WARNING: This chapter is Rated NC-17! Contains explicit sexual scenes of
the slashy kind.
A/N: well, it took a while, but we got there it the end, or we finally *got* to the end, whichever. . . thank you to all those who stuck with me . .
Drc, Kilroy, shadowgal13, charmin, imachau, lisa t, Zerographic, Drake Roberts (drc?) , nokia, Jeremy, Jero, sal, Muse4u, Mia, SweetDee, Amelia, Obsidian, Ephemera, Margaret L. Clayton, StarCat13, Hermione, Holly007, samson, Serefina, Emily, Sweetie, SalAgain, T'Lun, Alicia Marie, Estepheia, Steen, rainyday88, Kiara, Eugenie Chua, juli, crow.
Thank you for reviewing. Special thanx to Mia and drc for your reviews.
@----;----------;-----@
Chapter XV - Call it love.
@----;----------;-----@
Xander lay curled up against Spike, blissfully unaware of their friends attempts to wake them until the phone rang for the tenth time that morning. Spike felt Xander stir finally. He'd been awake for a while but was far too comfortable to move, especially for something as trivial as the phone.
"Just ignore it, they're bound to give up eventually."
He wrapped his arm tighter around the sleepy boy next to him. He just snuggled closer and turned his face up to Spike childish confusion written over his features.
"'ow lon' 's it been ringin'?" Spike chuckled at the incoherent drawl and lifting the phone off the hook passed the receiver to Xander.
After a brief chat with Willow telling her everything was fine and they would join the gang at the Magic Box after sun set he leaned over and placed the phone back on the nightstand. Xander wanted to snuggle back up to Spike, but the vampire was now braced on his elbows looking as unsure of the situation as Xander felt. So he went to the bathroom instead.
//oh dear god!! // Xander couldn't quite believe the situation so he looked down once again. //yep. Definitely a hard on.// he thought to himself. Standing in front of the mirror he took a couple of deep breaths. Sexual attraction to the vampire had at first terrified the youth but once he thought about it for a second the situation would resolve itself. This time however thinking bout it only made it worse. After a quick shower, it was less noticeable, so Xander left the bathroom, wondering as casually as possible over to the couch and the half naked vampire on it.
"What's up with you?"
//shit.//
Xander blushed harder and sat down. Then, just as suddenly bounced back up.
"Nothing, would you like breakfast, I would, I'll be over there!"
After finishing the garbled sentence he turned and made a run for the kitchen only to find himself yanked back down looking up at an amused grin. Before he could protest Spike leant closer and kissed him. On the cheek. But didn't move away, instead covering his jaw in more feather-light kisses slowly moving towards his lips. Xander whimpered and shifted on Spikes lap to make himself more comfortable.
Something was now very obviously poking his lower back and Xander wriggled about more. Suddenly he froze, realizing what it was he was laying on when he made Spike groan. Looking up startled he found Spikes eyes closed and his lips slightly parted. On impulse Xander leaned up and captured them in a kiss. A real kiss that went from shy, gentle exploration to unrestrained passion lading them on the floor. Finally the reality of the situation caught up with them, Xander half on top of Spike rubbing himself suggestively against the vampires thigh, both slowly sliding off the couch and out of breath.
Looking at each other for a second both burst out laughing.
Xander was nervous. Spike could tell by the way he was fidgeting. Holding out his hand he helped the youth back on to the couch where they sat and looked at each other. well Xander was looking at the floor more than anything.
This was very strange. He didn't ever even think about this sort of thing. Sometimes he would think about Spike and him together but the fantasy would usually skip the initial stages of togetherness going straight to the interesting bits.
Xander focused on trying to breathe normally thus missing the first part of whatever Spike was saying, but the end of the sentence was crystal clear. Spike was holding his hand stroking his thumb over the skin soothingly as he told Xander that he would never want him to do anything he wasn't ready for, and that it didn't mean he'd stop loving him.
"I just bloody said that out loud, didn't I .?"
Xander nodded numbly and Spike smiled and looked down.
"Spike?"
When Spike looked back up he was met with soft lips pressing against his own. Then, Xander backed away and looking in to the vampires eyes whispered
"I love you too."
Spike just looked for a moment. He wanted to remember. Then a sad, knowing smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.
"Pet, you don't have to lie to me. . . "
//What? No. I do. why would you ever think. oh right, I was the only one with the epiphany at the hospital. . . //
A searching gaze finally left Xanders eyes as Spike got up off the couch, or at least tried to before he got sopped but Xander wrapping his fingers around his wrist. He shook his head trying to find the right words to explain.
