"That blonde guy has been staring at you since he came in," Johanna pointed out. I snuck a glance toward the corner table where a broad shouldered, blonde guy sat drinking hot chocolate and conversing with a pretty blonde who grinned and giggled her way through lunch. Blonde guy catches me staring and smiled, no smirked then looks away. Vague recognition swept over me, "oh shit," I said as Johanna looked at me puzzled, "Its Peeta Mellark, I know him from high school."

"He's fucking hot," she stated matter of factly.

I took the empty trays into the back and busied myself with the mundane task of placing glasses and cutlery in the dishwasher. I had agreed to work here part time to pay towards my new apartment during the winter when there was less work at my main job at the national park.

My mind drifted back to Peeta Mellark. In high school he had tried to befriend me, but I was kind of a bitch to him. Maybe if I had given him a chance I wouldn't be in the mess I am in right now. Too late to change things, I tell myself.

I continue to wait tables and catch Peeta's eye and this time I smile at him acknowledging his presence. Sort of a confirmation that I see and remember him. He looks good, his shoulders have filled out and his hair is neat, curls covering the nape of his neck. He was pretty athletic at school, if I remember correctly he was involved in wrestling.

I'm thankful that Johanna is serving their table, I really don't know what I would say to him anyway.

I think back to high school where I was sullen and stubborn. My dad had walked out on us when when I was twelve and my mom had been ill for a while in the years following, her mental health had suffered and I found myself becoming the primary carer for both her and my younger sister Prim. Back then I stuck to a small number of close friends and didn't care to make more. My best friend Gale who had lost his dad in an accident was a constant source of protection and reassurance, we were united in our shitty circumstances. Gale is two years older than me, he had left high school as I reached sixteen and gone to a local college to be near his mom and help her with his 3 younger siblings. That left me in high school with Madge Undersee, as quiet as a mouse before you got to know her and a welcome friend who didn't push me to talk or force me to get involved in typical high school shit.

Peeta Mellark hung with a different crowd, his father owned a bakery in town and Peeta was known for having the best snacks at school. He was also known for his sports, artistic prowess and good looks. I was sure he couldn't be all perfect, until he started talking to me during lunch one afternoon.

"Hey Katniss," he said as he stood before Madge and I. We were discussing the possible contents of the pudding cup, Madge looked surprised and blushed when Peeta interrupted, god knows why, he wasn't staring at her like he was with me. He took a seat across from us, the silence was awkward. "Do you mind if I sit here?" I did mind, Peeta and I had never really talked though sometimes he would smile at me if I caught his eye. Deciding I better say something, I don't agree but state, "I don't own the cafeteria."

"No but it's polite to ask anyway." He looks nervous as he starts eating a sandwich. His friends are staring over from their usual table.

"I think your friends are wondering why you aren't sitting with them." I point out. I relax a bit, maybe he's had an argument with them or something and needed to sit elsewhere without being obvious and alone.

"Yeah probably. I didn't tell then I had plans."

"Plans?" I'm curious now, plans which involved sitting with Madge and I for lunch? I didn't even want him to be here, he was drawing unnecessary attention to us.

"Well I figured I'd have lunch here so we could talk."

"We?"

He flushed, his cheeks crimson. It was cute.

He made direct eye contact as he said. "Well I figured I should talk to you now it's not so impossible." It was my turn to blush now.

"It was impossible before?"

"No, but your friend Gale was always around and I wasn't sure if he would approve of other guys talking to you."

"Well I don't see that it's his business."

"Oh."

"He's not my boyfriend." I don't know why I volunteered this information. I didn't want Peeta Mellark to even talk to me.

"Do you want a cookie?" Madge politely took a chocolate chip cookie from the bag. I just stared at him suspiciously.

"Thanks." Says Madge, confusion clearly reads from her face.

"So why do you want to talk to me?" Let's get to the point, I thought.

"Are you always this direct?" He asked, though it appeared to me he's trying to stall for time in order to explain the sudden intrusion of my daily lunch routine.

"Mostly." Madge answered then smiled at me smugly. Fuck her, I thought.

"Well like I said, I wanted to approach before but I...I thought Gale was maybe your boyfriend or something..."

