A/N: This story came to me as I was listening to Henry Rollins rant about the band Kiss on his spoken word album, Talk is Cheap Volume 2. In his rant, he talks about the song "Beth" and some interesting hidden meanings embedded in the lyrics of the song. I will comment about this more at the end, in a longer author's note. For now, just relax and enjoy this little one shot. There is a twist of lime at the end, so be warned.

This is my first foray into the CM fandom, hopefully you won't hold it against me. The characters might act a little OOC, but I think I've kept up with the spirit of things. And for any Beth fans out there, sorry for the bashing, but JJ and Hotch belong together. Read and review and let me know what you think.

For the rest of my followers, no, I am not abandoning "Heart on the Mend". I've just took a small break. I posted an A/N update on my profile that explains what's going on with all my fanfiction work, so head over there if you want to know what's going on.

As with anything else I do on this site, I do not own anything, Criminal Minds belongs to CBS and the song "Beth" is the property of the KISS overlords and Peter Criss.

"Beth"

He stared at the object as it skittered across his desk; it rumbled to life for the Nth time today, begging for his attention. The phone had been actively receiving calls for days, and he still refused to answer it, sending them all to voice-mail.

"Are you going to answer that?" A soft friendly voice inquired from his doorway.

"Why, I already know who's on the other line, and it's not that important." SSA Aaron Hotchner replied with a tired shake of his head. With a quick glance at the clock, Hotch fired off a question of his own. "JJ, it's late, why are you still here?"

"I was just heading out when I saw your light still on. I was about to scold you for working too hard, but instead I find you staring at your phone, which is still going off, by the way. It could be important, like a case."

"Your, phone would be going off, too, if it was a case. And, I would have heard my phone go off."

JJ raised an eyebrow at this.

"The phone's not on vibrate, JJ, I just assigned the caller a ring-tone that is just a few seconds of silence, so it mimics vibrate. Otherwise, the phone would be ringing incessantly."

"Wow! Someone really wants to talk to you, Hotchner." JJ smirked as she flopped down on the chair facing him. Hotch swallowed hard as her skirt shifted as she propped her legs up on his desk lazily, revealing quite a bit of leg while still protecting her modesty, barely.

"Erm," Hotch began, reigning in his hormonal responses. "Yeah, someone that I haven't wanted to talk to for a couple months now. Unfortunately, this particular person cannot take a hint."

"Well, maybe you should just come out and tell this person that you no longer want to talk to him, or is it a her." JJ raised an eyebrow towards the end of her comment, wondering if Hotch was avoiding his erstwhile girlfriend.

"The thing is, I already told her that I don't want to talk or do anything else with her anymore. I'm not known as a person to play games, so you'd think that me saying that things were over would be a clear enough statement to call things off."

JJ sat up, letting her legs fall to the floor. Hotch frowned slightly as she smoothed out her skirt to cover up her shapely legs. "She's not stalking you, is she?" JJ scowled at the thought. "The last thing we need is for someone to go all Fatal Attraction on you."

Hotch laughed. "No, nothing that serious. I already had Garcia check things out for me."

"That's good. You can't be too careful. I mean, we've dealt with crazy psycho stalkers before." She tilted her head curiously, straining her ears. "Your phone stopped, maybe she finally took the hint."

"Give it a few minutes, it will start up again." Hotch stated matter-of-factly. "So, getting back to my earlier question, shouldn't you be home by now?"

"Meh, it's not like anything's waiting for me." JJ shrugged as she leaned back into the chair. "Will took Henry to see family down in New Orleans."

Hotch was about to make a comment when his phone started vibrating again.

Beth, I hear you callin'
But I won't come to you now...

"So why did you end thing with her?" JJ asked as they both watched the phone dance across his desk with each vibration.

"Beth?"

"Yeah, Beth, of the harassing phone calls."

Hotch laughed mirthlessly. "As you can tell, she's not one to give up or let go. She was getting clingy before I called things off. When we started dating, she was fine with my schedule, but as things progressed to the promise of something more, she started hinting that it was time to make some changes. I'm pretty sure it was a matter of time before she started acting like Haley..." Hotch let the last comment hang there.

"Well, at least you know she likes you, maybe even loves you. I mean she's still calling you right? So that must mean she wants to patch things up. Maybe she'll be more understanding than Haley was."