"I don't know when I started to feel something for you. But somewhere along the line I realized that there was more to you than you let people think. I kept thinking that maybe if. . . if I could just get to know you we could be friends. . . more than friends. But it just seemed like you would never want that. . . so until recently, I convinced my self that um, y you . that I was just imagining things that weren't there. Just because I wanted something to be true didn't mean it was. But maybe if I wanted it enough. . ."
Spike was holding his breath. Any minute now he would wake up. He wanted to believe him so much it hurt, but that would mean risking everything. Again. How can a person be expected to do that!? He knew though. //you love him.// there was no other choice but to trust him as well.
"I love you Spike."
Xander finished. he stood up to trying to hide the vulnerable look in his eyes.
"I trust you, love. But lets take it one day at a time, eh?"
"You believe me right?"
//please don't cry, please don't cry. . .// Xander pleaded convinced that Spike didn't know how he really felt.
"I do, pet. Shhh. Come here, now non of that. . ."
The vampire soothed the boy in his arms.
"It'll just take a while to get used to the thought that you could ever love me pet. Evil undead, remember?"
"I know. And I do."
Came the somewhat muffled response. Could he really understand what he was saying? Spike found himself believing every word. Xander was the most perceptive person Spike knew. If anyone could understand shades of gray.
"What about the Slayer?"
"They'll understand."
A moment's pause.
". . .or we'll have to move."
"How fast can you pack?. . . Ow!"
Xander hit Spike on the arm playfully. Spike seemed to think that his feelings would somehow depend on the approval of his friends.
"They'll want me to be happy. So they'll have to deal."
"Or they'll think you've gone off your rocker!"
"Well, everyone is allowed their idiosyncrasies. . ."
"Oh, thanks a lot. So what should *I* call it, . . . midlife crisis?"
Spikes' statement was followed by a pillow hitting his face.
~~~~~
"What now?"
Having sorted out more or less everything about the ground rules of their relationship, the two rested comfortably curled up against each other on the bed, until Xander spoke.
"Anything you want, luv."
Xander got up, walked around the room once, then ran his fingers through his hair finally stopping to look at the vampire watching him curiously from the bed. He smiled. //well, I guess we'll have to talk about it sometime// they both thought with a slightly different accent.
"Spike. . ."
Xander said, as if trying on the word for size.
"I know this is strange pet, cum 'ere. . ."
Spike reached out a had and Xander got a mischievous grin on his face taking a step back.
"hmm. I don't know if I trust your intentions. . ."
He said grinning more.
In a blur of motion Spike was out of bed and by Xanders side.
"Really?"
With that he unceremoniously lifted Xander off his feet and dropped him on the bed pouncing on him and growling the word 'mine' playfully, proceed to kiss his neck. Xanders heart rate jumped as did certain other parts of his anatomy. A thought occurred to him but took a moment to process due to the sensations coursing through his synapses.
"Yours."
He whispered in return and smiled bearing his neck submissively, watching Spikes' reaction. In one liquid movement the vampire moved over Xander, his eyes flashing gold for a moment then soft lips pressed themselves against his mouth before he had a chance to miss them.
When Spike finished ravaging his mouth Xander was trembling and out of breath.
"I mean it. . ."
Slower now, unsure of himself, he reached up and traced a finger down Spikes' face.
"Don't tease precious. You know how much I want you."
Since Spike was pressed up very intimately against his thigh Xander knew exactly what effect he was heaving on the vampire.
"Then take me."
Spike just looked at Xander for a moment. the look of lust on both their faces was unmistakable. blinking, the slayerette realized that there was no backing out on what he had said, and while he was sure he wanted Spike, he had no clue what to do about it. he wanted Spike in control. //please. just tell me what to do. I want you.//
The look on Spikes face changed, softly he caressed the boys face until Xander realized that he'd spoken his thoughts out loud. he looked down, feeling like a complete idiot.
"Pet, you don't really want to do this, it's too soon." //bloody 'ell, if I sound any more like a bird I'd have to rethink m dress sense.//
Spike patiently waited for Xander to get over his embarrassment, stroking his silky hair rhythmically.
"yes.. i.. I do want this."
Spike was a little taken aback. surely what Xander had said before were words of passion not inspired by intellect, and now that he'd had a chance to think about it . . . he still wants to. . . Spikes' imagination provided detailed mental pictures at the end of that thought.
