Next chapter is up! It's a bit of a filler one without much action, but it was necessary so bare with me. I also made John a bit of an ass...This is not really how I see him in the show but he had to be this way for what I have planned next. It's also only temporary, so for all you John lovers, he will eventually be redeemed. As always, thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, fav'd and followed this story. It really means a lot. Now on with the show!

One week, two days, six hours, and fifty-two minutes after she'd first been admitted, Sam was being released. It was against the wishes of her doctors, she'd been shot in the chest and had two surgeries after all, but she couldn't afford to stay in one place for too long. Dean was against it as well but she'd managed to convince him eventually.

A smile flitted across her face when she thought of her brother. Dean had been by her side the entire time she'd been in the hospital. She was as certain of this as she was on how to breathe. She had vague memories of his warmth on her hand and his voice in her ear. She remembered the absolute relief on his face when she first opened her eyes.

"Thank God Sammy…you had me scared there little sister…"

It was nice…having someone who cared. It had been so long since anyone ever really gave a damn about her. But now she had Dean back. It wasn't just a wisp of memory anymore either. She actually, in great detail, remembered him now. How much fun they had as children. How much she loved him.

It was like a huge piece of her soul had been returned and she felt more human than she'd felt in twelve years.

That wasn't to say that everything was perfect now though…

She remembered other things too.

She remembered emptiness, and anger.

No. Not anger. Rage. An all-encompassing rage that burned her from the inside out.

She remembered her father.

She remembered…Jessica.

A sharp pain shot through her chest at the memory and it had nothing to do with being shot. Her right hand slowly traveled up and gripped the fabric of her hospital gown over her heart.

One piece of her soul had been returned…but another one had been forcibly ripped from her by her own hand.

A wave of overwhelming grief surged though her.

Jessica was dead and she'd been the one to kill her. There was no way around that. No forgiveness. No happy ending for the blue eyed blond girl that had been closer to her than anyone else in the world.

The only solace she could take from it was that Jessica didn't have to suffer anymore. Her sister was at peace now. Free from their nightmare.

It was more than she could say for herself.

She sighed and slowly released the grip she had on the gown.

Knock knock

Casting her gaze over toward the door, Sam smiled slightly when she saw Dean. He looked about as rough as she felt. He looked tired and stressed and the faint bruising from when she'd kicked him in the face was still visible.

Guilt flared up inside of her. It was the same guilt she could see reflected in his eyes every time he looked at her. Dean had shot her and he felt bad about it. Sam would have to fix that.

"Hey'a Sammy. You ready?" He asked hesitantly as he walked further into the room.

Sam smiled wider. "More than ready big brother."

That got a smile and a strained laugh from him. Ever since waking up she hadn't called him anything other than big brother. Going twelve years without being able to say it, or even remember that she had one in the first place, made her want to remind herself of that fact every chance she could get.

"You ever gonna call me by my name again?"

"Nope." Sam said happily. Dean laughed again, this time with more sincerity, and came closer. He had some clothes in his hands for her to change into before they left.

"You know, you are in way to good a mood for someone who just got shot." He mumbled more to himself than to her as he placed the clothes on the end of the bed.

Sam watched as he didn't once make eye contact with her. One thing that she was beginning to notice about her big brother was that he tended to blame himself for things that weren't his fault. She needed to fix this one at least. It was time to set things right. Almost like ripping off a band aide.

"I would have killed you. I would have killed you and John both."

Dean froze in his movements as she suddenly just blurted out the words but he still didn't look at her.

"I would have knocked you unconscious, tortured John until he screamed for mercy and died…and then I would have done the same to you."

"Sam." He said with a warning in his tone. His hands were clenched into fists now and Sam knew that he was on the verge of lashing out. She didn't want to cause him pain but things usually had to get worse before they got better and there was no time like the present. They were going to be very busy soon and this crap needed to be out in the open.

"After that I would have gone out and killed more people. That family that was dead in the foyer? What Jessica did to them? I would have done worse. I would have painted the house with their blood. I would have-"

"Shut the hell up Sam!" Dean screamed as he rounded on her with fury in his eyes.

Sam didn't even flinch. She'd been yelled at by worse after all and Dean needed to get these things off his chest. She was going to do whatever it took to get that look out of his eyes.

"I would have enjoyed it big brother. I would have enjoyed doing those things because I'm not the little girl you once knew. I'm broken Dean, probably more than you can fix. What happened in that house was not your fault. It was mine."

Dean was breathing heavily with his fists at his sides. Sam could feel the emotion rolling off of him in waves. Some people might call her cruel for laying things out so plainly but…Dean needed to understand. He needed to understand that she may be Samantha Winchester in name but she was not that girl anymore. She was broken and twisted with horrible abilities that she used to kill people. She was a monster. When he shot her, even though it had been accidental on his part, he had been doing the world a favor.

