All right! Early(ish) update as planned! Thanks for reading, all the lovely reviews, and the support.

skiestrife- I'm working on it, promise! I can only seem to write that story when I'm in the weirdest state of mind, but it's coming along, slowly.

Chapter Fifteen

Nothing had happened. Yet.

It was the one thought Zack hung onto as he worked through how he felt about Genesis' confession- the way his friend spoke so candidly, answering all his questions until most the night had elapsed. They had both been tired, but the redhead was determined to stomp out any remaining confusion or frustration in one sitting, and...he had succeeded, for the most part.

There were a few good reasons nothing had happened between the two, and the fact that Genesis had stopped to consider them...well, it seemed like a good indication that the redhead was actually serious about the possibility that something would happen between them. The only mystery was the simple fact that he'd never known Genesis to wait for anything he wanted, regardless of the reasons- it seemed like maybe there was something else holding his friend back this time.

"Can you stay after class a minute, Cloud?"

He wasn't the type to wait either, and it was time to remember that.

At the end of their discussion, Genesis had given him the go-ahead to apologize…there was no class monitor, and there hadn't been for several days. The only thing preventing him from acting was his own lingering concern about saying the wrong thing- it wasn't a matter of jealousy or confusion though. After spending so many hours talking it out with Genesis, he had a stronger grip on his emotions, and he wouldn't lose hold so easily. Everything he'd worked out on his own felt reinforced now, and even hearing about his friend's feelings for Cloud didn't change that. Maybe a relationship between the two was inevitable, and maybe it wasn't- either way, he wasn't in a position to have a strong opinion about it.

All he could do was tell Genesis that it didn't sound like a good idea, but it seemed like his friend already knew that much.

The pressing concern was still Cloud- how to approach an apology. Even if he didn't say the wrong thing, it seemed like there was no right thing to say either. He couldn't keep putting it off though. It felt strange, realizing he was actually nervous to speak to Cloud alone after all this time. Another emotion he virtually never felt, brought out so easily by such an unassuming cadet.

Obviously Cloud wasn't surprised that he was being asked to stay after class, though he did appear less than pleased. Genesis had probably told him this would happen at some point…had Cloud thought about what would happen when it did? Maybe he'd be prepared to air his grievances, or maybe he'd carry on ignoring his instructor through it all. It was difficult to tell what he might be thinking- he remained rooted in his spot, arms crossed and eyes down as his classmates shuffled toward the door.

The loud comments the students were making as they exited the room did nothing to lighten the mood in the room.

"Do you want me to tell them to stop?" Zack offered tentatively, a bit put off by the entire situation. Even an unenchanced would be able to hear them clearly, wondering aloud about their instructor's attitude change toward their classmate. They all liked their instructor, and so naturally they were questioning Cloud's character rather than Zack's- another burden he'd inadvertently placed on the cadet. "I can-"

"Don't," Cloud snapped, eyes darting up with the word. Any thought of having a magical moment when their eyes met was quickly shattered by the power of the cadet's glare, but he'd known that was a silly notion anyway- their problems ran too deep. He was just relieved to have the cadet looking at him at all, for the first time in far too long. "You'll just make it worse."

"Okay," he agreed readily, knowing from firsthand experience the cadet was correct. That didn't take away from his desire to use his authority to tell them off, but…they weren't the priority. "Let's forget about them then. I was hoping we could talk." It wasn't unexpected when there was no response, and he walked toward the door during the awkward pause. He was ready to close it to drown out some of the commotion in the halls until Cloud visibly tensed. "Do you want the door open or closed?"

"Open."

"Okay." He gave a nod, stepping away from the door and closer to Cloud. He hadn't intended to get too close, but he didn't want to broadcast their entire conversation to anyone walking by either. Apparently several feet away felt like too close to the cadet though- he took a step back, causing Zack to come to a complete halt. "I'll stay here," he assured the boy, feeling more helpless by the minute. He hadn't even gotten to the apology yet, and the tension in the room was only increasing. "You know Gen and I are talking again, right?" He waited for a nod of acknowledgement before continuing, "So you know you don't have to be here? You can go at any point in time."

Cloud gave no indication that he was going to say anything else, but the way his stare shifted from annoyance to impatience…it was so quick and sharp that he found himself taking another step back- the boy had definitely been spending too much time with Genesis if he'd mastered that look.