He gave the boy one last questioning look and after a minute nod leant down and kissed his neck, deftly undoing the top button f his shirt. he was expecting to be stopped at any moment, having gotten all the buttons undone he moved to kiss the delicious looking skin of Xanders' chest.
A gasp.
//oh god, whatamIdoing?? it feels so good..//
Spike had just taken one of Xanders nipples in to his mouth making the boy beneath him writhe and make little sounds of pleasure he was hardly aware of doing but that were having an effect on Spike.
Xander vaguely felt his shirt, then his trousers being tugged off, and then Spike lying next to him in a similarly naked state, stroking hair back, and telling him it was alright. Xander noticed that he was shaking, and taking a deep breath tried to calm down.
"Pet, it's ok, relax, we don't have to go further than this. it's alright."
//closer. I want you//
Everywhere their skin was touching Xander felt like he was on fire, he wanted to wrap himself around Spike and never let go. He was vaguely aware that the vampire wasn't as effected by the situation as he was, and that made him unsure of himself. Is this what he was supposed to do? Was he being too needy? //Argh! I can' think straight! . . .pun definitely intended.//
"Sorry." "No, no pet it's alright, I told you, I don't want to do anything you're not ready for."
Spike spoke with conviction leaning over Xander.
"No, I don't want to stop.."
Confused now, Spike kissed Xander briefly just to show his it was still ok.
"What are you sorry for, luv?"
Xander looked down, //no. not crying again.// his emotional state puzzled him but he couldn't stop his voice from trembling a bit.
"for, not being what you want."
Spike snorted in disbelief. //he's not serious. he bloody well better not be.// without saying a word, Spike pounced. He ravaged Xander, kissing ever available inch of skin, tongue, teeth, hands.. just like he'd wanted to do for so long but couldn't, didn't think he'd ever be allowed to. Xander was breathing hard as a pair of crystalline eyes met his.
"Not being what I want?"
Xander blushed.
"Does that feel like I don't want you? Xander, I'm not holding back because I don't want you.. want to shag your brains out right now.."
He paused, savoring the thought. Then leant down to whisper in Xanders ear
". . .to make you scream my name...when I make you come. I want you more than I ever wanted anyone, I'd do anything for you.. I love you. that's why I don't want to rush. To make sure you're ready. I want you."
Spike ground his erection against Xanders thigh for emphasis.
"I want you."
Xander was speechless. Here he was in bed naked with Spike, having once again acted like a complete idiot, needing reassurance. //This is it. this is what you want, just show him you're ready.//
Having resolved this in his mind Xander squeezed his eyes shut, taking a moment to gather his strength, then, surprising both himself and Spike, flipped them over so he was on top. Ignoring the questioning gaze directed at him he proceeded to ravage Spike the way he was before, imitating Spikes actions, altering them when he found something the vampire liked (it was easy to tell, Spike would groan or start breathing). His frantic exploration led him further south Spikes sculptured body, and not stopping to pause and consider the awkwardness of being naked with another man, let alone doing *this* he let his tongue sweep over the head of Spikes cock. The vampire hissed. His hips lifted off the bed, then he moaned an approximation of Xanders name and slammed back down on to the bed.
//He does want me//
Xander wrapped his lips around Spikes erection.
//Oh fuck, he's gonna make me cum!!//
He sucked harder taking more in to his mouth.
//Am I doing this right?//
His question was answered when Spike called out his name again begging him to stop.
His pleasured moans and writhing told Xander what he really wanted so he took as much of Spike as he could in to his mouth without gagging and moved his head up and down, faster.
//Yeah, pet please!//
Spike tried to restrain the motion of his hips, Xander was letting him fuck his mouth, thrusting down his throat was impossible to resist even for the most disciplined, making Spike use all his will power to control himself. //don't you dare hurt him// What should have been a clumsy effort was turning out to be the most incredible thing the vampire had ever experienced. He allowed his mind to scroll over the facts, Xander, shy, perfect, sucking him off, his hot mouth moving in time with his hips, not stopping..
"Xander!"
Spike opened his eyes and looked down, that pushed him over the edge as he knew it would. His fantasies didn't compare to this! cuming hard in Xanders' mouth, his body trembling, coming down..
Once Spike regained enough faculties to look down he was instantly hard again. Xander lay between his legs braced on his elbows, looking a little surprised, a little unsure. His lips were covered in Spikes cum, a bit running down his chin, as he stared up, blinking. Xander didn't get a chance to consider what had just happened when he was moved back up the bed, flipped over and kissed thoroughly. Once Spike backed off slightly, Xander smiled up at him.
