Summary: Bringing your girlfriend to meet your parents is a right of passage for some guys. When it's the Dragneels, though, it's more like an endurance run. (Goofy modern AU Nalu one shot with a whiff of WendyxRomeo)

Author's Note: I'm pulling a bunch of fandom conventions for this one. Igneel's a cop who adopted Natsu and then married Grandeeney, a doctor who had already adopted Wendy. Natsu's an auto mechanic, and Lucy does… something. It didn't come up. They're all dorks. I figure Grandeeney looks like Porlyusica since that's her human version, and I just kinda went with the flow for Igneel. I imagine them to be a family that, like Fairy Tail, harasses the crap out of each other but always has your back when you need them. This also has absolutely no point, so I wouldn't encourage you to expect any serious payoff at the end.

"You sure there isn't anything I should know?" Lucy fidgeted with her seatbelt shoulder strap, pushing it slightly to the side so it wouldn't dig into her neck. She'd never been overly fond of the seating in Natsu's battered old truck, but since he got violently ill any time she, or anyone else for that matter, drove there wasn't much to be done about it.

"Nah, you're overthinking this," he assured her, turning the wheel smoothly as they went around a bend in the road. "Grandeeney told me to invite you since she's making lasagna for Wendy's birthday." He favored her with a quick, bright grin. "And you definitely don't want to miss out on Grandeeney's lasagna."

"This seems like it's a family gathering, though," she pressed. "You said Wendy's party with all her friends wasn't till tomorrow… I don't want to intrude."

Heaving a sigh, the pink haired mechanic cast her a weary glance out of the corner of his eyes. She'd been freaking out over this for two days now. "It's fine, Lucy. It's not a big deal. If they didn't want you there, they wouldn't have yelled at me until I promised to bring you along."

"If you're sure..." the woman said uncertainly. "Meeting your boyfriend's parents for the first time is usually an important milestone in a relationship. I guess your folks are more casual about those sorts of things, huh?"

Natsu was silent, face frozen. He opened his mouth, but his brain had stuck on her words. "Uh… Well… Um…" Oh shit. Was that what this was? Grandeeney had been nettling him about bringing Lucy to dinner ever since it became apparent they weren't going to immediately break up, starting with subtle questions about what the blonde liked to eat and finally culminating in a demand for her presence at his sister's birthday dinner.

No, no. He was definitely blowing things out of proportion here. It was just that his step mom liked to show off her insanely delicious lasagna. She'd looked so smug when Macao had gushed compliments after he and Romeo had been over two months ago so they could meet Wendy's family. Wait. Maybe that wasn't such a good example after all... "Yeah, it's no big deal," he repeated with a slightly unbalanced grin. "Oh, look! We're here!"

Pulling into the driveway, Lucy nearly knocked herself in the face with the seat belt tongue in her nervousness as it zipped back into place. She clambered out, dropping to the ground carefully. It would be far too fitting if she twisted her ankle or something equally ungraceful when she was trying to make a good impression.

Natsu's door slammed, and he came around, pausing to collect her after she made sure her own door was properly shut. The passenger side seemed to have a habit of sticking, something he'd never quite got around to fixing.

"Natsu!" Wendy's joyful voice called from the house's threshold. "You made it!"

"Sure did, Wen. No way I'd miss it." He stopped in front of her, frowning and making a show of looking her up and down. "I dunno, though. You sure you're actually a year older?" The mechanic dropped his broad hand on top of her head, exaggerating the height difference between them by squashing her down slightly. "I don't think you're tall enough yet to go to college."

She ducked her head down even further, looking embarrassed. "I… I am! I'm not that small…"

Letting his hand slide down so he could hook her neck in the crook of his arm, Natsu dragged the girl closer and murmured in her ear. "You totally knocked 'em dead with those SAT scores. I'm really proud of you." Grinning, he let her pull away and step back.

"Idiot boy!" came a booming voice that made Lucy nearly jump out of her skin. "Why are you standing on the doorstep! Get in here before you let the flies in."