"If anything…I should be thanking you. I…didn't want to hurt you Dean. Not you…"

She suddenly felt something wet on her cheeks and when she realized what it was her eyes widened in surprise.

Sam hadn't cried since she was taken.

Warmth wrapped around her as Dean suddenly pulled her into his arms. She hadn't even seen him move.

"Jesus Sammy…all these chick flick moments…you're turning me into a girl."

Sam dropped her forehead onto his shoulder and just let the tears come. She was a little annoyed with herself. She was supposed to be the one comforting Dean.

"Don't be sad anymore, okay big brother? Despite there being nothing to forgive…I do Dean. I forgive you."

She felt her brothers breathe hitch and she knew that he was fighting back tears of his own. Dean had been holding onto so much guilt for so long that it had been slowly killing him. It was more than just the gunshot she realized. Dean had blamed himself for what had happened to her. It was stupid but it certainly sounded like something he would do.

"I'm so sorry Sammy…" He mumbled into her shoulder.

"You were just a kid Dean. You were just a kid who was hurt and needed help. You couldn't have known what would happen that day. It's not your fault. It's not John's fault either. It's just something that happened. Neither of you could have stopped it, so just…let it go big brother."

Dean's whole body was shaking now and his grip on her was so tight that it almost hurt. Sam wrapped her own arms around him and pulled him as close as she could.

They stayed like that for a while. Dean needed to get it out and Sam was more than happy to accommodate. They couldn't both be messed up in the head. As much as she hated to admit it, she was going to need her brothers help. Mentally she was feeling okay at the moment but, using past experiences as a reference, that wasn't going to last forever.

Sam could already feel the darkness lurking in her mind. The voice of her tormentor would return and the battle of wills would begin again. She was prepared for it but she wanted to try and make things right with her family before she became too distracted.

"How come you seem to be the one who has their shit together here? That's supposed to be me, little sister." Dean said as he slowly pulled away with a shaky laugh.

His eyes were red and puffy but Sam could see the relief in them. She was glad that she could take some of his guilt away at least.

She smiled softly at him. "It's only temporary."

Dean looked about to laugh but then seemed to think better of it when he realized that she wasn't joking. He sighed and then placed his hand on her head in a comforting gesture.

"Okay, Sammy." He said softly.

Those two words meant more to her than he'd probably ever know. They were a promise. A promise to always stick with her through whatever came their way and they meant everything.

They meant she wasn't alone anymore.

"What do ya say we get outta here huh? I know I could use a change of scenery."

"Sounds good big brother."

Dean laughed and it sounded more carefree than she'd ever heard it before. It was definitely a step in the right direction.

"Alright. I'll go wait outside while you change into these clothes. Don't be too excited though, it's just some sweats and a t-shirt I found in the gift shop. We can get you something else later."

Sam nodded and smiled as she watched him leave.

Once he was gone Sam just sat there staring down at the clothes on the bed. They were a pair of grey sweatpants and a navy blue t-shirt with the name of the hospital written on it. She wondered if she would ever have anything that was just hers. A pair of clean blue jeans and maybe a plaid shirt like Dean seemed to like to wear.

She smiled softly at the stupid thought before shaking her head. She needed to stop thinking about things that didn't matter. She needed to focus now more than ever.

She had a job to do. Sam had been thinking about it since she woke up. Azazel would not stop. He would not stop hunting her, and now her family. He would not stop sending the others after her either. In the future she would need to be prepared to face all of them and the horrors of her past. It was time to stop running.

She would let her body heal and then…she would bring the fight to him.

First though…Sam needed to have a long talk with John Winchester.

As they pulled up to the hotel, Sam's confidence started to severely decline. She'd been all about talking to her father a mere hour ago but now…how was she going to even face him after what she did?

The memories were still fragmented but she remembered enough to know that she'd done some serious damage. Not just physically but mentally as well.

"Hey? You okay back there?"

Startled out of her thoughts, Sam focused on Dean who was staring at her from the front passenger seat with a worried look on his face.

Sam gave him a shaky smile. "Y-yeah. I just…" She trailed off, not really knowing how to put it into words.

"Just?" Dean asked softly.

Sam sighed. "What if he won't forgive me?"

Dean's eyes narrowed. "Oh, he'll forgive you alright."

"Dean."

Sam watched as her brother rounded on Bobby.

"No Bobby. That bastard better forgive her or else I'm gonna kick his ass."

Sam opened her mouth to say something but Dean cut her off.