"Good?"
"Let me show you?"
Spike proceed to lick his face clean then stopped and looked back up.
"thank you precious, that was... bloody fantastic! where'd they teach you to do *that*?"
"..I"
Spike laughed and kissed Xander again stopping any explanation that might of come. He was well aware that that had been the first time for Xander going down on another man.
"turnabout's fair play, pet."
Xander wasn't sure if he wanted Spike to go down on him until he felt the moist pressure of the vampires mouth encasing his cock. he couldn't help but thrust his hips up in to the confines of Spikes mouth, clutching the bed sheets and crying out as the sensation almost made him cum.
"ugh.. hurt?.."
Spike stopped momentarily stroking Xander with his hand.
"no pet, your not hurting me, do anything you want."
Xander moaned louder needing to feel Spike on him again, a wish the vampire complied with. Spike knew it wouldn't take long but he did everything he could to make it last. finally Xander started to thrust wildly down his throat screaming out his name over and over.
//that's it pet, cum for me//
With a final gasp Xander came down Spikes throat. his body was shaking uncontrollably in the aftermath of the best orgasm of his life. he finally recovered enough to whisper a 'wow' before his eyes closed as he fell in to an exhausted slumber.
~~~~~~
Xander woke up sometime later, wrapped in Spikes arms protectively, a blanket over them both. He had been aware to some degree of Spikes presence through out his nap. It was an advantage he had over the vampire. He could tell when Spike was asleep. He lay there listening as Spike talked quietly to him.
Told him how much he loved him.
How amazing he was even if he didn't believe it.
//'I'll believe it enough for the both of us pet.'//
How perceptive he was.
//'feelings.. lies, pain, fear, your gift is seeing people. How come you can see me but not your self?'//
Xander just lay there quietly, processing it all, which he didn't get to do in his half asleep state. He remembered his initial reaction to his feelings for Spike. He remembered trying to hate him as much as he could. He remembered showing it too //'this can't be haven, you're here!..'// Was that his initial reaction to finding himself at he beginning of their adventure?
He turned carefully so as not to wake Spike, not quite succeeding though.
"This is heaven, you're here."
He whispered softly. Spike was awake.
Xanders words echoed his feelings perfectly. Waking up like this was usually followed by waking up *for real* and facing the fact that it was all a dream. //Haven. I don't deserve to be in heaven. How can he love me? I shouldn't be allowed to touch him.//
Xander could tell Spikes mood had shifted.
"what is it?"
Spike smiled sadly at Xander. the boy recognized that expression. his heart broke.
"Nothing luv. just waiting for the dream to end." //or you to come to yer senses..//
A soft hand cupped his cheek, reassuring.
"This is real."
A kiss.
"Why?" //Why do you love me?//
"I could ask you the same. it won't change anything. we'll just have to believe it enough for each other. Will. . ."
Spike stared up in to Xanders eyes and saw something he couldn't have imagined. love.
"I love you."
~~~~~~~
"Did he pass your test, sister?"
The cosmic voice was followed by silence, his twin was deep in thought. the burden of her duties weighing heavily on her mind, no doubt. Or perhaps she was thinking about how her brother had somehow once again managed to miss the obvious. perhaps he was just being paranoid. perhaps she was just thinking about that muffin she had for breakfast. sighing he decided not to pry, instead assuming she would find his pessimism annoying enough to answer the question.
"So he failed."
"No dear brother, he passed. He chose to live with his burden for what he has become, instead of ease his conscience by undoing his passed sins."
//Bingo.//
"Was he not meant to seek redemption by undoing that evil?"
"This one does not seek redemption. He acts out of love. Now that he is on our side he fights for the good by proxy. One day he will have to make a choice. But that is still ahead."
"When the time comes. . . what will he choose?"
"That remains to be seen. I shall not interfere further."
"His heart is light.."
"But the darkness calls to him"
"HE WILL CHOOSE."
~~~~~~~
The usual argument could be heard as the last two scoobies arrived at the Magic Box, to those observant enough to notice, the argument held none of it's usual hostility. Those lucky enough to spot the fleeting touches and knowing smiles could also have avoided a heart attack at the news the two had to tell them. Imagine everyone's surprise when the only person in the room still standing was Buffy, with a knowing smile on her face. Xander was amazed to discover that he'd kept an old friend, and Spike, that he'd made a new one.
~END~
AN:. . .and this is why I should stop writing, especially anything involving smutty slash!! Tell me what you think of it? Even if it was a huge disappointment and a waste of time.
