Where am I? Everything is coming into view. This place looks nice. Is this heaven? I don't belong in heaven. Maybe it's how hell looks and it looks good now, just to be the worst later as punishment. Taking away all of the good parts. I find a mirror, and look at myself. I thought I'd look like I did before, but I don't. I guess we look how we died or how we did when we committed most of our sins. My throat has a bruise all around it. It looks terrible.

"I can't face myself anymore. Time to look around," I whisper to myself.

I walk out of the room, and walk into a hall. It's a big place, maybe a mansion. There is a picture on the wall; it looks like the Wayne family back when they were still alive. This must be Wayne Manor. Hell has really decided to torture me, hasn't it?

I find a stair case and walk down, there's a big open hall with multiple doors. I go to the one in the middle; it seems like a good place to start. There are books everywhere, you really would need millions to buy this, more proof it is the Wayne household. I wonder if there is a hell version of Bruce as well. I look around and see a group of chairs around a fire place. I walk around it and see Hell Bruce sitting there. I sit down in a chair when he looks up.

"Why are you and your house in Hell? I know I deserve to be tortured, but this is a little much."

"I can't tell if you are joking or not, but this is not hell. This is my house. Welcome."

"Why? How?" I stutter, " I'm trying to get out of your hair, I've been causing you trouble for too many years. You save me and bring me here. I don't understand, especially after what I wrote."

"It's because of what you wrote that I saved you. I got there just in time. Actually, I pulled you down then you died. I got your heart starting again."

"Why would you do that? One less criminal off the street, less problems for you to deal with, so much more harm caused to you if I go back to crime."

"Because… For some reason, I love you."

"You… love me? Oh Bats… where do we go from here?" I slightly started to sound like my old self. I'm really out of my comfort zone, so to sound like Joker again was a bit helpful to my confidence. Aren't I trying to get away from the Joker persona though? Is it a persona? Is it all I am?

"You can call me Bruce you know."

"Bruce," I whisper. I've never said it out loud before.

"I'm sorry I hurt you all the times before, especially your face. If we had been more honest at the beginning maybe you wouldn't have become the Joker."

"Maybe, but I am who I am and I did what I did, and I'll always have to live with that, that's part of why I think it'd be easier not to live."

"Death is not always an answer especially when you have so much to look forward to in life."

"Like what? Being beaten up by you, failing at robberies and eating out of dumpsters?" I said being serious, I have nothing to do but go back to my old life or try to end it all again.

"May I know… I never heard your real name?"

"Neither did I, I was abandoned, and raised in the streets, which is part of why I had no money. I tried to go straight and get a job, but that didn't happen. Anyways, the group I grew up in never gave me a name, they just called me kid, so Joker is the first real name I know."

"I could look for your name if you'd like? I have a big network," Bats said kindly. It's hard to call him Bruce when I've been calling him Bats for so long. I've known who he is, but it's just weird to hear it in my mind in conversation. I've never conversed with Bruce Wayne.

I sat there in silence for a few minutes, there was just so much to take in. I put my head down and pulled my arms over my head. To most, I could never show insecurity like this, but this man just saved my life, after I tried to take it, after I pronounced my love for him… This was turning out more ridiculous than anything I could have ever imagined. Bruce Wayne, Batman, says he loves me, saved my life, and brought me into his home. It's like a dream come true. A very awkward dream…

I felt a hand on my shoulder. It felt like Bruce, gentler than Batman, but still the same man. I liked how it felt, and it was comforting, but I had so much on my mind. I started to cry. I don't even remember ever crying before, but I was crying now. Bruce lifted me up and moved me from the chair to a couch. He sat down with my in front of him, so he could hold me and let me cry. I ended up crying myself to sleep.

When I woke up Bats, Bruce, was gone. I found a note nearby that said he had to go; there was crime he had to stop. He promised to be back as soon as possible.