Hotch shook his head. "I thought so, too. I originally suggested a cooling off period, but during that time, she continued to drop subtle hints about career moves, mainly moving to the New York office to be closer with her."

JJ scoffed indignantly. "Why doesn't she move back here to be closer to you and Jack?"

Hotch nodded. "My thoughts exactly. Hence why I'm equating her methods to those of Haley. Hales didn't want to work things out, it was more like she wanted me to give things up. Beth is acting in much the same manner. So I told her it wasn't going to work out anymore, and called everything off. Apparently, she thinks that I'm just extending the cooling off period and will eventually crawl back to her." Hotch sighed as the phone stopped vibrating, ushering in another period of technological silence.

"So..." JJ began as the phone emitted a slight chime.

"Voice-mail." Hotch responded to the unanswered question. "I've actually amassed quite a collection."

"You kept her voice-mails?"

"Well, if she does turn out to be a psycho stalker, I'll have a body of evidence against her."

JJ nodded approvingly at his logic. "So, she leaves voice-mails?" JJ smirked. "You broke this woman, you know that, Hotch? Broke her good."

Hotch raised an eyebrow. "Broke her?"

JJ laughed. "Yes, broke her. I had a roommate in college, she was completely normal until she dated this guy. When they broke up, she fell off the deep end: calling him constantly, stalking him..."

"Boiling rabbits?" Hotch interjected.

"This is serious, Hotch." JJ stood up and started pacing, sending a withering glare toward her boss every now and then. "Men, you really don't know the power you hold over women."

"Power?" Hotch leaned back in his chair amused by JJ's animated discourse.

"Yes, power. Women give you their hearts and then you break them and we're never the same again."

"Whoa there, I would like you to know that us men do not fair too well after a breakup. We fall apart too."

"Oh, yeah, when have you..." JJ stopped short, her right hand flying to her mouth as if to stop her verbal diarrhea. "Oh, Hotch, I'm so sorry."

Hotch put her hands up to stop her apologies. "It's okay, JJ, I understand. We tend to say the wrong things in the heat of the moment, especially when we are passionate about the subject."

JJ fell back into her chair and sighed. "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean... I know what you went through, God, I was with you half the time, helping you sort through it all."

"JJ, it's fine. But now that you put it that way, I can start to understand a little bit of what Beth is going through. Not that I think that she's going about it rationally, but still, I understand the pain of heartache." Hotch gave a half-halfhearted smile. "Jeez, we know how to bring down a room." He gave his face a scrub with his hands. "Look, I'm not getting anything done here and I can stare at my phone at home. Have you had dinner yet?"

JJ shook her head, still feeling remorseful at her offhanded comment.

"Well, we've already determined that nothing is waiting for you at home. Why don't you come over and maybe you can help me sort through this mess like you helped me with the last one."

JJ wrinkled her nose slightly. "You cooking?"

"I'm not that bad. Since Haley," Hotch sighed. "Since then, I've had learn how to cook. Can't rely on Jessica all the time and take out can get expensive. But to answer your question, no, I am not cooking, not this late at night, but I do have some left over Chinese in the fridge."

JJ hopped out of her seat. "Why didn't you say so in the first place. I'll meet you at your place, want me to grab some wine to go with our meal?"

"That sounds good. I'll see you there."

ooCMoo

They were sitting at the kitchen table, Chinese take out containers spread between them, a half empty bottle of red wine joined two empty ones in the middle, wine glasses at their side, and laughter singing throughout the apartment.

"Is it wrong that we're entertaining ourselves by listening to voice-mails left by my ex-girlfriend." Hotch chuckled as he lifted his wine glass up to his lips.

JJ was wiping tears from her eyes from all the laughter. "I'm sure it is, but that doesn't mean we should stop. I mean, your the one who had Garcia archive them on your iPad for all posterity. Oh my god, did Garcia listen to these?"

Hotch snorted. "Yes, she had to in order to archive them. She scolded me at first for leading Beth on and making her jump through hoops. However, once Beth mentioned relocating to the New York office, all bets were off."

"I can see that, Pen likes keeping the BAU family together." JJ smiled then pointed to the iPad. "Play that last one again."

