A/N: So like most recent TouKen fics, this was written in retaliation for the last chapter of Tokyo Ghoul. Not gonna lie, that ending hurt. I haven't felt like that since the Valvrave. They killed the mc too soon, before he could accomplish his goals, and took away one of my favorite pairings, Haruto x Saki.
Damn.
Anyways, unlike those other fics this one is gonna be long, like hundreds of thousands of words. This will be a legit butterfly effect story about the impact and change Touka's presence in Kaneki's life has post Aogiri Tree arc. It won't stop at canon, changed canon because of the butterfly effect of course, I plan on continuing on. By that I mean I want Kaneki x Touka to get married,
have kids, and even open their own cafe shop. And I don't mean like some kind of epilogue but actual chapters about their lives as a family, with some action and drama of course.
Of course those other fics weren't bad or anything, but as a reader myself I wanted a TouKen fic that I could really sink my teeth into, you know? Not one where two minutes into it I'm almost finished with it. Again they were good just too short.
Anyways, I'll wrap this up by saying while I think of myself as a good writer, I've never written a fic about such a dark manga like Tokyo Ghoul or a character that's unstable as Kaneki is so hopefully I'll do a good job. That being said, I always strive to be better so if anyone has suggestions or advice please feel free to point out.
"Words"
'Thoughts'
"Past words"
(Noise)
He was safe.
That was all that ran through Touka's mind as they stood on a hill overlooking that damn Aogiri Tree base. She couldn't lie to herself, when her stupid brother Ayato taunted her how Kaneki was already dead, she lost it.
She went at her own brother with an anger she never thought she would direct towards him.
She couldn't help it.
Just the thought of that idiot dying and leaving her . . . it . . . . it felt like the ground gave away from beneath her. Despite only being apart of her life for a few months and despite how much she complained about how much trouble he caused her, Kaneki became one of the most important people in her life.
Touka couldn't even begin to imagine her life without that idiot.
She didn't want to.
That was why she was willing to go into enemy territory, with another enemy at their doorstep, to get him back.
Even if she had to go by herself.
Ironically, it turned out to be Kaneki who ended up saving her. Although, this Kaneki wasn't the same Kaneki that was taken away from her by that stupid fish face bastard.
From his jet black nails to his snow-white hair.
They completely changed.
But, what had changed the most were his eyes.
No longer was there that childlike innocence that made her want to both slap him with her Kagune and wrap it around him to protect him from the cruel world. No, they were fierce and glaring with so much anger and hate that made her shudder. Even when that glare softened when his eyes came upon her, they weren't the same. Touka wasn't even sure how to describe the look in his eyes. No longer were they big and doughy, like a child, naïve and shy.
Nothing like that.
The pupils were narrowed and had a haunted, murky look to them.
What did they do to him?
That was the one question Touka kept asking herself as she watched the half-ghoul stare down at his former prison.
"He's probably in his 'hobby room'."
"Hobby room?"
"It's a torture play room building at the back of building five. I heard he's been spending all his time there lately. He's probably delighted with a new 'toy'."
"Yamori is a torture-loving pervert."
'No! NO!' she didn't want to think about that.
She didn't want imagine what that BASTARD did to Kaneki.
It made her sick just thinking about it.
It made her hate herself for being so weak.
Really HATE herself for not being able to protect him.
Fuck!
That was her damn job, how could she had screwed up so badly?!
It was so simple!
Protect him!
She's been doing it since that day in the alley.
That's how it's always been from the beginning.
That's how it was supposed to be.
But, it wasn't.
Because, she was too weak to protect him.
She fooled herself into thinking that the few small fries, shitty Nishiki being the smallest, she had dealt with were anything to brag about. She just really started practicing fighting again when she began training Kaneki. Her human life really took up her time before he came into it, stumbling, crying like the child he truly was.
So, because of her human life, she stopped practicing, she got weak.
How else would her baby brother been able to kick her ass so badly?
And who came to save her?
Kaneki.
A new Kaneki, but still Kaneki.
That wasn't supposed to happen.
It was supposed to be the other way around.
And yet here they were, standing on a hill with the wind gently blowing all around them, Kaneki saying some crap about leaving Anteiku.
The hell?
Was he serious?
Hey, thanks for saving me bye.
Really?
Of course she knew this was important to him, that was obvious to her and everyone around, the look in his eyes held nothing but determination.
Determination and . . . .
But, still, he couldn't wait?
He couldn't ask them all for help?
Stupid Kaneki.
Then, to make things worse, he told her that he didn't want her to go with him, wherever the hell that idiot was going. Oh sure, he tried to do it nicely, kinda like the old Kaneki would, going on about exams and shit but the meaning was the same.
Whatever the hell he planned on doing she knew it was gonna be dangerous and stupid.
Did he really think that she was gonna leave his back to someone else but her?
Let alone that weak gorilla of a ghoul Banjou?
She didn't even want to get started on Tsukiyama.
It was obvious to anyone who knew the freak that he was just waiting for a chance to eat him.
Who would stop that food-pervert from doing it?
Banjou?
Ha!
And the other ghouls that were in Banjou's group didn't seem like they could do much either.
Did he really think she was gonna leave him with no one reliable to watch his back, especially after what just happened?
Hell no.
The last ten days had been hell for her. The feeling of pure anxiety that settled in the pit of her stomach was agony. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't keep her coffee down, she had to always be doing something because if she didn't her mind would begin to stray.
And if it strayed it never failed to go towards Kaneki and what might've happened to him.
Too many scenarios.
Too many nightmares.
She was NOT going through that again, and that's exactly what would happen if she let him go without her.
That's why she was happy that Kaneki seemed to feel bad about his rejection of her, forcing him avert his eyes, something else the old Kaneki would do. With his eyes averted it gave Touka the opportunity to leap forward and throw a face shattering punch.
He'd be fine, his healing ability was something else.
Touka's only concern at the moment was giving that dumbass a piece of her mind.
In all honesty, Kaneki should've saw that punch coming. As long as he knew Touka she always had a quick temper and was rash enough to let it control her actions.
Yeah, that was his mistake.
But, despite being punched off his feet, that action was a relief and reassuring.
After ten days of hell and eye-opening experiences, the last thing he wanted to see was the beat and broken Touka he saw when he saved her.
Ayato was lucky Touka still cared for him.
If she hadn't, he wouldn't have gotten off so easily, but his death would've hurt her and he couldn't do that.
Shaking the stars from his vision, Kaneki could feel the bones in his face mending themselves together. He couldn't really say the punch hurt, not after his time with Yamori, but it definitely made Touka's feelings known.
Unfortunately for him, she wasn't done.
As he tried to stand up from his slumped position against the tree Touka punch him into, yes she hit him that hard, he felt her hand clench around his throat, lift him in the air, before slamming him into the tree.
He really should've saw this coming.
"Who the hell do you think I am?!" her eyes bled black and red as they bore into his murky own. "I'm not some damsel that needs to be brushed off to the side to be protected! Don't get so full of yourself!"
