Job Interview

Ruby tried very, very hard not to stare at the very, very pretty goddess who would be deciding the fate of her immortal soul and failed miserably. The goddess in question noticed her staring and raised one perfect eyebrow.

"Must you stare?"

Ruby would have died of embarrassment except, well, she was already dead. "I'm so sorry. It's just I only died a few days ago, and then I ended up here, and now you're reviewing my file, and I'm kind of scared I'll end up in –"

The goddess held up one hand. "Please, remain quiet while I assess your file."

"Sorry –"

The goddess raised that perfect eyebrow again, and Ruby clamped her mouth shut. The next four minutes and forty seconds were the most uncomfortable of her entire life. She knew because there was a clock on the wall behind the goddess that made it excruciatingly clear how slowly time was passing.

Finally, the goddess closed Ruby's file and spoke. "I must say, Ms Rose, I have rarely come across someone so foolish."

"..."

"It is one thing to choke on a cookie. You're hardly the first person to manage that. You are, however, the first person to ever choke on a cookie twice. One would think that after your first cookie-related mishap landed you in the hospital that you would show some degree of caution instead of simply shoving as many cookies as possible into your mouth. You do know that breathing is mandatory, don't you? You don't get to not breathe just so you can eat cookies faster."

Ruby covered her face with her hands. "Do you have to say it like that? I already feel bad enough."

"As well you should. You have left behind your father, your sister, and an unusually adorable dog."

"Why are you so mean?" Ruby whined. "I'm dead because I'm an idiot. I get it. Okay. Fine. Just... where am I going to go now?"

"You are indeed dead because you are an idiot." The goddess folded her hands together on the table. "However, you are in luck. The universe currently has an excess of dead idiots. For reasons I won't be getting into, having too many idiots in the afterlife can cause serious issues. To avoid that problem, a rehabilitation program has been established."

"A rehabilitation program?" Ruby looked up. "What... what would that mean?"

"Should you successfully complete the program, you would be brought back to life."

"But wouldn't people think that was weird? I mean... they must have buried me by now, right?"

"Who do you think we are, Ruby? We created the universe. It is trivially easy for us to not only bring you back to life but also change everyone's memories so that nobody even remembers you dying in the first place. You will, of course, keep your memories to minimise the risk of you repeating your mistakes."

"I can go back?" Ruby leaned forward. "How? What do I have to do?"

"When the afterlife was first designed, there was a small... issue with capacity. We greatly underestimated the human capacity for stupidity and evil. As a result, it has been... overflowing. Now, the escape of stupid souls is something we can manage. The escape of evil souls is somewhat more of a problem. For various reasons, it would be more efficient for us to send mortals after these escaped souls."

"Okay..."

"You would be sent back as a reaper, and your task would be to capture these escaped souls and return them to the afterlife."

"That... that doesn't sound too bad..." Ruby made a face. "I'll be getting training and stuff, right?"

"Of course. We'll even give you a weapon. However, you should realise that some of these souls are more powerful than others. You know all those stories of monsters, apocalyptic disasters, and so on? Almost ninety percent of those can be attributed to escaped souls. That is what you will have to face."

"Oh." Ruby gulped. "How many... how many would I have to bring back?"

The goddess smiled. It was not a nice smile. "Ms Rose, we like to rank files based on the number of souls they need to return before they can be considered rehabilitated. These ranks go from E to A and then S. At least, they did. We had to add a whole new classification just for you. Rejoice, Ms Rose, you are the first and currently only EX file. At a bare minimum, you will have to return a million souls."

"A million?" Ruby screeched. "That's impossible!"

"It would take you a long time to do that if you were to focus exclusively on what we term regular escaped souls. Such souls are worth a single soul. But the more powerful an escaped soul is, the more souls it is worth. If, by some miracle, you can bring back an Apocalypse Class escaped soul, that would be worth at least five hundred thousand souls."

"So two of those...?"

"Two of those would be sufficient. Naturally, such souls are the most difficult to claim, and you won't stand a chance against them without sufficient training and experience. Failure is not an option for you."

"What do you mean?"

"You, Ms Rose, are already dead. What do you think happens if you 'die' on one of the missions we'll be giving you?"

"Uh... something really bad?"

"Oblivion awaits you if you fail," the goddess said. "Not death. Oblivion. You will cease to be. Your immortal soul will be completely destroyed, torn from the cycle of death and rebirth. It is the surest, most complete form of annihilation possible for a mortal soul."

"..."

"So..." The goddess pushed a form across the table. "This is where you sign."

Ruby signed.

"What's... what's your name?" Ruby asked.

"I suppose it is only appropriate that I tell you since I will be in charge of your rehabilitation." The goddess stood and gestured for Ruby to follow her through a door that appeared out of thin air. "Call me Weiss."

X X X

Author's Notes

As always, I do not own RWBY. I'm not making any money off of this either.

Good, old Ruby. When she's not Death, she's dead. In this case, she's really, really got her work cut out for her. On the upside, if anyone can pull this off, it's Ruby. Of course, she's not the only dead person out for rehabilitation. She might find herself amongst a motley crew featuring luminaries like a certain deceased thief, a would-be hero who, well, failed miserably, and even an actual hero who ended up paying the price for her heroism. Incidentally, we're almost to 200 chapters!

I also write original fiction on Amazon under the name L. G. Estrella. In fact, I've just released a new story, Attempted Adventuring. If you like humour, action, and adventure, be sure to check it out. I've also just released an audiobook on Audible. It's called Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Army of Golems. If you like humour, action, and adventure, you'll love it.

As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.