Xiahou Xiuying Answers Letters
Hi COUSIN! And bunnies...
Dear Cousin (Cao Fenghuang),
I talked to the person in charge. She said she's not replacing me, she's just adding on. I'm not going anywhere :D. Plus, I would love to visit you in your garden. By the way, I'm back in Wei now with my Cubchoo and Zubat. Please do not be frightened by a blue and purple bat or a polar bear cub creature. They helped me survive in what was a hell of a universe.
Your cousin, Xiahou Xiuying
Dear Uncle Dun,
That's it! I give up! I'll marry whoever you want me to. (But if he hurts my kids I swear I'll murder him)
Your innocent niece, Xiuyi
Dear Guo Cailong,
You wouldn't, perchance, know how to stop people from eating the red mushrooms, right?
Xiuyi
To EVERYONE,
The red mushrooms now have a new side effect in the tropical regions of northern Wu and southern Wei. Those who consume the red mushrooms will exhibit numbness in extremities, slurred speech, painful rashes, diminished senses, and abdominal pains in the time frame for a week. Please use caution. And if you are thinking of eating a red mushroom reconsider and DON'T. EAT. THE. MUSHROOM!
This was a message from your fair warner Xiahou Xiuying of Wei
Dear Zhang Jiao, Yue Jin, and Li Dian,
Um… I'm back in Wei you know. I've been kidnapped and now I'm back.
Xiuyi
Dear Zhang Jiao,
No I am fine. No need to take anyone's head.
Xiuyi
Dear Zhang He,
I will not join your beauty pageant! Don't you have to be in your early 20's to participate?
Xiuyi
Dear Zhang He,
I'm 19!
Xiuyi
Zhang He,
Guo Cailong is older than me!
*Didn't bother signing it*
Dear Sima Ba,
Thank you for the roses… I think.
Xiuyi
Cao Fenghuang,
How have you been since the garden party?
Xiuyi
Zhou Cang,
Who are you?
Xiahou Xiuying
Dear Zhou Cang,
I'M SO SORRY! Your Shu's new guy. It took me awhile to recognize the name I'm sorry! Disregard the last letter!
Xiuyi
Dear Lord Cao Cao,
No, I will not join in a singing contest! Have you heard my voice? It sounds like someone bashed my face in, cut my tongue out, and decided to stitch it back in. And that's putting it lightly.
Xiuyi
Dear Guo Cailong,
Enter in a singing contest with me so we can get some money and move out!
Xiuyi
Dear Guo Cailong,
And I'm saying we need to flap these puny Phoenix wings and take a swandive! Now let us go and win some gold!
Xiuyi
Dear Zhou Cang,
Alright new guy. Let me tell you something! You can't eat the red mushrooms. You'll turn into Five Tiger General Zhao Yun. Lord Zhao Yun is the pressured lord of Shu, whether anybody likes it or not! We do not eat the red mushrooms. My rival is She Ren. We do not eat the red mushrooms! You have an assortment of tea in Shu and something called Giddy water. Have fun and do not, for the love of the gods, EAT THE RED MUSHROOMS!
Xiuyi
Li Ru,
Oh if it isn't Dong Zhuo's strategist and son-in-law. How are you? Your lord is dead and I can't help you with that.
Xiuyi
Li Ru
He died when cactus women burst into flame that's how.
Xiuyi
Li Ru
I am not obliged to give that information out.
Xiuyi
Dear Xiahou Ba,
Let's play a game!
Xiuyi
Dear Xiahou Ba,
You run through the castle, and try not to slip because it will be covered in ice. Make it to the end, and you'll be fine. I'll even throw in some baozi for you.
Xiuyi
Dear Lord Cao Cao,
I have no knowledge of the castle floors being coated in ice. We're having a contest.
Xiuyi
Dear Lord Cao Cao,
Don't tell the Sima's, but baozi is on the line!
Xiuyi
Dear Lord Cao Cao,
Don't worry about a thing! I have Cao Ren to protect me!
Xiuyi
Dear Cao Ren,
You are to come at once, under Lord Cao Cao's command and not my own, to protect me from the ice that mysteriously covers the castle floors. I await your return to Wei!
Xiuyi
Dear Wang Yi,
I can't help you.
Xiuyi
Dear Wang Yi,
I said I can't help you.
Xiuyi
Dear Wang Yi,
No I will not help you!
Xiuyi
Dear Wang Yi,
For the last time NO! I will not babysit your bunny! Not stop asking me!
Xiuyi
Dear Wang Yi,
You left it on my door stop didn't you?
Xiuyi
Dear Xiahou Ba,
Do you want to watch Wang Yi's bunny? I don't care for rodents.
Xiuyi
Dear Uncle Dun,
I would love to go to war! But I can't… I'm stuck pet-sitting a rabbit.
Xiuyi
Dear Uncle Dun,
I told her no!
Xiuyi
Dear Xiahou Ba,
What are you doing to Wang Yi's rabbit?
Xiuyi
Dear Xiahou Ba,
I'm sorry… what? I don't think I read that last letter right. Can you repeat that?
Xiuyi
Dear Cao Fenghuang,
Well cousin, haha, bad news and good news. The meat supply in no longer an issue. But, we have a rabbit infestation. And I can't find Wang Yi's.
Xiuyi
Dear Cao Fenghuang,
My brother thought it was getting lonely, let it outside, and now we have a freaking rabbit riot outside our house! Now help us!
Xiuyi
*Paper is torn and bitten off*
Dear Lord Cao Cao,
We our under house arrest by rabbits.
Xiuyi
Dear Lord Cao Cao,
That was not a mistake.
Xiuyi
Dear Uncle Dun,
HELP! We're under house arrest!
Xiuyi
Dear Uncle Dun,
I don't know why! Please uncle I'm scared!
Xiuyi
Dear Uncle Dun,
Unless we have 500 pounds of carrots, Ba and I can't get out of the house!
Xiuyi
Xiahou Rumei,
You're married!?
Xiuyi
Dear Uncle Dun,
Um… did you know Rumei was engaged?
Xiuyi
Dear Uncle Dun,
I don't know to who!
Xiuyi
Dear Uncle Dun,
PLEASE UNCLE DUN I'M SCARED OF RABBITS FROM THAT ONE BIRTHDAY PARTY! PLEASE GET RID OF THE RABBIT ARMY OUTSIDE OF OUR DOOR! PLEASE! I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! *tear marks are on the paper*
Xiuyi
Author's Note: I will try to update every story that is not on hiatus in the next couple of days. Happy Holidays to you Dynasty Warriors Archive readers and writers!