"Touka, I-"
"Save it!" any of his protest was cut short immediately. "Fuck, you used to be smart! You're really gonna leave your back to Tsukiyama?! The fucker that tried to EAT you?! You trust him over ME?! Are you fucking kidding me?!"
Touka couldn't help the hurt that crept its way into her voice while she verbally laid into Kaneki. Everyone who was watching by the sidelines easily picked up on it but said nothing as they continued to watch the scene play out.
It was best to steer clear of a pissed Touka.
"Of course not, Touka! I just don't want you getting hur-"
"Save it! I'm not some little girl, I can protect myself! I'm coming with your dumbass and I dare you to try to say no!" with one last thrust, Touka slammed him into the tree again, cracking it, before stomping off into the shadows.
Kaneki didn't try to catch himself as his body slumped to the floor once again. He merely let out a sigh along with a tight, sad smile as he watched Touka stalk off.
Her words were like a punch to the gut, and hearing the hurt in her voice was like having his insides gently scrambled.
(Crack)
Kaneki didn't mean to hurt her, he would never hurt Touka if he could help it.
His decision to leave her out was to protect her.
He didn't want his selfish actions hurting her or anyone from Anteiku in any way shape or form.
It wasn't an easy decision for him to come to.
Kaneki had felt a huge sense of relief when Touka began to volunteer herself to come along. Having Touka by his side felt similar to when he was a kid and used a nightlight to go to sleep. There was this reassuring feeling that he got from knowing she was there at his side.
But, he proceeded to twist and cut that feeling apart so he could push her away.
Touka was right though.
She wasn't a girl who needed to be protected nor did she want to be.
She was fighter and would be the second strongest in the group right after him. But, her strength didn't compare to the reassurance her very presence alone brought him.
"You should've expected no less from her." looking up, Kaneki saw Renji staring down at him with his arm reaching out.
With another tight smile, Kaneki took his hand and stoop up.
"Yeah, I guess I deserved that." his eyes drifted back towards the shadows and even though he couldn't see her, Kaneki could feel Touka glaring at him. "Sorry about this. You all risked so much to rescue me and the first thing I do is leave. On top of that I'm apparently taking Touka with me as well."
"Is this important to you, Kaneki?" not being one for much words, Renji cut straight to the point.
"Yeah, I need to do this."
"Then the manager will understand."
"Thank you." with a sigh, Kaneki ran a hand through his messy white hair before looking around. "We should get out of here."
A few minutes later, Kaneki and the others met up with rest in a small clearing in the forest. The rest being the manager, Kaya, Hinami, and Banjou's group.
The moment Hinami's eyes set upon the half-ghoul she considered an older brother, they lit up with pure joy.
"Onii-chan!" a smile that belonged more to the old Kaneki made its way onto his face as Hinami broke away from the others and barreled into him. "I'm so glad your ok!" he was too happy to see her to question and worry about her being in such a dangerous place.
He trusted the manager's judgement.
"Sorry for worrying you, Hinami." Kaneki placed a hand on top of her head as the little girl buried her face into his chest.
His heart almost broke when she began to wail, tears soaking his shirt.
"It's good to see you safe, Kaneki." stepping forward, the manager placed a hand on Kaneki's shoulder while giving a warm smile that hid the sadness he truly felt for Kaneki.
It didn't take decades of earthly experience to noticed the look in Kaneki's eyes and the change that had overcome him. Kaya who was a few steps behind the manager gave a sad smile at the scene.
They were too late.
"Thank you. All of you." he gave everyone around him another one of his smiles, forced and pained, so different from before. "Thank you for coming to save me. I'm sorry for causing all of you so much trouble."
"Don't start getting all emotional." Nishiki cut in before glaring at Tsukiyama. "I was just repaying you for saving Kimi, that's it."
Smirking, Kaya stepped closer towards him.
"You're such a tsundere."
Kaneki couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at their interaction.
It felt like years had passed since he last saw them.
And he would be leaving so quickly.
As much as he wanted to go back to the way he used to live, Kaneki couldn't bring himself to do that. It would feel too weird and out of place to try to fit in to the old Kaneki's life, like putting on someone else's skin.
He couldn't go back that life, not yet.
He had questions he needed answered.
He had beans that needed to be plucked.
Kaneki couldn't get the manager and everyone else at Anteiku into more of his troubles.
They had done more than enough for him.
He needed to tell the manager.
No time like the present.
"Manager there's something I need to tell you."
"It can wait until tomorrow." the old coffee shop manager interjected. "You've been through a lot Kaneki, you need to rest."
Kaneki opened his mouth to protest but couldn't find the energy to.
He was tired.
Incredibly tired.
It showed on his face, the utter exhaustion that seemed to run deep into his soul.
"Rest sounds good."
Kaneki let out a sigh, half listening as the manager offered Banjou's group to stay over at Anteiku.
He would need to have Tsukiyama find them a place to stay.
He only planned on staying at Anteiku until tomorrow and no longer.
He had no time to waste.
Eventually, they began moving through the forest, Hinami refused to let go of him and wrapped her arms around his waist before tucking herself into his left side.
Despite her anger, Touka quickly fell right into step beside him to his right.
That's where she would be from here on out.
If Kaneki didn't like it, well, he could go fuck himself.
She was NOT going to make the same mistake again.
She would protect him.
No matter what.
"Hm?" turning towards Touka, Kaneki gave her a questioning look as to why she draped her cloak over his shoulders.
"You were shivering like were gonna freeze to death, idiot." with her arms crossed, Touka mumbled her response.
"Was I? I didn't feel a thing." his eyes drifted to everyone else for confirmation but . . .
Why was everyone looking at him like that?
The ride back was a silent one.
The manager and Kaya took the front two seats while Nishiki occupied the second row of seats by himself. In the back of the car was Kaneki himself, along with Hinami and Touka, their positions not changing from earlier. Hinami was still clinging to him while Touka, with arms crossed, glared out the window.
Pissed, but still by his side.
Banjou and the others were in Renji's car; Tsukiyama and Uta left disappearing into the shadows to go about their business.
Closing his eyes, Kaneki rested his head against the back of the seat and closed his eyes. The warmth Hinami and Touka's body were radiating was relaxing. He could feel his tension unraveling with their presence.
Kaneki decided to let his mind relax.
.
.
.
.
.
"One thousand. Nine hundred ninety-three. Nine hundred eighty-six. Nine hundred seventy-nine."
(Crack)
(Crack)
(Crack)
"Nine hundred seventy-two. Nine hundred sixt-."
"What the hell are you counting for?" Kaneki's eyes snapped open before he tilted his head in her direction.
"Huh?"
"Don't 'huh' me. Why the counting?" in Touka's opinion, she did a pretty good job keeping her voice snappy and not letting the dread she was feeling in it.
The moment Kaneki started counting the temperature seemed to drop as an ominous feeling filled the vehicle. Touka had never felt anything like that come from Kaneki. He always seemed to give off a warmth; it was like bathing in the sunlight.
Touka wondered how much of the old Kaneki would she mourn over.
"I, uh, just a habit I picked up I guess." shrugging, Kaneki tried to ease the concerned looks everyone, although Nishiki hid it, were giving him.