"I guess I'll keep talking then?" He rubbed the back of his neck, smiling awkwardly as the blond remained unresponsive. The only thing that gave him any hope was the fact that Cloud hadn't left yet, even when presented with the opportunity- that had to mean something. "I mostly just wanted to apologize, for everything. If there's anything I can do-"

"I don't want anything from you," Cloud cut in finally, shaking his head adamantly. Not exactly the words Zack wanted to hear, but his heart was racing anxiously anyway- it was so much better than being ignored entirely. "I get it, okay? You don't like me, and I don't like you. I just have to tough it out a little longer, and we can both go back to forgetting we ever met."

"I'm not gonna forget anything," the SOLDIER responded softly. "I don't want to forget anything. I wish I'd never done those things to you, and I'm sorry for them all, but I'm not sorry that I met you."

In fact, it was difficult to remember how things were before Cloud, and he wasn't quite sure how to convey that. The boy had dominated his thoughts in both negative and positive ways for months now, and some of those positive thoughts weren't going to change any time soon. He stared at Cloud intently, knowing it wasn't the right time to express any of those feelings, but hoping he would somehow understood anyway.

The blond just shook his head though, eyes widening just slightly. "Stop it."

Somewhere along the line he had begun stepping in closer again, and it wasn't until the words registered that he realized it. He wasn't sure if Cloud were referring to his approach, his staring, or his words, but he obeyed the demand anyway. The entire room seemed to stop with him, and he waited as patiently as possible…there was another apology on the tip of his tongue, but he needed Cloud to say something. To show on some level that he was comfortable with continuing their conversation.

"You get some weird entertainment out of giving me a hard time, don't you?"

"No, that's not it," he insisted, with quiet urgency. "I wasn't trying to make you uncomfortable. I just want to fix this."

"I've seen how you fix things, and I'm not interested."

"I didn't mean...not like that. Never like that," the SOLDIER promised. The determined reassurances only seemed to be riling the cadet up though- his arms were still crossed, but his fists were clenched now, and he was shaking his head silently. "We can talk about the whole thing, if you want. Or, you can talk about it, and I'll listen. You can yell at me, or keep glaring like that...it hurts as much as anything you could say, seeing you look at me like that. I remember how you used to look at me."

It probably wasn't the smartest thing to mention, but it was at the forefront of his mind. All he could think about was how drastically different Cloud's expression was from the last time he'd asked the cadet to stay after class- the last time he'd offered to try to 'fix things'. It had been so easy to convince Cloud to give him the opportunity to make up for all his mistakes, even after he'd made so many poor decisions. An awkward conversation, a few reassuring words, and an inexplicable moment when they stared at each other…

Now all he could see was wariness and frustration, caused by his own actions.

"I don't want to yell at you, or glare at you, or do anything with you. I just wanna do what we've been doing. Ignoring you has been working for me."

"Then why'd you stay?" Zack asked, defeated yet still hopeful. "I want you to be here, but you don't have to be. I wouldn't hold it against you."

"I don't believe you," the cadet responded, like it the most obvious answer- like he couldn't fathom that Zack would even have to ask.

That stung. He knew the cadet didn't think much of him at the moment, but he hadn't quite realized how bad it was. This was someone who had looked up to him, who now believed he'd use his authority to force an encounter, even after everything that had happened between them. Or maybe because of everything that had happened between them…

He forced himself to look down a moment, unable to handle the incredulous look on Cloud's face as he recollected himself.

Of course Cloud didn't believe him- he had no reason to believe anything. The kid's grades were only two points above where they needed to be to qualify for mentorship, and he had every right to suspect blatantly defying his instructor would impact that. The situation had already deteriorated, even with Genesis' influence- why would Cloud think this time would be different?

Zack had a list of reasons to offer- an explanation to prove why this time was different, but…being genuine with his explanation and apology didn't mean much if it were given under these circumstances. Anything he said would be dismissed if the cadet felt coerced to stay and forced to listen. More than that, he didn't want Cloud to feel like he was in that kind of situation- that he was obligated to stay, or there'd be some kind of consequence.

He took a deep breath, looking up once again with resignation as he realized what he had to do. "...How 'bout this, then? I won't ask you to stay after class again, but you can choose to stay, whenever you want. I'll be here for whatever you need, even if you just wanna vent or tell me off. I won't even respond unless you want me to."

"I'm never going to choose to stay and talk to you," Cloud responded, not even hesitating a moment.

"It's up to you. I hope you do though."

"I won't."