I'll love you for reading it anyway.
Lami xxx
hr
A/N: well, it took a while, but we got there it the end, or we finally *got* to the end, whichever. . . thank you to all those who stuck with me . .
Drc, Kilroy, shadowgal13, charmin, imachau, lisa t, Zerographic, Drake Roberts (drc?) , nokia, Jeremy, Jero, sal, Muse4u, Mia, SweetDee, Amelia, Obsidian, Ephemera, Margaret L. Clayton, StarCat13, Hermione, Holly007, samson, Serefina, Emily, Sweetie, SalAgain, T'Lun, Alicia Marie, Estepheia, Steen, rainyday88, Kiara, Eugenie Chua, juli, crow.
Thank you for reviewing. Special thanx to Mia and drc for your reviews.
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Chapter XV - Call it love.
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Xander lay curled up against Spike, blissfully unaware of their friends attempts to wake them until the phone rang for the tenth time that morning. Spike felt Xander stir finally. He'd been awake for a while but was far too comfortable to move, especially for something as trivial as the phone.
"Just ignore it, they're bound to give up eventually."
He wrapped his arm tighter around the sleepy boy next to him. He just snuggled closer and turned his face up to Spike childish confusion written over his features.
"'ow lon' 's it been ringin'?" Spike chuckled at the incoherent drawl and lifting the phone off the hook passed the receiver to Xander.
After a brief chat with Willow telling her everything was fine and they would join the gang at the Magic Box after sun set he leaned over and placed the phone back on the nightstand. Xander wanted to snuggle back up to Spike, but the vampire was now braced on his elbows looking as unsure of the situation as Xander felt. So he went to the bathroom instead.
//oh dear god!! // Xander couldn't quite believe the situation so he looked down once again. //yep. Definitely a hard on.// he thought to himself. Standing in front of the mirror he took a couple of deep breaths. Sexual attraction to the vampire had at first terrified the youth but once he thought about it for a second the situation would resolve itself. This time however thinking bout it only made it worse. After a quick shower, it was less noticeable, so Xander left the bathroom, wondering as casually as possible over to the couch and the half naked vampire on it.
"What's up with you?"
//shit.//
Xander blushed harder and sat down. Then, just as suddenly bounced back up.
"Nothing, would you like breakfast, I would, I'll be over there!"
After finishing the garbled sentence he turned and made a run for the kitchen only to find himself yanked back down looking up at an amused grin. Before he could protest Spike leant closer and kissed him. On the cheek. But didn't move away, instead covering his jaw in more feather-light kisses slowly moving towards his lips. Xander whimpered and shifted on Spikes lap to make himself more comfortable.
Something was now very obviously poking his lower back and Xander wriggled about more. Suddenly he froze, realizing what it was he was laying on when he made Spike groan. Looking up startled he found Spikes eyes closed and his lips slightly parted. On impulse Xander leaned up and captured them in a kiss. A real kiss that went from shy, gentle exploration to unrestrained passion lading them on the floor. Finally the reality of the situation caught up with them, Xander half on top of Spike rubbing himself suggestively against the vampires thigh, both slowly sliding off the couch and out of breath.
Looking at each other for a second both burst out laughing.
Xander was nervous. Spike could tell by the way he was fidgeting. Holding out his hand he helped the youth back on to the couch where they sat and looked at each other. well Xander was looking at the floor more than anything.
This was very strange. He didn't ever even think about this sort of thing. Sometimes he would think about Spike and him together but the fantasy would usually skip the initial stages of togetherness going straight to the interesting bits.
Xander focused on trying to breathe normally thus missing the first part of whatever Spike was saying, but the end of the sentence was crystal clear. Spike was holding his hand stroking his thumb over the skin soothingly as he told Xander that he would never want him to do anything he wasn't ready for, and that it didn't mean he'd stop loving him.
"I just bloody said that out loud, didn't I .?"
Xander nodded numbly and Spike smiled and looked down.
"Spike?"
When Spike looked back up he was met with soft lips pressing against his own. Then, Xander backed away and looking in to the vampires eyes whispered
"I love you too."
Spike just looked for a moment. He wanted to remember. Then a sad, knowing smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.
"Pet, you don't have to lie to me. . . "
//What? No. I do. why would you ever think. oh right, I was the only one with the epiphany at the hospital. . . //
A searching gaze finally left Xanders eyes as Spike got up off the couch, or at least tried to before he got sopped but Xander wrapping his fingers around his wrist. He shook his head trying to find the right words to explain.