"Oh I have to go!" 'Madge suddenly announced, "I have to talk to my chem teacher. Thanks for the cookie. See you Katniss." And she rushed off leaving me startled and slightly less comfortable alone with Peeta.

"So Gale isn't your boyfriend?"

"I already said no."

"Ever?"

"He's my best friend, what does it matter to you anyway?" I scowled, what was with all the questions.

"I thought we could be friends too, well I would like to be your friend..." He trailed off, the conversation didn't seem to be going his way. Should I have been fawning over him and batting my eyelashes at everything he says? I'd seen those other girls, it was pathetic.

"You know this is random and a little weird."

He laughed, "Yeah...I've wanted to talk to you for a long time I just...I don't know...I would have done it differently but today just seemed now or never."

Peeta Mellark wanted to talk to me? For a long time? Oh god. I was slightly embarrassed by his attention and disclosure of...a secret long standing crush? I had butterflies and I inwardly cursed myself for being even remotely excited or flattered or whatever the hell it is.

"Who made the cookies?" I asked, attempting to change the subject.

"My dad, do you like then?"

"They are amazing, I love when a cookie is still soft after being freshly baked."

He grinned at this, "So I should always bring cookies."

"Always?" Had he intended on doing this often?

"Well I figure if you are talking to me you might even have lunch with me tomorrow."

I thought it over, it was lunch in a cafeteria full of people from our classes and he had cookies, he surely could not have had many expectations of me. But then I really did not need any more friends and I certainly did not want to encourage his attentions.

"I'm not saying we," I emphasised the we, "can have lunch together, but I'm certainly not stopping you from sitting with Madge and I."

He grinned again and started talking about music and food and I found myself staring at his blue eyes, intrigued as to why he even wanted to talk to me...liked me. I could feel eyes on us both and I'm sure there were whispers.

And that's how it started, Peeta Mellark ate lunch with Madge and I every day. Eventually he worked up the courage to ask me to hang out outside of school.

"I can't, I have plans weekend." It was true.

"Oh," he looked disappointed, "Another time maybe?"

"Maybe." He looked hopeful and I felt bad about saying no. I found I liked Peeta Mellark the more I got to know him. He wasn't the typical sports loving douchebag I had come to expect and he certainly didn't force us to engage in his conversation. Though Madge and I appeared to find it easy to talk to him. He was surprisingly charming. True to his word he brought cookies and sometimes even cheese buns which he would split with me for lunch. They were amazing.

"Can I at least drive you home?"

"You have a car?" I had only ever seen Peeta within school, I had never noticed him arrive or leave.

"Well it's my brothers car but he lets me use it sometimes." He smiled sheepishly.

Gale wasn't able to pick me up today because his sister had an appointment with the paediatrician.

"I guess, but don't you live on the other side of town?"

"That's the beauty of a car Katniss, you can drive all the way back." He was mocking me. A cheeky grin on his face. There were those butterflies again. I hated the lack of self control I had over myself around him.

"Then yeah."

We got into his brothers beat up car and Peeta started the engine. The radio blasted and he reduced the volume, his hand skimmed mine as I tried to buckle my seatbelt.

I stared straight ahead uncomfortable with the close proximity. My hand tingled where he'd skimmed my flesh. One of us had to break the silence.

"I could give you a ride to school whenever..." He trailed off.

"It's fine I walk in the mornings, I like the fresh air and after school Gale picks Madge and I up most days."

"Oh. Well we should swap numbers just in case...you know in case you change your mind or Gale can't pick you guys up." He handed me his phone and I entered my number obligingly.

"Well thanks."

I watched as he wiped the palms of his hands on his jeans then continued driving. I wondered if he was a nervous driver.

"Are you sure you are a competent driver?" I half joked.

"Err yeah, I'm just...you make me nervous."

"Nervous? You?" I scoffed, you never seem to have a problem with talking to people."

"Not people Katniss, just you." He sighed almost as though he was frustrated at something.

"Why do I make you nervous?" I knew deep down but part of me wanted to hear him say it.

"You know why."

"All I know is that you always wanted to talk to me and you didn't because of Gale."

"Katniss are you really going to make me do this." He pulled up outside my house, I never even considered the fact he got here without direction.

"Do what?" I asked innocently.