What's going to become of us now? I… date … Batman? Bruce Wayne? We become closer just for him to find out too many bad things about me and he decides it was a bad idea to save me in the first place? Or could this really be real and work out? I could never leave the mansion, I could never accept any offer of surgery to look better, and I'm not sure if I'd want it anyway. I like my look, and it will be a constant reminder of all the things I've done, the things I have to live with. At least there would be food here, and enough books to occupy multiple life times. I could finally get a better education, through the books anyway; no school would take me like this. I could never go out into Gotham again, at least not looking like this. Harley would flip if she found me and I would have no excuse to tell her, just this ridiculous truth.

I was so close to death, it would have saved me from this pain and awkwardness, being totally vulnerable. But, then I wouldn't be here, with him, even if it's awkward this is nice.

So much pain to deal with; He's felt pain though too. Without that pain he wouldn't be who he is, we are both results of circumstance. At least he tries to help Gotham, prevent what happened to him for anyone else. And I ruined that for him, along with other villains of course. But I've killed hundreds, tore apart families, and ruined the town for my own gain. I did deserve to die, long ago, before I committed these crimes, but especially after it all happened. I should have finished the job.

I should get out of here, run to somewhere that won't be so obvious to Bruce, Harley or anyone at all. Just a random building, maybe finish it with something else, a gun, it would be quicker and less chance of fucking it up.

All my guns are with Harley and the guys. Where should I get one? Bats is against them, so I am guessing so is Bruce. I'll be able to think once I get outside. I leave the library and enter the hall. I get close enough to the front door, when I hear someone speak.

"Master Joker, I am sorry but I cannot let you leave."

I turn around and find an old man; he seems to be a butler.

"I am Alfred," He introduces himself, "I don't know where you are going, but you are not well enough to leave yet. Plus, I've put you on suicide watch to keep you from trying that again."

"Why? Wouldn't you want a dangerous criminal off the streets?" I ask, wondering why he's keeping me here.

"Well, technically being here you are off the streets," He skirts around the main question of why.

"I shouldn't be here," In the manor or alive.

"Master Bruce wants you here, so here you will stay. I will enforce this, more than him, because I cannot bear to see him go through more pain. I raised him and helped him through his parents' death. I've been through him becoming Batman and being harmed physically and psychologically through that. I've seen him stress over you, more than any other criminal and I knew there had to be more too it. Now I've seen him sit by your bed waiting for you to wake up. I made him take a break to read, that's why he was not there when you woke. He was driving himself insane worrying that you would not wake up or would not be yourself from the oxygen loss. He cares about you, so you stay, as long as you don't try any tricks." Alfred looked completely honest. Had Bats gone through all of that? Had he worried that much about me?

"I've lost all my will for tricks and for anything else."

"In your letter, you said you love him. If that's true, shouldn't you be happy here?" Alfred inquired.

What do I say? That this is the most awkward situation of my life? That I'm completely vulnerable? That I've changed and realized I was wrong all these years?

"I can't live with what I've done," I say quietly.

"Bruce has helped many people with many things, if he didn't think he could help you, you would not be here. Give him some faith."

"How do I know he's not using me, trying to get information from me to catch criminals or just torturing me like I've done to so many others?" I wondered, this could all be a trap. He could have found me at a weak point and went in for the grab. He could use me.

"Do you think if he was going to do that he would have saved you, brought you into his home, sat by your bed for hours and comforted you when you woke? He's not one to use people."

"You know him better I guess, I only know Bats, the man who will do anything to catch a criminal, except kill. As for Bruce, he's a ladies man who goes to parties and owns a corporation. I guess I don't know him very much at all."

"Obviously he is not that much of a ladies man," Alfred said joking at me, he then got serious, "He's a great man, and if you love him for just what you know, you'll love him more when you get under his masks."

I just had one more question, but I was not sure how to word it. Why does he love me if I've killed and ruined Gotham? Why would he love me if he knows I'm a criminal? Why would he save me after all I've done? Why all of it?