"Whatever, stupid Dad," he responded, following Wendy as she hastily scurried back into the house and tugging his girlfriend along with him.

Lucy gulped when she came face to face with an enormous red haired beast of a man. He blinked a pair of strange, golden eyes and looked down his nose at her with a frown. "Who's this now?"

"Lucy Heartfilia, sir!" she squawked and thrust the plastic wrapped bundle she'd been carrying since leaving her apartment towards him. "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Dragneel!"

"Oh right. Natsu's girl." He pondered the offering, turning it over in his hands for a moment.

"It's banana bread," the blonde explained in a rush. "Natsu said no one was allergic, so I thought it might be nice to bring something. Not that you won't provide enough food, but I it just didn't seem right come and not bring anything…" Her voice trailed off while she wrung her fingers together, carefully ignoring how Natsu rolled his eyes at the display.

Igneel sniffed the bread, eyebrows rising. He then gave her the most coldly calculating look she'd ever experienced, and Lucy desperately wished for a hole to crawl into for a shield. It felt like he was picking her apart right down to her soul.

"Are you pregnant?"

"Wha...?" she stammered, drowned out by Natsu's outraged cry of "Stupid Dad!" and a feminine declaration of "Idiot Husband!" Grandeeney made her presence known by smacking her spouse in the back of the head. Wendy looked horrified, casting a sympathetic glance at their guest.

"What?!" Igneel scowled. "Did you smell this? It's fantastic!" He turned and gestured with the loaf to his wife. "She bakes, and she's beautiful. No way she'd be with Natsu unless he got her pregnant or something." Shifting back to face Lucy, the giant's expression was immediately grave. "If my idiot son knocked you up, I prom-"

"Dad!" Natsu shouted. "She's not pregnant!"

"Oh," Igneel said, looking comically disappointed. "Well why not? I know I taught you all about it, so shouldn't you get started on that? None of us are getting any younger. You're not going to let a catch like her get awa-"

The younger man's face was as red as his father's hair. "Shut up! Just… stop talking! Can't you -" He broke off his tirade upon seeing Lucy with her hands held in front of her face, shoulders shaking and eyes watering. "Wha… You made her cry, you bastard! I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"As if you could, boy," Igneel scoffed, but his face took on an apprehensive set. "She's not that sensitive, is she? You could've warned-"

Lucy snorted, and the two men fell instantly silent. Her eyes widened and her face burned in embarrassment, but she couldn't stop the peals of laughter that bubbled up from her stomach. She doubled over, clutching her belly and gasping for breath. "I'm… sorry…" she wheezed. "But that was… so funny!" Rubbing the back of his head, Natsu let out a nervous titter while his father curiously considered the young woman.

"Idiot men," Grandeeney muttered, snatching the banana bread from her husband's grip. When he protested, her sharp glare cut him off. "I'm sure our extremely polite and generous guest didn't work so hard so you could spend the evening huffing her baked goods."

Moving to stand in front of the young blonde, Grandeeney smiled warmly. "Please forgive them. This is the first time our son has brought a young lady home, and my husband is far too excited for his own good. Welcome to our home."

"O-oh!" Lucy swiped the tears from her mirth away with careful fingers, not wanting to smudge the very precisely applied makeup that she'd fussed over in preparation of meeting them. "Thank you so much, and it's fine. I'm already used to Natsu."

Grandeeney let out a bark of a laugh. "I like you already." Ignoring the pink haired man's exclamation of indignation, the older woman took Lucy gently by the arm and led her towards the dining room. "You have excellent timing, too. Dinner just came out of the oven, so it'll be nice and bubbly. Can I get you something to drink?"

"Just water would be fine, thank you." Lucy sat down at the large dining room table in the chair Grandeeney indicated. The pink haired woman headed into the area Lucy assumed was the kitchen calling for Wendy to join her. "I can help!" the blonde insisted, starting to rise again.

"No, no, dear. You're our guest." Grandeeney's mature voice floated back into the room. "We can handle it just fine."