"What about the finger cra-"
"Touka, that's enough." her uncovered eye met the manager's through the rear view mirror. "Kaneki's been through a lot, he doesn't need you pestering him right now."
Touka opened her mouth to respond but couldn't find any words.
The old geezer was right.
She had screwed up, failed her job, and Kaneki paid for it. Now that he was safe, he didn't need to deal with her damn questions.
"Sorry." she mumbled as her eyes glanced his way.
"Don't worry about it."
Her head turned away from his smile.
It was a new one.
It hurt to see it.
She fucked up.
It felt like a lifetime.
Ten days had never been so long for Kaneki.
For some reason he thought Anteiku would've changed since the last time he saw it, but no it was still the same homey café.
He couldn't be any happier.
This was the place he wanted to protect.
To do that he would need to remove all unnecessary weeds.
(Crack)
(Crack)
"Are you gonna just stand there all night like an idiot or are you coming in?"
With another tight smile Kaneki followed Touka into the café.
There waiting for them were Enji and Kimi.
Much to Kaneki's surprise the second Kimi's eyes set upon him, she engulfed him with a hug at a speed no human should move at.
Strangely enough, he could actually feel Touka tense up.
"I'm so glad you're ok! I've been so worried!" he tensed at the unexpected hug but tentatively returned it.
"Sorry for worrying you, and sorry for dragging Nishiki into my mess." she must've been terrified with Nishiki caught up in something so dangerous, especially after the Tsukiyama incident.
Good thing Kaneki had sent him away.
Kimi was important to Nishiki.
(Crack)
And despite his foul mouth and their past, Nishiki had become someone Kaneki would protect.
(Crack)
That included the people he cared about.
(Crack)
Kaneki wouldn't even let Tsukiyama in the same block as Kimi.
Lost in thought, Kaneki didn't realize how dark his mode and expression turned, neither did he notice the looks everyone were giving him.
It was the same look he's been getting since they saw him.
Luckily for Kimi she was too relieved to see not only one of her saviors but the savior of the man she loved was safe to notice anything.
Scratching the back of his head, Nishiki stepped in.
"Alright alright leave the kid alone. He doesn't need you strangling him." with a hand on her shoulder Nishiki pulled his woman away from the half-ghoul.
"S-Sorry."
"Don't worry about it." Kaneki was quick to reassure her. "I'm sorry for worrying you, all of you."
A sad smile crawled onto his face as he expressed his regret.
"Don't start getting all fucking sappy on us." that earned Nishiki a smack on his shoulder from Kimi.
"It's good to see you alive and kicking, Kaneki." stepping forward, the ghoul once known as the Devil Ape placed a large hand on the half-ghoul's shoulder. "You should get some rest."
"Yeah, I think I'll do that. Come on, Banjou, I'll show you where you all can sleep for the night."
With that, Kaneki and the surviving members of the former Anti Aogiri left upstairs. Enji was the next to leave, teeth clenched, fingernails digging into his tough skin, drawing blood.
Kaya sighed as she watched him stalk off to the back of the café, the sound of something breaking a few seconds later was heard.
"I'll talk to him."
As everyone left, Kimi finally broke down and started crying.
"What the- Kimi, what's wrong?!"
"W-What happened to him?!" between her wails, Kimi voiced her question.
Everyone left in the room, Touka, Hinami, and Nishiki, cringed while averting their eyes.
"So you noticed, huh?"
"Of course I-I noticed!"
Damn, Nishiki hated seeing her like this.
He wasn't the most touchy feely person but even he knew she needed a hug.
"How could I not! His hair, those nails, a-and his eyes!" with that Kimi broke down completely and buried her face into her boyfriend's shoulder.
She may not have known Kaneki all that well but she did know he saved Nishiki from being cannibalized AFTER he tried to eat his friend and kill Kaneki himself. On top of that he even came to rescue her, someone he barely knew, even if it put him in danger of being eaten himself.
He had a gentle, innocent soul that practically radiated warmth.
But . . . but the Kaneki she saw looked broken.
His eyes, they were . . . murky.
That was the only way she could begin to describe them.
It was heartbreaking.
Touka could taste blood from how hard she was biting her lip, unlike Kimi she felt more inclined to lash out and go on a rampage. She needed a release for all her pent-up emotions so bad that she felt like she was gonna burst if she didn't.
She swore on her life if that Yamori bastard somehow survived she would rip him to pieces with her bare hands. She would do it slow to like-
The sound of Hinami's sniffling drew her out of her murderous thoughts. Apparently Kimi's crying was infectious to the young ghoul.
"Come one, Hinami, let's go upstairs." placing a hand on the little girl's head, Touka gave the best smile she could muster up at the moment. "Hey, shitty Nishiki, take your human home."
"Show some respect for your elders, shitty brat."
"Whatever." rolling her eyes, Touka lead Hinami upstairs.
They needed to see Kaneki.
When they found him, he was leaning against a wall staring at the ghouls that were all collapsed on the couch in the room Loser was held in.
Strange, seeing as there were two other rooms with a bed in each one of them.
"They felt more comfortable being together . . . after everything they went through, I can't really blame them."
Normally, Touka would've snapped at Kaneki, saying something along the lines about him being too full of himself, thinking he could know her thoughts. But, she didn't have the energy for such a response, even if she was still pissed at him for trying to leave her behind.
"Yeah, whatever." instead she simply huffed and looked away.
"What about you, onii-chan?" breaking his gaze from the group of ghouls, Kaneki gave Hinami his best smile.
"Other than the bad taste in my mouth, I'm fine."
A bad taste he would need to get used to.
(Crack)
"Bad taste?" tilting her head to the side, Hinami voiced her confusion. Touka herself couldn't keep her eyes from straying his way, curiosity eating away at her.
What did he eat?
Did they force him to eat human food?
Why?
Just so he could suffer?
Fucking bastards.
"It's nothing, Hinami."
" . . . . If you say so, onii-chan."
"Come on, idiot." Touka finally spoke up. "You can stay at my place tonight." she felt a surge of satisfaction when she saw his flustered reaction.
That's how the old Kaneki would've reacted.
"Huh? Y-You're place? I don't think that's necessary. I mean there are extra rooms he-"
"I'm sure Hinami would feel better having you close tonight." and so would she; Touka was not letting him out of her sight anytime soon. "Right, Hinami?"
"Mmhmm." nodding her head rapidly with an enthusiastic look on her face, Hinami made a sound of agreement pass her lips.
There was no way Kaneki could say no to that face and Touka knew it.
Just as expected, Kaneki caved in instantly.
"Alright, if that's what Hinami wants."
Good, because Touka wasn't taken no for an answer.
She would drag him by his hair if she had to.
Opening the door to her apartment, Touka let the other two inside.
"You two are gonna need to change." Touka sighed as they stepped into the living room. "Especially you, Kaneki." not only was he wearing that damn Aogiri Tree cloak she lent him, how he didn't know he was shivering when he was doing it so hard was beyond her, but he was also in nothing but bloody rags.
"I would like to but I don't have anything to change into."
"Wait here." mumbling, Touka stalked off to her room.