"I don't know when I started to feel something for you. But somewhere along the line I realized that there was more to you than you let people think. I kept thinking that maybe if. . . if I could just get to know you we could be friends. . . more than friends. But it just seemed like you would never want that. . . so until recently, I convinced my self that um, y you . that I was just imagining things that weren't there. Just because I wanted something to be true didn't mean it was. But maybe if I wanted it enough. . ."
Spike was holding his breath. Any minute now he would wake up. He wanted to believe him so much it hurt, but that would mean risking everything. Again. How can a person be expected to do that!? He knew though. //you love him.// there was no other choice but to trust him as well.
"I love you Spike."
Xander finished. he stood up to trying to hide the vulnerable look in his eyes.
"I trust you, love. But lets take it one day at a time, eh?"
"You believe me right?"
//please don't cry, please don't cry. . .// Xander pleaded convinced that Spike didn't know how he really felt.
"I do, pet. Shhh. Come here, now non of that. . ."
The vampire soothed the boy in his arms.
"It'll just take a while to get used to the thought that you could ever love me pet. Evil undead, remember?"
"I know. And I do."
Came the somewhat muffled response. Could he really understand what he was saying? Spike found himself believing every word. Xander was the most perceptive person Spike knew. If anyone could understand shades of gray.
"What about the Slayer?"
"They'll understand."
A moment's pause.
". . .or we'll have to move."
"How fast can you pack?. . . Ow!"
Xander hit Spike on the arm playfully. Spike seemed to think that his feelings would somehow depend on the approval of his friends.
"They'll want me to be happy. So they'll have to deal."
"Or they'll think you've gone off your rocker!"
"Well, everyone is allowed their idiosyncrasies. . ."
"Oh, thanks a lot. So what should *I* call it, . . . midlife crisis?"
Spikes' statement was followed by a pillow hitting his face.
~~~~~
"What now?"
Having sorted out more or less everything about the ground rules of their relationship, the two rested comfortably curled up against each other on the bed, until Xander spoke.
"Anything you want, luv."
Xander got up, walked around the room once, then ran his fingers through his hair finally stopping to look at the vampire watching him curiously from the bed. He smiled. //well, I guess we'll have to talk about it sometime// they both thought with a slightly different accent.
"Spike. . ."
Xander said, as if trying on the word for size.
"I know this is strange pet, cum 'ere. . ."
Spike reached out a had and Xander got a mischievous grin on his face taking a step back.
"hmm. I don't know if I trust your intentions. . ."
He said grinning more.
In a blur of motion Spike was out of bed and by Xanders side.
"Really?"
With that he unceremoniously lifted Xander off his feet and dropped him on the bed pouncing on him and growling the word 'mine' playfully, proceed to kiss his neck. Xanders heart rate jumped as did certain other parts of his anatomy. A thought occurred to him but took a moment to process due to the sensations coursing through his synapses.
"Yours."
He whispered in return and smiled bearing his neck submissively, watching Spikes' reaction. In one liquid movement the vampire moved over Xander, his eyes flashing gold for a moment then soft lips pressed themselves against his mouth before he had a chance to miss them.
When Spike finished ravaging his mouth Xander was trembling and out of breath.
"I mean it. . ."
Slower now, unsure of himself, he reached up and traced a finger down Spikes' face.
"Don't tease precious. You know how much I want you."
Since Spike was pressed up very intimately against his thigh Xander knew exactly what effect he was heaving on the vampire.
"Then take me."
Spike just looked at Xander for a moment. the look of lust on both their faces was unmistakable. blinking, the slayerette realized that there was no backing out on what he had said, and while he was sure he wanted Spike, he had no clue what to do about it. he wanted Spike in control. //please. just tell me what to do. I want you.//
The look on Spikes face changed, softly he caressed the boys face until Xander realized that he'd spoken his thoughts out loud. he looked down, feeling like a complete idiot.
"Pet, you don't really want to do this, it's too soon." //bloody 'ell, if I sound any more like a bird I'd have to rethink m dress sense.//
Spike patiently waited for Xander to get over his embarrassment, stroking his silky hair rhythmically.
"yes.. i.. I do want this."
Spike was a little taken aback. surely what Xander had said before were words of passion not inspired by intellect, and now that he'd had a chance to think about it . . . he still wants to. . . Spikes' imagination provided detailed mental pictures at the end of that thought.
He gave the boy one last questioning look and after a minute nod leant down and kissed his neck, deftly undoing the top button f his shirt. he was expecting to be stopped at any moment, having gotten all the buttons undone he moved to kiss the delicious looking skin of Xanders' chest.