Dropping into the seat next to her, she noticed Natsu was still sporting bright spots of high color on the apples of his cheeks. He dragged at the ever present scarf around his neck in a nervous gesture. "Sorry 'bout that, Lucy. I didn't know he'd get all… weird like that."

"It's fine," she reassured him. "Don't worry abooow - What was that?!" Scooting her chair back, Lucy spotted an elegant white cat prowling under the table.

"Huh? Oh, that's Carla. She's Wendy's cat." Natsu eyed the feline cautiously. "She doesn't really like other people." True to his statement, the cat gave a small sniff at Lucy's ankle, turned up her nose and pattered away.

"That's not true!" Wendy said defensively as she set a large bowl of leafy green salad and a beautiful plate containing Lucy's carefully sliced banana bread on the table. "She's very affectionate."

Her brother scoffed and reached out a hand towards the feline. Carla arched her back and hissed for all she was worth. "Yep. Super affectionate. Just like Happy, right?" he said sarcastically.

Lucy couldn't help but think of the friendly Russian Blue mix that liked to lay on her lap when she was writing in bed. The first time she and Natsu had sex at his place, she'd been more than a little startled to find the cat lying across the headboard, tail swinging like a pendulum and what really appeared to be a salacious grin on his face. Natsu had shrugged when she'd insisted the cat be out of the room before they continued but complied in the end. Somehow, she'd still woken up to find Happy curled up by her head in the morning, purring happily and smacking her in the face with this tail.

"Here we are!" Grandeeney's entrance with the steaming main course forestalled any further retorts between the siblings, and Lucy found herself starting to salivate just from the sight of it. Placing the glass dish on a trivet in the center of the table, the doctor started expertly dividing it up into consummately portioned pieces.

Leaning in to give his spouse a peck on the check, Igneel grinned as he took his seat at the end of the table. "You've outdone yourself again, wife."

Plucking up Lucy's plate before the blonde had a chance to reach for it herself, Wendy gave her a warm smile. "Let me!" The blue haired girl quickly filled the plate with dressed greens, a lovely cranberry chutney and one slice of lasagna before setting it back in front of their guest with a flourish.

All four Dragneels paused, watching Lucy with expectant eyes. She hesitated, taken aback by the intense scrutiny, but used her fork to cut off a politely sized bite of the main dish. Melted cheese and bright red sauce oozed across the perfectly cooked noodle when she brought the utensil towards her mouth. Lucy paused to blow gently on the steaming morsel, choosing to ignore Natsu when he made an encouraging motion with his hand.

Taking a bite, the blonde chewed for a second before her eyes grew wide. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed, free hand flying up to cover her lips in a dainty gesture that Natsu always teased her about but secretly thought was adorable. "This is… amazing! So good!"

"Right?" The pink haired man beamed at her while he leaned forward to start piling food onto his own plate. "Totally worth it."

Grandeeney preened but still took the time to slap her husband's hand when he reached first for a piece of banana bread. "Sweets last!" she declared in response to his grumbling.

With family members at last seated and feasting themselves, Lucy gushed more about the delightful meal. "This vinaigrette on the salad is fantastic! And the rolls have such a great texture."

"Thanks!" Wendy chirped. "I baked them this morning. And your banana bread is really delicious, Lucy."

"Oh, thank you!" Lucy smiled brightly, feeling pleased that her simple dessert could be spoken of favorably in a family of such excellent cooks.

"You said sweets last!" Igneel protested, making his step daughter duck her head. She tried to fight the smile tugging at her lips, but failed.

Sniffing indignantly, Grandeeney defended, "We just nibbled the end bits that were left over after I sliced it. It would've been a crime to waste such a tasty gift."

"Lucy's grub is really great!" Natsu said, words garbled slightly by his mouth full of food. He paused to chew and swallow when he caught the stern look Grandeeney shot him from the end of the table. "You should get her to cook for you guys sometime."

"Did you get enough, Lucy?" Peering speculatively at the blonde's plate, Grandeeney commented, "Please don't be shy about taking seconds."