While Touka was a girl she tended to dress in a tomboyish way, so she should have a few things that he could wear. It didn't hurt that they were about the same height and Kaneki was rather skinny. Although, she would admit, to herself only, that he was finally putting on some muscle. Not enough to make him too large for her clothes but enough to look rather-
She froze and reddened instantly.
Where did THAT come from?
"Touka?"
"It's nothing." not turning around due to the current color of her face, Touka shook her head and continued towards her room.
Kaneki and Hinami stood there silently for a few seconds before Hinami abruptly tackled him onto the couch.
"H-Hinami?"
"I'm so glad you're ok!" just as before the young ghoul buried her face into his chest. "I was scared I'd never see you again!" Kaneki smiled sadly down at her as he patted her head.
With everything he was being put through by Yamori, Kaneki had never thought what the others must have felt during his ten-day disappearance. It was apparent more than ever how much of a burden he was on everyone.
But, that would change.
(Crack)
He would change.
(Crack)
He would be strong so he could protect those precious to him.
(Crack)
(Crack)
Yamori and Rize had opened his eyes to how ones lack of ability led to tragedies.
(Crack)
(Crack)
He would not-
"O-Onii-chan?"
"Yes?"
"Are you ok?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
Opening her mouth, Hinami shook her head before smiling.
" . . No reason."
Right now nothing mattered other than the fact that she was with her onii-chan and onee-chan.
Both safe and alive.
"Hinami, go get ready for bed it's way past your bedtime." glancing at the clock on the wall, Kaneki saw it was well past midnight.
"But, I'm not tired." both Kaneki and Touka couldn't help but chuckle at the young ghoul's pouting face. "Onii-chan, please?"
"Touka's right, you need to go to sleep." placing her hands on her hips, Touka gave Hinami a smug smile as if claiming her victory.
"I'm not a little kid, I don't need a bedtime." puffed cheeks accompanied her earlier pout as she continued to resist.
"Hinami, you know who says that?" Touka began before Kaneki finished.
"Little kids."
"Onii-chan and onee-chan are both mean." the two that seemed to be acting like parents at the moment watched in amusement as Hinami stalked off to her room.
"Here." with her usual bluntness, Touka tossed a black shirt and blue pair of basketball shorts at Kaneki's face.
He couldn't contain his smile from under the clothes.
He might have changed but it was good to see the same old Touka.
"Thanks, Touka."
"Just make sure you take a shower before you put those on."
"Right." with that reply, Kaneki gathered the clothes, gave Touka a smile that was more of akin to the old Kaneki, and made his way to the shower.
Once Kaneki disappeared from her sight, Touka flopped herself onto her couch and let out a long sigh.
'These last ten days,' another sigh escaped her lips. 'have been the longest ten days of my life.'
She couldn't contain the unladylike snort that she released.
'And all because of that idiot.'
Who would've thought Kaneki would be such an important part of her life. So much so that she was willing to leave everything she had made for herself behind just to protect that troublesome guy. While she didn't know any details, Kaneki hadn't really talked much unless spoken to, she knew he was gonna get into a lot of crap and she needed to be there to make sure he didn't fall in too deep.
It was pure instinct, Touka didn't even need to think about it.
Kaneki was going into a dangerous situation?
Well then so was she.
And there was nothing anyone could say to stop her.
Not even that lying idiot.
She wasn't the type of girl who let anyone tell her no anyways.
She took what she wanted anyone be damned. Why her life revolved around that idiot, she had no idea. All she did know was that the last ten days were hell for her. The thought of losing him felt like losing her father and bratty brother all over again. She wasn't going through that again if she could help it. Even if that meant leaving everything behind.
Although, if Kaneki thought their soon to be absence was anything more than a short stint then he had another thing coming. She would beat the crap out of him and drag him back if she had to if he didn't willingly return when he accomplished whatever he was trying to do.
And he would accomplish it.
He would accomplish it and make it out alive.
That was a promise she made to herself.
Touka refused to let another part of her life be taken from her again.
Never again.
"Touka?" hearing Kaneki's voice, Touka's eyes snapped open as she drew her attention his way.
It looked strange, seeing Kaneki dressed in her clothes.
Apparently, Kaneki thought the same, judging how he was nervously scratching his cheek with a familiar sheepish look on his face. That expression was one of the biggest reliefs Touka's felt since, well, a few hours ago.
He had changed, that much was obvious, painfully so, gut-wrenchingly so, but at the same time she had seen flashes of the Kaneki she knew. Touka was honestly scared he had changed completely when she first saw him, the idiot just looked and felt so different, it was as if he had been gone for years and had been through hell.
What could've-
"Touka, you ok?"
"What? Yeah sure." Touka was more thankful for the distraction of her thoughts, allowing her to quickly push them away.
Those questions didn't matter.
He was alive and safe that was all that mattered at the moment.
Whatever happened in the future would be dealt with then.
"Come on." Touka stated as she passed Kaneki towards her room.
Her action earned a confused look from the half-ghoul.
"Um, where are we going? I thought I would be sleeping on your couch."
"Well, you thought wrong." with a roll of her eyes, Touka responded to the nervous Kaneki. "You'll sleep here tonight."
"W-What?! I can't sleep there! It's not appropriate!"
Touka found great amusement in Kaneki's reaction.
It was such a familiar one.
Wide eyes, red face, and the stuttering.
An eighteen year old acting like a pubescent thirteen year old.
Classic Kaneki.
Half a second later, Touka realized exactly why Kaneki reacted the way he did. She then promptly turned red herself, from anger not embarrassment she told herself, and quickly responded.
"That's not what I mean, idiot! I- We- Don't flatter yourself!" with a shout, Touka shoved Kaneki into her room with enough force for him to fly and land on her bed.
Classic Touka.
"So," he began not really sure if he should be afraid of the glaring ghoul or laughing from her flustered look, "what did you mean?"
"What I-!" cutting off her angered shout in fear of waking the hopefully sleeping Hinami, Touka took a deep breath and steadied herself. "You can use my bed tonight, I'll sleep with Hinami."
"But Tou-"
"No buts." raising her hand, Touka abruptly cut Kaneki off. "It's no big deal. Besides, you need it more than I do."
She doubted he had a bed to sleep in when he was with those bastards. She had to actually cut herself off from saying those words off, not wanting to remind Kaneki of the past days. Hell, she didn't want to think about it and she didn't even go through whatever the hell those fuckers put him through.
"Touka, are you alright?"
"What? Yeah, why?"
Damn, she was getting distracted a lot lately.
"Well, look." following his finger, Touka turned to look over her shoulder only to be greeted by the sight of her own kagune, glowing and pulsing.
It actually looked angry.
"The hell?"
When did she do that?
She couldn't remember trying to bring it out.
All Touka remembered being so fucking angry then-
"Touka."
"What?!"
Kaneki didn't answer, he simply pointed once again.
Following his finger once again, Touka saw that her kagune had hardened and looked ready to strike.
What the fu-
"Whatever." shaking her head, she was too tired to deal with this crap, Touka recalled her "wing" before letting out another sigh. "Today was a pain in the ass." with those words, Touka slumped to the ground and rested her back against the side of her bed.
