Pay the Price in Scars

Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time or its characters; Regina Mills belongs to Kitsis/Horowitz and Lana Parrilla and Robin Hood belongs to Kitsis/Horowitz and Sean Maguire. The plot for this story is my own. PLease leave feedback!

Synopsis: What makes a family? Will Regina sacrifice her own life to create another? Is magic—dark or light—enough? OutlawQueen with sprinkles of CaptainSwan, Snowing, Rumbelle, and RedCricket.

The last person Regina expected to protest her decision to bind her magic was Rumplestiltskin. Not only did she know that he took some sick pleasure and pride in the power of her magic, having nurtured every dark inch of it since her first discovery that she possessed it, he had also spent the last few decades aware that she was likely stronger than him (and had the power to destroy him if it ever came down to that). When she entered his shop on a Tuesday afternoon in late November, she was expecting to leave with the cuff they had used on her sister, or at least a few magical tomes that might provide more long-term alternatives. She didn't expect to be met with stone-faced refusal.

"You are far too powerful to just give up magic like it's an old iPhone or a used toy," Rumple had told her, leaning heavily on his cane. "And you damn well know it."

"Unlike you," she spat, unable to keep it in, "I'm perfectly willing to trade power for happiness." The wizard scoffed.

"Three months ago, you were begging for a magical route to your happiness." The truth behind this statement made Regina burn.

"You proved about as equally helpful then," she gritted out, spinning on one heel and heading for the door.

"Magic is a part of who you are, Regina," Gold called after her, the oddly placed sincerity in his voice making her pause. "What happens after you give it up? When Henry is in danger again? When someone decides it's time they come for their due? When you need it once again?" Regina let the door slam on her way out, but it didn't give her the satisfaction she was hoping for. Instead, his words rang in her ears, taunting her. Did she need magic? What would she be losing when she gave it up?

These questions had been torturing her night after night, and day after day. Yet they always seemed to have an easy answer: she couldn't imagine that losing magic could hurt more than losing Henry had, or Daniel, or her freedom, or Robin. And she was losing him. That much, she was sure of. Shuddering, Regina imagined her evening at home.

While the boys were up, Robin would do his best at maintaining a normal environment. Gentle brushes of his hand along her back or shoulders, a quick peck of his lips against her temple, joking with Henry, wrestling with Roland, complimenting her cooking-these things remained painfully constant. Some nights, she even managed to convince herself that this was how happiness was supposed to look and feel. But they had lost their… intimacy. That was the best word for it. No more whispered conversations under the sheets and the moonlight spilling through an open window. No more quiet moments in the laundry room, or snuggling in flannels by a fireplace. No more heated caresses or steamy kisses.

And perhaps she could learn to live without sex, although that was an unpleasant prospect. But she could not—certainly had not, in her many decades of life—learn how to live without being allowed to love as deeply and completely as her heart yearned.

So, she went elsewhere for help. Tink proved as stubborn as she, refusing to entertain the idea that Regina should try to live without magic. The green fairy had spent too many years without it to even think about putting her friend through that experience.

The Blue Fairy was smug, but also unyielding, claiming that she didn't think it a prudent decision because it was placing the town in danger. This made Regina burn with ire, because she understood, now, how often the fairies had turned their backs on her as a child, and how often they now relied on her for help in spite of their continued hatred of her former self.

Her vault proved useless, as did the library, and even a brief, but unpleasant, conversation with Jefferson left her empty-handed. Regina briefly contemplated the cuff they had used on Zelena, but knew that such a temporary and easily-removed obstacle would never satisfy Robin. She also thought about crossing the town line, but dismissed the notion in the next breath, knowing it would mean leaving Henry behind.

The only discussion that made Regina pause in her quest to end her own magic came during a lunch break with her nemesis-turned-friend, Emma.

"We can continue your lessons whenever you want," Regina had mentioned when Emma had complained about being unable to do "cool tricks" like poofing around town. "The sooner the better."

"Why?" A forkful of salad was halfway to her mouth, but Regina paused, unsure.

"I'm, well…" Regina pushed her food away from her, hands dropping to her lap, "I'm looking for a way to remove my magic." Emma's jaw dropped comically, and for a few seconds, they were both quiet.