"He will forgive you Sam. You are his daughter and despite how he may seem, he loves you. Don't worry okay?"

Sam stared at him. "Okay Dean." She said quietly, not really believing him but happy for the sentiment behind the words.

Once they were parked outside room number 5, Dean and Bobby exited the car and then Dean opened her door to help her out. Despite leaving the hospital, Sam was still very sore and very tired, so moving was no easy task. She greatly appreciated the fact that despite what she'd done her brother was still willing to help her.

"Easy there Sam. One step at a time." Dean said as he held out a hand to her.

Sam took it and eased herself out of the vehicle. Her chest tightened slightly and she winced but, compared to other things she'd been through, the pain wasn't that bad.

"You alright kid?" Bobby asked, seeing her discomfort.

Sam gave him a small smile. "This is nothing."

Bobby didn't look satisfied with that. In fact, he seemed to frown even more. Thankfully though, he didn't comment.

The older man joined them in their trek and soon enough Sam found herself standing in front of the door. She was so nervous it felt like her hands were going to start shaking at any moment.

"Hey, don't be so tense." Dean said with a slight laugh. Sam just turned to glare at him which only caused him to laugh even more.

Wanting to prove him wrong, Sam took a step forward and pushed the door open before walking inside.

It was a normal hotel room, complete with two beds, a bathroom and a small table by the window. One thing was missing however…

"I-It's empty…" She mumbled as she looked around the large vacant place that was supposed to hold her father.

"What?!" Dean yelled as he gently pushed past her and glared around the room. "Where the hell did he go?"

"Maybe he just went out to get some food or something." Bobby added unhelpfully.

Dean turned his glare over toward the old man. "Yeah right. I just called him fifteen minutes ago to tell him we were on our way. That bastard took off!"

"Dean, calm down."

"Calm down?! How the hell am I supposed to calm down?! We just got Sam back and instead of doing what a dad should, namely actually seeing his daughter, he takes off without even saying anything!"

Dean slammed his hand down on the side table by the window. "That bastard!"

"Dean. I said calm the hell down!"

Dean opened his mouth to say something else but stopped when he saw where Bobby was looking. Sam was still standing by the door but she now had a somewhat vacant look on her face. Dread washed over him and he rushed over to her.

For her part, Sam barely noticed anything that Dean was doing or saying at the moment. The only thing that ran through her head was…

John was gone.

Her father had left without even…

He just left…

Of course he left. Why the hell would he want anything to do with a monster?

Maybe he was right this time…

She was a monster and after the things she'd done, John wanted nothing to do with her. It was completely understandable.

Sam remembered some things about her dad. She remembered his laugh. She remembered how big she used to think his hands were when he would place one of them comfortingly on her head after she'd had a nightmare. She remembered how she would always feel safe when he was around. He was her dad and she loved him.

But…

He didn't see her as his daughter anymore. She was just Azazel's broken tool now. A tool that had attacked him and almost killed him.

She was a monster…

"Stop it Sam!"

Jolted out of her thoughts, Sam became aware of Dean standing in front of her gripping her arms tightly in his hands. He was staring at her with a mixture of concern and anger.

"Dean?"

Relief flooded his features and he slowly let go of her and took a small step back, giving her some space.

"Sam you need to listen to me okay? It doesn't matter. He doesn't matter. You and me, that's what matters alright?"

Sam felt a surge of anger. John didn't matter? He was her dad, of course he mattered!

She took a step away from her brother and narrowed her eyes.

"It does matter Dean! My dad…my dad doesn't want anything to do with me and I don't even blame him for it!"

Angry tears spilled down her cheeks and she didn't bother wiping them away. What was the point?

"Sam…"

She shook her head angrily. "No. This is…this is so messed up. I mean what the hell did I even expect? That, after everything, I'd be welcomed back with open arms? God I'm so stupid…"

Sam laughed dejectedly and ran a hand through her hair.

She felt Dean take a step toward her but she just took one back before looking up at him.

"I'm so tired Dean. You have no idea how…incredibly tired. I thought I got away. I thought, breaking out of that hell, that I was finally free of him. I thought that if I ran hard enough, fast enough, that I could get back everything I lost…"

She trailed off when she saw the pain filled look on her brother's face, but only for a minute. Despite what he'd said, about staying with her, she couldn't help but wonder if he would leave too if he knew the truth. Some morbid part of her wanted to find out.

Squaring her shoulders, Sam smiled softly at her brother but there was something unhinged about it that she couldn't quite hide. She reached backward and closed the door behind her without breaking eye contact.

"Do you want to know Dean? Do you want to know everything?" She asked without a hint of emotion.

Dean looked back at her with sad eyes…before nodding once.

Time to find out if their bond really was that strong.