"Okay. Unless you're choosing to stay now, you're free to go."

Words he didn't want to say, but had to nonetheless. It was more difficult than he'd imagined, and only felt worse when Cloud immediately took the cue to leave. He didn't even look back once, moving swiftly out the door as his instructor watched his every step. Zack briefly entertained the notion that maybe Cloud would come back in a minute- even Genesis had believed that the cadet needed some kind of closure, and surely that conversation hadn't provided any to either of them.

He let out a long sigh when he realized that it wasn't going to happen, hands on his hips as he debated what to do next. Cloud had probably spoken the truth- he wouldn't choose to stay. Not only that, now he couldn't justify ever asking the cadet to stay again. Even when he finally understood so much more about his feelings and behavior, he'd still managed to make things worse. Now he was stuck, again.

o.o.o.o.o

"Didn't we talk about this, Blondie?"

Cloud had just rounded the track, slowing his pace gradually before coming to a complete halt. It was beginning to feel like that was the first question off Genesis' tongue about everything, but it actually made him smile. He was always happy to see Genesis, and the question was valid in so many situations because they talked so much- that was a good thing.

There was still an hour before he was supposed to meet his mentor for another patrol, and he hadn't expected to be found during his run. It was pretty obvious by the way his mentor raised his eyebrow so skeptically that he was remembering the last time they'd met out on the track, but there were some distinct differences. Cloud didn't even need to catch his breath this time, and his heart rate had already evened out.

"It's not what you think," the blond began, shaking his head slowly.

"You're not here to clear your head?"

"I am, but not the way you think. That was only three laps," the boy explained carefully, gesturing down at himself. "I'm not even sweating."

Genesis inspected him, tapping his chin thoughtfully before nodding in agreement. "I suppose. How many would you have gone if I didn't show up?"

"Four," he answered truthfully. He'd already planned it into his schedule for the day, and it worked out perfectly after his frustrating conversation with Commander Fair. He didn't need to push himself too far to think clearly anymore. "Everything's been easier now that we're training more."

"Has it?"

"Yeah. Can't you tell?" he asked slowly.

Surely someone who knew him so well could see the differences. It felt like he'd begun a massive transformation. There was still work to do, but he was getting stronger- physically and mentally.

"I can see it, but it's more important that you can see the differences in yourself," Genesis explained, his words prompting a broad smile from the cadet.

They had been spending a lot of time together- between training and patrols...and the extra sessions that Genesis tacked onto days that he didn't have too much homework or an exam to worry about. In a lot of ways he felt closer to his mentor than ever, but they were still just as far apart in so many other ways.

"Gen...can I hug you?" Cloud asked hesitantly, a determined look on his face despite the nervous beat of his heart.

"You don't have to ask."

The boy chose not to question the accuracy of that statement, throwing his arms around his mentor's waist while he had the chance. Maybe he was too eager- his mentor chuckled softly before responding, a loose arm around his waist as another hand drifted up into his hair. It had been too long since he'd been able to rest his head against his mentor's chest, and the soothing beat of his heart was exactly what Cloud needed to hear to relax a bit- to forget how strange things could get between them. No matter how many days rolled by or how carefully Genesis avoided the subject, it was prominently on Cloud's mind.

"Blondie..." He didn't dare pull back, even upon hearing his name. Instead he gripped his mentor tighter, like he needed to hold onto the moment before it was ripped away. "You know why I came out here, right?"

There were a few possibilities, but he was confident he knew which was correct. He could only draw out the silence for so long before he had to respond.

"You talked to him," Cloud guessed, letting out a short sigh.

"Yes." That was one way to ruin the mood. "Did he bother you too much? I can have him-"

"I'm okay," the cadet responded, frowning as Genesis pulled back from the embrace- hands had transitioned to his shoulders, and he was staring at the boy intently, analyzing his response. "It's like you said…I need to be able to face my problems. I didn't like talking to him, but I can handle it now."

"He was afraid he crossed a line. Again."

"I don't even think there are lines when it comes to him. Everything he does is equally obnoxious."

Genesis laughed at his, dropping his hold on Cloud entirely. "He can be. It's unfortunate you've only seen the bad side of that behavior."

Maybe it was the loss of his mentor's touch, or maybe it was his mentor's insistence on talking about Zack...something left him feeling uncomfortable, and he did his best not to react to it. His mentor's expectant stare told him he wasn't going to get out of responding so easily though.

"Gen..."