"Why?!" Regina shrugged, a move that looked out of place with her regal Mayor attire and straight spine.

"It's become a necessity," she replied carefully, but Emma shook her head.

"That's ridiculous." Regina frowned, but Emma pressed on. "You're the one who taught me that magic is a part of who I am. What happened to lecturing Snow for letting me try to give up mine?" Regina rolled her eyes.

"This is not about being unable to control my magic, Ms. Swan. I'm not-"

"What about all those times during my lessons when you told me that magic is about emotion? About being who I am? About embracing my destiny?" Emma shook her head, sitting back heavily in her chair and contemplating her friend. "And now you just want to let that all go?"

"This is… I'm not giving up my magic because I want to, Emma. I'm just doing what I need to do for my family."

"Bullshit." Regina's eyes widened before burning with fire.

"How dare you?," she gritted out at the blonde.

"I call bullshit." Emma sat up in her chair, arms on the desktop between them. "Why the hell does your family need you to give up magic?"

This question, asked with all of the honest ferocity Emma Swan had possessed since the day she arrived in town, stopped Regina in her tracks. She wanted to tell Emma about that night with the seizures, and Belle's theory about her light and dark magic destroying the sparks of life in her womb, and Robin's distance. She wanted to let the tears, suddenly pricking at the backs of her eyes, fall. And yet, sitting here, in front of a woman she had despised and respected, teased and fought beside, and become fast friends with, she realized that she didn't have a good answer. Why was she always in this position? Why was it always her who had to make the sacrifices and no one else? Why was she always losing and never winning, or even drawing a tie?

"I… don't know how to explain it," Regina finally said, pulling her salad towards her once more, if only to give her hands something to do. For a little while, Emma let that statement sit between them, knowing that Regina was not the kind of person to be pressed too quickly. They both finished their lunch, and then Emma sighed.

"Look, you know I'm here for you for whatever you need." Rising, Emma took their takeout containers to the trash can by the door. "But I don't like this idea one bit. And I think you don't either." Regina didn't respond, and Emma closed the door behind her on the way out.

. . .

There is a proverb that claims, "when it rains, it pours." This proved all too true about three weeks later, in late November, when Regina discovered a spell in one of her tomes that would allow her to lock her magical potential into an artifact or other external location. That same day, feeling the churnings of excitement and dread in the pit of her stomach, her secretary alerted her to the Maine weather service, which had just broadcast a severe storm advisory for the entire state.

Storybrooke had already received two snow storms since winter had begun, each leaving the town with about six inches of snow to clear and a no school day for the kids to celebrate. The storm being forecast, however, seemed destined to do much more impressive damage.

"These are the highest winds and lowest temperatures we've seen headed our way since the Portland Gale of '98," a hooded weatherman explained, standing on a street corner of what appeared to be Boston, Massachusetts. "All state weather and traffic departments in the New England area are recommending citizens seek safe, warm shelter and prepare to batten down." Immediately, Regina called a special council session, including Rumple and the Merry Men on the invite.

That evening, as they sat down to discuss what precautions needed to be taken to keep their town safe, it became apparent that their best hope of making it through the storm relatively unscathed was to protect the entire town itself. Although Storybrooke had been created to make it through Maine summers and winters, the houses, and especially power plant, were not ready for a Nor'Easter that might last three or four days.

Their plan of attack, eventually agreed upon by everyone, was that the townspeople would be condensed as much as possible into the town proper (the Merry Men would leave the forest and bunk in the B&B and with other citizens, and no one would be permitted to take a snowy jaunt out to the town line); Snow and David would accompany the dwarves and Marry Men around the neighborhoods, distributing batteries and foodstuffs; and Emma, Regina, and Rumple would set up as many protection spells as they could muster, hoping to encompass the whole town.

They all agreed that they would begin, and hopefully complete, these tasks the next day before the storm could hit Maine. Forecasters were predicting snowfall to begin anytime between dinner and midnight the next day, and as long as they began at sunrise, Regina estimated they would have just enough time.

For now, at least, she was glad she still had her magic.

. . .

