Happy uber late new year everyone! I'm so sorry about the slow update, I've been busy with school and getting my life together that I've been putting off the writing and updating (if anyone is still reading this, thank you for your patience x).

Chapter 9

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we could be?
Where this thing could go?

Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you?
Are you holding back
Like the way I do?

Crush, David Archuleta

"Okay, I know I said to go somewhere, but the mall? Really?" I hiss, making a stomping gesture with my cane as Haibara hands me another shopping bag to carry.

Oh, the nerve!

"Cheer up, you're doing well as my personal shopper so far." We arrive at another shop as I hear the sound of Haibara flicking through clothing racks. "Because I have an excellent career in the art of carrying shopping bags," I shot back sarcastically.

I can now recognise the distinct footsteps of Ran, Haibara and Hakase, from the sounds they make, the rhythm and the type of shoes they wear. Ran almost always wear flats and has the tendency to shuffle her feet as she walks. Hakase likes to wear runners—specifically New Balance, though I keep telling him to switch brands since if he wants to become as famous as Steve Jobs, he better not be known as a copy cat. And Haibara likes to wear heels, with the clanging sound her shows make, but they never seem to be higher than two inches, judging from the echoes when she walks.

My sense of direction is also better than before. I can memorise the subtle twists and turns more easily now and know that we are nearing the end of level 2 womenswear in Beika's Isetan.

My hands are now aching from clutching the dozens of shopping bags that Haibara has me carrying. Sometimes, I think her joy in life is to see me suffer.

Ha, I'll show you.

"Hey Haibara, I know where we should go."

.

.

.

"Honestly, Kudo, I don't know why you bother," Haibara starts, much to my confusion. We're at the beach, one place I know that Haibara dislikes due to, and I quote 'dirty sand, getting into my shoes and clothes'; Yet, now that we're here, she doesn't seem angry or pissed off. "How can you piss me off by bringing me to the beach when I get to enjoy the beautiful view while all a certain detective get is the roaring sea wind?"

See what I mean? She revels in my misery.

"Didn't know you were little miss sunshine now," I mutter, dropping myself to the soft sand and facing the setting sun.

"You know, you've been an annoying pissy brat with a lot of attitude today," she pauses, then says, "and it's not from carrying my shopping bags."

"Didn't sleep well," I say, regretting immediately as she then asks,

"Don't tell me that's why I found you on the couch yesterday," the sand on my left moves as she sits down beside me. "You actually waited?" Her voice sounds surprised yet also pleased, though I'm not sure why.

"My my, could this be jealousy that I smell?" She's teasing, I know. It's what she always does, yet this time, I'm actually really pissed off.

"You hit the nail on the head. I am oh so incredibly jealous." I say, drawing out my tone so it sounds like an incredulous remark, yet it rings truer than I would like to admit.

Though what am I jealous of?

Jealous that Haibara is settling into her new life happier than I am?

Jealous that Haibara is not spending time with her me?

Or jealous that she's actually taken an interest in someone;

Shut up.

My response must have surprised her as well for we both remain silent before I then go on to dig an even deeper hole for myself. "I mean you're one of my best friends. We're partners. Of course I'm a little jealous that you're spending lots of time with him." Oh god, shut up already. "But, you know, it's none of my business."

"So I'm like the best friend who's supposed to be at your beck and call and spend lots of time with you", she spats, "Because I have no life of my own and Kudo Shinichi is the centre of my life. The shining beacon."

"No! That's not what I meant!" I say, exasperated, god, my mouth can be such a dumbass sometimes.

"That's exactly what you meant," she says, "You want everyone to be in love with you, fixating all their attention on you while you don't give a crap about anyone but yourself!"

Her words cut through me like glass because they're true. I did expect her to be by my side unconditionally but how could she think that I didn't care about her?

"I know," I say, "I'm a spoiled, egotistical douchebag because I thought it was only natural that you'd stand by me. I guess I was just used to our routines back when we were little. We did every thing together back then, it's hard for me to adjust to the situation. But don't you ever think that I don't care about you." I say, the sand around us has become damp now as the tide comes in. "I waited for you last night because it was late and you hadn't come home yet and I just started to worry….about stupid things." It's weird but the air- atmosphere between us feels even more tense than before. I'm trying to prove to her that I care about her yet the more I explain, the tenser the air becomes.

"I care about you." I repeat again, "And I don't want everyone to be in love with me…" My words hang in the air as I mull over my defensive tone. Did I want Haibara to like me? Because that would mean….

No.

I laugh to myself.

The heart of a girl whom one likes. That's Ran, as it should be.

Haibara is my friend.

That's why I care about her.

Nothing more, nothing less.

"Well, you're in luck, cause I'm not," she says, breaking the silence as she throws a wet sand ball into the ocean. "Who would be interested in a nerdy detective whose ego is bigger than his head." Her response reminds me of that time where she said something about wanting to remain small forever. "Just kidding." She said, her expression cheeky with that sassy tone of hers. This should please me but it does the opposite. Haibara seeing me as something more than a friend would just ruin our friendship and make everything awkward between us yet there's that knotty, disappointed feeling inside that feels sad since I'm not her type.

Man, I am just as self centred as she says.

"Yeah yeah," I say, waving her insult away, then noting the dampness of the sand around me and the tickle of water around my toes, I turn to Haibara, "the tide's coming in."

"And we should leave."

"Wait," I say, getting my self up from the sand and then without warning, I run towards the sea.

Because the conversation we're having now means nothing to me.

Because I want her to know that I do not care what she thinks of me.

Because I want the tensions from before to be gone.

Because.

Because.

Because.

"Try it, Haibara!" I shout, splashing my face with the ice-cold salt water as another wave comes and splashes my pants wet.

"Baka, I'm going."

"At least, give me my cane! Blind, remember?"

As the sound of feet splashing through water comes closer and closer to my right side, I bend down and heave as much water as I can with my hands to my right and I know I hit my target when Haibara scowls at me "You're gonna wish you never did that." I laugh and my face gets rewarded with a wave of seawater. I lose my ground trying to get back at her. I lick the salt water around my mouth and pull myself up from the cold sea water when suddenly, that vast blankness I've just started to get used to become a shimmer of that transparent sheen of blue with grainy sand beneath it. My feet loses its grip once more and I fall back down to the shallow waters. I grasp for that grainy texture beneath me and it's there, sand slipping through my fingers but other than that, nothing.

It's gone.

Nothing that vaguely resembles water- or sand. It's that utter incomprehensible blank space that fascinates and infuriates me at the same time.

Did I just imagine all of that?

"Urgh, I'm soaking wet." I say, pulling myself out from the waters. I drench my wet pants and walk towards the dry sand—wherever that is as Haibara hands me my cane.

"Hurry up! Our parking time is almost up!"

I mutter a sarcastic reply and follow behind. And just like that, I can feel that we're back to being comfortable around each other.

My soaked pants drag my pace behind, my hands rub against each other, feeling the friction of the grains of wet sand.

They said I could gain my vision back any time— that it's unpredictable.

Is it happening right now?

Am I slowly gaining my sight back?

DUN DUN DUN!

Sorry about the cliff hanger, this is actually also to motivate me into writing and updating more but because I don't have anything specific or even a determined ending in mind, unfortunately, it might be another while before there's a new chapter.

I don't want to write a whatever chapter/ending and have the characters deviate into completely different personalities and want to keep it as realistic as possible- though I feel I am already dragging the story to tedious territories. If there's any critiques you want to offer about how I write the characters, or some type of arc you think that forwards/suits this story, feel free to pm me or write a review!

Any help/comments are appreciated!

Thank you guys!

x