He stared straight ahead, his hands gripping the wheel. "Tell you that I like you. That I can't stop thinking about you and I can't figure out if you like me too or if there's even a slight chance you would consider going out with me." He didn't look at me, just continued to stare at the bonnet of the car.

"Peeta I..." I hadn't thought this through, hadn't thought far enough ahead to what my response would be.

"I don't date." Was all I could manage.

"Can't or don't want to?" He asked.

"Don't want to."

We sat in an awkward silence for what felt like a lifetime.

"Do you think that could change?" He sounded hopeful and I felt like a terrible person because I was too pessimistic, too damaged by my parents to even consider ruining anyone else's future.

"I don't think so, not anytime soon."

"We can still be friends." It sounded like a question.

"Of course. I'm sorry Peeta." I don't want to leave it like this. I created this atmosphere so I should fix it. "What's the last song you played on your MP3 player?" I ask.

He smiled and leaned forward to hook it up to the car. Soft music, haunting, filled with banjo's, acoustic guitars and horns played. It was quite beautiful and the singers voice was gentle, I closed my eyes and listened. When I open them he was staring at me his lips slightly parted, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes again, letting the music soothe me.

"I'm scared of getting hurt." I whispered.

"I would never hurt you." He responded.

I opened my eyes and before I could overthink it I leaned forward and kissed him. He seemed surprised at first, then he leaned into me and his hands held my face. It was sweet and he smelled so good, like honey and chocolate. Eventually he pulled back, his lips are red and mine feel puffy.

I wanted to reach out and touch them, explore more of his mouth but all I could think of was that this was going too far, it was out of my control and I should go.

"That was..."

"I should go." I interrupted, "My sister will wonder where I am."

"Katniss..."

"Goodbye." I shut the car door and ran into the house slamming the door shut. I had kissed Peeta Mellark. My first kiss. It was wonderful and sweet and my stomach was doing those fucking somersaults again. This couldn't happen. My phone beeped signalling a text.

Peeta: Katniss shouldn't we talk about what just happened?

No, I thought. I didn't reply to his message or any others he sent and I made sure not to be alone with Peeta again. I couldn't stop thinking about him though, or that kiss. At lunch he would try and bring it up but I made sure Madge was there.

When he wasn't paying attention or he was particularly caught up in a story he was telling us I used this as an excuse to look at his lips, admire the muscles in his arms or his blue eyes.

The fact I found him attractive had not gone unnoticed by Madge who had brought it up when we were waiting on Gale to pick us up after school.

"You kept staring at him. You even gazed into his eyes."

"I did not! I was concentrating on his explanation of wrestling rules!" I protested.

When Gale picked us up we were still debating on whether I was gazing or concentrating.

"What are you both yammering about?" He asked as he pulled out the car park.

"Katniss has a crush on a guy from our class."

"What the fuck Madge, he's just a friend." I scowled at her, I didn't feel comfortable talking about this with Gale here.

"A crush?" He inquired raising his eyebrow at me.

"It's nothing. He's just a friend who sits with us at lunch."

"Who told her he liked her for a long time." Madge added, I was beginning to hate how comfortable she had become around Gale now and relieved that I hadn't told her about the kiss.

"So he's the one with the crush." Gale stated.

"I guess, doesn't mean I can't be his friend."

"No I guess not, can't blame him really." gale grinned at me and flicked a stray strand of hair from my face. I blush and hoped Madge didn't notice. We had arrived at her house and she was grabbing her things, she thanked Gale and left.

As we were driving towards my house Gale suddenly asked, "So this Mellark. Creeper or are you actually interested?"

I played with my braid nervously, "I like him as a friend. You have other girl friends at college, does that mean you want to date them?"

"It's not always about "dating" Katniss."

"So you are saying Peeta Mellark wants in my pants?"

"Probably."

"Well glad that's sorted, my intellect and wit is clearly not enough."

He laughs at this and suddenly he was very serious as he said, "It's enough for me."

"Your standards are low." I tried to laugh off his remark but there was an odd tension in the air. It had been getting that way a lot, Gale would make some remark about wanting me to be more than a friend or how he felt about me then the air would be thick with tension until one of us returned the conversation to our usual banter.

"So tell me what you know about Mellark so that I can decide if he's worthy of being in your presence." He joked which I was sure was to try and change the tone slightly.