As Regina had predicted, it took Emma, Rumplestiltskin, and herself from dawn until midday to place spells on the northern end of town. They stopped into Granny's for a quick lunch and several boosting potions that Rumple had put together the night prior, then immediately headed back out into the frigid air. As they worked into the afternoon, it began to snow lightly and the sky grew greyer with each hour that passed.

Each of them had taken a slice of the town, based on maps that Regina had drawn up and the area between the major roads. They could see one another's spells spread in shimmers of red, gold, and purple, and made sure each spell overlapped before moving from the outer edges of the town inward. Yet, as the snow began to fall in earnest, Regina noticed that the only magic she could still see was the red of Emma's coming from her left. As she and the blonde savior met by the clock tower, she found herself having to shout over the wind.

"Rumple's gone and didn't finish his section. We've got to go re-cover it." Emma stomped her boots into the ground, in both a demonstration of frustration and to try and bring some feeling back into her legs.

"Dammit," she exclaimed, "I knew we couldn't trust him." Regina shrugged, always resigned to Rumple's self-preservation.

"We'd already protected his shop and home… he had no reason to continue helping us." Emma shook her head, but couldn't help but agree with Regina's assessment.

"Let's move quickly," the younger woman called, moving towards the last slice of the neighborhood and lifting her hands. For about twenty minutes, they worked silently and evenly together, moving up the streets in tandem and boosting one another's power as their spells spread across the sky. Both were growing tired and the storm was picking up, leaving them breathless and cold. As they neared the last blocks, it occurred to Regina that this might be her opportunity to prove to Emma and the Blue Fairy, and even to Rumple, that they no longer needed her magic. After all, with Emma almost completely in control of her immense natural powers, the town would continue to have a powerful protector in place in case of emergencies just like this one—and one they didn't have any hesitations about trusting.

So, just as the winds picked up into great fervor, whipping her hair around her cheeks and stinging her eyes, Regina withdrew her magic from Emma's, letting the blonde finish the last of the spells on her own.

This proved to be a terrible idea.

Emma, who was not used to any sustained use of her magic, had been leaning heavily on the consistent strength of her friend, more directing their shared power into protection spells than casting her own. She wasn't expecting that power to go out like a light, so when it suddenly left her, she stumbled—both physically and magically. Barely catching herself on one knee, snow and ice already soaking through her jeans and into her muscles, Emma tried desperately to restart the protection spell, but couldn't gather enough power. Horrified, Regina watched the storm battle through the only gap in the protections they had already placed on the town and nearly blow the Savior over, before she raised her own hands and blasted magic towards the sky.

It was almost not enough. Regina felt the power channel from the deepest parts of her soul, places she hadn't felt magic erupt since trying to destroy the crystal in the mines under Storybrooke. She called upon every memory of Henry, Robin, Roland, Daniel, and even her father, desperate to keep Emma alive and finish the protection spells. With one final heave, her magic became awash with silver and white and sealed the final space in the bubble surrounding the town.

With the last of her consciousness, Regina fell beside Emma and saw that she was breathing heavily but unharmed. Her magic shimmered across the sky, she heard a male voice shout her name, and as her eyes closed, she thought she saw Robin racing towards them. Then, the world was black and she knew nothing else.

. . .

A/N Thank you to all readers of this fic!

OnlyForMyOTP—thank you for your review! I am trying to finish but am slow to update during the school year. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Horsinator—thank you!

JadeSaintJms—you're probably right, but does Regina feel that way about herself? Does Robin see that he's making her change? He hasn't asked her to… that's a choice she's made all on her own. Let's see what happens next! And thank you for your review!

DocMcRegals—your review was amazing and so thoughtful! Thank you! I'm also looking forward to where this story is going, and hope you enjoyed the newest segment. No "True Love Cures All" fix here, promise!

Anonymouse—Thank you so much for loving this story and leaving amazing reviews. I do feel like Regina is so single-minded and stubborn sometimes! I love that about her and sometimes want to shake her out of her bad choices!

OutlawQueen16—I don't think he did ask her… but yet that's what she's decided. Hmm… ;) Thank you for your review!

Kurotenshi-08—Thank you! I also think Regina would always regret her choice to remove her own magic. Hopefully, it won't come down to that… ;) Thank you for your review!

Wcying—I have a bad feeling about it, too! Hope you enjoyed and thank your for your reviews!