Hotch shook his head, but he relented and cued up the recording "Aaron" Beth's husky voice cooed from the tablet's speaker. "Aaron" The voice repeated breathlessly, JJ pantomimed a breathy whisper in time with the recording, sending them both into another fit of laughter. "Aaron, I've missed you so much. I've got a room at the Lorien, if you come quickly, I'll let you in the back door." Another bout of laughter erupted as the message ended, propriety long lost as the wine flowed through their lips.

"I love how her messages flow from begging, to indignation, to conversational, to suggestive, to down right vulgar." JJ lifted her wine glass and studied Hotch's features from the rim of her glass. He had become more relaxed as the night wore on. Inhibitions seemed to be thrown out the window as they delved deep into the Beth Voice-mail archive. It didn't seem to bother Hotch that JJ was learning intimate details about his personal life, details that intrigued her to no end. It also helped that she was not the only one finding amusement in the recordings and it delighted her to see him so animated. "I like this side of you." JJ commented as she lifted the glass to her lips.

Hotch raised an eyebrow. "Well, you once said I was a bully, so it should come as no surprise to see me laughing at my ex-girlfriend's expense." Hotch retorted, assuming that JJ meant their rude behavior.

"No, no, not the break-up play by play, no the fact that you can laugh. I know Morgan called you Agent No-Smile, but I've seen you smile before. You don't do it as much as you used to, unless Jack is around, then nothing can get that smile off your face. But, I've hardly heard you laugh. I mean, a real amused laugh, not some sarcastic snort or snide snicker. You, my friend..." JJ pointed her finger at Hotch to emphasize her point. "...are human."

Hotch nodded his assent to her comment before adding one of his own. "Are we that?"

JJ gave Hotch a cross-eyed puzzled look.

"Friends." Hotch glanced up to the ceiling as he lobbed the word onto the conversation. "Are we friends, JJ, not just co-workers?"

"Of course we are, you goof." JJ scoffed.

"Good, I can use another friend; considering that it looks like I'm down a girlfriend."

"Well, she did invite you to use the back door at the Lorien." JJ chortled as she poured the last of the wine into their glasses.

"Is there even a back door at the Lorien?"

"There's probably a service entrance, which can be considered the same thing." JJ snickered. "You do know that she doesn't actually mean..."

"Yes, I know what she is alluding to." Hotch interrupted her before she could finish her comment.

"I'm just saying, I don't know what you're into, Hotch." JJ snickered as Hotch blushed at her comment. "Not that there's anything wrong with it, I'm just learning new and exciting things about you."

Hotch shook his head. "My god, we're going to hell," Hotch took another sip of wine. "At least we're in for an extended stay in purgatory."

"That's besides the point." JJ flailed her hand as if to wave the argument away. "You act like your relationship with Beth is over. However, by the sound of things, she'd be willing to pick things right up if only you knocked."

Hotch sighed. "The relationship is over, and it's not just my job but everything. We are two different people. She's animated, upscale, and artistic; I'm dour, stoic, and logical. I don't even know what she saw in me."

"You sell yourself short, Hotchner. You are a woman's dream, probably many a girl's fantasy as well."

"What's the difference?"

"A girl sees you as daddy." Before Hotch could interject a comment, JJ held up her hand to stall him. "Let me finish. Now, while that might seem a little delusional, it does offer some comfort to a girl. A girl will know that you will love, cherish, and take care of her and, in some cases, dominate her."

Hotch snorted. "Are you profiling me, Agent Jareau?"

"You asked what the difference was, and to clarify things, I have to create a profile of sorts."

Hotch nodded for her to continue with her assessment.

"Now, a woman sees you in a different light. Someone like Beth sees you as the ideal mate. You come complete with a steady job, stable home, young child - so she won't feel pressured to have one of her own, and a fit body. You're instant husband already prepackaged in a crisp clean suit." With that last comment, JJ crossed her arms, raised an eyebrow, and leaned back in her chair, begging for Hotch to argue with her.

Hotch opened his mouth to retort, but nothing came out.

JJ waited a couple of minutes before jumping up to her feet, punching both fists into the air. "You are speechless!" JJ started dancing around the table. "I left Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner speechless!"

