Soul of the Night

Chapter 4 – Can You Ever Be Too Far Gone?

Derek slowed to a stop in the school hallway and turned around to see Samantha had stopped several steps behind him.

"What are you doing?" He asked, walking back up to her.

"What was that about back there?" She retorted, hating the feeling of second guessing herself after everything she'd overcome.

"It's nothing." He said, reaching out to grab her arm in an effort to get her out of the school, but she moved back away from him as she scoffed, "You just keep saying that, that it's nothing… but what if that nothing really is a something?"

He sighed and shook his head, knowing she wasn't letting this go.

"Derek, that was the exact same symbol that I drew after that nightmare I had. That has to mean something… and Isaac took the paper I drew it on with him the day he went looking for our pack and got captured. I think Allison and Lydia are onto something here." She admitted, her eyes pleaded with him to just hear her out and at the very least admit that she had a point.

They stared at each other in silence; he knew it was the same symbol. He'd been trying to figure out what it meant since the night she'd drew it. But so far he had no leads and he highly doubted they'd be able to figure it out before the following night. The other main reason he didn't want to admit would be because he'd also then have to admit something was going on with Sam that he didn't know how to fix.

He'd intended to keep on denying the symbol was the same, but the longer he looked at her the more guilty he felt for how he'd acted. She stood in the hallway with her arms around herself like she was trying to fold in and take up as little space as possible –not to mention barely holding eye contact for longer than a few seconds at a time.

All of her actions mimicked how she acted before she'd got the bite. It had been a long journey for her to get past her insecurities and actually believe in herself and now it seemed like she'd taken several steps backwards –well, more like she was knocked backwards into her old behavior and he knew it was mostly his fault.

"Look, even if it is the same symbol there's no way we're going to be able to figure out what it all means. We've got a little more than 24 hours until the full moon and no bruise or some vision from a dream is going to help us. We'll figure something else out, okay?" He said, as he stepped closer and spoke in a low tone even though they were the only ones in the hallway.

"You really think we're going to find them alive?" She whispered back her biggest fear and for a moment he didn't know what to say. Normally she'd be the one keeping hope alive but even her eyes seemed dull and almost lifeless.

Ignoring her questions –mainly because he didn't have a positive answer to give, he pointed out, "If we find them… we're probably going to be fighting the alpha pack to get to them and you need to be able to do that-"

"I'm ready." She quickly answered.

"You didn't sleep again last night." He reminded her, his eyes tracing over her paler than usual face with dark circles under her slightly sunk in eyes as he questioned, "When was the last time you ate?"

"This morning before I left for school… remember? I cooked oatmeal." She sighed with a slight irritation at him.

"That was yesterday morning."

Her eyebrows lowered in confusion as she breathed, "Seriously?"

He nodded, looking more worried about her than before.

Rubbing her forehead she tried to play it off with a laugh as she said, "It's okay, I'll make sure to eat lunch today."

The days seemed to be blurring together anymore. Derek seemed to think if she'd just take care of herself and make sure to sleep that she'd be better, but she'd been guzzling coffee for days to help herself stay awake because every time she slept she was plagued with nightmares and her stomach was in a constant knot of worry and fear.

The bell rang for the next class and she said, "I'll see you after school." Turning around she quickly tried to walk away but he stopped her.

"Uh-uh, not so fast." Derek said, bringing her to a stop in the steadily crowding hallway.

Turning back to face him she looked around, seeing some people staring at them and she could hear others whispering about them. A lot of people in Beacon Hills still remembered when he was wanted for several murders and with the new rumors flying around about her and her dad –everyone gawked at them like they were on exhibit in a freak show or something.

"I need to get to class." She said, a frown on her lips as she looked over across the hall where some students were talking about how Sam disappeared from Lydia's party early the night her dad was killed and how she was probably involved in it somehow.

Derek's gaze drifted over to the lockers across the hall as he heard the same conversation she was listening to.

Clearing his throat, he got their attention as he shot them a look and that was all it took for them to cease the conversation entirely and disperse in different directions –one of them even left their locker wide open.

"Come on." Derek said, holding out his hand for her to take.

Which she did and then as he lead them towards the exit she questioned, "Where are we going."

"You need to sleep, rest before tomorrow night." He said, then glanced over at her as he continued, "But first… we're getting lunch."

She laughed as she looked over at him and then glanced down to their connected hands as she intertwined their fingers, no longer caring what anyone in the school had to say about her or him. None of them could even begin to understand what she'd gone through or was currently dealing with. Through everything she still had Derek, who was now apparently trying to take care of her to the best of his abilities or at least get her to take care of herself.

~(Later that night)~

After changing into her clothes for the night, Samantha sat in the center of the bed with her knees pulled up to her chest.

When she heard footsteps descending the stairs she knew it was Derek. Not looking over she asked in a soft voice, "How's Isaac?"

"He's okay." Derek assured her.