"Yeah, today was definitely not the best day." Kaneki couldn't help but agree with her; it was a bad day.
But, definitely not his worst.
Those words were unspoken yet the pair could tell they were thinking the same thing. That feeling wasn't something they could explain and in fact they didn't even give it a second thought.
"..."
"What?" even with her back towards him, Touka could feel his hesitation to speak, the words right at the tip of his tongue.
It was a skill she picked up after she met him.
"Well, I was wondering if you were going to leave, not that I mind the company."
Kaneki definitely didn't mind her presence.
It was worlds better than being alone.
Alone.
Trapped.
Hurting.
(Crack)
Helpless.
(Crack)
Weak.
(Crack)
"Stop that." despite what she wanted, Touka's voice came out as more of a croak then her normal snappy tone.
It was hard to talk right when she felt like she had a lump in her throat. Touka didn't know why but every time Kaneki cracked his fingers she felt nothing but dread rise in her.
She felt like puking.
It just didn't feel right.
"Sorry." judging by his tone, Kaneki wasn't really trying to do it, and that just made it worse.
For what seemed like the hundredth time, Touka sighed as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against her bed.
"Just . . . try to get some rest."
"I'll try."
Despite his words, Kaneki wasn't sure if he could go to sleep despite how tired he really was. There was this . . . . feeling in his head that just wouldn't let him relax enough to surrender to unconsciousness. The best way he could describe it would be as a pressure in the front of his forehead.
He knew the feeling well.
It was something that was born and grew as Yamori had more of his "fun"...
(Crack)
...with him.
There was no way for him to truly describe it, all Kaneki knew it was there and he doubted it would go away.
Of course, that wasn't the only reason Kaneki couldn't fall asleep.
There was one more.
It was simply too strange being in Touka's bed.
Even without a ghoul's nose, Kaneki could smell her scent permeating his nostrils and alighting it aflame with a sensational tingling he wouldn't have thought was possible. For a moment, the half-ghoul thought that maybe he had obtained a liking towards ghoul flesh from eating Yamori and Touka's scent was stimulating his urges, but he discarded that idea when he compared the sensation he was feeling to the one he felt when he followed the scent of human flesh, eventually leading him to Nishiki and ending with Touka saving him.
But, that sensation couldn't compare to the one he was feeling.
It was completely different and . . . . better.
It was soothing.
Without a second thought, Kaneki buried his face into her pillow, breathing in her scent even more.
Luckily, Touka was too lost in thought to notice his actions. Kaneki knew he shouldn't be doing that, knew he normally wouldn't, but there was this urge inside him telling him to take in the scent, to memorize it, to appreciate it.
What the hell was going on with him?
With that, any relaxation he was experiencing because of Touka's scent vanished.
"Hey, Touka?" deciding he needed a distraction, Kaneki choose to bring up something he had been meaning to bring up since she laid into him earlier.
"What?" with her eyes still closed and head leaning backwards, Touka responded to Kaneki.
"Are you sure about this? Leaving with us I mean?"
Yet another sigh escaped her lips.
"I'm not leaving with 'us' you, brat, I'm leaving with you." maybe it was because she was so exhausted or maybe because it was of his abduction and the sheer terror she experienced throughout that time, but Touka couldn't find the energy to respond with her normally snappy, she would admit bitchy, reply. "Someone needs to watch your back." her voice tensed slightly at her last sentence but apparently Kaneki hadn't noticed.
Good, today wasn't the day for that.
"There's Tsukiyama." Touka's fists clenched along with her teeth at those words.
"You mean the bastard that tried to eat you?" her closed eyes opened into a glare that she shot straight at him for those words.
"W-Well there's Banjou as well."
A snort resounded through the room as she rolled her eyes.
"That weakling?"
"Hey, Banjou's a good guy, and is more than willing to protect his people even if it costs him his life." after seeing how much the giant of a ghoul truly cared about his group during his stay at Aogiri Tree, before Yamori got his hands on him, Kaneki couldn't help but come to his defense.
"I never said the guy was a bastard, I said he was weak. Or did he somehow change that since I last saw him getting his ass kicked by you?" with a raised eyebrow, Touka questioned the half-ghoul even though she knew the answer.
"There's also Ichimi, Jiro, and Sante they're pretty good when they work together . . . . . . But, from what I've seen they can't activate their kagunes."
She couldn't hold back the laughter that welled up within her.
"So, let me get this straight. You got Tsukiyama who wants to eat you whenever he gets the opportunity. Banjou who besides looking like a gorilla can't do anything, and three ghouls that can't even activate their kagunes? What the hell were you thinking? Are you trying to get yourself killed."
" . . . When you put it like that . . . ."
"You're an idiot." shaking her head in disbelief, Touka continued speaking. "I'm going with you, that's that."
While Kaneki would admit he hadn't thought things through all the way, he also thought Touka was making the same mistake.
"Are you really willing to do this, Touka?"
"Oh, you son of a-"
"Just hear me out for a second." despite the anger that was practically flowing off Touka, Kaneki's voice didn't waver one bit and held a firmness that was too unlike him, the old him.
So, she listened.
"I don't know how long we'll be gone for, we can be gone for years."
"Yeah, so?"
"What about school? I don't want you to drop out after trying so hard over the years."
"I can finish school online, or get my GED."
Well, that was true, but that was just an opening that apparently Touka hadn't understood.
He'd have to broach the subject directly then.
"What about Yoriko?"
Kaneki could feel Touka's entire body tense at his question before pressing.
'Looks like I'm not the only one who didn't think things through.' Kaneki mused to himself as he watched Touka. "Like I said before, I do plan on coming back but I don't know how long will that take. Are you willing to put the life you made for yourself on hold for possibly years."
His words echoed through her mind, bouncing back and forth, gaining momentum and hitting harder the next time.
Was she?
Was she willing to throw, temporarily, everything away?
She had worked so damn hard to build herself a human life that was stable.
What would happen if she left, for possibly years?
Would it still be there when she came back?
Would Yoriko still be there?
Would she move on and make other friends?
Would she be hurt by her for leaving?
Too many damn questions.
What should she do?
What would happen if she stayed?
What would happen to Kaneki?
She had said it herself that he had no one reliable to watch his back out there. His backup would either be a gluttonous snake in Tsukiyama, or kagune-less ghouls.
That idiot would get himself killed without her there.
'Same old. Same old.'
Every time she looked away from that brat he was getting caught up in something dangerous.
Seriously, what's with him?
Did he get hexed by some voodoo priest or something?
Whatever.
Could she really let Kaneki go out and throw himself into all the crap that was the ghoul world?
Could she really continue going to school, working at Anteiku, smiling with Yoriko knowing he could be getting himself killed?
Her eyes closed, head rested back against the bed, and suddenly, she wasn't in her room anymore.
She was laying against wall, beaten, broken, helpless, as they took him away. She wanted to scream, to have her "wing" rip out of her shoulder, to have it cut down his kidnappers, to wrap it around him and protect him because he was so damn innocent.