So I tell him about Peeta's dad's bakery, the amazing cookies, the sports he played and that he liked to draw and paint, his two brothers and their family dog. I surprised myself by how much I actually knew and I didn't realise how much I was smiling as I told Gale about this boy who had suddenly appeared in my life until I was finished.

Gale frowned when I was done and asked, "What, you couldn't find any flaws?"

"No ones perfect." I answered, though I remember thinking the same thing when Peeta first started talking to me.

"Anyway enough about school, how's college and has your mom agreed to let Rory take guitar lessons yet?" I changed the subject.

We caught up on the happenings of Gales life and I was slightly relieved to be no longer talking about Peeta Mellark again.

As it was Friday night Gale was hanging out for a while at my house even though he should probably be off at college parties.

"Why do you spend your Friday nights with a high schooler when you could be playing beer pong and making out with college women?"

"What makes you think I'd want to make things difficult for others as I reign at beer pong? You know I would be undefeated." I noticed he ignored my comment about other women.

We were lying across my bed watching a movie. Gale's white t-shirt was tight across his chest and abs. I poked him in the ribs. "That's not what I meant." Gale started stroking my arm as we lay facing each other, another thing that had been happening lately. As he stroked up the length of my arm I felt a shiver go up my spine.

"You know I Iike spending time with you Catnip."

Gale's feelings for me was the elephant in the room most of the time. It was becoming harder to ignore as I noticed how much Gale sacrificed his time to spend with me when he should have been moving on to girls who were ready to be his girlfriend. My dad had left my mom and moved on to have a new family. We never saw him although we heard he was living in another town with his new wife and kids. I had trust issues, probably mostly for this reason. But Gale I could trust, he was safe and loved me and he was attractive. I didn't know if I wanted a boyfriend but if I did I could trust Gale. That I didn't doubt. Peeta had said he had liked me, wouldn't hurt me and even though I liked him too I couldn't trust him like I trusted Gale.

My eyes drifted over Gale's torso, I could see the muscles beneath his thin shirt. It's not like I hadn't thought of him before this way, sometimes even in the night as I felt that familiar ache and sought to release it. I started to feel that ache between my legs as I thought of catching Gale between my thighs and licking and kissing my way down his chest and abdomen, right down to the trail of hair towards his...

"Catnip?" Gale interrupted.

I looked up at him, I'm sure I was blushing. He stared intently at me then leaned forward to kiss me and before I knew it we were making out. It was heavy and lustful, changing the dynamic of our relationship forever. Hormones running wild and desperate to satiate them we began a very volatile relationship which usually revolved around sex. We would argue over things such as telling people about us, whether we should go out on dates or stay home, who he was with at college, who I was with. We were both demanding, possessive, insecure and stubborn. I should have known then it would never have worked out.

Peeta found out about us a few weeks later. Gale had a study break and we were making out at the back of the parking lot against the door of his truck. I usually had math around this time but the teacher had gone home sick and we had a free period so I had text Gale to come see me. A group of guys came out of the gym heading toward the field to train. Peeta was with them, he looked at me with hurt and betrayal. Our eyes locked and I felt like I had been winded. Gale still had his arms around me and I pushed him away. Peeta turned his back and headed off toward the field with no backward glance.

He kept his distance for a few weeks after that, spending more time with his friends and noticeably a blonde girl named Cressida who sat beside him often. I hadn't wanted to tell anyone about Gale and I, it wasnt like we were dating. Not at that point anyway. I told Madge after Peeta saw us, she never said anything about him after that.

Several weeks after Peeta saw us he turned up at our lunch table as though nothing had changed. He joked about our science class and teased Madge about some guy who had asked him about her. I wondered what his game was until Cressida showed up and asked him where they were going on Saturday night. I was angry. I glared at him and wished she would evaporate. He saw the look in my eyes and returned it with a questioning look of his own. I grabbed my bag and made an excuse and left. I knew my anger at him was irrational but the thought that he had sat there so she would approach him about their date infuriated me.

Eventually I forgot why I was mad at him. I'd heard Cressida had lost interest in Peeta and he was back to sitting with us during lunch. I found he was a good listener and eventually when Madge had other commitments during lunch he would spend time listening to me complain about my latest argument with Gale or my stories of hunting with my dad and my sister hating every minute of it that she would try to sabotage our trips. Peeta never talked about his feelings for me again and I was glad. I still wanted him to be around.