"I should fix him more soup or something." She mumbled as she started to stand up but he stopped her as he said with a small laugh, "You've been bringing him soup for over an hour, I don't think he could eat anymore even if he wanted to."

She closed her eyes and shook her head, "I'm just trying to help."

"I know." Derek nodded, watching her as she scooted back to the center of the bed and folded her arms around her legs which were pulled up to her chest.

After getting lunch, they'd gone back to the loft where she was supposed to rest and try to sleep but the plan was foiled when Scott called with an idea that they should talk to Dr. Deaton about getting Isaac's memories back.

Not long after that they'd bought half the supply of ice at a nearby gas station and headed to the animal clinic where Isaac was submerged in the ice water and through the state of consciousness he was in –he'd been able to remember where he'd found his pack mates.

He opened his mouth to say something but she cut him off before he could, "You saw on Stiles' phone the same thing I did. That bank Isaac found them at it's logo is the same symbol on Lydia and Allison's arms the exact same as the one I drew after the dream."

"I know." He nodded.

"It makes sense… looking back at the dream, I can tell it was a bank vault now." she breathed before adding in a helpless tone, "How did I see that in my dream?"

"I don't know." He admitted, then offered a possible explanation, "Sometimes in a pack members can be so close that there's almost a supernatural connection."

"My strongest link to the pack is you, Derek."

"You and Erica-"

"Erica's dead, I saw it happen in my nightmare and now Isaac confirmed it. She's dead… so even if I had a connection with her it wouldn't matter because she's gone." Sam bitterly said through gritted teeth. She'd give anything to go back to the night she'd parted ways with Erica and Boyd and change what happened.

"You don't know that, okay? We don't know that for sure." Derek tried to keep her from fully giving up, but she was breaking apart in front of him as she yelled in an almost hysterical voice, "Yes we do!"

"Deaton said Isaac's memories might not be a hundred percent and Isaac remembers Boyd talking to another girl. If Erica's really dead than who is the other girl?" Derek questioned, scooting closer to her.

"I don't know. Maybe Deucalion was out there rounding up strays like freaking animal control or something." She breathed, running her fingers through her hair before she sighed, "What's the plan for tomorrow? Are we really counting on Stiles to bring the blue prints?"

He was silent for a minute, knowing she wasn't going to like what he had to say but it had to be said whether she liked it or not.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there… for now just get some sleep."

Her eyebrows lowered in confusion, "What is that supposed to mean? Tomorrow night is the full moon, we need a plan."

"And I'll figure it out, Sam." He argued.

A small gasp slid through her parted lips before she scooted away from him slightly and realized out loud, "You don't want me in on this… do you?"

His silence was the only answer she needed.

"You need me." She quickly pointed out, "Isaac is already out of commission from what he had to go through today. I'm all you've got."

"It's not that I don't want you there. But you're right, Isaac's not going to be up to it tomorrow and I can't be worried about you too."

"But-"

Not even letting her argue her point, he spoke over her, "You're not sleeping, Sam. When you do you wake up screaming and your skin is ice cold… until we know what's going on with you, I can't risk it."

Her eyes dropped to her lap, a grimace on her face when it felt like his words had physically hit her. They were all aware something was going on with her, but no one was sure what that something was.

"Look…" He sighed, scooting closer to her, his voice soft as he explained, "I need to be focused tomorrow night and you need to not put yourself in a situation where you could completely lose control."

Her head lifted and a confused look spread over her somber face before she rolled her eyes with the realization that Scott must have told him what happened earlier that school day –that she'd lost control and almost shifted at school.

"Scott told you?"

"Stiles." He corrected and she muttered, "Of course you'd ask him, he's terrified of you."

"The point is you almost shifted at school and you've not had problems with control since your first full moon." Derek pointed out, but she quickly interrupted him, "You mean since the night I killed my dad."

"Because he was going to kill you if you didn't." Derek argued with her, knowing how much she was still holding onto the guilt.

"That's not the point." Samantha said as she added, "Self-defense or patricide , I didn't just kill him. I tore him apart and pretty much bathed in his blood, I lost control, Derek. Worse than ever before and I couldn't pull myself back that night… what if that messed me up? Maybe something is broken in me."

"You're not broken, Sam." He softly said, but it was clear she didn't believe him. She'd always kept to herself and held things in rather than burdening someone else with what was going within her. But lately she'd been taking that to extremes and he was becoming just as scared for her as he was for his missing betas.

Only he had a solution to the second problem now; rescue them from the bank.

But when it came to what was happening with Sam, he was more lost than before and as much as he'd love to fix what was going on he didn't have the luxury of focusing all his attention her. So he told her the same thing he'd said several times before, that after he brought the rest of their pack back –they could focus on her current situation.

She nodded and avoided his eyes as she stood from the bed and crossed the room to plug her cellphone in to charge.

Derek watched her as he pulled a pill bottle from his jacket pocket, then glanced down to the label. He might not have had a permeant solution for everything but after talking to Deaton he was pretty sure he had a temporary one, but he also was pretty sure Sam wasn't going to be happy with it.