Lucy was mildly amazed by the amount of food Natsu's family could put away. Igneel and his son alone were devouring their way through the plentiful spread, while Grandeeney and Wendy both seemed to possess healthy appetites too. "Everything is so amazing I'm trying to pace myself," she admitted with a warm smile. "I don't want to get full before I've had time to try everything."

"She's smart." Igneel reached across the table and plucked up a slice of banana bread in defiance of his wife's skewering glance of disapproval. "I'd better have some of this before I can't eat anymore." Cramming the wedge into his mouth, the red head chewed thoughtfully, eyebrows rising slowly.

He stared at Lucy with that same canny expression as when he'd first laid eyes on her earlier. The woman wondered if this was what a frog felt like in a high school biology lab. Finally, his amber eyes ticked over to look at his son, and he spoke very seriously. "It's blackmail, isn't it?"

"Wha'?" Natsu blurted out in confusion, mouth stuffed with noodles.

"You've got some kind of dirt on her. That's why someone so clever and talented is staying with you."

Fork clattering to his nearly emptied plate, Natsu dropped his head and covered it with his hands while Igneel snickered. "Arrrrgh! Can you just stop?!"

His girlfriend couldn't contain the giggles that erupted. The thought of her carefree, pink haired mechanic being so successfully and deviously manipulative was hilarious. "It's nothing so sordid. He's just very sweet."

"Sweet? Him?" Grandeeney didn't bother to hide her look of surprise, brushing off Natsu's loud groan of irritation. "That's a bit of a shock to hear. Rambunctious, ill-tempered - even accidentally accommodating, maybe. But sweet? "

Lucy nodded vigorously. "Oh yes! At least he can be when he puts his mind to it." She grinned at Natsu's rising blush and nudged him with her elbow. "He can be a pain, for sure, but then he'll go and do something so considerate. He always makes sure that I'm safe and doesn't give me the chance to get too wrapped up in my own thoughts. Honestly, I've never met anyone who cares so much about other people."

"Geez," the pink haired man mumbled into the tabletop before peeking up at her. "You're makin' me sound all mushy…" The two were so involved in gazing at one another they didn't even notice the amused and satisfied looks being exchanged by the other three people.

Wendy's exclamation of "Awwww! They're so cute!" finally broke their moment, and Natsu went back to polishing off the food still on his plate while snarling at his father's joyful ribbing. Grandeeney caught her step son's eye, giving him a pleased smirk and unmistakable nod of approval which made him choke on his food. A strong slap on the back from Igneel sent him face first into his diner even as it cleared his airway. He was pretty sure he hadn't imagined hearing "Good job, son" over the rushing blood in his ears.

Much later, with full bellies and high spirits, they had reluctantly said their goodbyes. Natsu and Lucy climbed back into the beat-up truck and started their journey back to their own homes. "Sorry about Dad being so weird. I've never seen him get like that before."

"Well, I'm sure Grandeeney was right that he was just overly excited." She smiled cheekily at him. "He's a bit like you that way. I see where you get it from."

He made a noise that was both dismissive and distressed at the comment. "Man, why would you say something like that?"

Laughing, she shrugged and changed the subject. "I can't believe you never brought a girl home with you before."

Falling silent for a moment to collect his thoughts, Natsu finally said, "I'd never cared what anyone else I dated thought about my family, I guess. It just… never mattered if they'd get along." Lucy stared at him, and her careful study started to make him squirm even when she blushed into a syrupy smile. He cleared his throat. "I'm just glad they didn't freak you out or anything."

"Are you kidding?" Lucy chuckled. "They were so much fun! I'd love to be a part of a family like that." Her expression blanked right after the words left her mouth as she realized how it might sound. They hadn't really talked about the future much. "Er… I mean… with the way my family was… not that… you know…"

Natsu just grinned his ridiculous grin in reaction. It was a relief to know she felt that way, really. He couldn't imagine falling out of love with the amazing blonde, but if she'd hated his bizarro family it would've crushed something in him. To know that she not only liked them, but thought they were fun? "I'll remember you said that."

Someday he was gonna marry this girl.