When Gale and I argued over things, things got crazy. I would be so mad I would throw things and he and I would scream at one another. He wanted me to go to parties at his college and I didn't feel comfortable or I didn't show enough affection. There was always something. I'd find myself texting Peeta. I knew it was selfish, feelings didn't just go away. But the more he replied the more I used him.

Katniss: Gale's gone off on one again, I'm so sick of this. I cant seem to do anything right.

Peeta: What for now?

Katniss: Apparently I don't want to be involved in his college social life and everyone thinks I should make more of an effort. Who gives a shit about everyone else?

Peeta: You shouldn't. Where are you? Do you want me to come get you?

Katniss: Yes. I'm near Wheatley Park by Franklin Avenue.

Peeta: Be there in 15.

I locked my phone and sat on the wall to wait. On nights like this after I had stormed out, I would text Peeta and he would pick me up. We'd drive around town and listen to his music before he would drop me at home. When he picked me up that night though he looked nice and smelled of aftershave.

"On a date?" I asked.

"Something like that."

"Where were you?" I hadn't intended to sound demanding but my tone was off.

"I was having dinner with Cressida and her family."

"Oh, I hadn't realized you and her were serious, in fact I hadn't noticed anything at all." This time I was obviously curt.

"Katniss..." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

I should have apologised but I was so riled from my argument with Gale I couldn't.

"Katniss, we're friends and I accept that. I haven't once mentioned you and Gale and you told me you didn't want to date anyone. I let you know how I felt and you chose him. I can't keep waiting for you when you made it clear he's who you want."

I feel numb. I'm angry again, but this time at myself for caring who he's with. I did choose Gale and I had no right to expect Peeta to remain hung up on me.

"So why are you here instead of on your date?"

"You were upset, I didn't want to leave you to walk home."

We pulled into my drive way and Peeta got out, he walked around to my side of the car and as I got out he pulled me into a hug. He was warm and again there was that smell of honey and chocolate. I lingered in the embrace, feeling the muscles in his shoulders. I had the urge to let my hands explore but the thought was interrupted as he broke away.

"You know Katniss, tomorrow you will both make up. He's crazy about you and you love him." He shrugged. His eyes couldn't disguise the sad look he gaves me. Like he was wounded.

"We might not." I said, but I knew he was right. Peeta walked me to my front door in silence.

He sighed, "Goodnight Katniss, see you at school," and turned to walk away. Suddenly he turned around and grabbed me by the wrist, pulled me towards him and kissed me. I wasn't sure how to react at first but then his lips felt so nice and I thought of those arms wrapped around me. I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him closer. His tongue assaulted my mouth and I parted my lips to allow him entry. It was like our first kiss, only more desperate. Like we had been denied each other for too long. My tongue trailed along his teeth and his tongue. We stood there for whatt felt like forever and I wished it would never end but the porch light had come on and I pulled away.

"I should go inside," I said breathlessly.

"Goodnight," he said as he turned to go down the driveway.

I went inside and straight to my room. I lay in bed confused and unsure of this whole night. My phone beeped twice and I unlocked it to read the messages.

Gale: Catnip, I'm sorry. Let's not fight, I love you. 3

I couldn't reply right then. I read the next message.

Peeta: Leave him for me.

Leave Gale? I'd lose him forever. I couldn't do that. He was my best friend, I couldn't leave him for someone else. He loved me and I would never break his heart. My dad had left my mom for someone he worked with and she had been devastated. I had kissed Peeta, did that mean I was like my dad? What had I done...

I cried myself to sleep that night. Guilt and confusion taking over my thoughts, my dreams were nightmares of Gale hating me and being left alone with no one.

The next morning I replied to Gale apologising for our fight and promising to make it up to him. Guilt had taken over and I would do whatever he wanted to make him happy. I also replied to Peeta.

Katniss: I can't.

At school on Monday Peeta was with Cressida, she held his hand and he kissed her lightly on the forehead.

There was no doubt in my mind after that I had made the right choice with Gale. Peeta stopped coming to lunch with us after that.