to hold Monica in his arms, suddenly feeling much less empty and lonely than before.
She pulled her head back after another few minutes, pushing some wet hair out of her face. Her eyes were puffy and red as she looked into his eyes.
"We're both gonna end up alone, aren't we?"
Chandler scanned the room quickly before nodding. "Probably. I mean, one sarcastic relationship-screw-up and a broken-hearted chef, surrounded by an entire bowl of brownies at 8:30 p.m. on a Friday night? Sounds pretty hopeless to me. The personal ad writes itself."
She sniffed and grinned slightly before reaching out for a brownie.
"Would you mind getting me another one? I mean, I just got dumped, so I think I deserve the entire bowl."
"You mind sharing with the 'broken-hearted chef' that actually made these yummy treats?"
He just shrugged and she slapped his arm slightly, but it still hurt like hell. Knowing just how physically strong Monica actually was, Chandler had a hard time believing she could be just as weak as he was at times.
"Help yourself."
They both gnawed on their brownies in silence for a while. Chandler couldn't believe just how much Monica's company and sugary snacks could actually help to fill that hole in his heart. Just when he was in deep thought, Monica shifted in his arms and looked at him.
"So... that deal of yours... can I take you up on that again?"
Chandler just looked at her in confusion.
"If I ever promised you that you would get the entire brownie batch, forget about it."
She grinned slightly before shaking her head and looking down as she played with the hem of her shirt again. Chandler could swear he saw her cheeks turning a shade of pink.
"I'm sorry if I'm being an idiot right now, but I honestly have no idea what deal you're talking about. Remember, I just got dumped!" At that, he raised his eyebrows and shot her a vulnerable look, overemphasising his recent break-up.
She looked into his eyes in all seriousness and he could swear his heart was about to burst if she kept that eye contact for another while. The weak spot he had for her caused all rational thoughts he ever posessed to fly right out of the window.
"Remember the day Ben was born and we were all in the hospital together? I got really upset about my entire love life and you... you sort of came up with an idea...?"
She was now stammering and he swore he had never seen her this nervous and uncertain about something before. He recalled that day just like it was yesterday, but he had tried to forget about it. After all, she had turned him down. It surprised him even more that she still remembered his offer.
"Oh... yeah, that whole 'If-neither-one-of-us-is-married-at-40-we'll-get-married deal'? Listen, I was an idiot back then. I mean, I still am an idiot right now, but I was just-"
Monica shook her head and placed her index finger on his lips. Chandler felt the heat in his body rise as he stared into her beautiful blue eyes.
"What you did that day, that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever offered to me. I was the idiot back then, I was so emotional and didn't even realise what an amazing gesture that actually was. I'm so sorry, Chandler."
He remained silent as a small smile played around his lips.
"And... I know you have every right to deny my offer now, but I'm going to ask anyway. Because I know that you are a wonderful, caring guy and that you are willing to commit, you just need the right woman that is patient with you and knows how you work." She smirked slightly and patted his chest before slowly untangling herself from his embrace and getting up.
Chandler looked up at her expectantly, somewhat disturbed by the lack of warmth and contact that he was craving so much right now.
"Chandler Bing, if neither of us are married by the time we're... 35...," they both smiled at each other before she went on, "... what do you say you and I get together?"
"Deal," he replied determined and within a second.
Monica smiled and got herself another brownie before setting the bowl down again. "I'll leave the rest of them here for you. You need them more than I do."
"Ah, I'm not so sure about that..."
She took a bite of her brownie and made her way to the door, turning around again when she had the doorknob in her hand just to see him staring at her.
"I'm gonna be fine," he nodded, lifting the bowl of brownies up while giving her a sincere smile.
Monica returned his smile before opening the door.
"I know."
"Me too," she lifted her own brownie up and winked at him before disappearing.
Chandler didn't need chocolate treats, cigarettes, alcohol or any sort of drugs to help her get over his failed relationship. Without even knowing, he was already over it.
And all it took was someone who could figure his heart out.
Yeah, they were gonna be alright.