Hotch shook his head and raised his hands in surrender. "Okay, you won, I have no comment or argument, now sit your ass back down." Hotch waited for JJ to return to her seat, but it didn't happen. He looked around, finding her absent from the room. "JJ, where'd you go?"

"I'm in the living room!" She called out. "You said to sit my ass down, you didn't specify where. The couch is way more comfortable than those stiff wooden chairs."

"I'll give you that." Hotch said as he plopped down on a recliner facing JJ. "But, oh profiling genius, you may have left me speechless for a moment, but after regrouping, I feel that I now have a proper rebuttal in place."

"If you think so, lay it on the table, sir." JJ gave a mock salute with her wineglass.

"First, I'm a part-time father, at best, my home is empty most of the time, and my job, while steady, keeps me very busy. I may be a prepackaged husband, and I was at one time, but I'm a lousy one, not to mention all the emotional baggage I tote around."

JJ sighed. "We can go back and forth all night nit-picking over your finer details and lesser faults. It doesn't change the fact that Beth is not going to get over you for a long time. Like I said earlier, you broke her," JJ let out another sigh before giving one last barely audible whisper. "Just like Haley broke you." However, before Hotch could latch onto the nearly silent addendum, JJ continued more vocally. "So, if Beth is not what you're looking for, what is it, another Haley?"

Hotch shook his head. "No, no, no..." Hotch sat up. "Well actually, yes and no. I want what Haley and I once had, an understanding. She knew I was driven, but she didn't foresee where I would drive us to. As a lawyer, I could have worked my way up to district attorney, judge, state attorney general, the list goes on, but the one thing that doesn't change with any of those paths is that I would have been home most of the time. However, being a prosecutor wasn't enough for me. I needed to be more active in the pursuit of justice. Hence the move to the FBI, where my path would lead me to heading up one of the most elite units in the Bureau."

Hotch took a minute to collect his thoughts before continuing. "I want that understanding, that trust, that support, that stability Haley used to give me. However, I think she became too stable, if that is even possible. I think that's why I fell for Beth. She's a free spirit. New York comes calling and she goes. She had an opportunity to work in Milan and she went."

"And you end up in the hospital alone." JJ sneered.

"I had Garcia, Jessica, and Jack."

"But not the woman who's supposedly in love with you."

Another minute passed in silence before JJ licked her index finger and drew a one in the air. "Another point to me for shutting you up yet again."

Hotch chuckled. "Where were we?"

"We were talking about what you want, besides getting the upper hand in this argument, which will never happen."

"We'll see about that, Jareau."

JJ let out a slight bark of laughter. "Resorting to last names now, Hotchner."

"No, just taking up the gauntlet, that you just threw down."

JJ nodded her approval. "Well then, continue with your rebuttal."

"Well, before you rudely interrupted me."

"Just stating the facts, Hotchner. Wow, you're right, this last name thing is kind of fun."

"Can I continue?"

JJ just nodded her assent.

"As I was saying, Haley gave me stability while Beth offered me spontaneity."

"You do know that spontaneity doesn't really mesh well with our line of work."

"I know, but besides the spontaneity, Beth had passions outside the home and I think that's what was missing with Haley. Until the divorce, Haley didn't really seek a life outside the home and family."

"So you want a superwoman; career woman and housewife rolled into one."

"I guess."

"You know that you're looking for an impossible dream."

"I don't know, there's you." Hotch offered.

"What about me?"

"You fit that mold. You're an awesome mother, a driven career-woman, an excellent profiler, a gorgeous woman, and a wonderful person. If I'm a prepackaged instant husband you're an instant wife wrapped in a bow. Will is a lucky guy." Hotch gave a sad smile as he leaned back in the recliner and waited for a response. A minute passed in silence and then another one. "One point for Hotchner!" With that, Hotch drew up a one in the air with his index finger.

JJ chuckled softly; her thoughts not completely on the argument at the moment. So, that's why he has been so open and unguarded tonight; he thinks I'm harmless, just another sounding board. Well, we've both laid out our cards on the table without realizing it; now it's time to step up the game. After she finished reflecting on the dynamics of their conversation, JJ pushed all in with one comment. "Will and I are no longer together. The divorce became final a month ago. That's why Henry's visiting New Orleans; Will moved back there after we split."

