Disclaimer: I do not own these character nor do i own the show Castle, just borrowing characters for a little while.

This story is AU, just a warning. However, it does have the same elements that we all know and love with my twist on the story itself. Takes place around 3 months after the shooting in season 4, Kate does remember but never got the chance to tell Castle that she heard his confession and she doesn't go off hiding.

Chapter 1

Beep, beep, beep, her alarm goes off at 6:00 just like it does each morning. Begrudgingly she drags herself from her less than comfortable bed and heads to gather her gear for her morning run. Kate Beckett always thought better after a nice long run and she needed to clear her head after the long night she just had. The nightmares kept returning night after night and for the life of her she could fathom why that was. They always were the same, flashes of the blood, the screams, and the look on Castle's face as she went down, the tears streaming down his face pleading her to stay. It was nearly 3 months ago that she was shot in the cemetery where she heard that plea for her to stay with him and the confession of his love for her, and she still couldn't shake the sensations she had felt at the moment as she felt life trying to flee her body, sensations to this day she continues to have every time she thinks about him.

As Kate finally finished putting her shoes on, she proceeded to go out her door and run around her block, along the way she spotted the swing set, their swing set she chided to herself. It was hard coming back to the precinct only to find out that her partner had not come in those months that she was gone, learning that made her feel heartbroken. Castle had become a functioning part of the precinct family, "dad" as the boys would say. Getting him to come back was going to be hard and she needed him to come back, she needed her partner back.

Kate ran her usual route and 15 minutes later rounded the corner back to where she started and rested a bit ;she now gets easily winded due to her new scar that pulled every once in a while. She looked at her father's wrist watch and saw that it was 6:45, it was her day off and for once she wasn't on call. She decided on getting some chores around her apartment done for in the past couple of week its appearance was going downhill. Besides, she might invite Lanie over for a girl's night. In all truth she really needed to have a conversation with the ME for she had been avoiding her like the plague at work, every time Kate wanted to just have small talk with the woman she would avert to case talk and then leave before Kate could get a word in.

It wasn't just Lanie either for the normally talkative pair of Rysposito never gave her anything than updating her on cases and following all of her orders without question (for once in their life). Kate thought that the new captain might have implemented something to make sure that all that went on in the precinct was people doing their jobs. "Iron Gates" as she was dubbed was former IA which didn't give her a lot of brownie points with cops in the first place and was by the book as they come. She told Beckett what was to go on in her precinct and what wasn't, and ordered to requalify with shooting before getting her piece back; never had Kate longed for her gun so much in her life. Lanie and the boys were blatantly evading impending conversations with the detective and it was time to figure out why, she got back into her apartment and started her way towards the bathroom for a nice hot shower.

As she started removing her workout clothes she glanced at the small scar that the near fatal bullet left, Kate's had scars and wounds before and they always went away leaving nothing more than a scratch on her skin; not this one. This one would serve an eternal reminder to her of what she had nearly lost, for nearly ten years now she had let her mother's case get in the way of what should've been her goal all along. After all this time she realized that Johanna wouldn't have wanted this for her daughter, she would want her to live and find happiness in her life. Some excitement that would make her feel alive, that same excitement that she felt when she first met Richard Castle on that fateful day.

Driven out of her reverie, she finished taking off her work out gear and got in the shower, trying so hard not to dwell on thoughts of Castle yet right as she said that she grabbed her cherry scented body wash and was brought back to the moment he noticed her signature scent for the first time. Ugh come on Kate pull yourself together, try and not to think about him for 5 minutes and get something useful done today, she scolded to herself. Besides, if she was going to convince Lanie to come over she had to pick up all the take out cartons that were accumulated throughout the week. Josh had already scolded her this week about all the takeout, in fact she had been scolded by Josh for everything she did since she got back from the hospital. Kate thought back to when he, Espo, and Ryan escorted her home, she wondered where castle was for surely he would jump up and down for a chance to bring her home. Esposito and Ryan had seen Castle during her "stay" in the hospital, they were working themselves into the ground to nail the bastard who shot their leader of that she was certain. As she turned to ask Kevin about her partners, Josh ushered them out the door saying that they would see them later. He gave Kate instructions that she was to stay in her apartment and not go anywhere, a rule that while normally she wouldn't condone this behavior she was in no state to argue.

This seemed to get worse over time, he would always find something to complain about and she was getting sick and tired of it. She started canceling their dinner dates again through no fault of her own, she always dealt with work first and her personal life second. With his own busy schedule at the hospital Josh should have known that thee was going to be times when she would be home with him, however the way he was acting seem to be the exact opposite. He fought with her on every little thing that she did and never let her explain, at the time she was in a weakened condition to not fend for herself but know she was getting fed up with him behaving this overprotective of her.

She shook off her thoughts of Josh at the moment and carried on with her tidying up the apartment. It took her almost a whole hour and a half to finish cleaning and then it was time for the inevitable call to her ME friend. She grabbed her phone, scrolled down to speed dial 3 and pressed call. Kate waited about one ring and got voicemail as if Lanie was ignoring her call on purpose, this was certainly getting out of hand and it only strengthened her resolve to get to the bottom of what was going on. Kate was relentless and called around 9 times before Lanie had enough and answered. "What do you want Kate?" an exasperated Lanie answered. Kate was still perplexed by her best friend's behavior but pressed on with her plans. "Well hello to you too Lanie, I'm calling to see if…" "Kate save it, I'm really busy right now so unless you have a new case for me I have nothing to say to you." With that she hung up

Kate was not one to give up so easily though and since phoning Lanie clearly wasn't an option anymore it was time to visit the neighborhood morgue. Kate put on some boots, grabbed her black leather jacket and key, and then headed out the door making her way to the morgue where she was finally going to get some answers as to what was going on.