A gasp.
//oh god, whatamIdoing?? it feels so good..//
Spike had just taken one of Xanders nipples in to his mouth making the boy beneath him writhe and make little sounds of pleasure he was hardly aware of doing but that were having an effect on Spike.
Xander vaguely felt his shirt, then his trousers being tugged off, and then Spike lying next to him in a similarly naked state, stroking hair back, and telling him it was alright. Xander noticed that he was shaking, and taking a deep breath tried to calm down.
"Pet, it's ok, relax, we don't have to go further than this. it's alright."
//closer. I want you//
Everywhere their skin was touching Xander felt like he was on fire, he wanted to wrap himself around Spike and never let go. He was vaguely aware that the vampire wasn't as effected by the situation as he was, and that made him unsure of himself. Is this what he was supposed to do? Was he being too needy? //Argh! I can' think straight! . . .pun definitely intended.//
"Sorry." "No, no pet it's alright, I told you, I don't want to do anything you're not ready for."
Spike spoke with conviction leaning over Xander.
"No, I don't want to stop.."
Confused now, Spike kissed Xander briefly just to show his it was still ok.
"What are you sorry for, luv?"
Xander looked down, //no. not crying again.// his emotional state puzzled him but he couldn't stop his voice from trembling a bit.
"for, not being what you want."
Spike snorted in disbelief. //he's not serious. he bloody well better not be.// without saying a word, Spike pounced. He ravaged Xander, kissing ever available inch of skin, tongue, teeth, hands.. just like he'd wanted to do for so long but couldn't, didn't think he'd ever be allowed to. Xander was breathing hard as a pair of crystalline eyes met his.
"Not being what I want?"
Xander blushed.
"Does that feel like I don't want you? Xander, I'm not holding back because I don't want you.. want to shag your brains out right now.."
He paused, savoring the thought. Then leant down to whisper in Xanders ear
". . .to make you scream my name...when I make you come. I want you more than I ever wanted anyone, I'd do anything for you.. I love you. that's why I don't want to rush. To make sure you're ready. I want you."
Spike ground his erection against Xanders thigh for emphasis.
"I want you."
Xander was speechless. Here he was in bed naked with Spike, having once again acted like a complete idiot, needing reassurance. //This is it. this is what you want, just show him you're ready.//
Having resolved this in his mind Xander squeezed his eyes shut, taking a moment to gather his strength, then, surprising both himself and Spike, flipped them over so he was on top. Ignoring the questioning gaze directed at him he proceeded to ravage Spike the way he was before, imitating Spikes actions, altering them when he found something the vampire liked (it was easy to tell, Spike would groan or start breathing). His frantic exploration led him further south Spikes sculptured body, and not stopping to pause and consider the awkwardness of being naked with another man, let alone doing *this* he let his tongue sweep over the head of Spikes cock. The vampire hissed. His hips lifted off the bed, then he moaned an approximation of Xanders name and slammed back down on to the bed.
//He does want me//
Xander wrapped his lips around Spikes erection.
//Oh fuck, he's gonna make me cum!!//
He sucked harder taking more in to his mouth.
//Am I doing this right?//
His question was answered when Spike called out his name again begging him to stop.
His pleasured moans and writhing told Xander what he really wanted so he took as much of Spike as he could in to his mouth without gagging and moved his head up and down, faster.
//Yeah, pet please!//
Spike tried to restrain the motion of his hips, Xander was letting him fuck his mouth, thrusting down his throat was impossible to resist even for the most disciplined, making Spike use all his will power to control himself. //don't you dare hurt him// What should have been a clumsy effort was turning out to be the most incredible thing the vampire had ever experienced. He allowed his mind to scroll over the facts, Xander, shy, perfect, sucking him off, his hot mouth moving in time with his hips, not stopping..
"Xander!"
Spike opened his eyes and looked down, that pushed him over the edge as he knew it would. His fantasies didn't compare to this! cuming hard in Xanders' mouth, his body trembling, coming down..
Once Spike regained enough faculties to look down he was instantly hard again. Xander lay between his legs braced on his elbows, looking a little surprised, a little unsure. His lips were covered in Spikes cum, a bit running down his chin, as he stared up, blinking. Xander didn't get a chance to consider what had just happened when he was moved back up the bed, flipped over and kissed thoroughly. Once Spike backed off slightly, Xander smiled up at him.
"Good?"
"Let me show you?"