He was like fucking baby deer learning to walk in a forest full of lions. Lions that were starving and simply waiting to devour him when he did learn to walk and made his way too close to their clutches. Like some cruel joke, cutting him down just as he was moving forward.
No, she couldn't leave him alone.
She just couldn't.
What the hell was with him?
What was with her?
She used to be one of those lions.
Why was she so set on protecting him?
She thought and thought but couldn't come up with a damn answer.
She didn't know why but she just felt this urge to be by his side, to have his back.
'Damn, stupid Kaneki.'
Maybe she was the one that was hexed.
"Yes," if it meant protecting his dumbass, "I can do it."
" . . . . Ok." after a few moments of silence, Kaneki responded. "Touka."
"What?"
"Thanks." the thought of having Touka by his side was definitely reassuring, especially with the flaws she had pointed out about his decision.
He couldn't ask for anyone better to have at his side.
"Whatever." with her resolve strengthened, Touka decided to ask her own question. "What's the plan anyways? What are you trying to do by leaving?"
She had been wondering that since he had made the damn statement.
"I have questions that I need answered."
Well, that was fucking vague.
What questions could make him leav-
"I need to know why Dr. Kanou turned me into a ghoul."
All thoughts ceased in Touka's mind when she heard his words.
" . . . . Hah? What the hell are you talking about? Wasn't he trying to save your life?"
From what Touka knew, the doctor made a call in the heat of the moment to save Kaneki, but from what he was saying . . . .
"No. From what I was told he knew Rize was a ghoul and purposely transferred her organs to me. This wasn't just some coincidence."
One thought went through her mind at that moment.
THAT FUCKING BASTARD!
It was one thing if it was an accident and he was just trying to save Kaneki's life, but if it was intentional . . .
Why?
Why the hell would he do that?
For what reason had Kaneki had to go through so much crap.
He didn't deserve anything that happened to him since he became a ghoul, so why was he a damn ghoul?
She needed to know.
She needed answers of her own, and if it was some stupid bullshit she would eat him alive.
"And apparently he's still doing it to others."
That, Touka didn't expect to hear.
He was doing this to other people?
The fuck was with this guy?
"Where did you learn all this?"
She had an idea, but then why listen to them?
"Aogiri Tree told me."
She figured as much.
"And you trust them?" she as hell didn't, but then again she only trusted a handful of people.
"I don't see a reason for them to lie to me." with a shrug Kaneki answered the question. "It's not like they thought much of me. They probably figured it was no harm in telling me, like some helpless human." that was a mistake Kaneki planned to capitalize on.
He wasn't the same weak boy he was when they paraded him in front of their leaders. He proved that by taking down Yamori and Ayato.
(Crack)
Touka grimaced at the sound.
"I guess. Is that all?"
"No." with a shake of his head, Kaneki was brought to his main objective.
Part of Kaneki contemplated keeping that to himself, not wanting to anger her once again, but decided against it. For one, if Touka found out he hid something from her that would really piss her off and another was, well, she deserved to know if she was going to go with him.
"I also want to destroy Aogiri Tree."
Nothing but trouble.
This damn brat was nothing but trouble.
Surprisingly enough for Kaneki, herself as well really, Touka didn't snap at him, instead she gave out a humorless laugh.
Damn, he was completely different now.
It was still so hard to believe.
He went from a baby deer to a lion himself, and apparently he had a taste for other lions.
Completely different.
"Why? For revenge?"
She didn't blame him if that was true, in fact she wanted to pay them back too, but the idea of Kaneki being motivated by revenge just didn't . . . . she didn't like it.
It would another reminder of how different he was.
Another reminder about how bad she fucked up.
After a few seconds of silence Kaneki answered.
"No, not revenge."
A breath Touka didn't know she was holding escaped past her lips.
Good.
That was good.
But, if not revenge, then what?
"Then, why?"
"They're too dangerous to let run wild. If they continue the way they are they'll force the CCG to step up their efforts."
"And that'll make things tougher for the ghouls, especially the ones that don't like to fight like Hinami."
"I can't let the 20th ward turn into a war zone just because of some power-hungry ghouls. All the hard work the manager did to create this peace here can't be destroyed. Even now it's already slowly crumbling away. They have to be stopped." Anteiku needed to be protected.
This place was his home, and these people were precious to him.
Kaneki would devour anyone who tried to hurt them.
(Crack)
Index.
(Crack)
Middle.
(Crack)
Ring.
(Crack)
Pinky.
(Crack)
All the way back to thumb.
"Hey." a smack to his chest snapped Kaneki out his newly and disturbingly acquired habit courtesy of Touka of course. "Stop that." her voice didn't come with her normal fire yet again, I was hard to when she was smacked yet again with how badly she failed him.
Touka remembered now.
That finger cracking . . . . . that bastard Yamori did that the day he took Kaneki.
Something was not right when you pick up a habit from the fucker who beat the hell out of you, while she was getting her ass kicked by her little brother, before kidnapping and doing whatever the hell to you he fucking did.
She wanted to know.
She needed to find out what happened to him.
But, she really didn't.
She was scared.
Touka was petrified.
What with that ghoul she killed and Ayato told her about Yamori, she didn't want to imagine what Kaneki was put through.
"...Torture-lov-"
NO!
She couldn't.
She didn't want to.
"...He's probably delighted with a new 'to-"
So, why the hell is that all she can think about?!
Every time she closed her eyes different nightmares would haunt her.
'Fucking Kaneki!'
What the hell did he do to her?
Why did she care so much?
Her screw up when it came to protecting him was eating her alive.
The emotions she was getting hit with was insane.
How much she actually cared for him was insane.
Maybe she was insane?
"Nine hundred sixty-five."
(Crack)
"Nine hundred fifty-eight."
(Crack).
Touka's blood felt like ice in her veins.
She couldn't feel her fingers or toes.
"Nine hundred fifty-one."
(Crack)
The nightmares returned.
"...He's a torture-"
'Damn! Damn! Damn!' it was so fucking annoying!
Why couldn't her brain just stop thinking?
"Nine hundred forty-four."
(Crack)
Why did things have to turn out this way?
"Nine hundred thirty-seven."
(Crack)
"Stop it!"
She couldn't take it.
" Stop it! . . . . Just . . . stop it." her voice lost its strength and left nothing but a scared, trembling little girl.
"..."
Hearing Touka sound so hurt felt like a knife in Kaneki's chest.
He didn't like Touka sounding like that.
The Touka he knew was strong and ferocious.
Not the girl who was curled up like a ball, shaking with her hands clutched over her ears.
Did she have a centipede in her ears?
'No, get it together.' shaking his head violently, fingers twitching, wanting to dig into his own ears just to make sure, Kaneki scooted up behind Touka. "Touka?" he tried his best to use a soothing voice but even he could tell it didn't sound the way it used to.
Maybe that was why it seemed to have no effect on her current state.
"Touka." he tried again.
Nothing.
Trying a more hands on approach, Kaneki reached out and gently took her hands into his own.
Instantly, she started resisting.
"Touka, it's just me, calm down." keeping his hands firm yet not too forceful, Kaneki tried to calm the ghoul down.
"No! Let me go! You're a fucking liar!"