Alfred seemed to have read my mind, "He cares about you a great deal and he always sees the positives in people. Give him a chance, it's the least you could do. It would be better than going back on the streets and on more crime sprees."

He was right, there was nothing left to do but wait and talk to Bruce some more. Figure out what we were going to do now, where to go from here.

I watched the news on a television in the kitchen. Alfred offered to make me some food. Warm, home cooked food, not scraps; it was really nice for once. A report about Batman and Robin came on, all about trying to find out who they really are, how old they are, their ideas on them. Many people believe they are hermits, never leaving other than to fight crime. They suspect they'd never know them if they saw them without their spandex on. How wrong they are. How wrong all their ideas are. It then went on to have an update on all of the villains, who was at large, who was in prison. Mr. Freeze, Penguin and Ivy are all in prison again. Cat woman is at large, as usual. Riddler and Two-Face had just been caught working together on a scheme. As for me, they say I am sick or dead. They think Harley may have killed me off to take over the gang. She's still not captured either. She's good at escaping just like I am. I wonder where she thinks I am.

After the report is over, I hear a noise, like someone came in the room. I turn around thinking it might be Bruce. It's actually Robin.

"Hey Alfred, cook me up something too please. Thanks," he says as he sits down across from me.

"Joker." He says coldly.

"Boy Blunder," I reply. I soon lose my appetite and decide to leave the room. Robin, Dick? Wasn't making things awkward like he could have been, but just not knowing what to say, going from trying to kill him to living with him is awkward enough. I knew he was not very accepting of this, but he didn't say anything harsh.

As I get to the door Robin stands up and comes over to me. He offers me his hand and says, "I'm Dick Greyson. Welcome, and I hope to make this the least weird that I can, you know, for my adopted father figure who's a super hero being in love with his archenemy," He laughed, "If you need anything, just let me know."

"Thank you," I whisper.

I get out into the hall and look around. I now knew 3 of the probably hundred rooms to this house. I probably could not even find my way back to the first. I finally look down and notice what I am wearing. When I looked in the mirror earlier, I just looked at my shoulders up. I find I am in a new suit. It's black, comfortable, and fits just right. Who undressed me? Who decided to put me back in a suit? Why not pajamas or any other kind of clothes? I wish it was purple but I like the black. The undershirt is green, so that helps.

"If you'd like to change, I have something I think you'll like," I heard from behind me, I knew it was Him.

"I'll think about it. This suit isn't that bad," I said being honest. What did he get me to wear? No one in the house is my size so he has to be buying clothes specifically for me. I guess he can spare a little, seeing as he is a billionaire. I turned around to look at him, he looked tired and his arm was bandaged up. He saw me looking at it and said, "Bullet wound. Not too deep. It's normal."

"Ah," I worry. I know I've tried to hurt him before, but never kill. These other people on the other hand want him dead. It was more fun to play with him.

"We need to talk," He said. Why is it when anyone says that, I start to worry? Has he decided this is wrong? Am I going to prison? He knows I won't fight back. He started walking toward the library and I followed. We get in there, and he sits at the piano. He plays a nice tune to start but ends it with notes that just don't go together. Part of the wall starts to move away and he gets up and motions for me to follow him. We enter the wall and it starts to close behind us. We enter a tunnel and travel down into it. We come to an opening and I look around.

"Oh Bats…" He brought me to the bat cave. The secret place where he hid all of his weapons and tools, where he researched criminals, it was his main base.

"Look around if you'd like," he said as he walked to the bat mobile. I go to what seems the main desk. There is a big computer system on it and a box of files. I look into the file box and see folders with the names of different criminals on it. I found one that had my name on it. I opened it and read:

"The Joker. Real name: Unknown. Works with Harley Quinn, possibly girlfriend. Murderer, Robber, Thief, Security Level: 10" It then listed some of my gang, how many crimes I've committed, how many times I've been to prison (and escaped), and how many I've killed.