He had seen the good sides of Zack's behavior, quite thoroughly- he'd watched the way the man treated everyone. Everyone aside from him, and he had accepted that. Just because he wasn't letting it bother him anymore didn't mean he wanted to discuss it further.

Genesis seemed to recognize his growing frustration, but it didn't stop him from continuing with the subject. "I'm not saying I think you should forgive him just yet; I'm just saying when he's not being completely ridiculous or groveling, he's actually much better company. I'm surprised he hasn't made the connection yet."

"Can we not talk about him?" the cadet asked, practically pleading. It was his own fault to an extent, for pushing his mentor to work it out with his friend, but...this wasn't what he was hoping to accomplish. "I'm glad you were able to get things back to normal, but the whole point was to get things back to normal for all of us. We didn't really talk about him before, and-"

"Why do you keep saying that...get things back to normal? I thought you were happy with the way things are going now."

"It's not that I'm not happy, I just think certain things didn't need to change."

"You've made more improvements these last couple weeks than-"

"None of it matters if you don't come near me anymore," he blurted out, astonished by his own boldness.

He'd planned several more tactful way to mention it, but every time he ended up too tongue tied or worried to get it out. His other strategies had all failed as well- every related subject he brought up was shifted in a different direction with practiced ease. Every time he took a crooked step closer, his mentor would take a graceful one away. It was always almost undetectable, but entirely obvious to his cadet.

There was no taking this statement back though. No avoiding it, or pretending they were talking about something else. He could feel the heat in his cheeks, already kicking himself for bringing it up like this- Genesis almost looked stern, and the expression was doing nothing to calm his nerves.

"I'm right here, and I have been all this time."

Cloud crossed his arms, staring up somewhat defiantly. Maybe he hadn't intended to start this conversation, but he wasn't going to let his mentor out of it so easily now that it had begun. Who knew if he'd work up the courage to bring it up again after this? It would be too awkward if they didn't get it out in the open now.

"That's not what I meant."

"Blondie..." The slight hesitation caught Cloud's full attention- his mentor never hesitated. It dragged out a moment longer as the redhead stared at his cadet thoughtfully. "It's not very often I try to put anyone else before myself. You're making it incredibly difficult."

"I'm making this difficult?"

"Things are only as strange as you believe them to be," Genesis responded, every word spoken so delicately. "This is how a student and mentor should act with one another."

"You're the one who taught me not to care about things like that- what we should or shouldn't be doing."

"What I am about to tell you, you may never repeat to anyone…" It would have been a lot more intriguing of a statement if there weren't a slight smirk readily apparent on his face. Genesis leaned forward, eyes dancing as he whispered, "I'm not always right."

Cloud shook his head, not amused by his mentor's sudden desire to joke around. "I know that. You're wrong about this."

"It's actually cute seeing you turning all that confidence against me."

"I'm not trying to be cute! I'm trying to be honest. I'm trying to get you to be honest."

"I'm not being dishonest."

Maybe he hadn't lied, but the entire act between them definitely felt a bit dishonest. "You've been dodging the subject."

"I have, and it's the right thing to do, so I'm going to continue doing it. It doesn't matter how huffy you get- you should know that your adorable expressions only encourage this behavior." His smile grew as Cloud gaped at him, and he laughed in the silence. "You're proving my point already."

"Why're you taking everything else so seriously lately, but not this?"

"Blondie, do you remember when we talked before I left for Wutai?" he asked slowly, waiting for Cloud to nod. "What did I tell you?"

"You said…" Cloud frowned as the memory resurfaced. It had seemed so crazy in that moment, and it still seemed a bit ludicrous even now. "I'm not saying I'm in love with you."

"I'm not saying you are, but I think you need a reminder. There's a reason I told you not to think this way about me."

"You're saying it like I'm the only one," Cloud said, in too deep to stop pressing the subject now. He was already embarrassed enough- he needed to hear that it wasn't just him. "You almost kissed me, and now you're acting like this is all in my head. It happened, and I don't get why you're afraid of it- you're not afraid of anything, and I-"

"It's not a matter of being afraid. You're confused, Blondie, whether you want to admit it or not. And I'm not talking about you and I," Genesis told him, eyes too soft for someone so sharp. "Things didn't go the way you wanted with Zack, and now-"

"This has nothing to do with him!"