Liar?
What was she talking about?
"What are you talking about? When did I lie to you?"
"See?! You don't fucking care enough to remember! You told me you'd never leave me, but you were gonna leave just like they did! You're a damn liar! You don't care!" Touka had no intention of letting those feelings out, but her emotions were running wild and she couldn't control them.
So, when Kaneki started consoling her, she resisted, pulled, and screamed.
The pain of having those she cared about most leaving was just too raw.
Kaneki on the other hand was completely floored at her words.
It felt like he was hit by a truck.
'She's right.' Kaneki realized as his hands lost their strength, allowing Touka to pull hers away before wrapping them around her knees.
What she said was completely true.
He did say he wouldn't leave her alone.
And what did he try to do not even an hour later?
Leave.
Just like that.
He was going to leave and come back, possibly never.
Kaneki wasn't stupid, he knew that he could die and never come back.
What if that did happen?
How would that impact her?
He was hurting Touka and he didn't even know it.
It was obvious to him now that she had a fear of losing those close to her, just like he did.
How would he feel if he was in Touka's place?
.
.
.
.
.
He was an idiot just like Touka always called him.
With a sad frown, Kaneki slid down behind Touka, sandwiched between her back and the bed, before wrapping his arms around her shaky form.
"Don't touch me!" while tightening his hold due to her struggling, Kaneki pulled her against his chest.
"I'm sorry, Touka."
"Shut up! I don't wanna hear you and your fucking lies!"
His head dipped and his face buried itself into her shoulder.
While Kaneki normally wouldn't have done such an intimate act, to an angry Touka no less, he couldn't help it when he thought of how scared she was.
He just wanted to comfort her at the moment.
"I'm so sorry."
"I don't give a damn! Let go!"
"I won't leave you, Touka. I promise."
"Ha! A promise from a liar, like that means anything!"
"I mean it this time."
He truly did and thankfully Touka seemed to at least give his words a chance seeing as her struggles slowly lessened.
" . . . . . . How do I know you're not lying?" her tone was soft as she tentatively placed her hands on Kaneki's forearms, her instincts caught between pulling his arms away from her and holding them closer.
"I'm not." the conviction in his voice was his proof but Touka was a hurt and stubborn girl.
That wasn't enough.
"Prove it." her grip tightened.
"I- . . . . I'm not sure how to."
". . . . Just . . ." her bottom lip bled as her teeth bit down on it, " . . . don't leave me."
Damn it, she couldn't think of a way for him to prove his words that didn't involve actual struggles that would test them.
She would need to trust him.
"I won't. No matter what, I'll never leave you alone. That's a promise."
At another time, Touka would've never been caught being so emotional, let alone admitting she couldn't handle being alone, she was a strong girl and took pride in that, but that bastard did something to her, she knew it.
Her emotions were boiling over and spilling out all in front of Kaneki.
She had never felt so vulnerable.
And . . . she had never felt so comfortable and safe then when Kaneki squeezed her harder while burying his face in her hair.
She didn't even know who she was anymore.
All she knew was that she believed him and would make damn sure that he kept his word.
" . . Good . . . . I'll kill you if you lie again."
There, that was more like her.
Judging from the chuckle from behind her, Kaneki thought the same as well.
"Idiot."
"I know."
Relaxing into his body, Touka slid her hands along his forearms until they were resting upon his own hands. A frown followed after when her eyes zeroed in on his black nails.
She didn't like them.
They were like another statement on how he changed.
A part of her hoped that they were painted for some weird reason but she knew that made no sense.
Who kidnapped someone and painted their nails?
She knew it was stupid and yet...
Her fingers found one of his thumbs, lifting it until it was closer for her to see. Her eyes glared at it before she began scratching at the nail with one of her own. Her actions accomplished nothing except increasing her glare in frustration.
Kaneki himself watched in amusement over her shoulder as she ceased her scratching and proceeded to bend his thumb backwards and push the skin back so she could get a better look at the inside of the nail.
It was just as black on the inside as it was on the outside.
"Tch." she was starting to get pissed off.
Maybe if she . . . .
"Hey."
"Yeah?"
"I'm gonna rip your nail out."
Kaneki couldn't help but blink in surprise at her random statement.
" . . . Why?"
"I wanna see if it'll grow back normal."
Kaneki doubted it would, seeing as they grew back black when they regenerated with his fingers and toes, but he never planned on telling anyone what happened to him, let alone in detail.
So, instead he decided to let Touka satisfy her curiosity. Also, he couldn't lie, Touka looked rather cute when she was messing with his thumb. She almost looked like some small woodland creature that found something that caught its attention.
"Sure, go ahead."
He had been through worse anyways.
"I'll do it on three." she stated as she took his thumb nail between her pointer and thumb. "On-" before she could even finish her first word Touka yanked out the nail in a flash.
He should've saw that coming.
Not that it mattered; having his nail pulled out, especially so quick and smoothly, felt like nothing more than prick of a needle.
"You ok?"
"The air hitting the skin feels weird, but other than that I'm fine."
Nodding her head at his words, Touka drew her attention back towards his thumb.
A second later a black nail appeared.
"Damn." she didn't hold out much hope for that to work but still . . . damn.
"Guess I'm stuck with these then."
"You're gonna look like some emo guy with these things." adjusting her hold on his hand, Touka held it up so she could see all his digits. "We should paint these."
"Paint them what? Natural nail color?" he couldn't help the smile on his lips.
It had been too long since he talked to Touka, let alone about such mundane things.
It was nice.
"I don't freaking know. Do I look like some girly girl?"
"No." Kaneki chuckled, the thought of her being one was pretty funny though. "You're anything but a girly girl."
"Damn straight." she huffed before Kaneki decided to get back on topic.
"I'm going to keep them the way they are."
That was not the answer Touka was hoping for, but it wasn't like she had a say in the matter.
It was his body after all.
"The hair too?"
Could he at least giver her that?
"Yeah, the hair too."
Damn again.
"Why?" turning her head around to get a good look at Kaneki over her shoulder, Touka brought up a question she wanted answered.
Why would he want to keep his hair and nails the way they were?
They made him look so . . . different.
So darker.
"As a reminder."
"Of what?"
"My lack of ability. When I look at my nails and hair I'll remember what could happen when I'm not strong enough."
Kaneki had no idea the impact his words had on Touka, too lost in thought to even notice her stiffen at them.
Those words hit Touka like a train.
A reminder.
Not just for him but for her too.
This guy really knew how to piss her off even if he wasn't trying.
But, as much as she didn't like the idea of more reminders of her failure to protect him, maybe that was the punishment she deserved?
A constant reminder to let her know what happens when she sits on her ass and does nothing to get stronger. If she was weak the people she cared for could be taken away from her and she wouldn't be able to do anything about it.
She would be reminded that every time she looked at him.
Like A-
"What about your hair?" her thoughts were cut off by Kaneki's words, words she didn't see coming at all.
"What about it? I'm not dyeing it to look like some old lady like you, old man." her response earned a chuckle from Kaneki.
"No, that's not what I meant. Besides, blue hair looks best on Touka."