"128, I never counted after one. I can't even believe…" I'd killed 128 people. 128 families ripped apart, 128 people lost loved ones. I struggled to keep my breath regular. I shut the file and threw it down.

"Can I ever become good?"

"You are good, and you can make up for what you've done… If you wish," Bats came up behind me and hugged me. I almost melted into his arms.

"Bats, what are we doing and what happens now?" It's probably time we discussed where we stand.

"Well, I was thinking, I could give you a fresh start. You can stay here as long as you'd like. If you'd want, I can get you surgery to get your face back to how it was. Tattoo and scars could be gone. I could pay for you to go to school and then after a while we could discuss us or where you want to go from there."

I thought for a minute, I had already decided I didn't want surgery. I would keep this face. I've grown to like it and as when I decided before, I think it would be a good reminder of everything I did. A visible reminder of the monster I was, I am… I could be.

"If you want me, take me now at my worst, then I'll know you'll be good with who I could be if I was better. I would like to stay, but no surgeries, I am what I am. No one would accept me at a school like this, so I can learn from your library. I could help you find criminals, I have a lot of people in my network that you don't. But take me now, as I am, with no promises on improvement and I'll be yours. If not, I can go somewhere else, back to Harley and the gang maybe. Either way, I will never cause you trouble again."

"I had a feeling you wouldn't stop being the Joker. By the way, I looked into it and could not find your name anywhere. Whoever your mother was, she didn't have you at a hospital so you were off the record. I'm sorry we couldn't find your name."

"You don't want me to be the Joker do you? I can't go outside with you, I can't go to parties with you, and you'll always view me as a villain," I wish I knew a way out of the bat cave so I could escape this. He can't accept me.

After a minute he begins to speak, "I love you for all of you, whether you want to be Joker or become someone else. Yes, I'll view you as a villain, but I know why you did what you did and that you would have changed things if you could have. If you want to go outside or parties, we could find good makeup for you so you can just put it on when you want to go with. It will be hard for me to go to parties with you though; I'm always surrounded by ladies…" Bruce's mind wandered off.

"Do you prefer Bruce or Bats? I keep calling you both in my head," I said curiously.

"Generally, Bruce, but from you Bats is perfect," he said coming over to me, "I have a surprise for you!"

I had been looking down for a while, but as he came closer I looked up. He was holding a new suit. It was purple with light green pinstripes. The inside shirt was a lighter green than I normally go for but it worked wonderful with the suit. There was even a dark green tie to go with. When I looked closer the back of the tie had a picture of a joker card hidden on it to show it was mine.

"They didn't have purple material when I went before, so I asked them to order it to have this suit especially made for you. You'd been wearing the other so long that I figured you needed a new one," he said smiling.

I jump hugged him making him almost fall back and drop the suit. He had good reflexes though so he caught himself.

"Thank you!" I squeal, knowing I could never thank him enough.

He showed me to a little room where I could change. I put on the new suit and looked in the mirror. I looked great, I had a place to stay and a plan to become a better person, and I had my Bats. Things were starting to look up. I was starting to feel like me again.

I walked out of the dressing room and said, "The Joker is back thanks to Bats," and I started into my hysterical laugh that I haven't laughed in days. I can't be Joker without the signature laugh.

He looked at me and smiled, he was accepting me.

I kept living there and we grew closer. I eventually started to help him with catching people. There were a few old friends that I just hinted at; I didn't want to blow their covers entirely. They had trusted me. But I was with Bats now, on his side and helped him with whatever he needed. It was turning out to be a great life and I was helping so many people to make up for all my murderous sprees. I'm hoping soon he can retire from being the Bat and we can spend all of our time together and I would not have to worry about my Brucie coming home hurt or not even coming home at all.

I'm glad to help him and will help him as long as he needs, whether it's one more day or the rest of forever.

I'll be here because I love him.