"Yes, it does," Genesis responded, a weak smile pulling at the corner of his mouth as Cloud stared up with narrowing eyes. "You told me you can't think clearly when you're around him, and you don't get that way around anyone else- you obviously cared about him, maybe more than you should have. Somewhere in your heart you were hoping he'd turn it around, and instead he hurt you." He paused for a moment, as if he were waiting for the cadet to draw the conclusion himself. There was only confusion in Cloud's eyes though. "I would never hurt you, and you noticed that shortly after what he did to you."

"That's not what happened," the cadet insisted, more vehemently than before. "It's always been here, between us."

"And why didn't you realize it?"

He was dumbfounded for a moment, wishing he knew the answer- it was so obvious now that it seemed strange that he'd ever managed to ignore it. "Because it didn't seem possible. I didn't want you to think that I was just…another fan, or-"

"That may have been part of it, but the main reason was because your mind was elsewhere. You don't have to deny it- it's fine, Blondie. I understand. Mine was too, and maybe it was better that way," Genesis told him solemnly. "You and I have something special, and I intend to keep it in tact for a long time. Angeal told me the secret to making something like this work, and it's going to take some getting used to, but we can still do this."

"I don't want it to be like this."

"It's not going to be easy, but he's going to earn your forgiveness eventually, and when that happens-"

"I won't forgive him." And even if he did, he certainly wouldn't have any interest in that man again- even the idea of being friends with him was unappealing at this point. "Too many things happened. I'm not just going to let them go. I can't."

"Yes, you can, Blondie. You may have developed a stubborn flare, but you're still kindhearted. You already tried to forgive him once."

"Yeah, look where that got me," Cloud scoffed, growing more and more frustrated with every word. "If I'd just listened to my gut in the first place-"

"We wouldn't be having this conversation," Genesis finished, watching Cloud with interest as he thought it over.

If the one-on-one hadn't gone so badly, he never would have spiraled into such an embarrassing breakdown...and maybe Genesis wouldn't have been in a situation where he reacted so impulsively, but...it did happen. And even if it hadn't, there was always something between them. One way or another they would have gotten to this same point, and he was sure of it.

"You're wrong," he concluded, confident despite the fact that Genesis was obviously not convinced yet.

"Humor me, then. Let me pretend to be a responsible mentor for a while longer."

"You admit you're pretending?"

"Well, I'm not your mentor yet, so I suppose this has all been pretend," he responded, a smirk on his face as Cloud scowled. "Just give it time, Blondie. There's a lot you haven't considered."

That was as close to a confession as he was going to get, and he was too happy about it to let the moment be ruined so quickly. He'd already thought about it a lot, and he'd think about what else there was to 'consider' later. For now, his accidental boldness had paid off, and he needed to capitalize on what was left of it before he changed his mind.

"I still don't like how things are. Even if nothing can happen right now, I miss how things used to be. I'm sick of you standing so far away all the time, and I don't like how you stopped teasing me, and-" He cut himself off, face red again as Genesis' eyes filled with amusement. "Not now! You need to give me at least twenty minutes before you start teasing me again," he insisted, pointing a warning finger at his mentor.

Usually nothing deterred Genesis when he got that look in his eyes, but this time he indulged the blond. It felt like a huge victory when a warm arm was draped around him, guiding him away from the track with just a hint of haste. They had been talking longer than he realized, and he still needed to change before their patrol- luckily Genesis was aware of the time, because it was the last thing on his mind. All he could think about was the flood of relief encompassing him. If he'd known a conversation like that wouldn't end awkwardly, he would have brought it up as soon as things had changed between them.

"You know, if you miss how things were, then you may not want what you think you want."

Cloud arched an eyebrow, looking up at his mentor curiously. The statement seemed like a riddle, and he couldn't solve it- not with Genesis staring down at him, finally standing close again.

A/N:

Things have been so serious the last few chapters! So annoying, and I'm the one writing it…um, I suppose that means you can expect things to gradually lighten up a bit- nothing too abrupt or illogical though ;-( Obviously there are some still some serious things to work through, but...I should bite my tongue now.

For anyone wondering, those structural edits I mentioned…I'm going to push to get those ready to go up simultaneously with the next chapter. Nothing is up yet, and I'll let y'all know if that does or doesn't happen as planned. It's a great time to ask if you have any other questions though ;-) I'm going to be adding more on how the cadet program works, the mentor program, the time frame of the story- if anything else is confusing, feel free to message me or review and I'll address it.

Of course, any other comments/reviews/thoughts are welcome/encouraged as usual!