Spike proceed to lick his face clean then stopped and looked back up.
"thank you precious, that was... bloody fantastic! where'd they teach you to do *that*?"
"..I"
Spike laughed and kissed Xander again stopping any explanation that might of come. He was well aware that that had been the first time for Xander going down on another man.
"turnabout's fair play, pet."
Xander wasn't sure if he wanted Spike to go down on him until he felt the moist pressure of the vampires mouth encasing his cock. he couldn't help but thrust his hips up in to the confines of Spikes mouth, clutching the bed sheets and crying out as the sensation almost made him cum.
"ugh.. hurt?.."
Spike stopped momentarily stroking Xander with his hand.
"no pet, your not hurting me, do anything you want."
Xander moaned louder needing to feel Spike on him again, a wish the vampire complied with. Spike knew it wouldn't take long but he did everything he could to make it last. finally Xander started to thrust wildly down his throat screaming out his name over and over.
//that's it pet, cum for me//
With a final gasp Xander came down Spikes throat. his body was shaking uncontrollably in the aftermath of the best orgasm of his life. he finally recovered enough to whisper a 'wow' before his eyes closed as he fell in to an exhausted slumber.
~~~~~~
Xander woke up sometime later, wrapped in Spikes arms protectively, a blanket over them both. He had been aware to some degree of Spikes presence through out his nap. It was an advantage he had over the vampire. He could tell when Spike was asleep. He lay there listening as Spike talked quietly to him.
Told him how much he loved him.
How amazing he was even if he didn't believe it.
//'I'll believe it enough for the both of us pet.'//
How perceptive he was.
//'feelings.. lies, pain, fear, your gift is seeing people. How come you can see me but not your self?'//
Xander just lay there quietly, processing it all, which he didn't get to do in his half asleep state. He remembered his initial reaction to his feelings for Spike. He remembered trying to hate him as much as he could. He remembered showing it too //'this can't be haven, you're here!..'// Was that his initial reaction to finding himself at he beginning of their adventure?
He turned carefully so as not to wake Spike, not quite succeeding though.
"This is heaven, you're here."
He whispered softly. Spike was awake.
Xanders words echoed his feelings perfectly. Waking up like this was usually followed by waking up *for real* and facing the fact that it was all a dream. //Haven. I don't deserve to be in heaven. How can he love me? I shouldn't be allowed to touch him.//
Xander could tell Spikes mood had shifted.
"what is it?"
Spike smiled sadly at Xander. the boy recognized that expression. his heart broke.
"Nothing luv. just waiting for the dream to end." //or you to come to yer senses..//
A soft hand cupped his cheek, reassuring.
"This is real."
A kiss.
"Why?" //Why do you love me?//
"I could ask you the same. it won't change anything. we'll just have to believe it enough for each other. Will. . ."
Spike stared up in to Xanders eyes and saw something he couldn't have imagined. love.
"I love you."
~~~~~~~
"Did he pass your test, sister?"
The cosmic voice was followed by silence, his twin was deep in thought. the burden of her duties weighing heavily on her mind, no doubt. Or perhaps she was thinking about how her brother had somehow once again managed to miss the obvious. perhaps he was just being paranoid. perhaps she was just thinking about that muffin she had for breakfast. sighing he decided not to pry, instead assuming she would find his pessimism annoying enough to answer the question.
"So he failed."
"No dear brother, he passed. He chose to live with his burden for what he has become, instead of ease his conscience by undoing his passed sins."
//Bingo.//
"Was he not meant to seek redemption by undoing that evil?"
"This one does not seek redemption. He acts out of love. Now that he is on our side he fights for the good by proxy. One day he will have to make a choice. But that is still ahead."
"When the time comes. . . what will he choose?"
"That remains to be seen. I shall not interfere further."
"His heart is light.."
"But the darkness calls to him"
"HE WILL CHOOSE."
~~~~~~~
The usual argument could be heard as the last two scoobies arrived at the Magic Box, to those observant enough to notice, the argument held none of it's usual hostility. Those lucky enough to spot the fleeting touches and knowing smiles could also have avoided a heart attack at the news the two had to tell them. Imagine everyone's surprise when the only person in the room still standing was Buffy, with a knowing smile on her face. Xander was amazed to discover that he'd kept an old friend, and Spike, that he'd made a new one.
~END~
AN:. . .and this is why I should stop writing, especially anything involving smutty slash!! Tell me what you think of it? Even if it was a huge disappointment and a waste of time.
I'll love you for reading it anyway.
Lami xxx
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