Hotch snapped his head up and stared blankly at JJ. It was rather comical and JJ had to resist the urge to draw up another one in the air, bringing her score up to three. As realization hit, Hotch's lowered his gaze to his now empty wineglass. Had he just admitted to some hidden feelings toward the blonde sitting across from him?

JJ decided that a little more time wouldn't hurt, if anything it just added a bit more to her silent victory. She drained the rest of the wine from her glass, stood up, took Hotch's wineglass, and retreated into the kitchen. After placing the glasses carefully into the sink, she filled the kettle and set it to boil before going about locating some tea.

"So, if I'm keeping score correctly."

JJ turned around and sent him a gleeful smirk. "If you're keeping score, than you know that I've shut you up three times to your measly one."

Hotch nodded as he walked over to a cabinet and pulled down box of tea and handed it to her. "Well, if that's the case, than you've probably won the game and we'll talk about your prize a little later." He gave her a quick wink before retreating toward the table. As he cleaned up the dinner mess he continued, thankful for the slight distraction. "However, I'm talking about the fact that we just revealed a little bit more to each other than we care to admit to."

JJ nodded as she prepped their tea cups. "I guess." She turned to face him, leaning slightly against the counter-top. "However, now that it's out there, I don't regret it."

Hotch nodded as he tossed empty take out containers into the trash. "Neither do I." Placing their dishes into the sink, he sidled up next to her. "Just so we're on the same page..."

JJ gave him a slight nod to continue as she turned to face him.

"You said that any woman would declare me an instant husband."

The kettle whistled giving them a brief lull in their conversation while she finished preparing their tea. Handing Hotch his tea cup, she leaned against the island counter facing him and nodded. "Me included."

Hotch raised an eyebrow as she just answered his follow up question. Taking a sip of tea to give him a moment to gather his thoughts. "In my rush to counter your arguments, I may have admitted that you were the instant wife coupled to my instant husband."

It was JJ's turn to raise an eyebrow to Hotch, wondering if he just declared them instant married couple with all the rights and privileged therein.

Hotch nodded solemnly.

"So, about my prize." JJ's mischievous grin was barely hidden by the rim of the teacup as she took a sip of the steaming elixir.

Hotch smiled, taking her teacup from her hands and placing both mugs on the counter; she did win fair and square. "Well, as instant spouses, I think we should retire to the master bedroom and, well, instant sex doesn't sound too appealing."

JJ laughed as she followed him toward the master suite. "Well, if you think about it, with Jack and Henry, we already come equipped with instant family and you have instant house and there are a pair of instant cars outside..." All the instant insanity was too much as the couple fell onto the bed laughing.

Hotch laid down on his side, propped his head on palm, and turned to face JJ. "Well, I think now that we have a complete instant set, we can resume our normal lives."

JJ sat up. "Dear god, no! I'd rather have this life."

Hotch reached over and ran his fingers through JJ's blonde tresses. "Shh. Maybe resume was the wrong choice of words, since it alludes to going back to our dissatisfying lives."

JJ nodded. "How about we move on towards exploring this new normalcy."

"I hope this new normalcy includes kissing." Hotch leaned down and fastened his lips to hers. It was hesitant and awkward at first, all the pressure of expectancy and latent desires weighing down on both of them. However, as the kiss deepened, both participants responded to the initial touch and instinct took over, molding the two into each other like it was natural.

JJ sighed happily as they pulled apart before they succumbed to suffocation. "Well, if it didn't include kissing before, I am all for adding it in now." With that she pulled him down into another blistering kiss. She whined a bit as his lips pulled away slightly while still keeping in contact with her scintillating skin as he dragged their touch along her jawline, down her neck, before latching onto her collarbone. Her whine turned into a deep-throated moan when his burning hot tongue scorched into her smooth skin.

While Hotch's mouth was branding JJ's willing flesh, his hands ran down the length of her torso over the silky fabric of her blouse. Not wanting to let Hotch feel like he was alone in his desires, JJ untucked his dress shirt and slipped her dainty digits under the neatly pressed fabric. Hotch shivered slightly sending a deep vibrato through JJ's skin, cutting into the bone, shooting tremors throughout her receptive body.