"What's that?" she questioned, walking over to him.

"Deaton said if you take two of these it's strong enough to help you sleep through the night." He explained and looked up to her as she stared blankly back at him.

On one hand she was immediately angered that he'd told someone about her problems, but she was pretty sure her increased anger was a result of the approaching full moon. And on the other hand, she knew he had to have been extremely worried to talk to Deaton about her in the first place.

"I know." He said standing up to face her, "I don't like it either, but you can't keep going on like this without sleeping…"

She swallowed hard, realizing that she'd been paying so much attention to what was going on with her that she honestly hadn't realized how much it was affecting him and he already had too much to worry about.

Offering a weak smile she raised up on her socked feet and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, effectively silencing him as she nodded in agreement and said, "Alright. I'll take them."

He couldn't hide the surprised look on his face at her submission, but she was only going to take them so he'd stop worrying. She figured she'd caused enough trouble and he was right when he said he needed to be focused for the following night.

Silently she sat down on the side of the bed, staring down to the label on the pill bottle so lost in her own head that she didn't even realize he'd came back into the room until she heard her name.

"Sam?"

Her head jerked up and saw he was holding a glass of water out to her which she took from him without hesitation and as she placed the pills in her mouth she wondered when their roles had gotten reversed and he'd turned into the one taking care of her.

Closing her eyes she took a large drink of water, then handed him the glass back.

"I know it's only a temporary fix… but we're going to figure out what's happening with you, okay?" He said, looking down to the half full glass of water in his hand before placing it on the mix-matched end table next to the bed.

"I'm gonna take a shower. You just try and get some sleep." He continued, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the top of her head before disappearing into the bathroom.

She didn't look at him, she didn't even budge until she heard the door shut. Raising her head she rubbed her face and fought to hold back the tears that were threating to overflow from her burning eyes.

Moving over to her side of the bed, she laid down facing away from Derek's side of the bed and raised her hand to her mouth where she pulled the two pills off her tongue with a wrinkled nose at the bitter, gritty residue left behind.

Tucking them under the mattress, she wiped her fingers on her shirt and pulled the blanket up to her chin. She wasn't sure of the exact moment she'd decided against actually taking the sleeping pills; somewhere between Derek leaving her alone to get her water and him handing her the glass –by the time she'd raised it to her lips she'd already safely pocketed the pills under her tongue.

Derek might have told her she wasn't broken, but that was exactly how she felt inside.

Her parents were both dead, she was more than sure that Erica was also dead and she knew most of that was her fault. Up until that moment she'd never regretted getting the bite; it might not have been everything Derek cracked it up to be when he'd been trying to sell her on the idea but even with all the darkness she'd been able to find reasons that it was worth it.

She survived a war against the hunters and survived Jackson turning into the kanima, she'd even lived through being held hostage at the police station by Matt who'd been completely obsessed with her in a 'if I can't have you, no one will' way.

But now laying in that bed by herself, listing to the sound of the soft night rain outside, Isaac lightly snoring from upstairs and the running water from Derek's shower –she'd never felt more alone.

Somehow the turbulent whirlwind of emotions and thoughts racing through her mind and body felt more dangerous than any external threat. She'd willingly take going against the alpha pack by herself than spending another night trapped in her mind with herself.

When she heard the bathroom door open, she closed her eyes taking in a calming breath laced with the after notes of Derek's body wash that still lingered on his skin as she steadied her breathing and heartrate appearing to be asleep.

Derek got into the bed and leaned over her, watching her closely trying to see if she was really sleeping or pretending to be for his benefit.

"Sam?" He whispered, but she didn't respond or move a single muscle.

She remained completely still while he finally either believed she was sleep or accepted that she didn't have the energy to talk anymore that night, and he laid down in the bed right behind her.

After a few moments she felt his arm slide across her side and she allowed him to slide her body back against his, where she still didn't move or even open her eyes until after he'd drifted off to sleep and just like the last several nights his arm tensed up almost uncomfortable tight around her –like he was trying to protect her from some unseen force even while he was sleeping.

Her blue eyes fluttered open and she stared out into the darkness of the large focal point window in the loft, where she pulled in a deep breath and snuggled back against his body as she waited for the sun to rise hoping that somehow the next day might bring good news that maybe by some miracle both of her pack mates were still alive and could be saved –something she wasn't so sure she deserved for herself anymore.

A/N - I hope you guys all liked the chapter, thanks so much for reading.

In case you're not following me on Tumblr already, the link is up on my profile. I post a lot of a fanfiction related stuff, today I've got a gif set for this story set to post. ^_^

I owe you all a huge thank you to everyone who has added this story to your favorites and/or subscribed for update alerts. I know updates have been rather slow, I've been pretty busy with my Pretty Little Liars story but I promise I'm not going to abandon Sam. I love writing for her and have so many plans for the story. ^_^ Thanks for all of the support.