"Then what the hell did you mean?" that time her voice held her normal snappy tone because fuck him for the fluttering feeling that she felt in her gut, complementing her like she was some kind of girl.
Yes, she was a girl but not a girl girl.
She wasn't supposed to be complemented on her looks.
It felt weird.
"What I mean," his pale hand reached up and held a strand of her hair, and fuck him again because the feeling just grew stronger, as he spoke, "is your is gotten longer-"
"No really?" her sarcastic tone wasn't lost on him.
In the past, Kaneki was somewhat nervous when it came to Touka's brand of "banter", more so at the beginning, but now he couldn't help but find her attitude amusing.
Amusing and-
"Stop chuckling, dumbass, and finish what you were saying." like a good boy he did as he was told.
At least that hadn't changed.
As far as she knew.
"What I was wondering was if you were growing it out." Touka couldn't keep her eyebrow from rising with curiosity.
"Growing it out?" her hand reached up to hold a strand of her hair herself as she thought over his words for a quick second. "Nah, more like not having time to cut it since I met this idiot who does nothing but get in trouble."
" . . . Sorry for causing you so much trouble."
Touka bit her lip to bite back, literally, a stream of curses that wanted to flow out.
She wanted to punch herself right in the mouth.
She knew the moment those words left her mouth that she had made a mistake.
'Dumbass.'
She was a dumbass.
A dumbass that needed to draw an idiot out of his growing depression, which he was diving into at a terrifying rate. Touka could feel the despair fill the room, so much so she was surprised she couldn't see it.
Damn, this guy was gonna be a lot of work.
"It's whatever." with a shrug and a bored sigh, Touka leaned herself back into him (fucking shit there goes that feeling again) before letting her head tilt back onto his shoulder as she stared at her ceiling. "At least life's not boring with him around."
Fortunately, her words seemed to have their desired effect as Touka could feel his body relax behind her just a little.
Seeing an opening, Touka decided to press it.
"Why are you asking about my hair anyways?" not taking her eyes off her ceiling, Touka pulled Kaneki from his thoughts.
Hopefully, she could distract him from getting all gloomy again.
"Well, I just . . . ." she couldn't hold back her small smile at his hesitation; she was sure he was scratching his cheek as well. "thought Touka would look really pretty with long hair."
.
.
.
.
.
What?
Did Touka hear him right?
Her?
Pretty?
Her?
Touka had never thought of herself as pretty, never tried to make herself appear so. She was a snappy, sassy girl who was really deep down a tomboy at heart. She'd still rather dig up bugs instead of shopping or makeovers and crap.
She hadn't been called pretty since shitty Nishiki's girlfriend.
But, she was just a dumb human and Kaneki was . . . . Kaneki.
Whatever the hell that meant now; she seriously doubted it meant the same thing as it did a week and half ago.
Turning her head to get a look at his face, Touka realized something.
Shit they were close.
Close as in their faces were inches from each other, which made sense seeing as she was resting her head back on his shoulder, and fuck was it comfortable.
Had she ever been so close to him before?
The only time she could think of was when she ate-
No.
NO!
She was NOT thinking about that either.
Because, if she thought about that she would remember his tast- Damn it she was thinking about it.
It had taken her weeks to get his taste out of her mouth. She had tried everything from eating, drinking coffee, to even trying human food, hoping something would wash his taste away. But, none of that worked as his taste still sat in her mouth, lingering, as if mocking her, tempting her.
He tasted so good it actually pissed her off, not like it was hard to do that but still. She could only imagine it was what humans called sweet, having no clue what that flavor was because she was a ghoul. His taste set her taste buds on a ride that was probably comparable to a crackhead getting their fix. Touka had never used the shit but she had seen what people act like on it; Ayato thought it was hilarious she thought it was stupid. But, if the feeling was the same or even close to the same then she didn't really blame them.
Touka could actually understand Tsukiyama's obsession with Kaneki after tasting him.
That just pissed her off even more.
But, why?
Why was he so . . . . . delicious?
Was it because he was a half-ghoul?
But, from what she had heard, ghouls taste even worse than human food.
So, shouldn't he taste bad?
At least a little?
Or did the combination of the two make some kind of . . . . perfect ghoul fuel.
God, that sounded stupid.
But, still his taste was addicting.
If time hadn't eventually let his taste finally leave her mouth, Touka was pretty sure she would've either eaten him again or ripped out her own tongue.
"Um . . . T-Touka?"
Hmm?
Why was he stuttering?
Whatever, she could use the distraction.
Touka could practically taste him again.
"What?" that's what she wanted to say but it came out muffled and strange-sounding.
Why was that?
"W-What are you d-doing?"
What was he talkin-
Her eyes shot open once she finally realized that she wasn't "practically tasting" him.
No, she was sucking on his thumb, savoring the blood that spilled over when she ripped out his nail.
Once realization set in, Touka's widened and face flushed, making her look incredibly cute to Kaneki, who was shocked and embarrassed as well.
Before he knew it, Touka was rushing out of the room, the days events lost to them.
For the moment at least.
A/N: For those who are curious when I was talking about Kaneki's eyes and how they were "murky" well, that was the best way I could describe how they looked after he escaped. Anyone who read the manga and saw how his eyes looked when the others saw him should know what I'm talking about.
Murky was the only word I could think of.
Hopefully you all enjoyed that chapter. I know Touka seemed out of character but my excuse for that is that with everything that led up to that night, her emotions and everyone else's were running high. On top of that Touka to me seems to be a lot like Kaneki when it comes to losing people; they both fear it. There's another reason for why she and Kaneki seemed ooc but I'll explain that in time.
As for the chapter itself, it was merely a wrap up of the Aogiri Tree arc. The next chapter will continue the next day, Hinami convincing them to bring her, a talk between Kaneki and Kaya (I want a older sister younger brother relationship between the two) Touka saying bye to Yoriko, and them leaving.
That's the basics.
Now, there's a few specific things I want to change amongst others.
1. I want Yamori and the Bin brothers to have survived the CCG raid on their base.
They reason for that is I want Touka some time in the far future to have a confrontation with Yamori, and as I shown already, she will be PISSED when she finds him. As for the Bin brothers I want them to be rivals with the half-ghoul twins, who will eventually join Kaneki, but that's also in the future.
2. I want to switch Kaneki's first and last name. Like I said before I want Kaneki and Touka to get married eventually and Touka Kaneki sounds weird. Touka Ken on the other hand sound right. So, Ken will be his last name.
3. I want to make Touka a year older so she's only half a year younger than Kaneki instead of a year and half.
Not sure how Touka's only in her second year in highschool and it graduating. As far as I know Japanese highschool goes three years.
Anyways, just so you all know I'm going into detail about Kaneki and his groups time during the six month timeskip. It'll focus on Kaneki's slow descent to madness (yes, even though Touka's there he will still go crazy) their relationship and its growth, and Touka's increase in strength which will effect what happens when I get to canon. I have a few power ups in mind for her but most of them will come as their relationship, which is key, grows.
I'll say now that I'm not good at making OCs so if anyone wants to give some out so I can use in the future feel free to tell me.