JJ bent her head down and whispered into Hotch's ear. "You know, just because it's instant sex, doesn't mean it has to end instantly." Hotch chuckled, sending another wave of pleasure through JJ's body. "We can drag it on for as long as we like." She let out another warble of a moan as Hotch's lips shifted towards her shoulder where he gave her a nip, dragging the teeth across her fevered flesh.

Hotch's fingers trailed down her legs, his nails grazing the silky skin lightly. Slowly, he slid his hands back up her leg, slipping underneath her skirt until he reached his goal, the waistband of her panties. Hooking his fingers under the band, he tugged and pulled them down. JJ sat up slightly, lifting her rear to aid in the removal of the silken garment.

While Hotch was attending to her underwear, JJ started working on his shirt, resisting the urge to rip it open, buttons and all. Together, the two worked in concert, removing the rest of their clothes in short order.

Digging her digits into his hips, JJ pulled Hotch flush with her, sending him deep into her inner core and claiming her prize. She hissed as Hotch started to move in and out of her warmth. After a couple of beats, JJ was able to find a rhythm and started moving in time with his thrusts. Her coos and his moans pierced the night, echoing through the house in sexual symphony.

ooCMoo

In the chill of the new morn, Hotch tugged on his comforter, wrapping them up in its welcoming warmth. JJ shifted contentedly as the brisk air was pushed away by the downy quilt. She lifted her head slightly, resting her chin on his chest. "Despite what was said last night, this was anything but instant."

Hotch gave her a warm smile and nodded.

"If we're being honest, we've been working our way toward this for a few years." JJ whispered into his chest, sealing her sentiment with a kiss.

"I only wish we were honest earlier." Hotch sighed.

JJ shook her head slightly. "We weren't ready for this at the time. We may have wanted it, but we were not ready for it. I think we needed to find what we didn't need before we could accept, both, what we wanted and what we needed."

"Who knew Jennifer Jareau could wax poetically." Hotch chuckled.

"Hey, I am a woman of many talents."

"I know, I sampled some of them last night."

"If I wasn't so tired and sore, I'd let you taste some more." JJ yawned.

"Shh. Sleep, we'll pick this up when we've fully rested and had some breakfast."

"Promise." JJ whimpered as she nuzzled into his chest.

Hotch stroked her hair softly. "I promise."

As sleep was creeping up on them, the phone rang, and a robotic voice announced throughout the house that one Beth Clemmons was calling. JJ reached across Hotch's body. "I got this." She punched the answer button on the cordless handset.

"Aaron." Beth's voice echoed through the tinny speaker.

JJ sighed softly. "Beth, I know you're lonely, And I hope you'll be alright, 'Cause Aaron and I have been playin'... All night..."

With those words, JJ pressed the cutoff button on the phone and replaced it on the cradle. "I don't think she'll be bothering us anymore." JJ smiled softly as she returned to her place on Hotch's chest.

Hotch laid a kiss on top of her head. "I love you."

JJ wrapped her arms possessively around him and nuzzled deep into his chest. "I love you too." She murmured before drifting off to sleep.

A/N 2: Well that's my little take on the song "Beth". As I mentioned in the opening note, this story was inspired by Henry Rollins talking about the song "Beth". Basically, old-man Hank says that one should consider a hidden context of the song, a context where four rock and roll band members are not 'looking for a sound', but are instead living the sex, drugs and rock and roll lifestyle. Because the band is too busy snorting and screwing, the 'singer' of the song "Beth" cannot go home to his girl, Beth. I took this rant and ran with it creating a narrative where Hotch is busy with BAU business and JJ to go to Beth.

I have to say this story took a life of it's own, like most stories do. I originally planned for a short one shot inspired by KISS and Henry Rollins, but the narrative ran in new direction and took me along for the ride.

As I said in the opening note, I am new to this fandom. I am also relatively new to the show, having only watched it off and on when it pops on ION or A&E. However, once it became available on Netflix, I had a viewing marathon of all seasons. I thought it was pretty evident that JJ and Hotch were meant to be together when I watched it spottily on cable. However, after watching everything all at once, you definitely see the heavy chemistry between the two characters. This is what brought me to this particular fandom and this particular pairing. I do have other stories planned in this world and with these characters and more, so hopefully this little one shot won't turn you off to my future endeavors.

Well, I think I've blathered on enough. Until next time, Ciao!